The Mourners and the Manic
by GinAndTonicAndMaybeALemon
Summary: Coming to New York, employed as a doctor by his friend's suggestion, Magnus finds himself working with one patient who seemed destined for misery. Alec, with no blood-family left and stuck inside hospital walls for over three years, finds himself drawn to the doctor who just might be able to get him out. That is, if they don't get caught with their technically illegal relationship.
1. Chapter One: The Introduction

**Chapter One: The Introduction**

* * *

" _I said shh,"_ Alec mumbled under his breath, tugging at the corner of the frayed paper slip in his hand. Flimsy and soft, paper made specifically in case some patients 'got certain ideas' and, well... Alec could only wonder at how a patient could harm themselves with a piece of paper. Jace, of course, began offering up tactics, detailed plans, on how to use the piece of paper in such a way. Which resulted in Alec once again shushing him, closing his eyes as he tried, for once, to win an argument with Jace. Slowly, he opened his eyes, only to find himself staring at a nurse. Blue eyes, pale hair, a regular in this ward. Of course, she seemed hesitant to approach him, after the 'conversation' Alec just had with himself. Only, it wasn't with _himself_ , it was with Jace; but of course the nurse didn't understand that.

"Alec, your new doctor is here," she said carefully, her voice tender in an attempt to be sympathetic. She held out her hand for the paper with the appointment scribbled out in front, the doctor's name written eloquently in the signature space. Alec handed it to her, and together they left the room, walking down one of the pale tiled hallways before making a right turn, the nurse signaling to the guard to unlock the barred door. Methodical. Routine. Just as it had been since Alec had first arrived.

That was, to say, it had been this way for three years. At least, in this institution it had. Sixteen, scruffy and unkempt, after being moved from hospital to hospital, he was finally left here. The New York Idris Institute. The upside was that, due to it being in the middle of a major city, there was a main floor where people were admitted day in, day out. They never stayed long. On the second floor, or _Alec's_ floor, as Alec liked to call it, that was where permanent patients were held. And even then, those patient's were never around much. Most got out soon, replaced with other candidates. It was all routine, something Alec had settled into.

"Good luck," the nurse said as she opened a door, as if he was some boy about to compete in a race. He didn't say anything, and instead walked past her into the room, leaving behind white tiles and fluorescent lights. The lighting in here was dimmer, just like the rest of the doctor's offices in Hell hall. Perhaps it was an attempt at coziness. The floor was a soft carpet of grey, the furniture a dark red and cushioned. Maybe it was another attempt at coziness? Or just a precaution, because if there were chairs, surely the patients could use them as weapons, right? Swallowing, feeling slightly nervous but determined to remain calm, Alec continued in, walking towards the red couch directly in front of the desk. He sat, staring calmly at the doctor.

"Hello, it's Alexander, yes? I hear you like Alec though." The doctor was leaning back in his chair, hands clasped together, smiling brightly. Too happy to want to be here. Giving him a one over, Alec immediately labeled him.

"Downworlder."

"I'm sorry?" The doctor blinked, surprised.

 _I told you, he's just another random doctor, out to call us crazy._ Alec closed his eyes, not up to dealing with Jace's shit at the current moment. He silently prayed that Jace could stay quiet for this entire visit, or at least remain in the background; he wasn't exactly going to help. Thankfully though, before anymore could be said, the doctor interruptted.

"Ah, yes. Catarina told me you categorize people. She didn't go into specifics."

"Catarina?" Alec frowned, vaguely recognizing the name.

"The nurse that brought you to me. She said that you had different categories-"

 _Now he's going to try and 'understand',_ Jace said loudly, annoyed. Alec flinched slightly, the doctor's voice distant now as Jace talked.

 _Jace, calm down. The doctor looks alright… doesn't he Alec?_ Isabelle said suggestively, and Alec sighed with relief that she was here. She could sort Jace out while Alec tried to get through this.

"Alec….?" Alec looked up at the mention of his name, snapping to attention. The doctor was leaning forward more, looking curious. Needing a distraction, Alec looked around frantically, settling for the nameplate on the desk.

"Magnus Bane. That's your name. Doctor Bane?"

"I'd prefer Magnus, honestly," Magnus laughed, leaning back again. Alec avoided looking at him, setting his sights on his hands. A few tense seconds passed before Magnus spoke up again. "Alec, you mentioned a word. _Called_ me a word. Do you mind going into… specifics? Tell me about it."

"Downworlder?"

"Yes, that one!"

"I'm… not sure. It.. does not mean anything. But-" Alec cut himself off, afraid to give too much away. Something might happen if he did that. _Alec, don't trust him-_

 _Jace, please, by the love of all that's holy, shut up,_ Isabelle hissed angrily.

 _But, Izzy, you know we shouldn't trust a downworlder…_

"Alec? What is it?" Magnus paused, watching his patient closely. "We can stop now if you want-"

"I'm fine," Alec stated.

"Are you sure? We have a lot of tim-"

"I'm FINE." The words came out too forcefully. Alec flinched at his own voice, looking at a clock on the wall. He just needed to get through this, that was it. Come across a little bit as sane. Magnus pauses and sets his hands down carefully, biting the inside of the cheek. After a few silent moments, he talks.

"We don't have to tackle everything today. I'm here for a while. A _long_ while. We can take a break now though," Magnus gets up and turns to a water dispenser in the corner, getting himself a cup. He looks at Alec, making an offering motion, but the younger man shakes his head. Nodding, Magnus sits back down with his cup. Alec watches, seeing a gold ring on one hand. He stores the information for later.

"Is there anything you wanted to talk about though? Any topic?"

"…Why are you staying for 'a long while'," Alec questions, crossing his arms across his chest while looking back up. Magnus hesistates, frowning slightly.

"I moved back a while ago. Catarina told me about this hospital, I decided to stay… for a long while," Magnus smiles softly, though his eyes say otherwise.

"Why did you move back?"

"…Personal matters."

"What personal matters?"

"… My friend died," Magnus says quietly, looking at the surface of the desk. Silent at first, a look of contemplation rests on his face. That and maybe a bit of pain. His voice goes even softer. "About four months ago. I stayed, mostly for moral support for my friend."

"Moral support… for the nurse, you mean," Alec says, narrowing his eyes. He suspects there is more, but doesn't question further about that. Magnus nods.

"Catarina, my friend, yes." Sighing, Magnus sits up, turning to look at the clock. He glances back at Alec. "It is the end of our appointment, Alec. Sorry it was short, this was just supposed to be a basic introductory meeting."

And so it was. Magnus stood to let Alec out, and Alec had another nurse come bring him back, to his room instead of the common room. Like always, he moved briskly, but didn't dare to look straight up into the eyes of any nurses, doctor, guards or patients. Not into the eyes of _it._ He couldn't describe what he saw, other than that it was just _there_ , those things were _everywhere_. It was best if he didn't look at all. Avoid, avoid, not see the things other people couldn't see.

Entering his room, he went and sat on the bed. White walls, floor and ceiling, silver framed bed with coarse white sheets and the dingy grey blanket. A small table next to the bed. And one small window, with four bars on it looking over a nice view of a red brick wall. Nothing else. It had been the same since he arrived, like everything else. A nurse would come in every five days to change the sheets. A doctor checked on him twice a day, a guard every hour on the dot. Alec pulled his legs up, leaning against the wall. Closing his eyes, he listens to Jace and Isabelle babble on.

 _Downworlder. We can't trust them._

 _He seemed trustworthy. You are always jumping to conclusions, Jace._

 _Someone needs to be the smart one,_ Jace says cockily. The comment makes Alec smile.

 _Whatever. Hey, where's Raphael?_ Sighing at Isabelle's question, Alec opens his eyes and looks across the room to the adjacent bed that is neatly made. But no Raphael in it. Normally, he was back in here earlier.

 _Lucky bastard. Must have gotten out,_ Jace mutters. Isabelle doesn't respond, instead going quiet. Closing his eyes again, Alec sinks to his side, waiting to be called down for his medication. He doesn't want to take it, but he has too. If he wishes to get out like Raphael, he must.

* * *

"Leaving so early?"

"I have a train to catch," Magnus answers without looking as he locks the office door. Bag in one hand, another water cup in another, he turns around. Catarina stood smiling. Light hair practically white, too-white skin, and startling blue eyes; she was most unusual. Which was alright with Magnus, since he was most unusual himself. He noticed a brown folder in her hands. "It's a bit early for a Christmas present."

"Only four months early," Catarina laughed. She handed it to him, and he managed to hold it under one of his arms while not managing to spill a drop of water. He really, _really_ needed a coffee, not water. But sadly, he had no such machine, and what was even more sadder is that he didn't know how to properly use one. Sighing, Magnus turns to the stairs with her, and they walk side by side toward the exit. He glances at her, only to find her staring back at him.

"See something you like, Miss Loss?"

"Not even close," Catarina snorts. "I'm just wondering how you're doing….?"

"I'm fine, really. Stop pestering me. I am perfectly fine." Magnus bites the inside of his cheek, not looking at her anymore. But she keeps watching him, a curious face against a guilty one.

"Fine. Alright. Just take care of yourself," she says as they arrive at the exit, going their separate ways. Heading to the subway, Magnus tossed the cup of water into a trash bin, hooked his bag around his shoulder, then took a quick look at the folder with his now free hands. Thick paper, stark white, there was both a colored photo and grey photo on the first page, protected by plastic. _Alexander Lightwood_ stood out on the front. Happy the board had finally gotten him the patient's complete case, he got ready to board the train. If Magnus was honest, trains both scared him and excited him, so maybe reading the file would prove a distraction.

Later, seated in a blue leather seat in a corner, with only two other passengers on the other side of the train, he took a look at his watch. _12:04 AM._ He had plenty of time until he got home to his shitty apartment, made up of lots of glittery and bright things. A lonely, quiet and dull apartment though. All the pretty things only acted like make up on an old woman, something that cheaply covers up the old and used. His place was practically a shrine, but he didn't want to think about that now. One flip after the first page of the folder, he was reading.

 _Name: Alexander Lightwood._

 _Age: 19_

 _Sex: Male_

 _Born in New York._

Boring. Magnus flipped to the next page. A series of different doctor notes all compiled together neatly greeted him. Glancing at the dates he saw that they were from a couple years ago, and so many notes were by many different doctors.

 _Grew up with close family in NY. One sister, brother, mother and father. Dead four months ago. Car crash. Moved soon after to a completely different state, in the hopes of giving him a new start._

 _Most prominent and startling condition Alexander showed was 'hearing voices'. He also has shown to 'classify' people. No one is an exception. Will look into this later. Has shown negative effects to Haldol. Will be using standard Seroquel. Suggest counselling. More cognitive exercises. Will attempt to set back into everyday life._

Swallowing, Magnus skipped a few months.

 _Seroquel works. Patient enjoys cognitive exercises. Hates counselling. Future therapists and the like should be warned. Can be a dangerous patient if he chooses._

Another page flip, he went ahead a year.

 _Alexander seems to classify on appearance. Claims that, based on appearances, they are in different categories. 'Demons' are the ones least trusted. 'Downworlders' have multiple subcategories, almost all unknown, besides vampire. Claims Beverly, the janitor on the first floor, is a Vampire, as well as his roommate. Has not elaborated any more past this._

Intrigued, Magnus looked at his watch. _12:11 AM._ He kept reading.

 _Attacked Beverly last Tuesday, was placed in solitary. More counseling has proven that the 'voices' were once people he knew. Traumatic memories is evident. Possibility of changing roommates, if there is more evidence of him seeing so called 'vampires' as a threat. Says there are 'Fae' folk as well, a sub-cat of Downworlders. Will look into this. Beverly is not coming back._

 _Categories are based on hallucinations the patient sees. Claims demons look the most twisted. They are least-trustworthy. Claims he is 'nephilim', a type of savior. Which can be considered normal for someone with his mental condition; thoughts of grandeur. Nephilim are supposedly different from both demons and downworlders. Claims normal people are mundanes._

 _Has attacked his fifteenth therapist. Has been detained, sent to solitary. Will be moved from LA to NY institute. This is his tenth move._

Magnus closes the folder, looking up at the ceiling. The fluorescent lights are weak, flickering slightly. Sighing, Magnus looks at the front of the blank brown folder, slightly worn at the sides, some papers sticking out. Old lines across. He opens the folder again to look at the patient. Blue eyes, black hair. Handsome. Someone Magnus would date, if he wasn't his patient. He knew he should not have taken a case on so early, especially this kind of case. Absent-minded, he fingers the gold ring on his finger, lost in thought. No, he should not have taken this case on.

 _Downworlder._ The name echoes in his head. According to this file, downworlders had a cetain 'look'. What kind of look though? Good, bad? Probably bad. Obviously, Alexander did not trust downworlders. Scratching the back of his neck, Magnus put the folder away for the rest of the ride home, enjoying the rocking lull of the subway.

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers: I do not own The Mortal Instruments. If I did, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction now, would I darlings?**

 **Dear Readers:** I got this idea because it was three AM and I had a chest infection, and bam, it hit me while I was dozing off. That's pretty much it. Also, this story is absolutely AU. Sorry for mistakes, I have no beta-reader.

P.S I am not a certified Doctor, therefore some medical depictions type stuff in this story may be inaccurate, and do not reflect on real life health professionals/ places. I'm hoping y'all will give this a chance.

P.P.S This is my first fic for TMI. I also haven't reread the series in a while, so sorry for any mishaps that might cause.

 **Warnings Are: M/M relationship. Maybe smut, not sure yet. If anything medical-related (for lack of a better word) triggers you, then I'd suggest not reading this.**


	2. Chapter Two: The Episode

**Chapter Two: The Episode**

* * *

" _I love you," he whispers softly into the phone. The sounds of her sobbing are all too real. "Don't leave me."_

" _I know, Magnus. But… I have to leave you, bu-"_

 _A screech. Brakes, he remembers to slam on them as the bright lights illuminate his dashboard, the seat, shine across the window. A sparkling spider spreads across the grass, and he falls as he closes his eyes, the sound of a long horn as the phone line goes dead. The horn plays out loud, never ending, while an old song plays on the radio._ Oh, my love. My darling. _It hums, a symphony readying itself for the funeral. The horn keeps going as the sounds of cars rush by. It goes while police sirens sound. That dreadful horn, it washes eveything away with it's noise. And he can't breathe._

Coughing and choking, Magnus darts up, springing out of the bed. The sheets are tangled around his legs, and he almost falls. Grabbing a table to steady himself, he rushes to his bag in the kitchen, opening the zipper. Searching for that brown file. Grabbing it, stumbling to the table where he opens it, looking through it's contents. There had to be a full report inside it. About the crash. He finds a page, slightly old and worn. All the while, he knows the information will be the same since he first got the file, and every time he checked it since.

 _The lightwood family, with the exception of one boy (oldest, Alexander Lightwood), died in a car crash. Alexander officially had one sister, one brother-_

Gasping with relief, Magnus sits down. He wants to cry with joy. _Only one brother._ He grins crazily, too sleep deprived. After calming himself, he sets the folder back into his bag carefully, then looks at the time. _5:43 AM._ No point in going back to bed. He might as well get ready, shower, and head back for his new job. He places the bag on a counter, then goes to pick out an outfit. He needs to look presentable. _One step at a time._

* * *

Alec places the knight carefully next to the castle, slowly, tediously. Next, the bishop. The queen and king. And now, the pawns. Once done, he crosses his arms and stares at his masterpiece. He has no one to play with, none of the other patients are up to it. Even if they were, he didn't talk to them. He didn't want to. Bored, he takes a slow look around the common room.

White, three walls with the fourth rounded, it was a decent size. The fourth wall had barred windows thst illuminated the place. One of his favorite rooms, since Alec liked light. One half of the room had low shelves, with books on them. The other half had tables, like the kind you see at the park. Attached seats, so there weren't any chairs to throw. Board games were spread over them, as well as some decks of cards, with two other people playing them. A girl sat alone as well. There was also two people on the other side, reading books.

Alec knew all them. Not well, but he knew what he called their 'type'. One girl, who was reading, was nephilim. Like me, Alec thought to himself. Golden hair that hung low, but looked like it had the life pulled out of it. Her skin was darker though. Covered in scars; that was how Alec knew she was like him.

A boy was reading by himself as well. A new kid. Alec caught him talking to a nurse earlier, and Alec saw fangs when his mouth opened and closed. Vampire. A type of downworlder.

Two boys play cards together. Both their eyes flash yellow. They are downworlders too, werewolves.

A girl sits by herself, looking at some board game. Her hair is very dark, and her skin is tanned. Sometimes it glistens like gold. Alec thought she was a downworlder, a warlock, but she was too pretty. Plus, she'd effortlessly tricked a nurse into thinking that she had taken her medication, which she hadn't of course. She was a faerie, so a downworlder as well. Sighing, Alec looked back at the chest board. No one, not the nurses, doctors, or other patients saw what he did. But he was convinced. Plus, the patients didn't count; medication kept them from seeing.

Sometimes, medication kept Alec from seeing too. But he knew the truth. The nurses and doctors, and even the guards, were just lying to him about not seeing it.

 _Talk to her, the girl at the other table. Fae girl._

 _I don't like her,_ Isabelle argues against Jace. Alec sighs and moves a chest piece on his side. White of course; white always goes first. His mother showed him before.

 _But she's hot, Izzy._

 _I don't care. The other girl looks nicer anyways,_ Isabelle points out the girl reading a book. Alec could practically feel Jace perk up.

 _Yes, Alec, talk to her!_

"No thank you. You both know I don't fly that way," Alec shakes his head as he drums his fingers on the table. He stares at the board, the checkered pattern so neat and precise, it gives him joy.

"Need a player two?" Someone sits in front of him, asking with a soft laugh. Alec looks up, surprised.

"Raphael, I thought you got out…?"

"No, it was solitary." Raphael didn't elaborate, and Alec didn't ask more. Even though he was a vampire, as Alec labeled him, Raphael was nice. Sometimes. Anger issues, which he learned to control, the boy also put up with Alec. Which was a blessing, since not many people did put up with Alec. Born and raised in New York, with dark hair and skin, Raphael was tough and intimidating. Alec sometimes watched him talk, just to see if he could get a glimpse of those fangs. Sometimes, Alec swore the cross Raphael wore burned the boy, sending small puffs of smoke up. Raphael never said anything when Alec commented on this.

The two boys commence a game of chess.

 _Tell Raphael about Magnus,_ Isabelle urges.

"I have a new doctor," Alec announces.

"What's he like?" Raphael asks as he knocks over one of Alec's pawns.

"More outgoing. Friendly. Married too, I think, he had on a wedding ring."

"What about his 'type'," Raphael jokes.

 _Tell him about the eyes, Alec!_

"Cat eyes, yellow. That's it." Alec moves his knight, taking out Raphael's castle. The other boy rests his elbows on the table, clasping his hands under his chin. He narrows his eyes at Alec.

"Let me guess. So… not a, what do you call them? Nephilim? Nor fey, and I'm guessing not a werewolf? So… a warlock? Is that it?" Raphael raises an eyebrow in question, and Alec nods. Both boys stare at each other before the former shakes his head and knocks down his opponent's bishop. "You, Alec, have some serious rewiring to do up in that brain of yours."

"Look who's talking," Alec shot back, moving a pawn to take out a pawn. Raphael grins and shrugs.

"I don't see fucked up shit like you do. Or hear my dead family." At the mention of family, Alec's face shuts down, and Raphael stops dead. "… Sorry, Alec… I didn't mean that."

"I'm going to lie down," Alec mumbles, getting up and leaving the board game and Raphael behind. Neither of them talk as he leaves, and he quickly begins walking down the hall to his room, where he goes and curls up on the bed, closing his eyes. Breathing heavily, he tries to calm down, thinking of something good. He knows Raphael didn't mean it offensively. Alec tries to focus on other things. Like getting out. Oh, how he wanted to leave. Get away. Have a normal job, a normal life. Another memory pops up, and he remembers his mother's friend. A close family friend, the woman was once a nurse here, before going on maternity leave. She promised Alec a home once he got out. Promised him a way to get back on his feet. Their family was nice too.

He remembered visiting hours are only once a month. He has another week to go before he can see his friend, of course.

"I want to leave," Alec coarsely whispers.

 _So do I._

 _So do I._

Jace and Isabelle both chime in, and resume talking.

 _So, Magnus…_

 _Oh, Izzy, be quiet. He isn't that great._

 _But he's Alec's type! Alec, come on, you have to agree._

"I want to sleep," Alec mumbles into his pillow. The alarm comes on, signaling it is time for the medication to be taken. Groaning, Alec forces himself to get up and walk into the hallway, preparing for waiting in line to force down a stiff tablet with a tiny cup of water. Not the best thing to do at the moment.

* * *

"Alexander, I mean Alec. How is your new medication? I wanted to try it out on you after our meeting yesterday." Magnus sets down a cup of water in front of Alec, after he asked for one. Then, he goes and sits in his chair behind the desk, drinking from his own cup. Alec stares at him, feeling drowsy. Isabelle and Jace are, surprisingly, not here. He can't hear them. Plus, Magnus looks… like a mundane, as Alec would say. The younger man shrugs.

"Fine."

"Just fine?" Magnus raises and eyebrow, then smiles and runs a hand back through his hair. Alec notes it is messy, unkempt, like there was no energy put into it. Alec nods, looking away.

"Alright then. Well, let's talk. Since you are seemingly 'fine', I'm going to get straight to the point." Magnus sits back in his chair, resting his hands on the armrests. Alec looks up, narrowing his eyes. With him relaxed, Alec can see what Isabelle was hinting at. Magnus was handsome. "Alec, you called me a downworlder. What is that?"

"Please call me Alexander, and… they are…" Alec pauses, swallowing. Tired, he tries to think of an answer. "… Untrustworthy."

"…I see." Magnus pauses, thinking things through. "So I am untrustworthy.

"Not all them are!" Alec quickly rushes to undo whatever hurt he was afraid he did. "Some are, I am nephilim and most don't like downworlders, but some are nice, like Raphael and this girl I seen when I got a two-day leave, she was a werewolf but nice, and the guard on the first floor-"

"Alright, alright, Alexander! It's fine! You didn't insult me! But…" Magnus, who has leaned forward as Alec went on and on, sits back against his chair. "But, what is nephilim?"

"They… take care of people. Save them…." Alec trails off, looking down, and Magnus nods slowly.

"I… see. Alexander, your family died in a car crash. And you were traumatized, and sometimes, people in your position try to imagine themselves as saviors to undo the pain and guilt and grief-"

'No," Alec whispers, looking at his hands.

"It's okay, I understand. I was even in a crash myself once-"

"NO!" Alex stands quickly, his heels hitting the couch with a bang. Magnus, surprised, moves back. Alec scowls, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You don't understand! You can't possibly!"

"Alexan-"

"SHU UP. Shut. Up! Don't talk to me! You can't know-" gasping, Alec coughs, and Magnus slowly stands. Alec coughs some more, sitting back onto the couch and burying his face in his hands. Coughing and gasping, he tries to stifle a sob. He squeezes his eyes shut, wanting to sleep. Tired, his mind was hazy. He tries to breathe, but only coughs again, another sob escaping. He wants air, fresh air. He wants home. Suddenly, like a brick, it hits him; his family is gone. He tries to force away the thought. After a few seconds, he feels a hand touch his shoulder, then an arm wrap him in a quick hug. He feels someone in front of him; opening his eyes, he sees Magnus, staring up at him calmly through his lashes. Magnus slowly pulls at his wrists, pulling his hands down so he could hold them.

"Shh, Alexander, just breathe. Deeeep breathes. Don't cry, alright? One breath after another." Alec listens to his soothing voice, never once looking away. With the medication, and now this close, Alec can see Magnus' eyes, the bright irises. A very light brown, so light they looked gold. Flecks of sun yellow sat in them. Alec could smell sandalwood, vanilla and coffee. His breathing slows until it is normal, and he swallows. Magnus turns around, picking up Alec's cup off of the desk, and handing it to him. Alec swallows the cold liquid, savoring it, before putting the cup down.

"There we go. Better?" When Alec nods in response, Magnus beams. "Wonderful. I think we should call it quits for this appointment. And, Alexander… I can never be in your exact situation. You are right. But I do know how grief, agony and mourning feel. But you go now, get some rest, I'll see you tomorrow."

Alec nods and gets up, walking to the door, wiping at his eyes and sniffling quietly. Magnus watches him leave before looking down at the cup, set carefully on the couch. He sighs, picking it up and looking it over, then turns and tosses it in the trash. Alexander Lightwood was one case he is absolutely hooked on.

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** Still, I do not own the Mortal Instruments. If I ever do, I'll give you the heads-up.

 **Dear Readers:** For my first TMI fic, this is coming along well, and I hope you guys think so too. Just have to conjure up more sass to pull this off. I'm answering reviews here because if I don't, I might never. I need to ease my guilty conscience.

 **Manibarilo-** Thanks for the review! I'm glad you're already enjoying it. Your name reminds me of Barry Manilow. I like that in a person.

 **lilypotter72-** I hope that this chapter you were looking forward to made you happy! Thanks for the review!

 **remberthecode-** My tablet kept on capitalizing your name. I found it funny. But you probably don't want to hear that, you want to hear, thanks for the review!

Thanks to the people who fav/followed!


	3. Chapter Three: The Mambo

**Chapter Three: The Mambo**

* * *

"It's going to be visitation day soon," Raphael says from the other side of the shelf, turning another page. Alec glances at him whioe searching, still wondering what book he wants to read himself. "Tomorrow."

"I know it is."

"Your family coming to visit?"

"They're not my family," Alec huffs, picking out a interesting blue-looking book. Raphael smirks at him, but says no more as he kept on reading. Sighing, Alec tried to focus on the book. He was really looking forward to the visit. Only two people could come in at a time, for one entire hour. No physical contact, only sitting at a table and talking one-on-one. Or two-on-one. Occasionally, there was paper laying around, which the patients and their visitors sometimes drew on, having a good time with some laughter. On those days, the guards turned the other cheek, letting everyone have some fun. Alec hoped tomorrow was one of those days.

"What do you and Magnus talk about?" Raphael asks him curiously. Alec shrugs.

"Feelings," he vaguely answers. In truth, they did talk about feelings, but it was a touchy subject for Alec. Magnus didn't want to press him and push him over the edge again. Mostly, the two men talked about TV shows that Alec was missing. Such as 'Orange is the New Black', or 'Hannibal'. Magnus tried to bring up sports, suspecting Alec was into that stuff. But half an a hour later, Alec had to reveal that no, he wasn't; he only pretended to be because he thought Magnus was. So, they dropped the subjects of sports for good.

"Are you going to do the mattress mambo?"

"What?"Alec looks at Raphael with confusion.

"Mattress mambo? Two way tango? Donut and hot dog combo?"Raphael grins and makes a grinding motion, and Alec snorts, trying to make a serious face and failing.

"No way! Stop it!"

"Is he gonna plant a rod in your backyard?"

"Oh, gross, stop!"

"Sprinkle your sweet cake?"

"Raphael, _stop_."

Both men begin laughing uncontrollably, Alec leaning against the bookshelf for support as he clutches his ribs, watching Raphael say obscene things and making disturbing moaning sounds. Some patients turn to watch, giggling softly. Raphael continues to make jokes, grouping different words, 'Oil' and 'stem' and 'fudge' to name a few. Alec laughs so hard, he can feel tears forming. The feeling is exhilarating, he hasn't laughed this hard in so long.

"Alexander?"

The two turn to look at a nurse standing there, hands locked together. Catarina. "Alexander, your appointment is now."

"Got it." Trying to stifle his laughter, Alec follows Catarina out while placing his book down on a shelf, glancing back once to see Raphael smirking, making another grinding motion. Alec rolls his eyes, trying hard not to laugh again. He has to pull himself together.

* * *

"So, the tall dude, Mendez, starts screaming out, professing his love in front of everyone right then and there. Of course, Daya gives Bennett a 'look'." Magnus sits in his chair, water cup in hand, with his feet propped up on the desk. Alec sits in his usual spot on the couch, his feet up as well. He is eating some chips Magnus snuck in for him, a treat he has to finish in their meetings; he cannot bring it back out with him to his room. "Obviously, you know Daya is upset with what's happening."

"Things are escalating. Sounds good though. I never liked Mendez though," Alec comments, eating another chip.

 _I don't like him either,_ Isabelle chips in, her voice light but very distant.

"Why not? I do."

"Ew. You do?" Alec makes a face.

"Yeah. I feel bad for the guy."

"Magnus, he isn't real," Alec says, sighing.

"I know, but I feel for his character. Listen," Magnus says, pulling his feet down and leaning forward in the chair, his face serious. "He is lonely. He wants love. Like me!"

"You're not lonely. You have a wife, I'm sure she loves you tons," Alec shakes his head, eating another chip. Magnus frowns, eyes going wide, and Alec fee like he said something bad.

"I'm a widower, Alec."

 _God damn, Alec,_ Isabelle huffs.

"Oh…. Shit! Sorry," Alec says hurriedly, sitting up as well. "I didn't know. You have a ring, and pictures on your desk-"

"It's okay," Magnus reassures him slowly. He looks at his desk, covered in photos and small cat bobble heads, as well as other nicknacks. All bought by Magnus, made to seem more homey, so he said. They practically scream _magnificent Magnus_ all over them. Alec swallows uncertainly, feeling slightly ashamed.

"What happened?

"Drug overdose." Magnus looks st a silver frame, picking it up and handing it to Alec. There is a pretty woman, with beautiful golden ringlets against a midnight blue background. Pale, blood red lipstick, she was a beauty. An angel. Someone that all people would swoon over. Alec holds the picture delicately, staring at the female wonder. Surreal, for many reasons; Alec thought Magnus came off as really gay. Seeing proof of a wife was astounding. Plus, this woman does not look like the type to do drugs. He hands the photo back to Magnus.

"I'm really sorry."

"Not your fault," Magnus says, setting the picture slowly down. He stares at it with love, in a way Alec wishes someone would stare at him. The doctor clears his throat. "I tried to save her. I was too fast… that sounds weird. But she died, without me there. I never saw it coming. I knew she had a problem, I didn't know how bad it was. It was accidental, not a suicide. She only wanted a good time… she loved having a good time."

Alec nods, not saying anything, and the two sit quietly in silence. Slowly, Alec speaks up hesitantly, setting the bag of chips down.

"My brother did that one time. My parents rushed him to the hospital, where he recovered. His name was Jace." Alec looks down silently at his hands, and Magnus looks up slowly, blinking. Normally, Alec never talked about stuff like this.

"Jace. You hear him, right?"

"Sometimes."

"… Alright. Thank you for sharing that, Alec." Magnus turns to look at the clock. "You should go now, appointment is ending."

"Of course." Alec stands and walks to the door, and Magnus moves to open it for him. Catarina is waiting outside to escort him back. They begin walking down the hallway, but Alec stops and turns around to see Magnus standing there, watching him.

"For what it's worth, I'm certain your wife loved you." Alec turns away again, resuming the walk back to the common room. Magnus doesn't answer. Catarina chooses to stay silent. And Isabelle hasn't spoken again yet.

* * *

Magnus closes and locks the door behind him, then begins his new normal routine walk with Catarina to the exit. Neither of them speak at first, instead enjoying the silence they don't get to hear during their workday. Grabbing a free pen near the front desk, Magnus writes a reminder on the back of his hand: _chips regular._ If anyone asks, he can say its for himself. Putting the pen away, he digs for a pair of blue gloves in his pocket, as Catarina watches him out of the corner of her eye.

"You told him about Camille?"

"Sort of, yes. Not a lot."

"And the crash?"

"If course not, I'm not a sadist. Alexander has heard of enough car crashes to last him a life time, I'm not telling him my own." Magnus looks at her, shrugging. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason, just wondering. Looking out for the best interests of my patient, as well as my friend." Catarina opens the front door, and they exit into the cool weather together. She turns to him. "Be careful, Magnus."

"When am I never not careful?"

"Is that a rhetorical question," Catarina asks, raising an eyebrow. Magnus chuckles.

"Good point. Goodbye, Catarina." They go their separate ways.

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** We need to be realistic here. If I did own The Mortal Instruments, it'd be one thousand pages of pure OTP gloriousness.

 **Dear Readers:** Sorry for mistakes, decided to write at three AM. I did proofread, but my skills lack in the early morning.

 **lilypotter72** \- I liked Raphael so much too! It makes me sad he died. I can't tell you about Magnus, that would ruin future plots...

 **Remberthecode-** Thanks for your review! I'm glad to see you're looking forward to this story!

 **Guest (The one who said Mags that I imagine you typed into your keyboard with a flourish)-** Thanks for the review! Fabulous is definitely a most appreciated word to be hearing.

 **Manibarilo** \- You flatter me, I only heard of Barry Manilow from Hellboy, with his song "I can't smile without you". I drove my friend crazy with that song. Anyways, I cannot reveal much information on certain car crashes that may or may not be connected! I will do my best to update frequently.

 **Guest (The one who looks forward)-** Thanks for your kind review! I'm glad to see you're looking forward!


	4. Chapter Four: The Artist

**Chapter Four: The Artist**

* * *

Standing up when the nurse comes to the door, Alec quickly follows her and another security guard out. Despite everyone looking, well, _human,_ Alec isn't worried in the slightest. In fact, he is trying his best to contain his joy. It's finally visiting day. That one day he looks forward to, the day he wanted more of. Worries often plagued him; he used to think that his visitors wouldn't come given his 'condition'. But no, they considered him family apparently; they stayed. Albeit, they were just a _tiny_ bit off-put by him, but that was only to be expected.

"Name," the guard at the first door ask in a monotone voice.

"Alexander Lightwood."

"And is Mr. Lightwood cleared for visiting hours?" The guard looks over at the first guard and nurse, both of which nod. The guard nods back, pressing a button from behind the safety glass. The door opens slowly with a beep, and Alexander is led down the first floor. Past the large hallway with a sun roof that displays the sunny skies like a painting. Past the vending machines for guests. And into the large white room, with round tables and chairs spread out. Guards and doctors stand around the perimeter, watching everyone.

Walking in, leaving the guard and nurse behind him, Alexander looks around. Today is a bright day, and as a result, there are lots of visitors. But he'd recognize his own from a mile away...

"Alec!"

He turns when he hears the squeal, smiling softly. A flash of red, and a thin body grasps his in a hug. Some guards call out to them, telling them to knock it off, and she pulls herself away, looking up with a beaming smile.

"Clary, where's your mother...?"

"Still on leave. So I bought someone more entertaining." Turning around, she leads him to a table in the back, more isolated than the rest of the room, where a brown-haired man sits. Someone Alec hasn't seen for a long while.

"Luke?"

"Alec! Jocelyn couldn't make it, the baby is going to come anytime soon," Luke rushes to explain, standing and moving closer as if about to grab the boy in a hug. Which the guards then called out for him to stop; flustered and annoyed looking, Luķe goes to sit back down, and Alec feel slightly relieved. Considering that, according to Alec, Luke is a werewolf. When all three of them are seated, then sit in a few seconds of awkward silence. Clary definitely knew Alec longest, but not his whole life, making the encounter much stranger. Alec could push those feelings away though, since having visitors was like a privilege.

"Jocelyn hasn't had the baby yet?" Alec looks between Clary and Luke. Clary and Jocelyn were the epitome if the saying 'like mother, like daughter'. Both had bright, frizzy red hair, green eyes, and were on the thinner side, with Jocelyn larger because she was older. But they were both courageous, friendly and tough. Both Luke and Clary nod frantically to his question.

"She wanted to come check on you, but it was decided it wasn't best with her so far late into her pregnancy. It was a miracle getting her to stay home and rest," Luke sighs. "But, she did. For the girl, of course."

"It's a girl?" Alec blinked, surprised. Clary bobs in her seat, hair bouncing.

"It is. They just found out a while ago. Maybe... it's just a thought... you might be able to get out early? For my mother...?"Clary pauses, her voice hopeful. Alec swallows, then looks at Luke, who is watching the two of them. The older man seems to sense they want to catch up, so he slowly starts to stand.

"I'm, uh, going to go find something for us to eat. Anything in particular, Clary?"

"Coffee?"

"Alright. And Alec?"

"A coffee as well."

Nodding, Luke leaves the room, disappearing around a corner. Alec leans back in his chair, his gaze questioning, and Clary smiles again.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Any plans, loopholes, to get out for a day?" Clary leans on the table, crossing her arms, and Alec shrugs. He wants to say yes, the idea of getting out is tempting. But he's prety sure he can't, even if it's just a quick visit. He's heard of stories of patients getting out for funerals, but that's it. I mean, a birth? The administration wouldn't allow it. Plus, those stories were only stories, rumors, Alec had never met someone who actually got out for a bit. Alec shifts uncomfortably, not wanting to disappoint Clary, but also not wanting to lie either.

"I'll see what I can do."

"Great! You can meet Valentina Graymark! Now, I want to hear more about you-"

"Wait, wait, Graymark?" Alec blinks, astounded. "Luke's the father?"

"Well, who else woud it be?"

"What? I don't know... I just wasn't... expecting..." Alec trails off, frowning. "Jocelyn said she was seeing someone though."

"Yes, I know, they surprised me to. I was mad for a bit at first because they didn't tell me... for the first two months I thought my mom had a one-night-stand. She was just waiting for the right time though, since Luke's and old family friend." Clary sighs softly, pushing some red strands that managed to fall from her bun into her face. "We have a lot of catching up to do."

"We do." Alec pauses, taking a moment to let the news settle in. It wasn't new that Jocelyn was pregnant, she had visited him in her early stages. But Luke's? It was surprising. Suddenly, it hit Alec; while he was stuck inside this place, everyone's lives continued on outside. They had jobs, hobbies. They could go out and do new things. But he was stuck in here, in a place like prison, trapped like an animal. He blinks to attention when he notices Clary is talking again.

"-so, they're getting married, Jonathan landed himself in jail-"

"Wait, who's getting married? What'd Jonathan do?" Alec sat up straight.

"Luke and my mother, of course! Next year sometime, most likely spring. And Jonathan was drunk. Decided it was a good idea to try and rob someone of their umbrella or cane, I'm not sure. I swear, he reminds me of Ja-" Clary suddenly cut herself off, her voice cracking a bit. Alec said nothing, understanding. Their families had known each other for a long time, and Alec's brother knew Clary's brother. They had been close. All lf them actually. But that was a long time ago. Now, all anyone had were these broken visits. But at least they still came back; they could have forgotten about Alec. Of course, Jocelyn wouldn't have it. Alec looks down at his hands, and Clary talks again.

"Uh, Alec... how's the..." Alec looks up as she asks the question, lifting her hand to her temple and tapping it slightly. He bits his lip, then smiles weakly.

"New medication. I can't... see like I used to. Not really anyway. Or hear." Alec didn't need to elaborate further for her. She nods, understanding, and looks down at her hands, covered in dry paint. Alec remembers what a good artist she is. Slowly, she looks up, green eyes sad and watery.

"My mother... loves you, you know. A few years ago, I used to think she just pretended to like you because she was strict with Jace. What with us an item and everything, and then Jace died, so I thought she just felt guilty," Clary laughs bitterly, and Alec tries not to flinch at the mention of his brother's name. "But she does love you, Alec. You're family now. She loved your family too. Remember when Jonathan's dad died? And your mother comforted my mom?"

"Yeah. There was lots of funeral food."

"Well, there was a funeral," Clary snorts, and Alec finds himself grinning. She smiles widely again before going serious. "I do mean it, Alec. You're family. Don't do something you'll regret."

"Yeah, I know," Alec mumbles, looking back down. "Might cause another car crash, right?"

"Wasn't your fault. I mean it, Alec."

"I know what you mean." Alec looks back up at her. Broken green ones meet broken blue ones. And, just for a split second, he is jealous of Clary. Because she is stronger. She didn't land herself in a mental hospital. And even if her ex _did_ die, someone had cared for her. She knew that particular feeling, knew hownit was to be needed ansd oved. She had two people who were the best parents she could hope for. A brother that was, yes, an asshole at times, but loving. A sister on the way. And as life kept turning, he was stuck in here with no one. Going insane over things he saw, demons and angels. The things he heard. Yes, he was jealous and angry, because fate dealt him a terrible hand. People might care about him, but if he died, all they needed to do is move on. He nods his head, never looking away from her as he says that words that almost feel like a lie.

"I know it wasn't my fault."

"Okay. Be careful. Promise?"

"I promise." Alec forces a smile, and she smiles back. Suddenly, something else occurs to him. "I almost forgot. I have a new doctor."

"You do? That's great! Is he hot?"

"What in God's name is everyone's obsession with my doctor?"

"... I never mentioned an obsession. You're the one who brought him up..."

"... Don't tell anyone."

* * *

He could still taste the coffee on his lips as he walked back to his room, feeling more energized. At least all the visitors came in handy; a while into the visit, and the guards were more lenient. When Luke got back, the three of them talked, drew, and not much else. There wasn't much else to do anyways. Walking back into his room, finding himself alone, he goes to curl up on the bed. Feeling strangely exhausted, he's still happy. Practically buzzing from the visit. Visits always made him feel like that, no matter whatmood he was in when he had one. Rolling onto his back, he closes his eyes, wanting to sleep. He begins thinking; is it possible to get out? Even if it's just for a day?

Fresh food, fresh air.

A fun time with his 'family'.

A break from his tiny mess of a life.

 _Alexander._

He groans softly at the unrecognizable sound, reaching around for his pillow and hugging it to his chest. This is the last things he needs right now. He should sleep, despite feeling like he coud stay up longer. Was it possible to feel tired and wide awake at the same time?

 _Alexander!_

He winces suddenly, pressing a hand to the side of his temple, feeling his head pound. That was unexpected. Forcing himself upright, he stumbles out of the room down the hallway, pass some patients and guards. They don't really notice him. The bathroom is large, the first section composed of showers, the second is a large hallway with sinks on the walls, and the third is some rows of toilet stalls, all colored a dreary hospital green. Forcing himself into a stall and closing the door, he leans against a wall, rubbing his head. He feels warm. _Very warm._

 _Alexander._

"Oh, shut up," he moans, running a hand through his hair.

 _Alexander._

"Shut up."

 _Alexander._

"I said _shut up,_ " he demands, his hand hitting the stall door for emphasis. He stands in complete silence, listening for the voice again. But it doesn't come. Satisfied for a few moments, he sinks down to the ground, trying to calm down. He remembers the visit earlier, but the memory is so vivid. Bright and piercing, it practically hurts. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tries to concentrate. It feels like his mind is swimming.

"Alexander? Are you in here?" A nurse walks in, her footsteps sounding through the entire bathroom. For some reason, it occurs to Alec that she is in a male washroom, which makes him laugh.

"Alexander?" She calls out again, her voice nervous.

 _On the seat. Now. Pull your feet up._

Head still pounding, Alec gets up, silently lowering the toilet seat cover befire sitting on it, pulling his feet up. He hugs his knees against his chest, closing his eyes. He just wants to sleep.

 _Stay awake._

Alec tries not to nod off as he sits, patiently waiting. The nurses footsteps come closer, but then pass, her shoes clacking slowly against the tiles. Breathing carefully, on instinct, he lowers his feet carefully onto the floor. Opening the door, he glances out, looking both left and right, but he sees no one. The nurses footsteps are fading away to the right though, a dull thud on ceramic tiles. He leaves the stall, making sure the door doesn't make a sound. Following, finding the footsteps.

 _The toilet plunger in the corner. Pick it up._

He grabs it, grimacing at the disgusting object, but holds it firmly. He walks, moving more slower and quieter. His steps don't make a sound. Coming around a corner, he can see her. Checking out shower stalls, pulling back the curtains. She hasn't noticed him. Carefully, she walks over to him, one foot in front of the other.

 _Closer._

He tries to remain quiet.

 _Faster._

He holds onto the object tighter.

 _Now just lift-_

Just as soon as he can hear the monotonous and sharp voice, it disappears with a jolt of pain. He gasps, dropping the plunger, falling to his knees. He hits the ground hard. A sob escapes him, and he feels around for the pain. Something is by his neck. No, in it. His hand brushes over the small cylindrical object, before he lowers his hand to the cool tile. It feels soft. He hears voices; the nurse is definitely one. Confusion, but the colors around him simply grow more vivid. He feels like a child watching a show. His hand seems to glow as it lays next to him, in front of his face. Willing the fingers to move, they only twitch. Realizing just how hard it is getting to breathe, he chokes out another sob before being rolled onto his back.

There is another sharp prick, and he can't feel anything.

* * *

"So, does someone want to tell me how the hell a patient got _into_ the washroom, with the very likely possibility of _attacking_ a nurse, and _no one on duty nearby_ thought it was strange that a patient went into the washroom in the first place, with _no_ _one keeping track of him?_ Priorities, people! You need someone with the patients _at all times_."

Imogen Herondale was, in short, the boss. Leader. Head doctor. Call it what you want, but Magnus really, _really_ didn't like her. Pale washed out hair thay was most grey, along with cold steel eyes, she might have once been a blonde beauty. Perhaps a long, long time ago. Whatever hurt her in life caught up to her, and now she was only a shadow of her former self. But a fierce and strict one at that. Magnus sat in his chair, arms crossed, with the rest of the staff thst weren't patrolling the hallways. Their little meeting was extremely boring, but he forced himself to sit through it and concentrate on what Imogen had to say. Which was even harder, given her blank white and grey outfit; it did nothing for her looks, which was what bothered Magnus most of all.

"Listen, I know it's a nice day, summer is coming to an end, it's visiting day, making everyone tired. But that is no excuse! Not acceptable!" Imogen's own arms were crossed as she walked in between the chairs, glaring daggers at everyone. "And the cleaning supplies is to be kept in the closet, under lock and key! What if there were chemicals instead of a plunger? Or something sharp? Multiple problems could have arised! If you all want to keep your jobs, then _do them properly._ Understood? Now, who he hell is the patient's main doctors and nurses?"

Everyone in the room pointed to a small group of people, as _said_ group slowly raise their hands, Magnus included. They sat in stiff blue chairs, their backs having too-hard support. None of them wanted to be in these small blue back-breakers, not to mention, they didn't want to be here at all. Especially under the scrutiny of Dr. Herondale. She had a scary reputation.

"You? Who are you?" Imogen glares at a younger man in his seat, and the man smiles, straining to do so.

"Dr. Scott."

"Affiliation with the patient?"

"Pediatrician. I supply whatever medication is written down for him, keep track of that." Woosey Scott shifts a bit in his chair, not liking Imogen's fierce stare. Magnus tries not to laugh, finding it hilarious; few are the people who can make Woosley uncomfortable. A bigger man, with blond hair and green eyes, he never backed down from a fight. Except in this case. Imogen turns to another doctor.

"And you?"

"Dr. Carstairs. I perform physical tests and such. Keep up to date," the young doctor trails off. Imogen moves on to Catarina.

"What about you?"

"Catarina. I'm just a nurse that occasionally escorts Alexander where he needs to go-"

"Address patients properly, by there last name," Imogen snaps, walking over to her as she readjusts her arms, clasping her hands together behind her back. Catarina nods slowly. "And if you are supposed to escort Mr. Lightwood everywhere, why not escort him to the washroom?"

"I'm not that kind of escort. I watch him when he must leave the boundaries of the unit. The washroom is in boundaries, another nurse should have-"

"Ah, but another nurse did not," Imogen interrupts, tapping her foot. She drawls out her words. "As his nurse, it is your job to watch him, even when he is in bounds. If you can't, assign other nurses. Now, who was his guard?"

"I am," Meliorn says a few feet from Magnus, sitting up straighter. Imogen walks over to him, peering down at him with distaste. Quickly, he begins talking again. " Meliorn. Security guard. I basically follow Alexan- Mr. Lightwood and Catarina wherever they go, if I am free, or if he is under high security."

"Well, it looks like you are going to be following him around more closely, doesn't it," Imogen says before looking away from him to Magnus. She approaches him.

"Name? Fix your name tag properly."

"Sorry, Magnus. I mean Imogen. I mean," Magnus huffs, looking down to fix his name tag, then looks back up into the silver eyes that stare at him with anger. Imogen definitely had some demons to overcome. Clearing his throat, Magnus speaks again. "I'm Dr. Bane, Mr. Lightwood's doctor... therapist type thing..."

"Well, Dr. Bane, you cleary didn't do a good job of diagnosing and fixing the illness, did you?"

"It's not that simple."

"Still. If you ever thought the patient was unstable, you should had filed that report. Or used new medication. So," Imogen turns away from him, and Magnus breathes, not realizing he had been holding his breath. "Let's see. New medication perhaps, maybe a reevaluation of the patient's mental health. More care to watch over him. Pull yourselves together everyone. Do your jobs right this time around."

"Dr. Herondale, if I may kindly interrupt."

"What is it, Dr. Carstairs?" Imogen asks, turning to look at Jem, raising an eyebrow. Jem Carstairs had a reputation for being kind when talking to people, even if the people were less than model citizens themselves. Magnus found him to be alright to talk to. Jem pauses with uncertainty.

"There were higher than normal levels of caffeine detected in the patient. It was visiting day today. He patient could have ingested some," Jem finishes, his hands shoved into his pockets as he forces himself to look into Imogen's eyes. The older woman stops pacing, and everyone holds their breath, hoping she won't snap.

"Then it appears we can do no more, other than talk to the people on duty at the time." Imogen looks pointedly around the room, and people begin moving nervousy. She doesn't speak at first, letting the silence hang thick in the air. Magnus is profoundly thrilled that she's moving off the topic of _them_ now. Soon though, Imogen looks back at the people she was talking to. "He's your patient. Get answers. Go, now. Eveyone else who wasn't on duty can leave."

People rush, standing and heading to the door. Quickly, but slow enough to not get yelled at for an 'unsafe work environment'. Magnus fixes his jacket, moving quickly to find a glass of water somewhere. One meeting with Imogen was enough for this week. Finding a water dispenser, he gets himself a glass. As he guzzles it down, people approah him, talking hurriedly. Catarina is arguing with Woosley; Jem is trying to get them to stop arguing; Meliorn stands by and watches quietly. Closing his eyes, Magnus leans against a wall, wanting nothing more to go home. But he can't, of course.

He still has to check up on his patient.

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers-** I don't own The Mortal Instruments, but this fight isn't over yet.

 **Dear Readers-** Your reviews make me smile! Thanks for sticking with the story. End of classes, plus I'm planning for a quick trip somewhere, so updating will probably be late... if you guys haven't noticed already. I hope this lengthy chapter and introduction of new characters makes up for my late update. Sorry for mistakes, I might have missed some when editing.

 **BeastsAndFallenAngels** \- Thanks for the review and the compliment! XXX

 **Manibarilo** \- That was perhaps the nicest way I've ever heard someone say "I'm glad she's dead". But yes, with her gone it'll just be Malec... hopefully... thanks for the review!

 **BlazingFlames22** \- Thanks for your review! Yes, especially with Jace's and Isabelle's little arguments, it'd definitely drive anyone up the wall.

 **lilypotter72** \- I did read the Bane Chronicles! And yes, that's where the idea was inspired from.

 **Remberthecode** \- Thanks for your lovely review! I have no concrete update dates set in mind for the time being, life is a little rocky at the moment. Sometime in the near future hopefully though, I'll figure it out. Put updates on my profile or something. And Raphael was one of my favorite characters, so there will definitely be more of him.


	5. Chapter Five: The Insomnia

**Chapter Five: The Insomnia**

* * *

Rolling onto his side, Magnus squints at the alarm clock. _4:14 AM._ Nearly two hours of sleep; lucky him. He closes his eyes and buries his face into the pillow, head aching. Alec was too drugged up to talk properly, or at least make much sense. Incoherent sometimes, blue eyes looking up at the bland ceiling, as if the man saw something Magnus didn't. Magnus pulls the blanket over his head, making everything more dark than it already is. Like this, he can block out the lights from the street. Drown out the old jazz music from downstairs, the old man singinf along to it, his voice throaty but able to slur the tone in a fine note. Sighing, Magnus tried to sleep and forget the short check-up with Alec from earlier.

* * *

" _She said it wasn't my fault, but we both know it was," Alec whispers coarsely, flushed looking. He's not even looking at Magnus. The doctor thinks he doesn't even see him. His blue eyes are fixed blankly on the ceiling, fits clenching and unclenching._

" _Alexander, talk to me. Is 'she' your sister? A friend?" Magnus taps the pen on his knee slowly, one leg crossed over the other as he sits in a chair across from Alec. Neither has moved from their spots for the past while, although one is freely sitting. The other is strapped to a bed._

" _She said it wasn't my fault, but it was. I waited for them. To come. And they never did. I had to walk all the way home in the cold, because of me. But it wasn't supposed to be my fault." Alec stops, breathing unsteady for a few minutes. Magnus watches him, waiting._

* * *

BEEP. BEEP. One looks at the clock. _5:00 AM._ A sigh. A click, and the alarm is silent. One tired man forcing himself out of bed. Groaning, Magnus forces himself through his normal routine. Showering. Choosing out bland clothes, the kind that he never would have wore years ago, but he now put on religiously everyday. And it was a religion, a tradition now for him. A pair of black jeans, which he slowly put his legs in, one after the other. A grey shirt; how he hated how bland it looked when it was by itself. Yes, grey was alright, but he always preferred it with color. Next came the black sweater. He slowly slipped his arms inside, enjoying the smooth way it glides over his skin. He walks to his kitchen, tediously makes eggs, toast and tea. Walks past the cat's food bowl, noticing it is empty. He refills it, changes the cat's water.

He goes to sit in the living room with his plate, and he stares at the TV. Even if he used it already, he couldn't with some clothes piled over it. A mixture of blue, purple and pink tops, ones he never wore anymore. More clothes sit around here and there, draped on the coffee table and chairs. Old boots and shoes laying around. Paper, different files and pens are scattered on every surface top. He stares at the mess, not remembering when it became messy; it just was.

* * *

" _Darling," she calls out from the kitchen. Magnus walks in, smiling at her. She returns the smile. "I have a business trip. I'm leaving this afternoon."_

" _Today?" Magnus walks over, frowning and upset. He goes to hold her, but she pulls away, crossing the room to grab her bag. She turns around, sighing, her face tired. Pale, dark circles, but she still looks gorgeous. The type of pretty that looked like it could be trapped in a bottle. Not black hair, which was Magnus' favorite. Nor blue eyes, but the green ones she had were vibrant, captivating. But, like her blood-colored lipstick, it was worn as a sheet. A layer over what she was. Who she was. All the expensive dresses and shoes, the fashion she kept up with, was worn as a cloak. But Magnus wouldn't doubt it was a beautiful one._

" _Those models can't dress themselves. I need to be there. Alright? It's only going to be two weeks-"_

" _You weren't gone that long last time," Magnus days, turning from her to look out the window. She doesn't respond, standing in the silence, bag in one hand and jacket in the other. Magnus turns around to look at her. "Where is it."_

"… _Houston. Somewhere nearby there, a town just outside of it…" she trails off, frowning. Her eyes never leave his, but her lips twitch, like she needs to say something. Magnus wants to yell, tell her to spit it out. Talk to him, have a deep discussion like they used to. But they don't. She smiles again, shallow sadness in her eyes, and she turns away, blonde curls bouncing. He watches her as she heads for the door, red high heels making sharp sounds on the floor, her black dress shifting nicely over her form. Off to her fashion shows, another life. One that you would expect Magnus in, but he wasn't now. Magnus looks away, back to the view outside the window._

" _I love you, Camille."_

"… _I know, love."_

* * *

"So, you feel guilt for your patient? Because of one slip up that had nothing to do with you?" The doctor rests her hands on her lap, on top of the clipboard. Magnus chooses to stare at the flower arrangement in the center of the room, on the coffee table. Biting his thumbnail, he nods, staring at the blue and white arrangement. The flowery perfume the permeates in this room is intoxicating. He looks up at Etta, who is watching him carefully. Still waiting for an answer.

"Yes. Wait, no. I feel guilty, but it's not that. It's… situation. Circumstance. And because of that, it feels like I've known him forever."

"Situation? Are you referring to… mental capability?"

"Partially."

"What else are you referring to?"

"Incidents. The past. You know Catarina, right? She got me in. On THIS case. She KNEW about his accident… thing, and she actually thought I could help him! Me! Because of… because we'd understand each other, where we are both coming from I guess." Magnus crosses his legs and places his elbow on the armrest, still chewing his nail. His doctor nods slowly, writing something down.

"Well, your friend was right. You do seem to understand each other. My suggestion is to not leave this case, if that's what you're thinking. I suppose the only problems are too much distance, or too much intimacy. Try and find a balance." She sighs. "How are you in other areas? Daily life? You dealing with your other friend alright?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. It's already been a few months. I can manage with my friend." Magnus pauses thinking about the word she said. _Intimacy._ It has a nice roll to it. It is colorful but dark. Meaningful, different thoughts and patterns behind it, but one idea all the same. A pretty word to describe a relationship with Alexander. Magnus suddenly finds himself trying to resist smiling at the thought.

"Alright. Anything else?"

"Y-yes. Could maybe increase the Adderall? Just a bit?" Magnus his lips as he looks at her. Etta sighs, brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She shakes her head slowly, her face disapproving, and Magnus swallows. Defeated.

"We've already increased the dosage, so no more. Magnus, is there anything else you might need?"

"…No. Not at all."

* * *

 _The phone rings. Magnus picks it up._

" _Hello?" His voice is tired, groggy. He tries to think past the fog clouding his mind, as Catarina talks quickly into the phone. Magnus misses the information, and what he does hear, he can't believe. It has to be a mistake. He asks for her to repeat it. She does. He stops, absorbing the information slowly. He doesn't break, cry, or scream. Just digests it. She hangs up, and he look across the room at the black folder. Time is still, the room sways._

" _Oh, Alec… I'm so sorry."_

* * *

"You came back."

"I did."

"God… I must seem so crazy to you," Alec laughs bitterly, looking at the ceiling. Magnus stands in the doorway, wondering what to say. Instead, he just waves to Meliorn, who walks into the room and crosses it to Alec, undoing the straps holding him down. When it was done, he walks to Magnus, with Meliorn close behind him. Nodding to himself, Magnus turns and leaves the room, the two other men following behind him. Walking down the hallway, past the people who stare with accusing eyes. Nurse's look away when Magnus looks at them. Doctors raise their eyebrows. Guards glare. Magnus keeps his chin high, determined to show he is not afraid of his patient, to show that he is in control. When all three arrive at Magnus' office, they walk quietly inside.

Magnus goes to sit behind his desk. Alec sits down on one end of the couch, nervous. He has been in confinement for one entire week, and he feels weird to be out, not on heavy medication anymore. Jem sits on the other end. Leaning against the desk is Catarina. Meliorn stands near the door, and Woosley is standing near him. Alec shifts in his spot, looking around suspiciously at everyone. Catarina smiles sympathetically.

"You gave us a scare, Alec," Catarina says, smiling softly. Alec opens his mouth to start apologizing, but she waves her hand. "Don't worry. A few tests determined it wasn't your fault."

"Wasn't my fault," Alec chokes out, eyes wide. "But I… I almost… the nurse."

"The nurse is fine," Woosley says, shrugging. "No harm done. However, you need to lay off the caffeine."

"It messed with your medication," Jem adds in. "I ran a few tests last night. No more coffee for you. Some guards told Imogen they seen you drinking it during visiting hours. Strange, coffee doesn't normally have this kind of affect. Still, no harm was done."

"What? No harm? I…" Alec trails off looking at everyone. Their gazes show pity. He doesn't want it. Meliorn stares at him, but looks away every now and then. Catarina keeps that steady sad face on. Jem looks genuinely concerned. And Woosley just looks more apathetic. Swallowing, Alec senses something is off. He looks to Magnus questioningly, frowning. "There's something you're not telling me."

"Alec…" Magnus pauses, his gaze concerned. Sympathetic. Sad. Wanting. Different feelings. "Alec, you'rve been put on low security again, but your meals will be monitored."

"Is that it?" Alec looks around at all them, still confused. "Why are you all here?"

"I'm having another psychiatrist come look at you," Magnus says. "Recommended by Jem here. Also, Catarina is required to keep a close eye on you. So is Meliorn."

"O-Okay…" Alec looks around at everyone slowly. Magnus shakes his head sighing, then speaks up louder.

"I want everyone to leave."

"What?" Both Jem and Catarina speak at the same time, frowning. Woosley sighs and slowly starts to stand, as if this was expected.

"I don't think that is a good idea," Meliorn starts to protest, but Magnus waves his hand at him dismissively.

"Alexander is my patient. I need to tell him _now._ " Magnus stops, crossing his arms. Everyone slowly moves to the door, not saying anything as they vacate the room. The clock ticks slowly, the only sound besides Magnus and Alec's breathing. Slowly, the doctor leans forward on the desk, sighing. "Alexander, I have some bad news."

"Bad news?"

"Yes. Two things. Firstly… you have a condition. Hemophilia. Do you know what-"

"Yes, I do. My brother had it."

"Okay. It isn't severe, for the time being. We realized it when you were being restrained. You hurt yourself, Jem ran some tests. But that's it, you're all better, just no more caffeine, okay?" Magnus smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. Alec doesn't talk, but then begins to sharply laugh. _Hemophilia. I'm going to need to be careful._ When his younger brother cuts his leg, it just kept on bleeding and bleeding. It didn't stop. He survived, of course, but the boy's blood couldn't clot properly. His little brother… no, Alec couldn't think about him. He didn't know if he could survive that. He clears his throat.

"And the other news?"

"Well…" Magnus stops talking. Alec doesn't know how describe ths feeling, other than saying something is _off_. Tilted. "Jocelyn is dead."

The room doesn't tilt. Alec can't breathe. Magnus watches the younger man take it in, his eyes widening softly, going glassy. Freezing, like an angelic statue. Those blue eyes seem suddenly all to vibrant, and Alec looks like a boy that Magnus needs to comfort. He shouldn't have given him the news so soon, but he did. Magnus wonders, should he say something? Comfort him? Instead, he sits stock still, across the desk at the man who suddenly became a boy. Alec's face still doesn't change. The clock's ticking is too loud, the air too thick. Magnus can't think of anything to say, and neither can Alec. Suddenly, the blue-eyed man furrows his brow, his mouth parts softly, and he jumps up in one fluid motion. Running to the corner, he throws up in Magnus' trashcan.

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** Let's get serious for a moment, I don't own The Mortal Instruments. What I'd like to own is pizza. And Heronstairs. My readers seem to agree.

 **Dear Readers:** Everyone wants some Heronstairs. I can't disclose points of the plot that may or may not happen, and whether or not that the plot may include Heronstairs, as I'm 100% sure/ not sure yet. I'm sorry if this chapter made you sad. I'll try to make the next update quick. Sorry for mistakes in this chapter. It also seemed kind of quick. Also, I searchee through the entirety of the Bane Chronicles, and found no physical description for Etta. Therefore, I might need to make up my own, unless someone knows what she looks like... (?) or has any suggestions.

 **Remberthecode** \- Thanks for reviewing again. Simon was actually going to be in the last chapter, but I switched small plots around. There *may* be more of him in the future. Crazy Alec is cool in fiction.

 **WillHerondale'sGirl** \- Thank you for your reviews! I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I hope you pursue a career of becoming a psychiatrist, but a suggestion is you don't try and bed your future patients like Magnus.

 **Anonymous** \- Thanks for your review, and liking my AN thing-a-ma-bobber, I try hard-ish on those. More than I'd like to admit. But I cannot talk about any possible Heronstairs...

 **Kirawalker** \- Another Heronstairs fan! But I can't tell you anything. Thanks for the review!

 **lilypotter72** \- I like Heronstairs with a passion. Probably more than Malec, which is saying a lot. Malec is my first OTP. And I can't put Jem in a story without Will… but I've said too much already. Thanks for the review!

 **Not Too Normal-** Pickles. Need I say more? (P.S thanks for the review)

 **Manibarilo-** Thank you for your review! I'm glad you like the title, as well as the whole graymark/Fray thing going on. Imogen is normally on everyone's case sadly.


	6. Chapter Six: The Mantra

**Chapter Six: The Mantra**

* * *

 _They had to drag him in, despite him being sixteen. Acting like a child. Crying and choking, throat burning, they asked him to identify the bodies. Tears flow down his cheeks while his eyes burn, and he looks through his blurry vision to do as the police asked. When he was done, they would take him someswhere else. A hospital, surely, for crazy people. He had tried to just throw himself off a bridge half an hour ago, why wouldn't they? A policeman held onto his right arm tightly, keeping him in place, as the coroner lifted the pale sheet that was stained. The coroner, as well as the nearby nurses, glared at the police. They were forcing a boy to do something he should've never had to do._

" _This one?" The sheet slowly comes off. Black long hair, brown eyes not yet closed, stare up at the ceiling with no light in them. Skin already going cold and pale. There is a gaping wound on her chest, and across her face where glass still sticks. The perfect skin, ripped and shredded on her right shoulder, up her neck. It looks like someone took a cheese grater to it. Alec chokes again, wiping his face._

" _Izzy. Isabelle."_

" _Next," the policeman says. They moves over. Black hair as well, a woman that is an older version of Isabelle. Her eyes are closed, but there is still more glass. A mosaic covering her skin. Dark splatters over the delicate lavender dress. Alec remembers that dress. A gift from his father, to his mother. He had planned a surprise evening to go out, and left the kids with Valentine and Jocelyn. Alec had been five at that time, but her remembered his mother's perfume when she kissed him goodbye. The red mark she left on his cheek. The way he pushed her away, not wanting to be treated like a little boy. But he had been a little boy. He still was. But there was no mother now to leave marks on his cheeks._

" _M-Mayrse."_

" _Next."_

 _This one was easier to look at. Dark hair, eyes closed as well. But the arm, it was clearly broken, with a bone poking out of the skin. The coroner had done a terrible job at discretely hiding it._

" _My fa- Robert."_

 _The policeman didn't say next this time. They just crossed the room. Pulled back the sheet. Alec stared at the boy he proudly called brother, though they were off no relation. You could say he was adopted- Jace's parents had died, leaving him an orphan. While he got shuttled around to other foster families though, he always camd back to the Lightwoods. Jace's father was a friend of Valentine's. When Jace was nine, and he ran away from his foster family to Valentine, the man dropped him off with the Lightwoods. At the time, Jocelyn and Valentine couldn't afford to look after him. But the Lightwoods had the money to do so. And just like that, Jace was his brother, even if it never went down in the records._

 _Gold hair washed with red. Choking, Alec realized he couldn't look. He turned away, finding himself dry heaving over a garbage can. A nurse rubbed his back. The police said they needed to take Alec to a hospital. It was all happening too fast, everything was spinning, and Alec was having difficulty breathing. His vision was going black, everything turning dull._

 _Then there was fire. Just like fire, she came in, stomping and glaring. Angry and ferocious looking, despite the tears streaming down her face. She held a young Clary by the hand, Clary, who was looking at Jace horrified. Her face breaking._

 _Jocelyn walked over to the police officer trying to take Alec away. Her boots thumped loudly as she glared with what looked like the fires of heaven in her eyes._

" _You let go of him this instance! Now! How dare you force a young boy to do this! It was his family! I could've told you whose bodies those were!" Jocelyn placed one hand on her hip, her other hand still holding onto Clary's. The police seemed to freeze under the mother's stare, his gaze unsteady and uncertain. Jocelyn was both stubborn, demanding, and tough, like her daughter, and everyone immediately picked up on that. Scowling, Jocelyn turned to Alec, taking a second to whisper into Clary's ear. The girl nodded and left the room, then Jocelyn walked over to him. He found himself in her grip._

" _Oh, Alec, shhh, it's okay. I promise not to let anything happen to you. You still have me, Clary, and Jonathan. Your parents old friends. You have us, your family," she says, stroking his hair and back. He hiccups, sobbing. It is still hard to breathe, and she notices. "Shh, just breathe Alec, everything will be alright. I'm right here. Shh, just breathe._

" _Just breathe, Alec. I'm right here."_

* * *

" _I'm right here," she says from across the table. Alec looks up slowly, staring at her face. Pale, tired, she looks half-dead. Still, she made the long trip to LA, just to visit him. Jocelyn had to stay behind to help arrange a funeral. He couldn't go, he was transferred immediately to a hospital outside the state. He couldn't go to the funeral of his family. He was taken away from everything he'd even known. He didn't know if that was a good thing or bad thing. Slowly, Alec processes her words, absorbing them. He doesn't know what to say, what to do, even what to think. She wants him to understand he still has family. But his family is dead. Almost all, anyways. His brother, Max, still lays in a coma._

* * *

" _I'm right here," she says from the other end of the line, her voice soft. Jocelyn shows her love for him like she does to Jonathan and Clary. She also understands what it is like to lose someone. Valentine died a year after he dropped Jace off on their doorstep. Nodding to himself as he holds the hospital's phone in his hand, he reassures Jocelyn, saying nice things. Saying he is fine. Lying through his teeth. She tells him Clary misses him, and that she wil come visit next time as well. Jonathan sends his regrets. Max is still in a coma; Alec is not sure why he suspected something else. He wants to tell her he can't handle life in here, that he wants out, to go back to his family. He wants to tell her about the things he has been seeing, the things the has been hearing, but he'd only sound more crazy. Five minutes later, Alec has to hang up._

* * *

" _I'm right here." Jocelyn whispers across the table. Alec doesn't look at her, instead choosing to look at the wall. He wants to tell her not to waste her money to come back. She can't use up money to make the trip every weekend. She doesn't care of course. She talks to him, telling him about Max. He died in the hospital. It was bound to happen. Alec doesn't cry this time, and instead stares mutely at the wall. It has only been a month since everything caved in, collapsing, a symphony shrieking before fading. When Jocelyn leaves him, he sits auietly, contemplating what he will do._

* * *

' _I'm right here'. Not Jocelyn's voice. It is Isabelle's. She says it repeatedly as Alec ties another knot. He rips off another long stretch of the sheet, trying it all together. He stands, looking at the hook on the corner of the hospital bunk bed. It is tall enough, sturdy enough to hold his weight. Isabelle says it again. He ignores her, hanging the fabric around the hook, tying it tightly. Then looks for a chair. The words 'I'm right here' sing like an anthem in his head. When he has the fabric around his neck, and the chair is kicked out sideways, he feels the choking sensation. He struggles. As his vision goes dark though, a person in white shows up. An angel, perhaps. As Alec feels the pressure suddenly release, float off and away, he can hear Jace. 'I'm right here'._

* * *

"I'm right here, Alec."

"I… you're l-lying. She's alive."

"I'm so sorry, Alec." Magnus rubs his back, and Alec can't take it anymore. A loud sob escapes him, and he collapses to the ground in a messy heap next to the garbage. He knows he must look like shit, but he doesn't care. Sobbing, he tries to stay steady on his knees, but his stomach is turning. His lungs are collapsing. He quickly looses track of how many times he retches over the trash. He shakes his head, wiping at his face in what he guesses is a pathetic motion. His muscles are sore already, but the sobs keep coming. His throat aches.

"I… I…"

"I know Alec." Magnus bows down next to him, getting on his knees as well, rubbing his back in circular motions. Alec coughs, looking at the floor as Magnus moves closer, trying to reassure him. Telling him it'll be alright. Alec appreciates the thought, but it doesn't matter. This past week felt like Hell, but in reality, the past years of his life have been Hell. Slow, but easy to descend. As he tries to stifle his crying, he finds his face in the doctor's shoulder. Magnus' voice is soothing almost. Calm. When he has calmed down, Alec sighs. He clutches onto Magnus like a five-year old, but he does not let go. He can't.

"I-Im sorry, Magnus."

"Don't be, it's alright to be upset. Would you like to sit down?" When Alec nods to his question, Magnus leads him back to the couch. Instead of going back behind the desk, Magnus continues to comfort him, running a hand softly through the dark black hair. Alec still holds on, the occasional sob escaping. When his tears are spent, they sit together in silence for a long time.

"Valentina Graymark."

"I'm sorry?" Magnus frowns with confusion.

"That was going to be the baby's name." Alec sighs sadly, closing his eyes as he leans his head gently on Magnus' shoulder. The doctor doesn't say anything for a long time, letting the other man have a moment of rest. The clock still ticks steadily, a familiar beat.

"…Is," Magnus says suddenly.

"What?"

"That _is_ going to be the baby's name, not _was._ They saved her. She was stable last I heard." Alec takes in the new information, not commenting. He feels… fine. Not relieved. A mixture of happiness and sadness. Yes, the baby lived, but would now grow up without a mother. Luke would love her though. So would her siblings. Yes, she would be loved. Her mother loved her so much… what would they do now? Without Jocelyn, what would happen to the family? God, they would be suffering just as much as Alec. He thought about the small baby, inside a hospital probably, wrapped in a blanket. _Her mother loved her so much._

"Thank you, Magnus."

"For what?"

"…Just thank you." Smiling, Alec turns and lifts up his head. Their faces are only inches away from each other. He watches Magnus look confused for a moment, then curious, as if wondering what he meant behind it. The doctor's eyes look interesting, like wine… then cat-like. Morphing. Feeling upset about this development, Alec quickly turns away, closing his eyes. "I want to sleep."

"I shall go get Melio-"

"No, not in my room. Here. Just… let me close my eyes for a few minutes." Alec breathes in deeply, keeping his eyes shut. Magnus lets him, going back to stroking his hair. Alec settles in nicely, enjoying the smells. Something like sandalwood. Maybe vanilla. Something else that us burned, but it is enjoyable, like frosting on cake. Sugary. Alec listen to the room as it starts to lull him to sleep, the heartbeat, the clock, the steady breathing. All so relaxing. Needed. Alec needs, _craves_ , something steady right now. Something to hold onto. Something _here_.

Like an arrow, the voice interrupts quickly and sharply.

 _Ah, getting to first base, are we? Not so bad, Alec._

 _Shut up, idiot, they are having a moment-_

 _Izzy, you never let me have fun-_

 _Because you ruin all the fun, Jace-_

 _Please! I'm the definition of fun!_

Alec finds himself smiling genuinely today, and not with pain weighing it down.

* * *

"I wanted to know if I could get out… for a few days." Alec pulls at his sleeve nervously, not looking at Imogen. The first thing he did after leaving Magnus' office was setting up an appointment with Imogen. It was too soon, but he neede out so bad, needed to see certian people immediately. If he wanted to get out for a few days, he need to talk to her. Convince her he was ready. And maybe, just maybe, he would be free for a bit. The older woman is sitting straight in her chair, tapping her fingers on the desk in contemplation. She is thinking about it, her stern face giving it some thought. Silver hair and grey eyes, she is the epitome of a sword. Someone who had fought for a long time. Like the scars and lines on her older face are battpe wounds. Finally, she speaks.

"Do you feel ready? Why do you want out?"

"To visit… my family. Jocelyn's family. Magnus told me I missed her funeral. I want to see her family though. I… think I'm ready." Alec chews his lip, looking up at Imogen the old woman raises her eyebrows, as if appalled.

"You think? Or you know?"

"I know." Alec states his words calmly. Imogen isn't a nice person; everyone knows it. She will probably say no to him, but damn it, he has to try. Trying is all he can do now. He waits for a response, but she doesn't say anything for a few moments. Just sits there, watching him closely. As he slowly gets more and more frustrated, she talks.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Alexander."

"What? Why not? Magnus thinks it is."

 _What a bitc-_

 _Jace, not now,_ Isabelle says cutting off Jace.

"I find Magnus highly unprofessional. Just my opinion. I don't think you are ready to leave, even if it is for a few days. I'm surprised that yoj actually came to request this, after your episode." Imogen crosses one leg over the other, leaning back into her chair with a blank expression. Alec blinks, confused, frustrated, then more confused. He opens and closes his mouth, trying to think of something to say, some point he can argue in his defense. But nothing comes to mind. Slowly, he stands, turns, and walks out the office, where Meliorn and Catarina are waiting for him. He doesn't say anything, just let's himself be led back to his room, where his bed is. The nightstand, the barred windows and the brick wall. Boring. Bland. Consuming his mind. He lays on his bed for a while, staring at the wall.

He wants his life back. His parents and siblings. He wants to see Jocelyn again. It would have been very nice to watch her walk down the aisle, off to marry Luke. Raise their daughter. But none of that would happen. Empty inside, Alec tries to get comfortable under the blankets. What he wants is a person. A living, breathing thing. Magnus was nice, a good person to hold him. Other than him Alec had no one.

 _Go see Magnus, Alec_ , Isabelle insists, her voice persistent.

 _No, I really don't need to see them doing what they are doing,_ Jace says with a snort.

 _But Alec needs someone…_

 _He has us! We're great!_

 _Not us, someone like Magnus._

"Alec, stupid, get up," Raphael says suddenly, walking into the room with a younger boy in tow. A brunet, one Alec has seen around the place, especially near the library. Frowning, Alec wipes at his eyes as the boy nervously sets down a pillow and blanket on a third bed in the room. There is always four beds in every room, but only two partners are ever paired together. Alec watches as the brunet makes his bed before sitting on it, perching on the edge. He is definitely younger than Alec, and skinnier too. Too pale, with dark circles under his eyes, he wears glasses and the normal white pants and shirt. The shirt is a bit too big though. Raphael collapses into his own bed, rolling onto his side to look at Alec.

"Alec, this is our new roommate apparently. Simon, Alec. Alec, Simon."

"Nice too meet you, Alec," Simon says cheerfully, though it sounds forced. Alec takes one look at the outstretched hand offered to him before laying back down and rolling over, closing his eyes. He is too tired and exhausted to care. Raphael explains about Alec's 'situation' and 'issues' as Simon listens to him, not saying much. The boys go into quiet conversation, switching from topic to topic. Alec drowns their voices out into a hum, his head throbbing. He wants sleep.

 _I don't like him,_ Jace says, referring to Simon.

 _Really? I do!_

 _Of course you do, Izzy, you like any gu-_

 _Shut. Up. Okay?_

Alec smiles, listening to the banter. After a while, he can hear Raphael get up to leave. Simom stays put. Stretching and yawning, Alec rolls over in the bed to look at him. Curly brown hair, black glasses, he looks like the epitome of a dork. But a cute dork, Alec has to give him that. Simon was sitting against the wall on his bed, legs crossed. Simon looks extremely tired, and Alec feels sorry for him. He did not look like the type to be stuck in here, and one could only wonder what he had done to end up in this place. The boy looks very unsure about whether he should say something to Alec. So Alec starts the conversation for him.

"Simon, do you like music?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah! I actually was in a band. Had to quit because, uh, I ended up in here." Simon laughs again, nervously running a hand back through his hair. The boy looked, well, not innocent, but too nice. Too sweet to be in a place like this. Alec nods slowly as he listens to Simon talk about music, asking questions politely on occasion. If he was his roommate, he should at least try and be friendly. After a few minutes, Alec deems him alright, and the two of them talk until their dinner time. Simon was only seventeen, he had been here for seven weeks. The first four were spent on the first floor. Alec didn't want to ask exactly why Simon ended up in here, since it could be intrusive. Personal. It was just best to wait.

 _I like him,_ Isabelle chirps happily.

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** I don't own The Mortal Instruments. Just this mess of a fanfic.

 **Dear Readers:** Things will start looking up soon. Which means Malec. Lot's of it. Eventually. This update was a bit slower but I was just pure lazy to uodate it. It had been just laying around for a bit. Anyways, thanks for the favs/follows!

 **BlazingFlames22-** Tessa is my fav. She might be in here as well. There is a very likely chance. But I can't elaborate on that. Thanks for taking the time to review!

 **IC3D T3A** \- Thanks so much for your review! I'm glad you're enjoying the story, aside from the sad parts. I know, I consistently miss typos, I'm working on it. Magnus does say that it his favorite combination, so that'd be a great idea. I shouldn't give away any possible future characters that may come in. But thank you again!

 **kirawalker** \- Thanks for the review again! There is a good chance of heronstairs, but this is between you and me so shh...

 **Remberthecode** \- I'm sorry that it got depressing! I'll try and make everything get… well, happier in the future.

 **lilypotter72** \- I know, it's getting very heated. I can't give anything away as of yet. Or who the psychiatrist is. I'm not sure what chapter they'll be coming in. But thank you for your review! Hopefully you'll stick around to find out!


	7. Chapter Seven: The Drawing

**Chapter Seven: The Drawing**

* * *

 _Demon._

Coughing, Alec sits up as the morning alarm beeps, and people's groans sound out. The hospital, very slowly, comes alive with groggy patients. Sighing, Alec buries his face in his hands before rolling off over the edge of his bed, looking for the white vans that everyone else wears. He notices Simon watching him wearily, but Raphael doesn't; they've known each other far too long. All three quietly fix their beds, then exit the room. Walk down the end of the corridor, they turn the corner to the laundry room's check out. There is already a line there, other tired looking people with dark circles, their hands wiping at their eyes as they try to wake up. When he has hic change of clothes for the day, Alec turns to find Catarina, who escorts him to the washroom for a shower.

Clean, slightly more awake and wearing fresh clothes that smell like hospital cleaner, he waits in the line at the cafeteria for his food and drink. Catarina leaves him, walking off to talk to a guard.

 _What dog puke are they going to pass of as a meal now?_

 _Jace, it's not.. that bad…_

 _Izzy, you can't say that with a straight face. I hope they serve apple juice today._

The food is always bland. There is always a fruit cup that is questionable in terms of how fresh it is. For breakfast, there are normal things, a choice between eggs and oatmeal. Alec akways chooses the eggs though; even if they are cold and rubbery, they are better than cold and lumpy. Then, there was the vegetables. Peas or corn. Both must have passed their expiration dates. Both were cold as well. Alec took his chance with the corn. After being served an orange (it looked almost red and very shriveled), and a cup of apple juice, he turned and looked for a place to sit.

Circular, white and grey, with barred windows almost all the way around, it was a nice size. More if those long tables with attached seats were placed everywhere. Different patients, from both floors, ate here. He can see Raphael eating at one end of a table, forcing down the food with shaking hands. A blonde girl sits on the far end of the table. Sighing, Alec sits next to Raphael and resigns himself to choking down the food.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Where's Simon?" Alec glances up at Raphael, but the man just shrugs.

"Probably still getting dressed." Raphael pauses before slowly looking up and leaning forward, eyebrows raised. "What do you think he did to get in here?"

"I'm not sure. He looks young. And like a snowflake. Not the type to be in here. Then again, not many people look like the type to be in here." Alec swallows some of the eggs. The trick was not to swallow too much, or you'd gag. But too little, you'd be here forever. And because it was so slippery, the white and yellow meal slid down. Disgusting, but it was this or another meal.

"True. He looks innocent. Maybe he's crazy, like you," Raphael laughs, and Alec playfully punches him. "Seriously though, what happened? A week ago? With the nurse?"

 _The bloodsucker is asking questions,_ Jace sighs, tone insultingly apathetic.

"Well…" Alec stops cutting apart the egg, resting his wrist on the table. "I… stuff. Happened."

"Yeah, no shit, stuff happen to everyone. Especially in this place. If shit didn't happen, then we wouldn't _be here._ " Rolling his eyes, Raphael looks down at his food, going back to eating. Alec watches him, chewing his lip.

"… Jocelyn died."

"Ah. Well, that… sucks…" Raphael stops eating, then very slowlysetts his fork down. He turns to look at Alec. "I'm sorry. Really. Which one is Jocelyn? The daughter?"

"Mother. And you don't have to be sorry. It's… not anyone's fault. I don't think. I wasn't told how it happened." Alec doesn't look at him for a few minutes, instead eating slowly, jaw clenched. Suddenly, he speaks, his tone furious as he drops his fork. "I missed her funeral! Imogen isn't letting me see them all! I'm stuck here! The kid's gonna be all alone-"

"Mr. Lightwood, calm down!" A guard calls out, and Alec huffs, sitting stiffly with his forearms on the table. Raphael watches him closely, expecting him to have another outburst, but none comes. Slowly, Alec picks up his fork again, and resumes quietly eating. After a few minutes, they are joined by another presence.

"This food is very interesting, I almost convinced the peas were once alive and growing at the bottom of a storage container." Simon sits down, pushing his brown hair out of his eyes. Alec takes one look at his plate, scrunching hus nose when he sees the oatmeal. Raphael immediately grimaces, making a gagging noise, and Simon looks at them curiously.

"You're stupid for choosing that," Raphael says, eyeing his tray with a glare.

"What is it? What's wrong? Is it the peas-"

"It's the oatmeal." All eyes turn to look down the table to the blonde girl at the end. She raises one delicate eyebrow, pointing with her fork to Simon's tray. "The eggs are better. You have to force them down and try not to retch, but they don't taste like sweaty socks. Actually, they don't taste like anything, which is alarming-"

"And you have experience in tasting sweaty socks?" Raphael interrupts. The blonde smirks, intertwining her fingers together while leaning on her elbows.

"Large family. They liked to pull pranks."

"Not sure why anyone would want to pull a prank on _you,_ you're stunning." Raphael smirks, Simon looks even more confused, and Alec tries not to choke on his food. "What's your name?"

Smiling, the blonde stands, walks over, and sets her trays next to Simon's. Petite, and lifting a pale manicured hand, she reaches over the tray toward Raphael.

"Helen Penhallow. Pleasure."

 _She seem nice._ Isabelle's tone is guarded.

"Nice name, Helen. I'm Raphael. Penhallow is a famous name in New York for a club, yes?" Raphael quickly shakes her hand before sitting back down. She nods, blonde curls bouncing.

"It is. Famous old school club, but I married into the Penhallow family. Two months ago." Helen smiles wider again, very prideful over this information. Alec tries to avoid looking at her, and glances at Simon, whose looking back at him, face clueless and trying to figure out what's going on.

"Lucky man, your husband must be."

"Wife, I am bi, and her name is Aline Penhallow. She is s sort of singer."

"Oh, wife and a singer! A part of the lovely rainbow community! You and Alec have a lot to talk about then," Raphael says, looking pleased as he pats Alec's back, causing him to choke a bit again. Helen nods slowly as Alec slaps Raphael's hand away.

"Don't touch me."

"Alec isn't a people person. Also a bit… strange up in center control." Raphael taps the side of his temple quickly. "Which reminds me... what is Helen, Alec?"

"What are you talking about?" Helen asks, frowning.

"Alexander labels people. As far as I know, it is based partially on trust, but then again, he trusts me…" Raphael trails off into thought before looking at Alec. Everyone at the table follows his lead. Unused too all these eyes, Alec nervously looks down at his food before looking up at Helen. She was very light, a slight color to her cheeks that one could call 'sun-kissed'. Two eyes, one blue, one green. Heterochromia? Maybe. Or it could just be what Alec was seeing; he looks for some other sign. Helen looks confused, not understanding; Alec swallows and looks at Raphael, who is watching with curiousity. _They don't understand._

 _She's nice,_ Isabelle offers again quietly, as if sensing tension.

 _Alec, I think she's one of us,_ Jace comments.

 _Jace, I'm not sure-_

 _But she doesn't look like a munda-_

"I can't do this," Alec says loudly, standing up. He leaves his tray, not bothering to take it to the garbage. The three people at the table watch him go, confused and baffled. Sighing, Raphael stands up and excuses himself, rushing after Alec, and Helen turns to look at Simon with confusion. The brunet furrows his brows, drinking slowly from his cup before looking at her.

"Do you understand what just happened?"

* * *

"I really, _really_ can't do this," Alec whispers, sitting on the edge of his bed, setting his head in his hands. There are no comments from Jace or Isabelle. Or anyone. It's just completely silent. Closing his eyes, Alec rubs his temples a bit, adding a lot of pressure. After a few seconds of heavenly silence, Raphael walks in, sighing.

"Hey."

Alec doesn't answer.

"Did… you want to talk about it?"

"Oh god please, please don't go psychotherapist on me," Alec groans, looking up. Raphael shrugs, walking to his bed to sit down quietly.

"I'm sorry, but all my time here didn't teach me how to talk to people," Raphael says, crossing his legs. "However, I know that talking itself helps. So talk.

"About what?"

"Something. Anything. What were you planning to do when you get out?"

"I'm not sure. All future plans I had died a long time ago." Alec sits up slowly, grasping the edge of the bed. "When I was younger, I wanted to be an architect like my father. But something about him being so miserable made me not want to do that. So, I thought about being a lawyer like my mother. But now, I have no plans."

"Hmm. Well, you could always become a singer in that club Helen mentioned," Raphael said, chuckling. "When you get out of here."

" _When…_ you never know. It could be _if_. I might never get out." Alec blinks, thinking over that possibility. The two of them fall into a familiar silence, not speaking for the longest time. There is the sound of talking far away, patients doing what they want, doctors and nurses having discussions, guards maintaining the peace. Apart from that, there is just the regular sound of the institution. Interesting, but in the way you'd admire a painting. From afar, not getting close, except to inspect the details.

The thing about this place, though, is that the details are nice. Seemingly mundane at first, but the people kept it interesting. Not all patient's were crazy. They all had background stories. The guards weren't all mean, the nurses weren't all mushy or useless. They were different. A mother who had four kids, the husband who worked late to save up for a new house, the daughter who had been in here by her parent's will. It was all interesting.

"Alexander," a voice said from the doorway. Catarina was standing there, nervous looking. "You left the cafeteria, I'm just checking up on you. See if you're okay."

"I'm okay," Alec affirms.

"Alright. You need to go pick up your next dose now. Appointment is scheduled for this evening." After she leaves, Alec slowly stands and goes in the direction of the prescription check out, not bothering to look or say bye to Raphael at first. He figures he is going to be back anyways. But, as he steps in the hallway, he pauses and turns around.

"Oh, and Raphael, please never say 'rainbow community' again."

* * *

After the female patient leaves, Magnus gets another cup of water before sitting down. Tired already, he tries to wake up. The day had been tediously long, and he spent it talking to people. Which was fine, since he loved talking. Still, he was looking forward to Alec's appointment. Sighing, Magnus wipes at his eyes. He was feeling fine today. Very fine. It had been a long time since he had put the tiniest bit of effort into his looks. Even though the 'effort' only consisted of a silver button-up with gold cuffs, plus it was mostly covered by his doctor's jacket, the clothing was giving him pleasure. Scandalous, as an old person stuck in their medieval ways might say. His ex-wife would've told him to change… still, there had once been a time Camille would have loved it. A long time ago.

"Magnus?" There's a quick knock on the door, and Catarina opens it and sticks her head in. Magnus just nods to her, waving her hand, and she lets Alec in before closing it. The patient goes to sit in the sofa, crossing his arms, and Magnus finds himself genuinely smiling.

"Hello, Alexander."

"Hey. What are we going to do today?" Blue eyes watch him with questions, and Magnus just nods. He should get down to business. He begins looking for his notes.

"Talk. I've made the assumption that a lot of problems surround the past. So, we shall talk about it. However, I understand it is a difficult time for you right now." Magnus sets the file on the table, reaching around for a pen and notepad. When he finds them, he gets comfortable and looks back at Alec. "Therefore, I will not push you to do anything you do not want to do."

"Okay…" Alec nods slowly, uncertain, waiting for Magnus to start.

"Alright… we'll make it gradual. So, your mother, what was she like?"

"Maryse? She was nice. Strict, but she could be gentle and warm."

"Do you have any prominent memories of her? Like… a visit to the park? Something very simple." Magnus scribbles the ink on the notepad.

"Well… one time, we went to an amusement park. It was fun. I can't remember where it was though. My mother ate a lot of cotton candy, I remember that for certain. She said it matched her nails, I think they were painted blue. She liked blue." Smiling to himself, Alec looks at his hands. It was a habit Magnus noticed he did a lot. Perhaps he just disliked looking people in the eye?

"I get that. Blue is an absolutely splendid and marvelous color. What else did you mother do that day?" Magnus ask quickly, still scribbling on the notepad, bot noticing Alec's soft blush.

"Well, I remember she stood with me in line to go on a roller-coaster. I didn't like heights at the time, and she… well, she thought it'd be fun. She promised to hold my hand." Alec pauses again, smiling at the memory, and Magnus looks up quickly to catch that face, then goes back to connecting lines on the paper.

"She was always there to hold your hand?"

"For as long as I can remember."

"Who else was on the trip with you? Friends? Just family."

"Just family. I was never a fan of friends."

"Oh really?" Magnus glances up, tapping the pen on the side of the pad. "What about now?"

"Not really. Well, there's Clary. But we were more friends out of necessity. I needed her family for support. Then, there is also Raphael. But… I don't know. I mean, if we had met in a different life, and seen each other on the street, we wouldn't look at each twice. We are now just friends out of necessity too." Alec looks at the wall, chewing his lip, and Magnus nods slowly while taking a quick look at his patient's file.

"Raphael is your roommate, yes?"

"Yes."

"And… you have another roommate now. Simon." Magnus looks up, and Alec nods while brushing his bangs out of his eyes. Magnus takes a moment admire the gesture.

"Yes, but we just recently met. Like Helen." When Magnus opened his mouth to ask another question, Alec elaborated. "New girl. Well, not _new_ new, but I just met her. As Raphael puts it, she's a part of the 'rainbow community just like me'."

"Wait, he said that? That's a lovely term for it actually, I particularly like rainbows. Hmm… alright, so you _are_ … gay?" Magnus pauses on the word, hoping he wouldn't make Alec uncomfortable and scare him off. Then again, his job would naturally make Alec a little uncomfortable. Or he was just over thinking things, since he always seemed to do so.

"Um… well, yeah…" Alec shifts in his seat, looking back down so his hair falls over his eyes. Suddenly, he looks back up, a soft frown on his mouth. " _Are?_ You used _are_. You suspected it? I didn't think it was noticeable."

"Oh, no! It isn't. I was just hoping. No, that's not the word, I take that back. I was just…" _Oops._ Swallowing nervously, Magnus tries to think of what to say, but it felt like he was just grasping at straws. He was feeling a bit panicked. Heart racing, he thinks up a semi-reasonabke explanation. At least that is what he tells himself. "Well, children who don't _conform_ to today's… stereotypical standards… often have difficulty… in situations."

"Uh…. Okay." Alec nods slowly, turning to look at the wall, the floor, anywhere but at _him._ Magnus sighs, telling himself he really must work on his social skills, which used to be great. More than great. But they, like his fashion sense and humor, slowly disappeared with lack of use. Running a hand through his hair, he looks down at the notepad and tries to think of some other topic to move back onto. Another plan to talk about more meaningful things. Just as he is gathering his thoughts, he's interrupted.

"What about you?"

"I'm sorry?"

"What are _you_?" Alec stares at him with large eyes, his hands clasped on his lap, and it takes a moment for Magnus to get what he's saying.

"Bi. Bisexual. I plan on living long, and I once planned on _trying different flavors,_ for lack of a better analogy. I always figured life was too short to not explore. I found it boring. That, and it pissed my dad off," Magnus chuckles, scratching the back of his neck. Alec nods, slowly smiling.

"What was your dad like?"

"Step-dad. He was… alright. I suppose. He tried hard for me in my very early years. But let's just say he had a bit of a mental breakdown, came to hate me after my mother died. And I… hated him back. He did terrible things, so I rebelled. That's all there is to it." Magnus sits up, uncrossing and crossing his legs, then shrugs nonchalantly. "How was your father?"

"Alright. Not okay with me being gay at first. Wanted me to be like him, finish school, get a high paying job, find a wife and make a family. I didn't want that. Of course, later… near the end, I think he was fine by me being gay." Alec sighs softly, looking down at his hands. Not out of shyness this time, but out of regret. "I… one day I had to tell him. I told my mother first. She was fine with it, but he wasn't. He threatened to kick me out, but just ended up ignoring me. Didn't say one word for nearly a year, it was ridiculous. Until one day, he asked what I would like for supper. I was shocked, so I didn't answer at first. He ended up making spaghetti. Then he asked if I needed a ride to school. And later, if I needed a ride home. He told me to call if I wanted. I did. Then there was the crash."

"… I'm sure he loved you, Alexander. If he could, he would probably regret not saying that before." Magnus tries to smie and cheer him up, but Alec laughs bitterly.

"When he had to refer to me, he said Maryse, _it_ needs a ride. He'd talk about me like I wasn't there." Alec places his elbow on the sofa arm, his hand over his forehead. His breahing hitches for a moment, and he quickly wipes away a tear that appears. "But I still miss him. _And_ I'm angry at him. And whoever hit the car. Also, there was the fact that he was driving… I know I shouldn't blame him, but _he was driving._ My mother was better at driving than him."

Magnus says nothing, trying to think of something else comforting to say as he colors in black on the paper. After a while of straining silence, Alec gets up to walk a bit, trying to clear his head while running hands through his already messy hair. Even though it was sort of inappropriate, Magnus likes the way he does so, his shirt having to lift up to allow such a motion. Alec paces slowly, placing his hands firmly on the back of his head. None of them say nothing for a few minutes, since nothing needs to be said.

"…Imogen said no. To the whole allowing me to go out thing. She basically said I'm unstable. And I am, but still, it was sort of insulting. She also said you were unprofessional," Alec mumbles, looking at the ceiling. Magnus rolls his eyes, tapping the pen on the notepad again.

"Of course she did. Just give everything time to cool down, she will realize you're ready soon enough. By the way, what do you think of the medication?" Magnus looks back down at the paper. Alec shrugs, face slightly scrunched as he gives the question a good deal of thought.

"It makes me tired. But keeps me calm. It doesn't… do anymore than that. I still _hear_ things, though those type of things pop up at inopportune times. And… I still see things. I've been trying to avoid looking at people dead-on. It creeps me out." Alec nods to himself slowly, then he stops and turns to look at Magnus. His features look upset, deflated, and his voice slightly quivers. "Do you… do you think I'm absolutely crazy? I mean, I'm so _certain_ of those things, but no one else is. I used to be convinced that everyone was just lying, that they could see those things too, and that all my medication was a type of glamour to hide things from me. But lately I'm not so sure about that."

"Well… why are you unsure now?" Magnus asks, crossing his arms, and the other man shrugs while blushing slightly, lowering his arms.

"Well… if it was true, then you'd be lying to me too. But I don't want to think that you're lying to me."

"Oh, Alexander… no, I'm not lying. I promise. I won't ever lie to you." Magnus stops, sighing as he fixes his collar. "Besides, everyone is crazy in their own way. But, believe me, you are alright. Thank you very much for trusting me with this information."

"You're thanking me?" Alec snorts, shaking his head as he looks over the desk with the nameplate, the papers scattered on top with some pens and pencils. He takes a moment to watch the little figurines sitting so nicely and arranged lovingly. Slowly, his eyes drift to the notepad in Magnus' lap, when he suddenly frowns. "Are… are you _drawing me_?"

"What?" Surprised, Magnus looks down, then shakes his head and stutters. "I… well, I… n-no. Well, I mean, it hardly qualifies as a drawing anyway, it is an abomination in the eyes of our lord and savior."

Smiling both sadly and embarrassed, Magnus tears off the paper and crumples it into a ball, turning to throw it into a trashcan nearby. Alec pouts and looks at it longingly, eyes accusing. Magnus just shakes his head and set the notepad back onto the table with the pen, still red at having been caught. His hands shake slightly.

"I've never been a good drawer."

"Doesn't matter, I still would've wanted it."

Magnus opens his mouth to protest, wanting to say what a bad idea that is, when a knock sounds off loudly. Quickly apologizing to Alec, he excuses himself and goes to the door, leaving the office. It just turns out to be a nurse, wanting to know what exact medication Magnus prescribed for a patient. After giving her the necessary details, she leaves, and he turns around to the office door. Trying to pull himself together after the last embarrassing moments that had happened in such a short period of time, he tries to mentally prepare hinself to face Alec again. But as he reaches for the silver door handle, Alec pulls it open, looking frazzled. Magnus can't help but notice that he is shorter, and that his black hair looks extremely soft.

"It's the end of our appointment," Alec quickly says.

"Oh… well then, you should probably go. Catarina is most likely somewhere around the corner," Magnus informs while waving his arm in a general direction. Alec nods and walks off, hands in his pockets, and Magnus watches him as he leaves. A sigh later, he goes back into his office to sit back down, putting his files away. _That wasn't that bad._ He knew it was a lie. A very bad lie. And yet, even though he knew he just failed more than once in spectacular ways, Magnus found Alec's reactions intriguing. Plus, Magnus felt utterly ridiculous; he hadn't felt that in a while. Moreover, whenever he acted even slightly ridiculous, someone always reprimanded him. But Alec didn't. Which was nice for once.

Getting another fresh cup of water, he tries to relax, to caught up to notice that he can leave his shift soon.

He also doesn't notice a certain drawing is missing from the trashcan.

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** You know the drill.

 **Dear Readers:** The chapters may be longer, since I seem to like them more than short ones. I'm trying my best to keep characters in character. Sorry for speling mistakes and Grammar errors. I decided to once again write this late at night, and proofread in the early morning. By the way, does anyone know what AH means?

 **Jealous Jack** \- Thanks for the review. I'll keep this in mind for future reference.

 **Manibarilo** \- Thanks for reviewing again! I'm glad I… made you cry? I guess..?

 **Remberthecode** \- Your very much welcome! I'm excited that you're excited for more.

 **lilypotter72** \- Thanks for your lovely review! I'm happy you liked the flashbacks. More will eventually be revealed about Simon. And things like that. I shouldn't say Alec is getting better because that'd be a lie, so we'll just need to wait and see.


	8. Chapter Eight: The Guilt

**Chapter Eight: The Guilt**

* * *

Alec quietly sits with his book reading as Helen and Simon play cards amongst themselves on the floor, and Raphael laying fast asleep in his bed. While Alec isn't the type to keep too much company, the other two people are a refreshing change from Raphael. The boy can come off nice if he tries... no, not exactly nice. More like commanding, but full of information and ideas. Although lately, he was definitely having a good streak, and Alec didn't want to disturb that. He looks back at the book, at the crisp white page near the front with a quote in smooth italics.

 _Putting on someone else's clothes is like putting on a mask- N.J.S_

And, of course, a more humorous one sits under it.

 _He's so ugly he should have to wear an oxygen mask- M.R_

Smiling to himself, Alec slowly turns the page. This is one of those old books that is a paperback, with no description anywhere. You just had to open it and try it out. There was a lot of those around here. But as he begins flipping through it, Alec is caught up in thought.

 _I was hoping,_ Magnus had said. Or something close to that. Hoping. He had used that word. He had _hoped_ Alec was gay? What did that even mean? Then again, he had quickly explained it, although somewhat vaguely. He had said that it made sense, given all the hardships in Alec's life. Perhaps he was referring to something else? And if so, what? Gosh, it was all giving Alec a headache just thinking about it. Yes, he was just over-thinking. Mainly because it would be illegal for Magnus to suggest what Alec thought he had suggested. Plus, the doctor knew how _he_ was. Depressing feelings weigh Alec down; Magnus wouldn't desire someone so broken, pitiful, and useless. In his eyes, Alec was crazy, and that was the end of it.

 _You could go... see him, talk to him. Tell him you want to talk again, and more,_ Isabelle suggested.

"Yes, brilliant idea, totally won't raise any red flags," Alec snorts. Simon and Helen look over at him with confusion, but he just waves his hand and thinks up an excuse. "The cards, Helen. If you use the one you're using, Simon will see right through your trick."

Helen blinked, then beamed as she put another card down, and Simon sighed while trying to figure out his next move. Alec smiled to himself, watching the two. They might know about his 'problem', probably because Raphael told them. But he could at least try and act normal-ish and sane. Propping his arm underneath his head, he stared at the ceiling.

 _We could... play cards,_ Isabelle suggested.

 _Or find something actually exciting to do,_ Jace says.

 _Staring and hitting on staff is not productive_ , Isabelle scoffs.

 _Tell that to Alec. Besides, you hit on people on the time. Not that they can hear you..._

Alec huffs, running a hand through his hair. Deciding he needed a break, he stands and exits the room. Simon and Helen look at him, but still don't say anything. Walking down the hall to the library area, he slows down, gaze traveling over the walls. Old cracks and stains cover the concrete. Tugging at his sleeves harshly and walking to the barred windows he looks through the old glass. The sky is ugly and grey, rain pouring down, but an enjoyable view. He doesn't have a chance to see the outside world, so these few glimpses are all he has. Standing, forehead pressed up against the cool fake glass, he can see the street down below. It's just a view of an alley, but a nice view none the less. If you counted a lot of trash as beautiful.

"Alec? Your appointment is now," Catarina' s voice says from behind him. Sighing, Alec resigns himself to another visit of tension.

* * *

"I think we should talk about guilt now."

"Guilt?"

"Yes, guilt. It would only make sense." Magnus fills a cup with water, slowly sliding it across the table. Alec grabs for it, downing the drink in one go. Sitting in his seat, the doctor folds his arms and looks up at his patient. "I think anyone would feel guilt. After something like..."

Magnus' voice trails off, not giving away more. Setting his cup back down on the desk, Alec moves to lean against the back of his couch, so that their postures are mirroring each other. Magnus tilts his head, trying to find out what the younger man is thinking. But Alec's blue eyes don't give away anything. Boredom maybe. Actually, Magnus notes that his face actually looks a bit cross. Maybe a result of boredom? Or just of him? This wouldn't be the first time a patient of his has hated him. But he doesn't want Alec to hate him, just to trust him. He _needs_ to help him.

"Guilt can weigh us down a lot. It isn't easy to give it up. I think, because, when we feel guilt, we can focus only on the guilt and how it affects ourselves. Not focus on..." Magnus stops and swallows, running a hand through his hair. "... Not focus on the people who are dead."

"Maybe, they're not really dead," Alec jokes, smiling, but Magnus can see a different emotion play out on his face. Pain.

"I suppose." Magnus stops to think things through, biting his lip. Knowing doctors shouldn't really encourage the idea of ghosts, and given that he was trained to be a doctor... oh well. Alec needed a bit of light joking anyway, fresh conversation. But it was time to get back onto the topic at hand. "Guilt sucks, I guess."

"Do you feel guilty... for something?" The question takes Magnus off guard, but he quickly shakes his head. Not acknowledging feelings like that, he isn't supposed to. Not to his patient anyway. Another visit should be set up with Etta soon. Drinking more water, he thinks up an answer.

"No. I don't feel guilty about anything."

"Anything at all?" Alec's eyes look so curious, deep and dark and blue. God, the whole puppy-dog eyes wouldn't let anyone keep secrets from him.

"Yes... anything at all." Magnus coughs and looks at the clock. A habit, one he realizes he should stop doing, lest Alec thinks he doesn't want to talk to him. Drumming hands softly on the armrests, he looks back at Alec. "Anyways, I was being serious. Guilt weighs you down. Soon you can't think, sleep, go to work without thinking about _it._ "

Alec's face sort of falls nearing the end of the speech, his face turning down to his lap. Chewing his lip and pulling on sleeves without a word. A tense moment, one that appeared to suddenly claw away at both of them. After a few seconds, he speaks quietly:

"I'm never going to have a career."

"What are you talking about? Of course you'll have one." Magnus is appalled at the idea Alec just announced. No career? Ridiculous, anyone could have a career, even someone like... Alec. Yes, a person even with mental illness could have anything they ever wanted. Anything they strived for. It could be difficult, but in the long run effort payed off. Magnus frowns, sitting up straighter and clasping his hands on his desk, the exact vision of any concerned doctor. Maybe a concerned doctor wasn't what Alec needed right now though.

"No I won't. I won't find a job, much less go to school to find a career. No one will accept me." Glumly, Alec rests his head on his hands, staring at the floor. His face might look bored, but Magnus can see the hopelessness behind it, just below the surface. Voice breaking for a moment, Alec softly speaks again. "No one will hire a crazy person."

"Oh, you'd be surprised," Magnus laughs, trying to diffuse some tension. Adjusting to a more comfortable laid-back position, he tilts his head again. "Was there ever anything you had in mind to do?"

"I'm not sure. Actually, I thought of military work. I had planned to join when I was seventeen. Get away from my family." Alec pulls at his sleeve again, and Magnus finds it just slightly endearing. The boy looks like he's pulling himself back together. At least there is no 'on the edge of a breakdown' look like he had a few moments ago. "What about you? Had you always planned to be a doctor?"

"Well... yeah, you could say that." Magnus nods slowly, and Alec raises an eyebrow.

"That's all there it is too it? You had no moment of self-discovery?" Alec laughs tensely, a soft noise that sort of fades near the end. When he's laughing harder it goes up an octave, and abruptly stops. It amazes Magnus that he already knows his laugh perfectly. Tapping his finger, he looks around for his notepad, grabbing a pen before thinking through the question he was just asked.

"Well. My biological father was a doctor. Famous in the area of cosmetic surgery, but he was also a psychiatrist. He told me, when I was old enough to meet him, that he liked to listen to people's lives. Like it was taking something from them. My mother was a florist, but had also went through one year of medical school before quitting. She left my father before I was born." Magnus takes the last of his water in one sip before continuing. "I guess I was raised that way. My parents met in medical school."

"So, you weren't raised by your father?"

"Nope. My step-father was... alright. He tried in the first years. After my mother died, he didn't try anymore." Magnus bits his lip, suddenly finding this all very hard to talk about. He had no need to talk about this kind of stuff. He didn't even really go down this road with his own therapists, but here he was, spilling out his story to a patient. "Anyways, I had planned to go into fashion. I met Camille in art school. But at the same time, I trained in medical school. Camille made me, I think she wanted stability."

"Oh." Alec didn't say anything else. Just a simple _oh_. Magnus nervously drums his fingers again, wondering if he said too much, when Alec talks again. "So... fashion?"

"Aha, yeah. I liked fashion a lot. Again, settled down a bit after a year. Tried my best to 'fit in', and 'dress appropriately', as others would've put it." Sitting up slowly, Magnus sighs. He had wanted to go to art school. Badly. But, he had changed his mind at the last minute. Changed his clothes too. His attitude a bit. Regretfully, but somewhat happy if he was making Camille happy, he did his best to make a calm life. "We're definitely getting off topic."

"I suppose." Alec looks down, then up at Magnus again, grinning. "What did you wear?"

"I'm sorry?"

"What did you wear a lot of? What was so bad that Camille forced you to change?" Alec sort of laughs at the end teasingly, and Magnus smiles back, laughing himself. Biting his lip, he tries to think up an answer again, briefly tripping up.

"Well, she didn't really," Magnus protests, "I had a bit of a say in it. Anyways, I wore a bit of this and that. Picked up clothes while traveling, so many that I would have to but extra suitcases on my trips."

"Tell me more about your travels," Alec perks up a bit, eyes full of curiosity. Magnus smiles, liking this topic in particular. He _loves_ to travel. See new things, enjoy meeting new people. Anywhere he could go, he tried to go to. It had started when he had met his biological father when he was young; he liked travelling too. His mother enjoyed it a bit, but not too much. His step-father didn't like it at all. Either way, he had begged his mother from a young age to go places. And his real father had been more than happy to take him. Yes, his father tried to treat him like a son; but they never always met eye-to-eye on things.

"I have been to a lot of places. London was nice in particular. I was younger then, only fifteen, but I never had parents at that time. I moved a lot with Catarina and Ragnor, made... a lot of trouble. More than I'd care to admit." Magnus chuckles quietly, reminiscing.

"Who's Ragnor?" Alec asks with confusion, never having heard that name before. Magnus shrugs, looking down at his hands sadly.

"A friend. Gone now."

"... So he's dead?"

"Yes. A few months ago. That's why I'm here, I was back in Japan for a quick visit but Catarina gave me the news. I only expected to stay a few days, but she told me they needed more help here, and now I'm... here. For good, probably." Magnus smiles a bit, then looks back up at Alec, reaching over for his cup. Going to the water dispenser, he fills his cup back up for him before handing it back, his movements slow. Alec takes the cup, hand lingering for a moment before moving away. Alec looks at Magnus sympathetically.

"I'm sorry about your friend."

"It's okay. Always got me out of trouble. But, he was a buzz-kill anyway. I don't think he ever forgave me for pushing him off a sixty foot cliff this one time. It would've been alright, but I didn't realize that the lake we were at was a sewage dump," Magnus laughs, and Alec snorts, trying to cover his laugh. After both men stop laughing, everything seems so much more relaxed. "Then again, he was always there when I had to get out of trouble."

"What did he do?"

"He was an engineer for a company that built bridges or something. But he jumped from job to job occasionally." Ragnor was a good friend, in a way. An older friend, like Catarina. The serious one out of the three of them. If he was the serious one, Catarina was the caring one. And Magnus was, by default, the... eccentric one? Maybe annoying too. He was fine with that though, just as Ragnor was fine with being the serious one. Actually, the more Magnus thought about it, Ragnor was stubbornly proud of being stubborn and proud.

"That's nice, I guess." Alec sips his water, anxious looking. Magnus sips his own water, trying to think up something to get the conversation back on track. Maybe family would be a good idea, get some more of that out of the way.

"We talked about your parents last time. Let's talk about your siblings. You were the oldest, so did you get to boss them around?" Magnus teases a bit, laughing. Alec blushes, shaking his head. When he blushes, his pale skin turns pink above the cheekbones, but goes redder the more he gets embarrassed. Especially around the ears.

"Izzy took charge. But I was more like their parent, making sure they didn't make mistakes. Or if they did, I'd help them out." Alec shrugs.

"You had a good relationship with your sister?"

"Yeah, of course. We were close. But we often left Max behind when we went on trips and stuff. Me, Izzy, and Jace would go out together. We were older, so we spent time together the most." Alec stops, not knowing what else to say. Another loud silence, grating. Silences were nice only when nothing had to be said. There were so many things to say now.

"Jace... was a friend?" Magnus asks, eyebrows raising with curiosity.

"You could say that," Alec answers, blushing again.

"...Boyfriend?" Magnus presses, and Alec shakes his head slightly in response.

"No, we were more like brothers." Alec looks at the wall, face soft.

"Your face says otherwise. So, I'm guessing you had felt... something." Magnus stops to wait, and Alec blanks out for a moment before thinking up an answer.

"Yeah. But he told me he saw me as a brother. Said something about me just being fearful about the unknown. So that was why I liked him... because I knew him," Alec says, his voice monotonous. His eyes betray him though, eyebrows scrunching together and the corners of his eyes crinkle slightly. Despite the sadness, Magnus finds it interesting. Alec was easy to read, especially once you knew him longer. His expressions entertained the doctor, intrigued him.

"The unknown isn't too bad. Quite fun actually. You should try it out sometime." Magnus grins, and Alec stares at him before looking away and avoiding his gaze, blushing down at his lap. It was too easy to make Alec shy. "So, what about Max?"

"We were close too. I think... I felt sorry the most for him. He was the youngest. I... I regret everything. I think I'd be a bit okay now if..." Alec swallows, still not looking up. "If I had him back."

"You regret that he had to die young," Magnus states, rubbing the back of his neck. Alec doesn't answer for a while, and Magnus is happy enough to sit in thoughtful silence for a minute. Looking at the red couch, making a note to by a new one. He had another patient who pulled and tugged at the cushions, tearing it a bit. But whatever got his patients through these lessons, he was fine with.

"Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?" Alec asks while still staring down, but he brushes his jaw-length hair out of his face, so Magnus can see his calm expression. Actually, it could also be apathetic. Alec was good at feigning that look. Magnus nods his head slowly, voice calm.

"Yes. Jocelyn." Alec looks up, frowning, and Magnus shrugs. "I thought you'd want to talk about it."

"I don't want to."

"Alec-"

"There's nothing to talk about." Alec glares at the floor, jaw set, and Magnus nods slowly, deciding to give him time. He changes the topic.

"I've got Luke's number. I decided to check up on them again. Things seem good. Clary misses you. They want to visit. I told them that once you've been cleared for visits, I would let them know." Magnus forces a smile, and Alec looks up hopefully. "I'll be meeting with Luke tomorrow."

"Is that allowed?"

"I'm not sure that I'm cleared for it. But we'll keep this cleared between you and me. And your personal doctors. Oh, and Alec... your new therapist will be here in a few weeks possibly. I'm not sure if I'll be staying on your case for certain now," Magnus delivers the news carefully, knowing it would not be met happily. He didn't want to leave, he was _almost_ certain he'd be staying, but if the new person came on as full-time, someone would be losing their job. Certainly he wouldn't, he was a reliable staff member. Maybe a bit 'out there' compared to everyone else, but other than that he was alright. Plus, there was always the option that he would be replaced; yes, he would work here. But not with Alexander. _That's_ what bothered him more.

"What?" Alec looks fearful suddenly, eyes wide. "You're leaving me?"

"Alexander, I'm sorry, but I think he might be able to-"

"I don't want you to go," Alec says, panicked. Magnus quickly gets up to go and sit by him on the couch.

"I'll still be here, Alec-"

"But not working with me?" Alec cuts him off, looking upset. A bit mad. Magnus swallows, trying to figure what to say. What is _right_ to say.

"... Possibly not." Magnus rubs his back slowly, trying to soothe him. Alec breathes heavily, elbows resting on his knees. Hands clenching and unclenching, he doesn't look up, and it feels like a bomb is abt to go off.

"... I don't want you to go. I don't want to do this again." Alec frowns, shoulders relaxing, and Magnus understands. A part of him wants to say that he _does_ understand. It is hard switching doctors, and even harder when you know them more. Get close to them. He doesn't say that though, because it is pointless to. That would do nothing, Magnus needed a spark of hope for Alec. A promise.

"... I'll try... and stay, alright? I'll talk to Imogen," Magnus slowly speaks, not wanting Alec to get too upset. Alec nods in response, calming down a bit, his expression turning more hopeful again. A pleased look.

"Okay." After that one wore, neither of them speak for a moment. Magnus moves away, giving the other some space. Alec continues to stare softly at the ground, softly chewing his lip, his face full of thought. Magnus turns to look at his desk. It looks high compared to the couch. It was strange, being on this side of it. Seeing the view from his patient's view. _I need to lower the desk,_ Magnus think. He looks back over at Alec, who is brushing his unruly black hair back. Alec looks back at him midway through the act, blinking with confusion. Like he expected Magnus to say something. When the doctor doesn't though, he blushes again and looks away at the floor nervously. Suddenly, his brows furrow in confusion, and he says to Magnus quietly:

"I have a question, Magnus."

"Yes?"

"Why are your boots purple?" Alec looks up at him, blue eyes curious, and Magnus looks down. He didn't give too much thought to his outfit, but purple boots seemed the way to go. At least, that was what he told himself. He hadn't worn any 'out-going' shoes in a while, and when at him in the early hours while picking his outfit, the boots were just there. Waiting to be worn. A harmless choice, but now Magnus felt a little self-conscious of his choice. Nervously, the doctor laughs, squirming.

"I was feeling a little... adventurous today. If you want, I can come back with something more black tomorr-"

"No, don't. It suits you more." Alec genuinely meant it, and it made Magnus beam. They don't say anything again for a few minutes as Alec goes back to staring down, dark hair covering his eyes again. God, these silences were killing Magnus. A man who usually loved silence occasionally, revelled in those moments, now needed _talk._

"I think I would like to be a doctor," Alec finally breaks the long awkward silence.

"Oh? Why is that?" Magnus raises his eyebrows, surprised at Alec's decision.

"I'd like to help people."

"Well, there's a lot of different kinds of doctors out there."

"...I might also like to be a veterinarian," Alec smiles, looking up. He looks a little brighter now. Magnus thinks of animals. He would like an animal of his own, one to care for. Maybe a cat.

"Working with animals would be nice. Actually, it might even be therapeutic-"

"Does everything have to come back to therapy with you?" Alec questions with a roll of his eyes, and Magnus shrugs and moves farther away, feeling like he was annoying him. But then Alec gets that hurt look when he _does_ move, so Magnus starts feel guilty. _Ah, the vicissitudes of human feelings._

"Yes. That's my job after all." Magnus glances at the clock, deciding they have a bit of time left. Sighing, he looks back at Alec, who's staring at the floor again. Avoiding his gaze. Now Magnus can only feel like he is doing something wrong again. He tries to rectify it with more questions. "Unless... you'd like to discuss other things."

"Huh." Alec nods slowly, then looks up. "What kinds of things?"

"Anything. Would you like to travel once you're out?"

"Really? With you?" Alec's face lifts up, a grin pulling at his mouth.

"Well, not..." Magnus trails off, not wanting to burst Alec's bubble. The poor kid probably had never been anywhere. Much less been _outside_ recently; he couldn't find his way around himself. Well, he could... but why couldn't Magnus just go along with it? "Yeah, I guess."

"..Alright. That sounds cool. Where would we go?"

"London. Toronto. Maybe... India, actually. Everywhere. Wherever our hearts take us." _Alright, that sounded cheesy._ Magnus was running out of things to say. Well, not really, but now he was getting tongue-tied. And just thinking about getting tongue-tied was making it worse. But Alec showed no visible signs that he noticed.

"... Okay then. But what would we do afterwards?"

"Anything you've ever wanted to do."

"I want a family. My own place. A place I can call home."

"That's reasonable," Magnus said, cringing slightly at his own words. He didn't want to come off as clinical, but what Alec said tripped him up. _Home._ A strong meaning, one that kind of pulled at Magnus. Everyone needed a home. The fact that someone wished for one showed they had none. "Do you like fishing?"

"I'm not too much of a patient person." Alec swallows, brushing his messy hair back finally. "You'd think after spending time in here, I would be."

"Well, this place can only change so much," Magnus drawls, glancing at the window.

"Yeah." Alec looks up at the clock, face falling again. "It's time for me to go."

"Alright. I'll talk to Imogen. And other people. See if I can pull some strings, and get you out for a few days." Magnus stands, walking to the door, and Alec follows. Magnus decided it was nice to hear him talk, he had a nice voice. And he was pretty much straight to the point, but never really rude. Not to Magnus anyway.

"Okay." Alec walks through the door after Magnus holds it open for him. He stops and turns around, blue eyes wide as he quickly speaks. Like what he says is important and might be the only time he'll say them. "Thanks, Magnus. For.. everything. A lot of things."

"Anything for you, Alexander."

* * *

"Well, look who it is," Catarina laughs, joining Magnus on the walk to the first floor. He stuffs a paper note into his pocket, signing out of the front desk's computer. Throwing on his jacket, then pulling his messenger bag over his shoulder. Finally he smiles, turning to her and offering his arm. She takes it happily, then tugs him along outside. He lets her, surprised, and once they're out they turn down the street.

"I'm walking you to the train station."

"Why?" Magnus looks over at her, surprised. A gentle shrug, and she looks up at the dark sky.

"More time to talk. We have a meeting tomorrow." Catarina turns to look up at him, her blue eyes filled with excitement. It makes him happy because it is rare for her to get this excited. Sometimes at small things, but even then she only gives a soft smile, eyes wrinkling at the corners. Now she looks like she has great news. "I heard Imogen is talking about fixing up the place."

"Really? When?"

"Really, really soon. She 'knows' someone, and she sent them to Denver-"

"Denver? For what?" Magnus raises an eyebrow, turning to look down at her, Catarina shakes her head, scowling a bit.

"That's what I'm trying to tell you." She pulls her hair back out of her face, letting it fall messily behind her back. Reminding Magnus when they were teenagers, and he met her at an orphanage. His first real friend he bothered to keep around. Smiling, she looks back at him. "The patients won't be safe here, so they'll be sent to Denver for the time being. That's what I heard. Or LA. There will be a board meeting somewhere else too, in LA probably. We're getting new procedures, new rules."

"That sounds like a lot of work."

"It'll pay off in the end," She says, shrugging again. Magnus sighs, stopping when he arrives at the subway entrance. Catarina lets go, walking backwards and smiling again. "I met the new guy! He's okay..."

"Jem knows him. He says he's reliable... sort of." _He's reliable. Sort of._ Those had been Jem's exact words. Catarina nod at what Magnus says, grinning.

"He knows the contact in Denver. I also heard Imogen knows _her_ , and trusts her more than _him-_ "

"Stop being so cryptic, Cat."

"Can't help it. You usual know all this stuff before me. Seems like you're distracted." Catarina stops around ten feet away, her smile falling. Face going serious, she swallows. "If you encounter any... _difficulties_ , talk to me."

She turns around and walks away, tossing her hair back again. Only for some strands to get upturned in the wind. Magnus watches, confused by her offer, but happy for the information. She was right though; he was losing his edge. Normally, he _did_ know things like this. But not this time. Deciding to pull himself together, he turns and descends the subway's steps, putting his hands in his pocket. _Difficulties_. That was very ambiguous. He could worry about that later though. He wanted to get a good night's sleep, he had to plan a meeting tomorrow, _and_ he had the morning and most of the afternoon off. Digging in his pocket, he pulls out the paper he was writing on at the front desk.

 _Luke Garroway- 805- 9585_

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** If I did own the Mortal Instruments it would be 99% ships and 98% smut, with everyone travelling with their sex slaves. Maybe I've watched too much 300. Maybe it's best I don't own the Mortal Instruments.

 **Dear Readers:** Thank you so, so much for the reviews/favs/follows! They mean a lot! Although some writing tips wouldn't hurt. P.S I decided to finally read 'Cloud Mows the Lawn'. 100% more terrible than the story 'My Immortal'. 100% more horrifying. I do not recommend to underage people or people with weak stomachs. I've been busy on my vacation, so sorry for late updates. But I worked on a few chapters while I was out there (like six or seven) and all are over 8 pages long, so there is that. I'll be spending time editing them, but if anyone has suggestions to how often I should upload them... then yeah... P.S sorry if I didn't answer all reviews  & didn't correct all mistakes.

 **Laurenathalasa-** Thank you for your review! But I'm going to do my best to... avoid spoilers...

 **Guest-** Thank for the review! I'll do my best to update faster in the future.

 **Happy demon dragon-** Well, I though my life revolved around fanfiction too but alas, I have no idea what AH meant. Anyway, thanks for the compliment!

 **The High Warlock of Glitter-** Thanks for the info! And I'm glad you're enjoying the story, despite the sad parts.

 **Arnangela-** Thanks for your kind review! I'm glad you're looking forward to it!

 **Manibarilo-** Well, I'm glad you've decided to stick around. And I love crazy Alec too, maybe a bit too much.

 **BlazingFlames22-** Things will definitely begin picking up soon. Thanks for your review!

 **Lilypotter72-** Raphael is waay too nicer in here, he might get a little meaner. No spoilers though! Especially regarding Helen. It's good to know what AH means now. Anyway, thanks for the review.


	9. Chapter Nine: The Werewolf

**Chapter Nine: The Werewolf**

* * *

 _Werewolf._ According to Alexander, that's what Luke was. There wasn't too much past doctors had found out about Alec, _and_ recorded into the brown folder, but a major search through scribbled notes had proven useful. And a bit of talking around got the doctor more information on this... _werewolf._ Alec definitely has some weird categories for people. So, Luke was a 'downworlder', like Magnus. Did that mean Alec trusted Luke more or less than Magnus? The doctor crosses his arms, wanting to know... the idea of Alec trusting someone else more bothered him a lot. He weighed it down to the fact that he was his doctor, and a doctor always wanted trust from their patients.

Magnus wanted to be extra careful with what might go down for the next while. So, before meeting Luke for coffee, he wanted to try and get a feel on Luke's relationship with Alec, through all various notes that were found.

Jocelyn and Luke had always been close. Luke had worked in the army with Valentine, those two were close. When Valentine died, Jocelyn moved on from her husband's death with Luke. Clary seemed to like Luke a lot, from what he gathered from his short brief phone calls. She considered him a father. There was not much else he could pick up, other than that she was a nice person who had a small circle of family, but cared deeply for them nonetheless. Magnus could also gather from Clary that Luke really loved Jocelyn, despite the fact that Luke avoided that particular subject. Those two must have been infatuated with each other. Too much looking at each other to pay attention to anything else. And Luke, as well as Jocelyn, had become step-in parents for Alec when his own died. Alec definitely has a family to lean on. But did he know that?

"Doctor Magnus Bane?" Magnus looked up to see a tall tanned man, well muscled, with tousled brown hair and blue eyes. Strapped onto his chest was a baby carrier, and little tiger ears poked up from a small hoodie. Quickly, the doctor stood up and shook Luke's hand.

"Just Magnus please." Magnus waved to the seat in front of him, and Luke graciously sat down. Magnus chose a small restaurant downtown to meet at, figuring the atmosphere might make everything less awkward and formal. Once both men sat down, they began to talk.

"That's Valentina?"

"Yep. I did not pick out her outfit though, Clary did. Said something about it being what babies wear. Either way, she's gorgeous," Luke cooed at the baby. She had a tuft of red hair, but when she opened her eyes they were a dark blue. Darker than Luke's, but a lot of babies had those eyes when they were young. Magnus wondered if they would turn out green or blue. Smiling, he leaned forward to touch the soft red silk, admiring her tiny tiger outfit. _All kids should wear tiger outfits._

"She is gorgeous. Bright, too."

"I could say the same about you." Luke raised his eyebrows at Magnus' clothes. Grey jeans a bit shredded, black boots, but the bright sun yellow laces matched his dress shirt. Plus, the sleeves were rolled up to show off a bunch of silver bracelets. Maybe too many bracelets. Either way, Magnus had been going for _bold_ and a tiny bit adventurous today. "But you look alright."

"Thanks. Alec says flashy clothes suit me. Or something along the lines of that." Magnus shrugs, cheeks heating up. Rarely does he get compliments on his clothes nowadays. And rarely does someone tell him he suits his own choice of clothes.

"Well, I guess that's who we're here to talk about. So, what exactly did you want to know?" Luke bounces the baby for a bit, peering curiously for his glasses. Magnus guesses Luke does care a lot for Alec, since he was meeting him here in the first place. Yes, Luke would do anything for Alec.

"Just basic talk. Like... how was he when he was younger? With his family?"

"Close to his siblings. Treated Maryse like a mother. Had a rocky relationship with his father, I'm sure he told you." Luke shrugs again, looking uncomfortable at the mention of Robert. Surely he knew what had gone on with the Lightwoods.

"He did," Magnus acknowledges, nodding.

"Yeah. When Jocelyn found out, she went over to their house, walked right in and hit him on the side of the head. Then she didn't really talk to Robert after that. Anytime he walked into the room, she walked out. Not after glaring daggers at him though." Luke laughs softly, lost in memories of his love. Magnus recognized the look Luke wore when he mentioned Jocelyn; it was love. Unrelenting love. A look that was very familiar to the doctor.

"Was Robert always like that?" Magnus asks hesitatingly, wanting to be careful.

"When he was younger, no. He was more of a goofball, all of us were." Luke nods a bit to himself, looking down.

"You all knew each other when you were younger?"

"We went to school together. We were losers, honestly. My friend, Valentine, pulled us together. I met Jocelyn through him. Robert knew Michael, Michael Wayland, and they met Maryse. Then Stephen Herondale, who married my sister. But they got a divorce, and he married some other woman, I forget her name. And they had Jace... Jace and Alec were close." Luke answers quickly, sighing at the end.

"Herondale? That's Imogen's last name," Magnus says, thinking about his strict superior. Luke said they were all goofballs when they were younger. A strange word, even stranger that he would use that word to describe a Herondale. The named ringed a bell, but all he could think off was Imogen.

"The old woman who works with you? Yeah, she'd be Stephen's mother I think. I'm not sure." Luke shrugs again, and Magnus notices a slump to the man's shoulders. He must be tired.

"I didn't know that, all of this I mean," Magnus says slowly. "So Alec grew up with all these people?"

"Yes, and no. Stephen died before Jace was born, his wife died to. She almost had a miscarriage, so they had to save Jace like little Val here." Luke sighs, looking down at the baby again, his face lighting up a bit. A weirdly happy emotion, especially since the topic they were talking about was grim. "Michael adopted Jace for a bit, died a month later and left Jace to Valentine. He and Joce dropped Jace off at a group home."

"Joce?"

"Jocelyn. I call her that sometimes. She liked it. _Used_ to like it." Luke trails off, face falling. There are lines on his face, worry lines. A darkness below his eyes. His cheeks even look a bit hollow. Clearing his throat, Luke sits up and pulls himself together, as if to not let Magnus see him slipping. "Anyways, Jace kept coming around. Visiting the Lightwoods mostly, then Clary and Sebastian. Clary and Jace began dating. He'd stay until late in the night at one of our places, then Valentine would have to take him back. Jace kept running away from his homes. Valentine acted annoyed, but I think he secretly liked it. Jace was much nicer than his own son, Jonathan."

"Jonathan? What was he like?" Magnus didn't recognize that name too much. He didn't know much of Alec's little 'adopted' family, if you could call it that. He only heard of Jocelyn and Clary, and Luke of course.

"Rowdy. Dangerous. Typical teenage boy who made terrible choices. He's in jail now, but will be getting out sometime. He'll be staying with me and Clary too. She's registered for an art school now, but she'll be staying with me still until her life's more... stable." Luke chews his lip, then stops and looks back up at Magnus.

"How's she? Doing okay?" Magnus asks, his voice concerned.

"She's okay." Luke bobs his head slightly.

"And you?"

"Well... yeah, basically," Luke laughs tensely. "It's hard, with some things. Waking up with Jocelyn not there. She was a really good woman. Everyone misses her. Loves her. Still, I gotta keep going, Val can't look after herself, and Clary needs support. She didn't come out for the first few days, stayed in her room. Then one day, she woke up, showered, changed, and wore the most determined look..."

There was another long awkward pause, and both of them could feel it. Magnus sighs and looks down the street, trying to remember the point of this visit. _Alec._ Yeah, that was right. Magnus knew he needed to get him out as well, even if it was just for a bit. A lot of things had to be changed.

"I told Alec I'd try and get him out for a few days. Or at least enough freedom for a visit," Magnus says, leaning back in the chair to cross his arms. He would need to talk to Imogen (again) but that was alright. He swore he would do anything he could after all.

"That's great." Luke pauses again, his face temporarily lighting up before relaxing, falling into thought. "Jocelyn would want me to thank you."

"I'm only doing my job," Magnus says, shrugging.

"But you've stayed. And tried. And still here. Alexander has a bad track of... driving his doctors away," Luke carefully says, face a bit sheepish. Magnus shrugs again, waving his hand in the air.

"Well, I'm hoping to stay for the long term."

"Jocelyn would definitely be happy. The Lightwoods, too." Luke takes another pause, swallowing. He brushes his hair back from his face, but the brown curls just flop back. Magnus wonders when he last had a haircut. Or shaved. Or, looking at his extremely pale skin, last went outside. "Yeah, I think the family would've all liked you."

"They never met me," Magnus says, glancing down at the table. The restaurant had nice tables, nothing he would buy himself though. He preferred darker wood than the tanned kind. He looks back up when Luke starts talking again.

"Still, you seem like a good person." Luke nods, taking a long look out the window, then he turns and nods to the brown file next to Magnus' hand. "What's that there?"

"Alexander's file. Just notes I wanted to review. Some of it is kind of..." Magnus stops, not knowing what kind of word to use. Technically, he isn't supposed to be talking about his patient with someone else, but he knew he could trust Luke. "I don't know how else to put it. Like how he thinks about others-"

"He gives everyone a name to fit in to," Luke quickly replies, and Magnus looks up, surprised he knew. Luke explains, smiling a bit. "Clary told me. Apparently I'm a werewolf, as I was told."

"Downworlder, yeah. I'm not sure what it means. He called me that too, but I guess there is a few different kinds." Magnus looks down at the file, finger gently tapping it. It was obvious Luke didn't know top much about this particular subject... unless he was hiding something. "I'm not sure how I should feel about that."

"Well, I'm sure you'll figure all this out." Luke glances at his watch, frowning. "I have to leave soon, I've got to feed this little Missy and change her, put her down for a nap."

"If you ever need help with her, I'm available," Magnus offers, standing up. Luke stands up as well, and Valentina makes a babbling noise, large eyes looking at everything they can.

"That's good. I think I can handle her on my own though, Clary does a lot for her." Luks nods slowly, awkward looking. Trying once again to brush his hair back, and failing, he reaches out a hand. Magnus shakes if, feeling awkward himself. He really needed to get out more. "See you some other time I guess. My schedules pretty free."

"See you around."

* * *

It was time to clean up. This moment had been long called for, but Magnus had put it on hiatus. Having lived in New York before, he already had an apartment, which was where he had been staying for the time being. But ever since he left, things had become a bit rundown. First, he decided to start on the kitchen, then move to the living room and dining room, the upstairs bedroom, and finally the bathroom.

Dishes were piled up in the sink. Ones that had been cleaned a long, long time ago were stacked on the drying rack. Why did everyone eat so much at funerals? Placing those dishes to the side so he could clean the dust of them, he grabbed some old containers and threw them out. He had been focused on eating takeout food for far to long. Once the sink was cleared, he filled it up, using about half a cup of dish soap. Next, he filled up a pail with steaming water and added soap to that. Setting it aside with a mop for later, he turn to find a vacuum.

The kitchen took around a half hour to clean. An island separated it from the now spotless dining room. The living room took up more work though. And a lot of air freshener. Tossing the couch cushions and sheets into a basket to laundry, he stopped at the coffee table. Old pictures still sat on top of it, some ornaments. Looking around for a cardboard box, he tossed it all in and set it aside, adding the table cloth to the laundry pile. A lot of the sheets and cloths were white and black, mixed in with a bit of emerald and scarlet. Camille liked colour, and Magnus had always been willing to please her.

The bedroom was easy. Toss all clothes, from the floor to the closet, into the laundry basket. Clear off the bed. Shove every picture and knickknack into another box. Get the bed sheets and curtains to clean up later.

Then he moved onto the other bedrooms.

Once absolutely everything had been cleaned, all the takeout food containers were in the trash, and other assorted old stuff inside boxes, Magnus decided it was time to pull everything back together.

The carpets were placed down on the living room floor. Dark purple and blue patterned; Magnus had always loved blue. The dark couches were already a dark grey leather, nice to sit on, but a light purple sheet wouldn't hurt either. Replacing the old yellowing light bulbs for white all around the place also made everything brighter. Cleaning up the dank lampshades so red lit up the room added a more cozy effect. Table cloths were now blue too. And the walls, Magnus had almost forgotten about those. The ones near the window were already brick, and could do with a bit of dusting, the other ones might need a wash. White all around, with black borders; _now_ everything was brighter. Magnus contemplated going out and buying wallpaper right then and there, but decided against it.

Once everything was colourful, and maybe a bit glittery, Magnus resigned himself to the harder part. Sorting through the old things. The pictures came first. He emptied the frames, storing most of them inside photo albums. A few he kept. There was one picture with him and Catarina at South America. That could go above the fireplace in the living room. The one with Ragnor, who looked exceptionally cross in the photo, went up on the wall. Most were of his friends. Finding one with Camille, he hesitated, trying to decide where it should go. It pained him too much to look at. Why would he need it anyhow? Having no idea, he left it on a counter.

The clothes needed sorting too. Everything of his still fit him, and he didn't find any need to throw it all away. So, he went and sorted them in his closet, finding tons of footwear to set on racks. But there was still Camille's stuff. Business suits, cocktail dresses, even a fur coat, a lot of it was expensive. It would be wasteful to throw it all away. He packed them up, thinking Catarina might want them. Or, she might know places to take them to. Once those boxes were placed out of the way, and everything was cleared, he went and sat down, setting his phone on the kitchen counter as he passed it.

Resting, he looked at all folders neatly set up in rows.

He was bored now.

He could go through the files, get ready for work. But it was so exhausting.

Glancing at the time, he decided to take his medication. Washing down the pills with water, planning to invite someone over for a drink. Maybe Catarina. Find some people to hang out with people with for a while, get a bit more social.

Laying down at the couch, he glanced at the clock again. It was mid-afternoon, his shift started in an hour. He had some time to take a break. Leaning his head down, he closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of air freshener, the clean laundry detergent and cool room. Everything definitely felt cleaner now. He would probably go shopping late tonight, by some food and more coffee. His coffeemaker was old, but it worked. Still not wanting to open his eyes, he relaxed a bit more. _I need bread, maybe lettuce._

" _Meeorwrr,"_ a soft whine sounds from nearby. Smiling to himself, Magnus gets up and walks over to the couch, peering behind it. Chairman Meow hadn't shown up for a while, hiding in boxes and closets, but now the cat seemed to come out after sensing his owner's happy mood. The cat slinks over to him, rubbing up against his shins. Magnus picks up the ball of fur and lays back down with the cat on his chest, softly stroking it as he thinks to himself.

 _And I'll ned to get more cat food, a lot of it._

* * *

 _The screech of tires reached his ears, and he slammed on his own brakes. His movements were so slow, slow clumsy. Swerving, the car hits something, he can't tell if it flips. The glass shatters, line stretching like a spider web. Broken and moving. Lights spinning. Gasping in his seat, he tries to pull off the seatbelt. A phone, he had one in his hand, but it was gon-_

* * *

 _He made it this time. Swerved just in time, because he put his phone down. Slowed at the light like he was supposed to. Stopped. The van passed. He drove on this time, sighing with relief. When the ringing hits his ears, he pulls off to the side safely. Searches for it ringing._

" _Magnus?"_

* * *

"Magnus. Imogen is pretty ma-"

Blinking, Magnus groans, rolling over. _Five more minutes, just five._ Burying his face into the pillow, he closes his eyes, trying to sink back into sleep. He can hear chatter, then the soft beep of the answering machine. _Damn it, just five more._ Wrapping his arm around the pillow, he sunk deep into cushions, inhaling the sweet scent. Cleaning product. Reminded him of other places, like hotels. Restaurants. Schools. He didn't know why all those places had a certain scent. Clean tables that are cleared often, with food cooking off somewhere. Other places, classrooms, that smelled like pencils and dust, chalk and markers. The chemical smell inside hospit-

 _Oh shit._

Sitting up, Magnus stumbled across the room to the kitchen, looking around for his phone. Finding it, he turns it on and looks at the time. _11:57 PM._ He was late. Very, very late. Panicking, he dials Catarina's number, whipping around to find his jacket. Shoving on a pair of sandals, then switching to converse when he realized he was wearing socks (he wasn't about to be a victim of the socks and sandals scandal), he runs to the door. After a few rings, Catarina answers.

"Magnus?"

"Cat, I'm so sorry-"

"I phoned you a dozen times! What the hell were you doing?" Catarina sounded cross, very cross. Magnus couldn't help but smile, his friend's personality was a caring one.

"Entertaining a young group of potential mates. I miss anything super important." Magnus reaches for the door knob.

"Don't joke. Imogen was furious! Others were furious. You missed all your appointments, don't even bother coming in," Catarina added, as if sensing Magnus was on his way. The doctor nodded, letting go of the door knob. Moving back into the kitchen to sit at a seat, he runs a hand through his hair.

"She was furious?"

"Very."

"Well... that is unfortunate." Magnus sounds calm, but he closes his eyes, praying he won't lose his job. Resting was a bad idea. Scratching the back of his neck, he taps his foot, thinking. "Wanna... join me for a drink?"

"Seriously? No, not tonight Magnus." Catarina huffs on the other end, but her tone is calmer. She doesn't stay mad for long.

"Alright. I'll go grab something by myself."

"You do that. I'll be phoning you tomorrow morning." Catarina hangs up, and Magnus stops the call. Putting his phone into his pocket, he looks around the room.

He made the decision to call someone else. Dialling a number, he waits, listening to the ring.

"Hello?" Her voice sounds tired.

"Etta?"

"Magnus? Why are you phoning? Everything alright?" Etta's voice is full of worry, and Magnus quickly reassures her.

"Everything's okay."

"Oh. That's good. What are you calling for then?" Now she sounds a bit confused, but at least most of the worry is gone from her voice. Yawning, Magnus looks around, quickly remembering he has nothing to eat. That needs to be fixed right away. Tapping his fingers on the counter, he thinks.

"... I'm not sure." He stops, and Etta is silent, probably wondering what to say. Glancing out the clean window at the night sky, he smiles. "Actually, I just cleaned my place finally."

"Oh, alright." Etta pauses. In the silence, Magnus realizes he has missed all of his own patient's appointments. Including Alexander's. Which wasn't good, because that boy seemed to like their appointments. Magnus enjoyed them as well, because Alec was someone he liked to talk to. Their conversations went both ways, both of them shared their stories. Suddenly, Etta starts talking again, jarring Magnus from his thoughts. "What are you phoning me for?"

"Boredom, I suppose. Hey..." Magnus swallows, deciding to take a chance. He needs to get out anyway. "Can you come meet me?"

"Uh... well, yeah." Etta sounds worried again. The thought makes Magnus smile, he likes it when someone worries. A sign of caring for someone. "You sure everything's okay?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to go out for a drink." Magnus feels guilty when he says those words. Going out for a drink, when he missed his whole shift? Shame-worthy.

"Magnus, I'm your doctor. I'm not sure this is appropriat-"

"Please? I missed supper. I'll buy." Magnus cuts her off, silently pleading for her to say yes.

"... Fine. Where did you-"

"I'll pick you up. I'll be over in in twenty minutes."

* * *

Alec sits staring at the ceiling, bored out of his mind. He has no appointment, though he has no idea why. So he just spent the entire day in his bed. Laying down, sleeping, not much else. It is late, most of the patients have gone to bed, and the night-security is patrolling. Plus the few doctors and nurses who have the night shift. Rolling over onto his side to stare at the wall, he tries his best to ignore Simon's snoring. This was probably the only time Simon was ever annoying.

 _Alec, I'm booored._

 _You're always bored._

 _Alec, can't you try to shut off Izzy?_

 _I'd like to see you guys try,_ Isabelle says while laughing a bit.

Deciding to go to the washroom for the sake of a different scenery, he gets up and opens the door. A guard is standing there in place of Meliorn.

 _I don't like this one, he's a warlock,_ Jace quickly comments.

"I need the washroom," Alec says. The guard doesn't nod or say anything, he just turns down the hallway while unhooking his keys from his belt. Alec follows quietly behind, listening to the sounds of the old building. There is just a lot of snoring though. The guard makes a turn, another turn, unlocks a few doors, and next thing he knows Alec is in the washroom. Crossing the room to the dryer, he tries to get a look at his reflection. There are no mirrors in there, so the only things he can see himself on is the metal on the hand dryer or the paper towel dispenser. He would use the paper towel one, but there is a deep dent in it, fracturing the metal.

Once he gets a good look at himself, he straightens out his hair. Slightly straight, but unruly; not that he had ever cared before. He never considered himself attractive, and no one really looked at him that way. But he decided to try and take better care of himself. Running his hands back, he decided he needed a haircut. Sighing, he walks over to the sink to wash his face. The water is cold, but refreshing. Lucky for him, he inherited his mother's skin. Very clear, not many blemishes. But he was way too pale. Muscled too, but still on the skinny side. He blamed it on the lack of food here.

Turning around, he walks back out the door. Looking around for the guard, but he doesn't find him; he decides to sit down on a chair nearby and wait. Tapping his feet on the floor, dreading going back to his small room and uncomfortable bed.

Silently, he prays for freedom. Being outside again. Strangely, he has wanted that a bit lately. He never had before, he was slightly fearful of being outside. He'd admit that much. But hearing Magnus talk about travelling made him want to travel; Alec wanted to go places now. Try his hand at something. Biting his lip, he wonders where Magnus went. They were supposed to have an appointment today, and Alec was looking forward to it. Maybe Magnus decided to drop the case-

"Hey, Alec." Alec looks up to see Helen in her night clothes, the standard grey blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She sits down next to him.

 _I wish I could say hi, I like her,_ Isabelle says, a pout to her words. Alec decides she must be bored too.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" Alec turns to Helen a bit while asking.

"Needed the washroom. Then my guard had to quickly leave, something about a patient having an anxiety attack? They were freaking out a lot, and the guard there needed an extra hand." Helen brushes her rumpled hair out her face. "What about you?"

"Same, I guess. I don't know, my guard disappeared on me." Alec looks at her closely, still not really able to determine _what_ she is. If she is trustworthy, or not. If she is safe, or not. She stares back at him, raising her eyebrows.

"Still trying to figure me out?" Helen smirks a bit.

"I'm sorry?" Alec blinks, confused for a moment, then realizes she's talking about him. His mind, and what he sees.

"Raphael told me a bit about you. Well, bits and pieces, but I filled in the rest," Helen informs, shrugging.

 _Smart girl,_ Jace comments.

"Oh. Well... I guess. You're hard to... read. I don't know how else to frame it." Alec watches her, still trying to guess. She almost looks like an angel, but she can't be. A fairy, maybe.

 _Alec, I'm booored._

 _You're always bored._

 _Alec, I'm booored._

 _Alec, tell Jace to shut up._

"I find that nice actually." Helen readjusts the blanket, wrapping herself in it further. "So, you got in here because you're losing it? If you don't mind me saying."

"Yeah. What about you? Why are you in here?" Alec isn't insulted by the way she put it. She was always blunt, straight to the point. Yes, she was trustworthy even if Alec couldn't figure her out; she didn't seem the type to lie, and was kind at most points.

"Officially, I'm on suicide watch." Helen sighs again, then smiles when she sees his shocked face. She looks sympathetic, or something akin to reassuring. "Don't worry, though. It's a long story."

"What happened?" Alec asks, wondering if it would be too personal, but before Helen can answer the guards come back, tired and ruffled looking.

"Sorry. Patient issues," Alec's guard informs him. Alec stands up and follows the guard back to his room, glancing back at Helen one last time. She shrugs, her gaze telling him that she'll explain later. She follows her guard back to her room, to where the female hall is. Alec goes back to his own, slightly glad to be back in his bed. It's hard, but warm compared to the cold hall. There must be a draft somewhere, this entire place needed fixing up. One big renovation. In bed, curling up under the covers, Alec gladly goes to sleep. A break is what he needs, despite being on a sort of break all the time in this place. Isabelle and Jace fall silent.

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** I have yet to try and own The Mortal Instruments. I own only this story plot. It has been my lifelong mission to make and own a story plot such as this.

 **Dear Readers:** Sorry for my disappearance, I forgot my email... yeah. That's kind of ridiculous I know. I also went back and edited this chapter, I'm not 100% fine with it because I find it's kinda slow. But I hope y'all enjoy it anyways.

 **The High Warlock of Glitter-** I'm so happy you're loving this story! Your kind words mean a lot! And, I mean, it's not like Imogen _can't_ release him after seeing how well he'd look with Magnus... no one can resist the Malec.


	10. Chapter Ten: The Contentment

**Chapter Ten: The Contentment**

* * *

 _6:30 AM._

The red letters glowed brightly, piercing the darkness of the apartment. He didn't bother going to sleep when he got back in the early hours from his break with Etta. They just shared a coffee; Magnus wasn't eager to break his clean streak, and Etta wasn't going to let him. They talked about random things, politics, but steadily avoided the topic of patients. And when he got home, he stayed awake the entire morning, from three AM to now. Except he actually _was_ tired, but given that he had an earlier shift and a meeting, he wouldn't be sleeping anymore. Imogen requested to see him, and he just knew she was going to cuss him out. If not fire him. Walking to his bedroom, he puts on a green T-shirt and black jeans, ripped. Not proper attire, but who cared if he was going to get fired? Grabbing a jacket, he goes to get his files and look for his bus pass. Might as well get all this over with.

* * *

 _Alec, we should have another serving of toast._

 _Don't listen to her, Alec. The toast is disgusting._

 _Alec, get more toast._

 _No, try a fruit cup. The fruit cups are good._

"Hey," Alec said to Raphael as he walked in, yawning. Food always made him tired, particularly when he ate lots. He didn't have much for breakfast though, but he could remember past times when he wolfed down three plates and still had some dessert. "You didn't come to breakfast."

"I'm going later," he answered tiredly. Raphael was making his bed, folding the sheets. Alec never bothered to, even though all patients were supposed to. No one came and checked anyway, so why bother? Walking across the room to his own bed, Alec sits on top, wrapping the blanket tightly around him. Glancing across the room, he can see Simon has made his bed, but he's not in it. Nothing is on top either, not his book or whatever else he finds to occasionally entertain himself. The table next to it is bare as well.

"Where's Simon?"

"Not here, obviously. He said he left something for you."

"Someone's a bit snappy today," Alec said jokingly, and Raphael scowled.

"I'm not in the mood to talk today. Simon's out, by the way."

"What? What do you mean?"

"I mean what I said." Raphael got up and headed out the door. Alec decided he was having some family problems, or something. Sighing he looked over to Simon's bunk. Walking over to it, he noticed something under the pillow. An envelope. He pulled it out, opening it to find a small note, along with the picture Magnus drew. _You dropped this in the hallway, I thought you might want it back- Simon. P.S Maybe it's just me but its creepy someone drew a picture of you._ Smiling to himself, Alec goes to sit on the edge of the bed, thinking it was just like the boy to write something like that. The note bought a smile to his face; also, he had almost forgotten about the picture. Shoving it into his waistband, he gets up and heads for the door to find Helen, while dropping the small note back on Simon's bed. She probably knew where he went.

He finds her in the hallway in the breakfast line, leaning against the wall. Her golden hair is up, combed neatly into a ponytail, and he can see her ears. Sort of. They look kind of pointy. Smiling even wider, Alec stands in line next to her.

"Fairy."

"Huh? Oh, hey Alec. What'd you say?" She crosses her arms, turning to look up at him. Alec shrugs.

"You're a fairy."

"Oh. _Oh._ " Realization washes over her face. Instead of acting weird though, she grins, and Alec can't help but grin back. At least she wasn't acting like he was totally crazy. "Nice. Took a while. Where's Meliorn?"

"He's getting tired of following me around everywhere. I last saw him chatting up a receptionist." Alec looks over at the wall, only to see cracks in it. He can hear Isabelle complaining distantly about the place, how 'unkempt' it was ( _"The lights will do nothing for my complexion, Alec"_ ). Helen nods slowly, then looks back at him, eyes wide.

"Simon got out."

"That's why I'm here. What happened?" Alec looked back her, his face inquisitive. She sighs, pulling at a lock of her hair and twirling it around.

"I dunno. Parents came and got him. Checked him out. Apparently, they're the same ones who checked him in." Helen turns to lean her other shoulder on the wall, and she shakes her head while looking down the line. "He'll be back."

"How do you know?"

"If you're parents check you in once there's a good chance they'll check you in again. His mom picked him up, I saw her. She seemed nice, but the look she gave him... maybe _she's_ the one with the problem. She seemed really nice though. I don't know. Anyway, how are you today?" Helen turns again to look up at him.

"Fine. Raphael's in a bad mood."

"I guess he would be. He swore at me this morning. What's his problem?" She frowns, obviously caring about him, and Alec is honestly amazed. Sure, he kind of care about Raphael, but another person being able to put up with his changing attitudes? In here though, it wasn't like anyone had a choice.

"He gets into these moods sometimes. It'll pass. It might take a month, but it will."

"Alright. By the way, have you seen the new therapist?"

"No. Who is it?"

"A guy. Hot. Looks like you, has the whole blue eyes and black hair thing going on. But his level of nice-ness has yet to be seen." Helen leans forward, smiling, and Alec leans in to hear what she has to say. "I heard he's related to Imogen."

"Oh no. Really?" Anyone related to Imogen might not be the kind of person you wanted to be stuck in this place with. Alec bites his lip, _really_ hoping they weren't like _her._ Imogen was so difficult to talk to, even look at. Especially when her demeanour only made you mad; and getting mad at her was the next thing you didn't want to do.

"Yeah. He's touring today, but he'll be starting in a few days. I also heard he might be replacing someone-"

"What? He can't be," Alec said, frowning. "Magnus is doing a great job! He can't go!"

"Huh? Oh, that'd be your doctor, right? Well, I guess we'll wait and see." Helen nods slowly, turning to look out the hallway windows, then she frowns and looks back at him. "I never said it was Magnus though..."

"Oh.. okay..."

"You're a bit too obvious there, Alec," Helen says, smirking.

"What are you talking about?"

"... this and that..."

"Tell me!"

"You need to work on hiding your man crush." She smirks again subtly, seemingly satisfied with annoying him. Alec opened his mouth, about to say ' _who told you'_ , but according to him there was nothing to tell, despite both Jace and Isabelle greatly disagreeing. But that still left the dilemma of figuring out who told Helen-

"Alec, you need to come get your medication." Catarina interrupts just as he's getting his thoughts together. Scowling a bit, he gives Helen a look to let her know this conversation isn't finished. But Helen just smirks bigger, looking like she was having her fun. Turning to follow the nurse out, ignoring Catarina as she very angrily scolds Meliorn for not watching Alec, he bites his lip again in thought. _Man_ - _crush_. Could he call Magnus that? It seemed strange. Was he a crush? This was a path of thought that Alec certainly didn't want to go down.

* * *

 _Helen was right, Alec._

"Isabelle, be quiet for a few minutes."

 _Aleeec, when are you going to see him?_

"Izzy, stop."

 _You need a life, Alexander._

"Hey." Helen walked into the room. "Where's Raphael?"

"Avoiding socializing. What are you doing here?"

"I have no one to talk to. And I'm bored." She sits across from Alec on his bed, crossing her legs. Fit-looking, she was attractive. The kind Jace might have gone for. A girl that could rival Isabelle in looks. Alec feels a slight frustration, that he can't find Helen attractive in _that_ way though. He could never date her it'd feel weird. He was just... it was a strange way to put it, but he was just _too gay._ Sometimes he got mad at himself for being gay... had he not been, his life might be easier. But guys were just... so damn hot. Lost in thought, Helen's voice pulls him out of it. "Plus, I came to bother you about your man crush."

"Oh god, please don't," Alec moans, falling onto his back. Grabbing his pillow and hugging it to his face, he shuts his eyes. Everyone bothering him about Magnus only made him feel more confused. "You are all driving me up the wall-"

"Given that you just referred to a group of people that aren't here, then I'd say you were already driven up the wall. And I'm sorry, but there isn't much else to do here," Helen says, and Alec looks up at her over the pillow. She shrugs, glancing around the boring room, then back to him. "I actually came to tell you something. I'm getting out before October."

 _And I was actually beginning to like her-_

"What? You're leaving?" Alec looked over at her while ignoring Isabelle's murmuring, his face upset. Helen would be gone for the holidays. So would Raphael, since he normally got out around holidays. Simon was gone. What was he going to do? He had no one, nothing. Swallowing, he shakes his head, thinking. _Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll get out before then._ Strange, that he really wanted to get out now.

"Yes. I'll be seeing Aline finally."

"You never told me why you got out."

"That's a story for another time," Helen says, a soft smirk on her lips. Alec opens his mouth to protest, but then Catarina walks in. The nurse opens her mouth to announce it's time for his appointment, but Alec waves his hand and stands, talking before she can. Doing his best not to snap at the nurse for interrupting his interrogation of Helen before it even got started not once, but twice.

"I know, I know," Alec sighs, and Catarina purses her lips in slight annoyance before turning. He stands and walks over the door, ready for his appointment. He had been looking forward to it, since yesterday's didn't happen. Glancing back to see Helen shrugging and smiling slyly, making herself comfortable on the bed. Probably to wait for Alec to get back, so she could continue pestering him. Another strange thing he had noticed, the fact that she came around more often. That made him mad too, she befriended him and now she'd be leaving soon. Irritated, Alec guesses Raphael is rubbing off on him. Or he was just grumpy to begin with.

* * *

"Where were you? Yesterday?"

"You sound pretty upset," Magnus says, raising an eyebrow. Alec squirms, embarrassed at how demanding he sounds. How sharp his tone is. Still, his doctor was supposed to be here and help him, help him get out, and you can't exactly do that if you weren't here in the first place. It was enough to make anyone upset. Alec apologizes, but Magnus just shrugs it off. "No need to say sorry."

"But I am sorry." Alec looks down, blushing with embarrassment. He knows he has a right to be mad at Magnus, but it was hard being mad at him. Magnus laughs awkwardly, and Alec snaps back to attention and looks up at him. No doctor's coat today, just a green T-shirt and... ripped jeans. That was strange. But again, not unusual.

"It takes a lot to hurt my feelings, " Magnus says, shoving his hands into his pockets. He looks so casual, like Alec was meeting him on the street. Like they were just going somewhere, chill and have fun, like normal people do. "Still, it's nice to know you'd care."

"Really?" Alec grins. Magnus was glad he cared about him; definitely good, because Alec seemed to care about him all the damn time.

"Well yeah. Then again, a lot of people care about me, or so I'm told." Magnus speaks slowly, as if trying to combat the last sentence he just said. _A lot of people care about me._ Alec was fine with that. As long as Magnus knew how appreciated he was, then it was alright. Maybe people in the medical community appreciated him... hopefully. Alec didn't want Magnus to lose his job here. Frowning at the thought, the doctor quickly notices. "Are you alright?"

"I heard... around, that someone is losing their job to the new guy...?"

"Oh yeah. From the first floor, Doctor Emily or Amity. Someone. No one was going to, but apparently that doctor had a history with a patient back in Colorado. Emily, Amy, I don't know. The board takes relationships like that seriously, because it's unhealthy and stuff. Dangerous," Magnus sighs as he relaxes in his seat, glancing at some papers on the desk. Moving to pull a notepad closer, dotting the pen on it. Alec cringes at his words, feeling like every letter was a punch to his chest. Again, Magnus notices. "Are you okay?"

"You already asked that."

"And you never answered."

"Yes, I'm okay."

"You sure? You seem mad. Or upset. Something. Was it me? You know, if I say anything insulting or hurtful you can tell me, okay? I won't get mad." Magnus bites his lip, showing the first signs of confusion. How unsure he was. Alec liked it when he showed emotions like that, he was much easier to read. "Was it something I said? Oh I didn't offer you water-"

"I don't want water," Alec cuts him off just as the doctor was starting to walk over to the corner.

"Oh... okay." Magnus stops, awkwardly not moving before clearing his throat and going to stand behind his desk. Looking lost as to what he should say next. "I talked to Luke."

"Really?"

"Yes. He and their family miss you. Clary is... starting art school? I think he said that at some point. Oh, and the little one, Valentina, is a doll." Magnus nods, and Alec feels a spark of jealousy as well as happiness. Magnus did bother to check in one them, and Alec liked him for that. But he was envious, he wanted to see Clary and Luke and the new baby and be a part of their family. It was all so frustrating. "I also talked to Imogen again."

"What'd she say?"

"She wasn't straightforward with anything. But I'm working on it. She doesn't trust me, especially after yesterday." Magnus looks guilty, face flushing, and now it's Alec's turn to worry. Did he do something terrible last night? Where did he go? Did he see someone? The scenarios rolled around in Alec's head, boiling and turning, unwelcomed. Curious, Alec works up the courage to ask a question. Was the answer going to be too personal?

"What happened yesterday?"

"I forgot to come in sort of. To Imogen, that's like cursing her entire family," Magnus snorts, as if it was hilarious, and Alec feels contempt. Not finding it funny that he never came in, and he pities himself that he can't joke about it.

"Why did you forget." Asked more like a statement, feigned boredom and annoyance lace into the words.

"Um... well... I just sorta..." Magnus stops talking, sensing his patient's discomfort. The doctor looks away, down at the desk, avoiding Alec's gaze. "I fell asleep."

"You're kidding," Alec says, trying not to laugh now. His resentment fades away for a split second, because that explanation seemed _exactly_ like something Magnus might do, it fit his character. But he was still mad; asleep instead of working? Irresponsible.

"I know, it was a terrible mistake, it won't happen again." Magnus looks up, wearing a weak and hopeful smile. Ashamed, but honest and wanting Alec to forgive him. And Alec already did, but still, it wasn't completely right.

"Good." Alec crosses his arms. "You missed our appointment."

"I'm sorry." Magnus sighs, sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms, as if challenging Alec. His smiles again, with care behind it this time. Brown eyes flicker again, making Alec wonder if trusting this man would ever be worth it. But the brown melting with gold, black narrowing and widening, was something he didn't want to give up. Yes, he'd always forgive Magnus, he decided. "I'll try and be on time. Since it bothers you a lot."

"Of course it bothers me," Alec says, voice lashing out. That last statement made him mad again, _since it bothers you a lot._ "I'm stuck in a boring room in a boring building all day. This is one of the only things I can look forward to."

"I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap." Alec stammers, his demanding voice surprising him. And no he is going back to embarrassment. Looking at the clock, then the floor, he wishes for a distraction. The couch felt to squishy, like a ball slowly deflating, left forgotten in a sandbox. If only Jace or Isabelle around to talk to him, but the only hints he can hear are a soft thudding and murmuring far away.

"It's okay to snap." Magnus smiles as though to charm and make everything okay. It pains Alec to yell at him, the aftereffects always leave an ache in his chest. "Besides, it can be good. If you snap at other people-"

"If you say it 'can be very therapeutic' I'm afraid I'll never forgive you," Alec huffs, wanting to be nice, but nature won't allow it. His attitude felt fixed to continuously hurt, the opposite wants and needs were causing torment. _Way to go, Alec,_ a soft voice sighs. He relaxes, tense muscles falling, but Magnus still looks slightly hurt.

"I was going to say that others will be informed of what you think of them, but okay. Last time I ever try to offer advice," Magnus looks at the wall, voice stern as he obviously struggles with being nice. Guilt swarms Alec, a reminder of the damage he could do with a few more words. It'd be so easy, too. But he would never do that, could never do that to Magnus, the affliction and stinging pain of regret would hurt. God, why couldn't he learn to shut up? Be a decent human being?

"Sorry."

"It's fine," Magnus says, gaze all full of 'sorry'. Alec looks away, trying to stay focused. He can hear someone trying to get his attention now, the word _Alexander_ hums in the background like a video replaying. He didn't want to disassociate though, so he focuses steadily on the desk, listening to the tick of the clock. "Do you like hedgehogs?"

"Um. Well, I've never seen one," Alec says, the question catching him off guard. "Why?"

"I was thinking of getting one. Of course, I want a second opinion." Magnus twirls his pen, tilting his head. Was he genuinely curious about Alec's opinion? Why did it matter?

"Oh. Well, a hedgehog might be nice." Alec nods, hoping it was something along the lines of what his doctor would want to hear. "Are we going to talk about anything important today?"

"Yes. I would like to talk about Jocelyn," Magnus says, clasping his hands together and leaning forward onto his desk. Alec shifts uncomfortably, opening his mouth to protest but the words don't form. The couch was much too comfortable, god why did they have to talk about this now? Why not on a rainy day, beside a grave buried a while ago and people far away whispering with looks of pity behind their hands. Anything but here. It was too surreal to talk about now. "I know you don't want to, but we've got to get over it."

"Fine."

"Alright. We'll start simple. Earliest memory about her." Magnus waits patiently for an answer, and the silence prompts Alec to fill the room with words and pointless conversation.

"I don't know." "She made cookies. Jonathan ate them all, and Clary cried. So she made more with my mother. That good enough?" Alec does not sound cross, his voice is apathetic and flowing for once. Like he had already died.

"It's good. What was her relationship with Maryse?"

"Good. They were good friends. Didn't talk a lot, because they didn't need to."

"What about her family? Have you always been close with them?" Magnus stops again, the silence drones on. Alec keeps on talking, feeling like he can't even recognize his own voice. The tick is driving him made, the noise from the clock was too long and loud. A drum sounding to his heart. He chokes up a bit, but clears his throat and continues

"Clary, no. I talked to Jocelyn, only because she was around the house a lot. Clary hung out by herself a lot, then Jace when they got older. I wasn't really close to her, but we became good acquaintances. Then friends. I never bothered talking to Jonathan though." Alec nods slowly as if confirming something, and he looks down. Jonathan was kind of an asshole. And creepy. He always used to tease him, but when they got older and Alec came out, the teasing became slightly affectionate. Sometimes a pass was made, but Alec ignored it all. After the crash, Jonathan left him alone, but sometimes asked Jocelyn about him. Or so Jocelyn told Alec. But they never met again.

"Okay." Magnus sighs, running a hand through his hair. Stressed looking, but dealing with it. "Alright, so Jocelyn. She visited you a lot before, we already talked about that... Okay. Actually, you seem fine about this."

"I guess."

"Hmm. Okay." Magnus did not seem to know what to say about Alec's bland responses. What kind of response was he looking for? "I'm running out of options here now. Do you know how she died?"

"You never told me." _And I never wanted to ask._ Alec sits up straight, not eager to hear the next part. But he keeps his expression cool, needing the seem calm and in control.

"She was getting dressed for a date, but was home alone. Fell down the stairs."

"Why tell me?" _Oh,_ Isabelle seems to sigh from far away. Now Alec can feel Jace's presence. Did they need to come _now_?

"To see your reaction." Magnus keeps still not breaking the next silence for a bit. Alec takes a deep breath, still calm. But his nerves are getting jittery, and his heart is pounding. A headache begins forming. "I just wanted to make sure you're really okay."

"I'm okay." Alec looks down. Was he okay? It was too damn calm, the silence was so annoying. He knew he shouldn't ask, but he had to. "Was it quick?"

"Yes. Broke her neck at the bottom."

"Don't say it like that." Alec's voice flares up suddenly, rising with the thump in his chest.

"Like what?"

"... Nothing." Now his voice is breaking, and Alec can't take it. Magnus stands up and walks around the desk. Sitting next to him, the doctor raises a hand, as if to comfort him. But he stops, probably feeling it was inappropriate. Was it inappropriate? Alec asks himself that as he leans his head over, Magnus is close enough so he can settle his head on his shoulder. Try to calm down, that's what has to be done. Will the headache and the pain to go away. Magnus grabs his chin, forcing Alec's head to the side so they can look at each other.

"Tell me, Alexander."

"I'll sound crazy."

"It's fine, I'm your doctor. I want to get to know you."

"Believe me, you don't want to know me. Or know the things I see." A sad smile meets a mischievous one. Alec is surprised; even while he is in the midst of a breakdown, Magnus could joke. Ease everything up. The type of man who would defiantly walk into death with as much smiles as he could muster. In another life, Alec would love to meet him. To be with him. But not here, not now, not after everything that has happened. Too many tragedies had to occur in order to lead up to this moment; pure irony. Damn it, why couldn't he have met Magnus someplace else? But his doctor just shrugs, smiling softly.

"Is that a challenge?" Magnus smirks, joking, and Alec can't tell whether he is mad or giddy.

"But it's the truth," Alec says, voice breaking. Magnus' face falls for second, but then he masks his emotions effortlessly. He leans closer, and Alec can smell his cologne. And shampoo. Even air freshener. The brown-gold eyes seem to flicker, turning cat-like and dilating, and Alec turns away. He doesn't want to remember how much he is broken, how much his mind is messed up. Magnus touches his leg, tugging, wanting to talk.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not."

"Yes it is. You know why? It's okay to _not be_ okay. It's perfectly natural." Magnus wraps an arm around him, and Alec struggles to listen. With him here, he doesn't feel like he'll break down. And if he does, Magnus won't laugh or blame him, he'd understand. Alec needed understanding. "Okay, Alexander?"

"...Okay." Alec tugs at his sleeve, then turns his head again to smile, knowing he must look so pathetic. Depressing. He never wanted to be seen like this. He'd prefer to never be seen at all. "I want to go home, but I have no home. That's really silly."

"It isn't. I want to go home to, but I'm not sure... where home is." Magnus bites his lip, and Alec can see how perfectly white and straight his teeth are. He wants to lean forward, feels a tugging in his gut, but before he can Magnus speaks again. "I'm content enough here though."

"Content." Content meant being perfectly fine. Yes, Alec had a roof and food and a bed. Someone to look out for him. But he could not settle for this life anymore, he needed change. "I can't really remember that feeling."

"I know what you mean." Magnus nods, looking at the desk with a sad and glassy gaze. Suddenly, he sits up straight, tensing, and turns to Alec as if he just found the cure for cancer. Eyes now bright, his mouth turns into a grin that shows a perfect set of teeth. "I have a cat."

"Really?"

"Yes." Magnus nods enthusiastically, and Alec feels his heart lighten up. The man seemed to really love his pet. "Do you like cats."

"Yeah. My family had one. It might be with Luke now, I know Jocelyn kept it."

"I'll ask him about it." Magnus holds him closer, still grinning. To Alec's amazement, the doctor kisses his forehead, and it sends both waves of euphoria and depression through the boy. To be held like this was nice, but the action was something a man would do to their son. Their brother. Family. Something friendly, playful, but that was it. Did he want to be Magnus' family? Or more? Now he was confused, but when the doctor speaks again he feels like he can content with either. "I promise."

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** My struggle to find people to buy the rights to The Mortal Instruments were met with unfortunate rewards. Mostly because I did not try to contact anyone. Partly because I do not wish to own the series, only this fanfiction.

 **Dear Readers:** I'm still winging this, 100% thinking as I go along. But I got some good plot ideas up ahead. :D I'm not sure if anyone uses those faces anymore but I just did. And Malec seems to be getting... closer... ;) all new people who followed I hope you are ready for this roller-coaster of a story.

 **The High Warlock of Glitter-** Yes, everyone loves Malec! And no spoilers on Helen, you won't find out for a while ;) Oh, believe me, Magnus always comes back, how could he get fired for being so lovable? And as for Etta's role, I cannot give that away either. And now I'm happy that you're happy about... me being happy that you love the story. Thanks for the review!


	11. Chapter Eleven: The Alarm

**Chapter Eleven: The Alarm**

* * *

"Patients will be escorted to their food and medical lines as per usual. Then they will be escorted back to their rooms to eat their food there," The man's voice said over the PA system, his voice robotic and stern. Everyone shuffled out of their beds, wiping at their eyes and blinking away sleepiness. This was unusual, very unusual. Not once had this happened. Well, except for that one time a patient got into the security room to pull an April's fools prank, and everyone marched out into a rainy one-AM night. Now though, Alec was certain this wasn't a drill. So what could it be?

Standing in line, he can only find Raphael, but no Helen. He goes to stand beside him, but his roommate doesn't turn to look at him, he just keeps staring straight ahead blankly. Alec huffs a bit, but then holds his attitude in check. One deep breath later, and calming down after he felt less annoyed (he hated waking up early), he pulls on Raphael's shirt.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"How am I supposed to know? I don't have all the answers, Alexander," Raphael snapped, turning farther away. Alec frowned, crossing his arms.

"You're in a bad mood."

"I'm always in a bad mood." Raphael doesn't give up his foul mood.

"Not always."

"Shut up. You're annoying me." Raphael still hasn't turned around, and Alec rolls his eyes, not in the mood to do this today. Trying to think of a way to lighten the mood, he considers jokes. Joking around was always an option. Alec was not the joking type, but he reckoned he could think something up. Sleepily wiping at his eyes, thinking through the fog in his brain, he chuckles to himself softly.

"I've been talking to Magnus. And thinking about what you said...about..." Alec pauses, the suspense thick in the air, and when he still does not talk Raphael slowly turns around. Glaring, but his eyes are full of curiosity. Knowing he has him, Alec smiles and says slowly, "... the mattress mambo."

Neither of them speak for a few seconds, Raphael doing his best to glare hatefully, and Alec grinning right back. After a few more seconds though, just when Alec thinks he didn't help at all, a smile pulls at the corner of his friend's mouth. Raphael snorts, prompting Alec to laugh, the two descend in a mad fit of laughter, leaning on the wall for support. A guard calls for them to be quiet, but the best the can do is cover their mouths and try to hold back the contagious laughter. When they gain a bit of control over themselves, Raphael hits Alec playfully.

"Fine, fine, you win," Raphael says, giving in as he runs a hand through his brown curls. Alec smirks, proudly arrogant, and he gets hit in the arm again. "The board is doing something different. I mean 'around the place', so I've heard from nearby conversations."

"Different? Like... routine."

"Don't ask what, because I don't know." Suddenly, the fire alarms start blaring. Raphael says something in another language, sentences that hold the vague feeling of curse words, and Alec looks around while covering his ears. In another second, the water begins pouring out of the sprinklers. A few people yell in surprise, and next everyone is being ushered to the exits. Patients shuffle behind one another, pushing and shoving. Security try and keep everyone together, while the rest of the staff lead everyone out. Getting shoved aside, Alec looks around for Raphael, but realizes he's lost him.

"Raphael!?" He calls out loudly, but the alarms blur out his voice; trying to look above the crowd, water splashes in his eye. He wipes it away, brushing his bangs back. Looking around, he sees the exit getting closer and closer, but everyone is squishing through. Too close.

Breathing heavily, he turns around, looking for another exit. The guards are too busy to notice him. Swallowing, he looks down the end of the hallway, seeing a few different doors. He can get away, get some air, there is too much noise and people here. Edging closer to one, he pulls at it. But it doesn't give. Moving a few feet over, he tries a different one; it doesn't open either though. He looks back; a patient has gotten into trouble, and some guards are trying to restrain them. Taking his chance, he dashes to the another door a few feet away, finding it unlocked.

An office. There's a door at the end though, with a bright red EXIT sign on top of it. His breath quickens, and he nervously debates going through alone. He could find a nurse outside, explain he found the hall too crowded. He stands there in the doorway, getting soaked and debating possible consequences. Staring into the white and grey room, his heart jumps when someone screams. There's another yell.

 _Run Alec._

Then again, he'd get in trouble-

"Hey, you there! Get back here!"

 _Run Alec! There coming for you!_

Deciding to take a chance, he runs into the office and slams the door, locking it. Breathing heavily, he squeezes his eyes, silently reprimanding himself. _I should've gone back._ If he gets caught now, he'll be in big trouble. _Slam._ The door shudders a bit, and Alec jumps back. There's a soft jingle of keys. A guard must be trying to unlock the door and come after him.

 _They're coming, Alec._

 _Better run, Alec._

"I'm not gonna run." _I shouldn't._

 _Run, Alec._

 _What if it's a demon?_

Silently cursing, Alec runs to the door on the other side, slamming through it. Heart pounding, he dashes down the stairs. _I'll find a nurse. Or a doctor. Explain what happened, they'll understand._ Running down the steps in the small stairway, he heads downstairs. Taking two at a time, praying that there is no accidental slip, he winds up on the first floor in no time. Two windows, one on top of the other with a bar in between, leading right outside to the fresh air. _Slam._ Another noise from upstairs. Panicking, Alec runs at the door-

-and crashes right into it. It doesn't budge. The door wavers, but stays locked. Alec swallows, pushing harder on the glass door. It doesn't do anything.

 _Run, Alexander._

Biting his lip, his stomach doing flip-flops, he breaks the glass with his hand, causing an ear-shattering noise. Shards fly everywhere, but to his amazement, there's _another_ layer. He touches it with his good hand, feeling the smooth texture; safety glass. It was safety glass. Safety glass under real glass, he couldn't break all the way through it. Fighting the burning feeling on his eyes and hand, he stares solemnly at the door, trying to figure out what to do. A memory surfaces, of Jace young and angry when he and Clary broke up temporarily. He had shattered Alec's bedroom window that time. Warmth drips down Alec's hand, reminding him to remember something else to, something dangerous. Remember what? Something about blood-

The door on the second floor opens.

 _Run, Alec._

The basement level. There had to be one. Turning to rush down the stairs again, he moves quickly, finding a dark metal door at the bottom. Pushing it, it opens easily, and he rushes through. The metal lands shut behind him, plunging him into darkness. A few steps forward sends a motion-light on though, and Alec runs. The lights turn on as he moves, the white blinding. He looks around; a long hallway with more hallways, walls made up of fencing instead of tile and drywall. A few things that look like generators, dryers and washers. He sprints, taking a right, then a left, then another right. The farther he goes, the more he runs out of light; it gets darker and darker, but he leaves behind the white fluorescents in search of a place to hide. Running behind a dryer, avoiding touching any wires, he curls up against the wall.

The door swings open in the distance.

 _They're coming, Alec._

Alec places his hands above his ears, drowning out some noise. He can see the lights from flashlights wave everywhere, passing over the cold cement floor. Still far away from him though. He squishes back farther into his hiding spot, hand hurting. Remembering the glass, he looks down at his wound. But it's too hard to see in the dark. The entire situation escalated too quickly, it was just a misunderstanding. Whoever followed him down here comes down the same hallway he ducked down, more light beams dancing over the floor.

 _Alec, they're getting closer._

"Jace? Izzy?" Alec whispers softly, hoping it's them, but it isn't. It's something else's voice.

 _Alec, run._

 _It could be a demon._

 _Run._

The lights move closer. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a saner part says that demons can't use light. But he can't take that risk. Panicking, heart pounding, Alec feels around with his good hand on the floor. But he can't find anything. Moving onto one knee and leaning forward, he closes his eyes for a moment to stop the rushing of his heart. His mind wavers, world spinning. Opening his eyes, he watches the light come closer. Passing next to him. Moving onto his left foot, still leaning on his left knee, he moves; the light comes his way. _Damn._

 _You're out of time_

 _Run, Alec, run._

Risking it, he springs to his feet and runs out from behind the dryer. A voice calls out to stop, the person running straight into him, but Alec elbows them and dashes away, around a corner. Someone grabs his waist, and Alec kicks, turning the person to the ground, throwing them hard. But they don't let go; Alec is pulled down too, the blue of a security uniform burning into his eyes brightly. Another flashlight approaches, and he sees someone. A doctor. _A demon?_ Freaking out, he kicks them in the shin as the guard wraps his arms around him, keeping him from punching. The doctor cries out, more out of surprise then pain.

"I didn't sign up for this-" The insulted voice says. Alec is thrown onto his stomach, the guard pushing a knee painfully into his back. He cries out, a sob escaping him. The doctor scolds the guard, and Alec is flipped over. The guard's flashlight was thrown aside, but Alec can see the pinpoint of metal, and unmistakable object; a needle. Panicking, he struggles, feeling strangely weaker by the minute. He hasn't even be pricked yet though.

"No. Please-"

 _Alec,_ Isabelle says out of nowhere. Alec stops, grateful to finally hear his sister's voice, but then the metal plunges into his thigh. Coughing a bit, he protests by trying to squirm away. The pain in his hand is disappearing now. Still, he tries to get away again. The guard drops him painfully, and he can hear the doctor swear again.

"Hey, can you hear me?" A finger snaps in front of his face, and Alec tries to open his eyes. But everything is too bright, even with the dim flashlights. Colours swim everywhere, and he coughs, another sob escaping him. Now the needle pierces his thigh, and he cries out and struggles while sobbing more. He wants to tell them how sorry he is, but the words won't come. "Hey, this patient is bleeding too much-"

"Isabelle?"

 _Hey, Alec._

"Well, I haven't been mistaken as a female since my college years." Alec can hear someone, but can't really see them. There's two faces now, talking to each other. The guard and a doctor. Alec tries to move, but now is completely paralyzed. The anaesthesia they must have used is setting in quickly. The colours were awfully bright, and he wants Magnus here to calm him. His head is pounding, but too slowly. He moves a hand, and someone grabs it, reading his hospital band.

"Alexander Lightwood."

 _Alec, it's okay._

 _Isabelle,_ Alec thinks, too weak to speak. More movement above him. Forcing his eyes wider, he can see a black mark. A sense of comradery washes over Alec, a moment flickering to the past again. His lovely brown-eyed sister, the golden blond of Jace. It only meant one thing. _Nephilim._

"Isabelle," Alec chokes out, needing that person to be her, the colours around him fading.

* * *

Magnus walks off the street and down the stairs, ready to get on a subway home. The next few weeks, he'd be taking off, which was a terrible idea. At least, he thought it was. Imogen wouldn't give him a say in it though, countered with words like, _there'll be other staff there. Your patients don't need you for the stay. Go home, you'll be notified if there's any emergency._ And she sent him home, just as he arrived bright and early. Off he went onto his mini vacation, despite feeling what a mistake this was. He wanted to be there with his patients. What if something happened?

Sitting on a bench to wait for his ride home, he glances at the blue and white folder he had been given. All the information about the next weeks would be there. A renovation of the Institute was underway, and though he was grateful, it was all moving quickly. But at least Imogen seemed to know what she was doing, and had been balancing her money right. Employees had been looking at other places to temporarily keep the patients months ago, and now the day had come to move them all.

Magnus, in another circumstance, would be fine with it.

But no. Mostly because he was not going; Imogen had only asked 'trusted staff'.

Which made sense.

Nevertheless, Magnus was greatly upset.

It couldn't be helped now though. Catarina was going, and possibly Jem if they needed some more people. Someone had to keep track of the medication after all. Sighing, running his hands through his hair and trying to convince himself everything would be fine, Magnus looks at the time. Early in the morning, and everyone was already getting ushered out. Suddenly, there is a buzzing noise and the sound of bells, an annoying ring like a xylophone. Magnus digs in his pocket, pulling out his cell phone to check the caller ID. _Luke._

"Hello?" Magnus asks, the phone pressed against his ear.

"Magnus?" a voice asks nervously. It was Clary.

"Clarissa? Something wrong?"

"No, I just had a favour to ask you." Magnus can hear Clary take a breath, as if preparing herself. For what? Set on edge, Magnus grinds his teeth, he doesn't need more stress. But Clary's request is so simple: "If you can arrange, I want to talk to Alec. I miss him."

"Oh." _Oh._ It made sense. Laughing inwardly at his own nervousness, Magnus nods as though Clary is there and open his mouth to answer. He is cut off by another ring; someone else is calling. He looks at the screen, seeing it is Catarina. Frowning, he puts the phone back to his ear. "Clarissa, stay on the line, I've got another call coming in."

"Magnus!" Catarina says immediately into the phone as soon as he answers. Her voice is tired but frantic, the calm she tries to force in it sounds too fake. Feeling his heart rate spike again, Magnus stands up. "Come in now. Imogen wants you in here now."

"Alright. Alright. What happened?" Magnus turns and walks to the stairway, moving quickly as he heads back to the hospital. He can hear Catarina talk to someone else in the distance, then come back to him.

"Alec's been injured. Another doctor says he had a panic attack. Or an anxiety one, I don't know. Imogen thinks... she thinks it'd be best if you came... along." Catarina pauses, and Magnus stops mid-step. _Injured._ How bad? And a panic attack? Plus, if he came, there was a lot to reconsider. What about the cat? He could let Etta take care of the cat. And the hotel costs... the folder said staff who were coming along had to pay at least half the cheque. Was money really an issue if Alec was hurt? Pulling himself together, Magnus keeps walking, smashing into people who are heading into the subway.

"Yes, alright. I'm coming." Magnus hangs up on Catarina, going back to Clary. Then it occurs to him; did Luke know about the change, the move, the renovation? He was not Alec's legal guardian, but they had a right to know what was going on. Magnus can hear Clary on the other line say _Hello,_ but should he tell her? Or ask for Luke? No, she was strong, she could definitely take it. And Clary was the kind of girl who'd want to be kept in the loop. Clearing his throat, Magnus tries to think of how to phrase everything. "Clary, I need you to tell Luke something for me."

* * *

 _Vividly, blue pops out with green. Idris Lake resorts, a place for upper-middle class people. The cabins cost a lot, as do other materials to get around the lake. Such as boats. Alec stands up on his toes, peering over the windowsill out toward the monster of blue. Clear, with a hint of green, white sand covering the shore. In some parts, dark grey-black rocks poke above the shoreline, the waves pouring over them, creating white crests. The sun is rising, soon Alec can go in and swim. He bounces with excitement, dark hair bobbing._

" _Awec? You got bits."_

" _Huh?" Alec turns around to see Isabelle pointing at his calf. "Those are BITES, Izzy."_

" _Same difference," Isabelle declares loudly with all the might a four-year-old can muster. She walks closer, holding up a large black pen. Her brown eyes are large and serious. "I can fix it!"_

 _Deciding to let her do what she wants, Alec watches Isabelle draw a dark black curve, then another curve. Joining lines, she finishes and darts off to play something else. Alec looks down at the mark, seeing his sister's handy work. A common occurrence, because Isabelle learned it from 'the funny girl with fuzzy red hair'. A mark that would 'help' him, supposedly. Alec looks back out the window, staring at the pretty blue waters. His father will get mad for the mark on him later, and Alec will take the blame. That's okay though. Anything for his younger siblings._

" _Izzy, it's fine, really," Alec sighs, fixing his gear. He hates hockey, finding it pointless; why practice a spirt he has no interest in? He was never going to grow up and play it professionally either. Isabelle shrugs, flipping her black hair over her shoulder. People loved her, and she knew it, even at six-years-old. Smiling, lips pink and glossy, she looks up at him. Large brown eyes to contrast his blue, she had always been jealous of Alec's eyes, but Alec liked brown. Brown could be gold like the afternoon, red like the sunset, and a dark blue-purple tinge like glassy lakes at midnight._

" _It's for good luck, Alec!" She finishes the intricate pattern, and caps the pen lid. Standing back, she grins wider. "It's tradition!"_

" _Fine. Now let me go."_

" _What about me?" Jace asks jokingly, looking slightly hurt. He pouts as Isabelle sighs, and she walks over, pen in hand-_

* * *

The patients were all wet, and being loaded onto buses to head to the airport. The chatter was a lot for Magnus too take, the situation was immensely worrying, and he was hungry. Searching around, he can see Jem by a bus. Magnus shoves his way through, making his way over to him. As soon as Jem sees him, he smiles albeit looking tense, and comes to meet him.

"Imogen is over there," Jem points across the lot to Imogen. Magnus briskly thanks him and rushes over, stopping about ten feet away when he sees she's talking to someone. Two someone's actually. A guard, who is clutching her wrist with a pained expression. And someone else sitting on the ground, who Magnus is immensely glad to see. No bleeding, seeping out over his lip, it only takes one glance and soon Will is giving Magnus a huge smile, displaying a set of white teeth that are also bloody. What on Earth happened to him? mogen notices and walks over to Magnus.

"You got the call."

"Yes. What happened?" Magnus frowns, crossing his arms. His hands were shaking slightly, he didn't want to appear weak. Imogen has her mouth set into a steel line, but the worry lines around her eyes are noticeable.

"Well, Alec panicked. He's on an ambulance, he hurt his hand, it wouldn't be bad if he didn't bleed so much," Imogen says, looking annoyed. No explanation for Will's, or the guard's inuries. Magnus nods, letting that sink in. Alec was hurt, and bleeding. "I know it's last minute, but I'm asking you to come."

"Alright." Magnus agrees immediately, and Imogen looks relieved. Was she really expecting him to say no?

"You will get on a bus with your team, but be taking the last flight. I gave Catarina all the other information." Imogen turns around and walks away to another bus group, probably making sure everything was settled. She was in a rush but her demeanour wouldn't give away how she was feeling, and even if she was scrambling to keep everything together, Imogen was a strong woman. She could handle herself. The entire scenario was moving fast, but Magnus himself didn't care right now. He wanted to see Alec. Walking back to find Jem, guessing he was on his team, Magnus tries to keep calm. It felt like there was more, more things that should've happened, but it was all so simple. Gladly, Magnus boards the bus he sees Catarina standing outside of. She looks at him, face soft, and writes his name down on a clipboard.

Another realization; Magnus has no clothes. No suitcase. Making another decision to just buy more clothes, or borrow from a friend, he settles into a spot. His paycheck might run out by the end of his stay, but he didn't care. If he voiced his worries, everything would only take up more time and he might not get to go. He just wanted to see Alec.

* * *

" _I'm just sick, Izzy-"_

" _But it's-"_

"' _It's tradition'. I know, I know..." Alec wraps the blanket tightly around him, struggling not to throw up as Isabelle sits next to him. He sits up, producing an arm from his layers of blankets. She moves her hand delicately. Drawing a perfect rune on his wrist. Proud, she moves away, and he looks at it. Annoyed, but grateful for his sister's 'help'. "Thanks. Now go away."_

 _Isabelle scowls and runs off, black hair flying as she dashes away. Alec lays back down, not about to admit he feels a little better._

* * *

Sitting in the loud bus, rowdy patients excited and guards trying to keep calm, Magnus looks outside the window. He didn't know why, but people always seemed to avoid sitting in the centre of buses; so that's were he chose to sit. New York flashes by, buildings and trees rotating as the large vehicle moves to its destination, and Magnus realizes what a terrible idea this is. He forgot everything, he left his cat, and Luke and Clary were still waiting for an update. Magnus literally just dropped everything and left. But hell, a doctor always cared about their patient, right?

This was all so ridiculous. Magnus had a feeling that Imogen left some things out on Alec's condition.

 _Hemophilia._ Alec could be in a lot of danger.

Magnus knew this, but it was best to just keep his mouth shut, ask no more questions and not even think about it. He couldn't think about it.

Something touches the back of his head. _Oh, no._ The last thing the doctor could deal with right now were annoying teenagers. Not wanting to turn around and give the attackers the satisfaction of attention, Magnus keep staring solemnly out a window. He can feel another touch, and he is certain it is a finger. Another poke. And another. Grinding his jaw, hands clenched, Magnus keeps on glaring defiantly out the window.

"Ow!" That last one hurt. Frustrated, Magnus turns around and peers over his seat, hoping Catarina won't see and tell him to sit properly. But the staff were way too busy with all the other people, even the guards. Magnus blinks when he finds himself staring into the eyes of a blonde girl, and next to her a boy with the most annoyed and depressed look god himself could never create. The girl smiles, trying a hand at friendliness, and Magnus huffs. "What was that for?"

"You're, Magnus, right?" The girl asks hopefully. When he nods, she elbows the boy beside her. "I told you!"

"Oh, be quiet Helen."

"You be quiet," Helen says, then she looks up at Magnus. Her hair seems a bit damp, leaving him confused, but she leans forward with a question. "Do you know where Alec is? He is supposed to be on the bus with us."

"...Well..." Magnus stops, knowing he should tell the truth. But the girl looks too sweet. Plus, the other guy looks like he can't take one more hint of bad news. So, Magnus shrugs and lies, the words like bitter acid on his tongue. "He's going to be a bit late."

"Told you!" The boy snapped at Helen, and she pouts while sitting back into her seat. Magnus sits back into his own, pitying them. But he can clearly hear them arguing the entire time. God, this was suffocating. Closing his eyes, Magnus prays for some alone time later, good old peace and quiet. Not all this, right here, right now. The sun was too bright, making even his closed-vision go red, but it was bearable. He just wanted this to be over with. Tired and sleepy, he settles into his seat, hoping they arrive at the airport soon. This entire thing was a mess.

* * *

"... no nee... be so rough..."

"I... cal... get Cata..."

"... I suck at thi... should I get... gnus...?"

"I'll find him."

There's a dull pain pulling at Alec's side. Was it his side? He couldn't tell. Eyes blinking open, the voices around him so indecipherable. Colours fading again, into dull whites and greys and blacks. His heart pounds again, and he tries to talk. _Isabelle? Jace?_ Trying to ask where they went, but when he moves his mouth it feels odd. Already opened. Biting down, he can't bite too hard, but there _is_ something in his mouth. Shapes move above him, blue and black.

"He's awake."

"We shouldn't increase the dose. The other one's in, trying to clog up his blood. Leave him be, he might go out again." The shape disappears. _Don't go._ His eyes slowly begin burning, skin crawling and itching. _Where am I?_ The bed feels like it's spinning, like he's falling to nowhere. But he knows he's here. He coughs again, choking on whatever is in his mouth.

"Who is working on him?"

"A lot of his team are gone. They'll be coming down to Denver soon."

"How's his hand?"

"Coming along fine. We got the bleeding under control. Almost bled out, gave me a scare."

"Let me see." All the voices are unfamiliar, one's he's never heard before. He tries to struggle, but even just opening his eyes is such an effort. But he can't sit still, he wants to scream and cry. _God, what is happening?_ He gurgles, feeling his heart jump. His stomach flips. He doesn't want to cry, not in front of people he doesn't know. He doesn't even know where he is either. Panicking, he coughs, racking through his chest. _I can't breathe._ Biting down on the thing, he feels its bend slightly but it doesn't give way. Something touches his arm, the feeling fleeting. The hand is ice cold.

"Heart rate went up."

"If he's even slightly conscious, he'll be panicking."

"I should just go get Magnus then, no one else he knows isn't accounted for yet." The hand leaves while a beeping noise speeds up when _that_ name is said. _Heart rate._ That had to be it. If Alec could blush, he probably was. Another person is touching his wrist now, tugging at it. Another warm hand leaves him. He keeps his eyes closed, the rocking sensation slowing down. The beeping noise slows down, and someone else comes into earshot.

"... is at the airport already. You should put him under again."

"Alright." A weird, cool sensation flows through Alec, and he can feel his body for a split second. But it disappears, and he can't feel anything again.

* * *

" _Izzy there'll be other guys..."_

" _I don't want other guys." Isabelle pouts, sitting up. Tears stream down her face, leaving white lines where it runs through her foundation. The black mascara follows the trail, and the scene tugs at Alec's heart. Breaks him inside. But he is also mad, at both the boy and Isabelle. Because she has boy troubles and he doesn't. He shouldn't blame her for that though. And another part of him burns hot red, wanting to smash the boy's head in. No one should ditch their date as a prank. Jace was probably already confronting the boy though._

" _Believe me, one day you'll meet a guy. You'll live together forever and have kids. Here," Alec pulls away, digging around Isabelle's pockets. She frowns, confused, until he pulls out an eyeliner from her pocket. Determined, he pulls her wrist toward himself, uncapping the liner. Setting his jaw, he draws a perfect mark on her arm, the curls and swirls neat. More so then even Isabelle had ever done. She giggles and sniffles, wiping at her eyes._

" _Thanks."_

" _No probs, Izzy. You leave the guy problems to me," Alec says, and she snorts, making him smile. Pulling back her hair, she looks at him curiously._

" _You think I'll ever have a family?"_

" _Yes. A classic family, with a brunet man and two kids and a dog. I promise."_

" _You promise?"_

" _I do. And if anyone takes that away from you, I'll break their heart myself."_

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** I always wanna say 'I don't own TMI' but that's Too-Much-Information, but it isn't necessarily wrong... anyway I don't own The Mortal Instruments.

 **Dear Readers:** I think I mentioned before that I'm winging this, right? Sorry for spelling errors. P.S I sorta hope I'm making  & breaking your heart. This chapter was originally longer but I moved pieces to chapter twelve (plus yall would've met Tessa and Will) but instead I decided to add Magnus' scenes. Ah I'm so evil.

 **Laurenathalasa-** Don't worry, Alec will figure out something to do with his life. And he.. doesn't have to live with Luke... there's always Magnus but shh spoiler alert.

 **Lilypotter72-** Magnus is always looking for random topics of conversation. He may not be getting an actual hedgehog though. Helen's story is a secret though, but it is definitely surprising. I like to think it's kind of moving. And YES WILL IS HERE! Also, thanks for the review!

 **Kstarrox-** Now, I can't give away any hints but yeah shh tell no one. Thanks for your review!

 **The High Warlock of Glitter-** There's too many happy's to count here. I like Etta too, and hopefully she won't get in the way (she won't in the end but she'll be a slightly big part of the story, if you can call it that).


	12. Chapter Twelve: The Money

**Chapter Twelve: The Money**

* * *

Magnus stared at the phone in his hand, not wanting to ask but knew he had no choice. He had miscalculated the costs of... everything. Imogen explained that his flight was completely covered, but there might not be enough money to rent his hotel. But Magnus, the ever-caring doctor that he was, _needed_ to be there with his patient. Anyhow, forgetting his suitcase was so careless, he knew he made a mistake immediately. Yes, he had clothes... but possibly no food, and no place to stay soon. Imogen requested he go back and his ride would get paid for, but Magnus insisted that he stay after he said _yes, I have to money to stay._

Which led to his current dilemma. Staring at the caller ID, Magnus knew the man would give as much money as needed. It was just one question, just one question the doctor had to ask, one explanation and everything would be alright. He could look at the plus side.

The only plus side was distraction though. He didn't even want to lend one stray thought to the situation, to Alec. Not the entire situation, but... damn. No, Magnus would do his best to avoid it. No thoughts of the tubes, the liquids, that damn noise that was a soft beep but felt like a punch, a knife to the little sanity bubble that was Magnus Bane.

So Magnus calls.

 _Beep. Beep. Beep._

"Hello?"

"H-Hey. Hello," Magnus tries to remain normal.

"Magnus? How great to hear from you! How's New York?"

"Fine, father." Magnus bites his lip, staring at the green tiled floor. Green to match blue... green went with blue if the two colours were nice. But now, the shades of vomit and dusty skies looked too unappealing. Weren't hospitals always unappealing? Distracted, Magnus sighs. "How are you?"

"Oh, fine. Very fine. Hey, Magnus, I tried this really good place on... somewhere. Last week after my meeting, it was good... one moment," Magnus' father says before pulling away from the phone, calling into the distance. _Lil, where was that place we went last week? After my meeting? On Tuesday?_ Now there is a woman's voice in the distant, drowned out by soft music. His father asks the question again, but to no avail. The voice comes back on the line with a sigh. "Hey, I'll tell you some other time."

"Um... alright." Magnus pauses, having no clue what to say. He glances around the waiting room, an eye on the occasional person who walks by. You'd think a hospital would be busier, but no. A soft click can be heard on the phone line again, followed by a woman's sharp laughter. Magnus closes his eyes, sighing as his 'step-mother' decides what a lovely idea it is to join the conversation.

"Magnus, is that you? It's been long."

"Hi, Lilith," Magnus says. Lilith was a nice woman, someone who didn't suit Magnus' choice of company, but she could be kind. And generous. Black hair that used to be dyed blonde when she first met Asmodeus, she was stunning. Once, a long time ago, she had been a housemaid working for upper-class families before marrying his father. Now with more money, she could be cruel with it. With no children of her own, she welcomed Magnus though. Plus, she didn't really have a choice in welcoming him; his father wouldn't allow that.

"Dee here was yelling something about food-"

"I hate when you call me that," Asmodeus huffed, more annoyed than mad. Lilith laughs, and Magnus tries to not rush to what he wanted to tall about. He just needed some patience.

"Like your actual name is any better. Guess it runs in the family, huh, Mags?" Lilith had a way of joking that might come off as harsh to others who didn't know her well. A biting way. Magnus could tell that by the way the two were talking though, they were happy. His father was very, very happy with her, so Magnus did his best to be on her good terms. He did not want to be the reason his father's best marriage failed, if it ever did. It was highly unlikely this marriage would.

"Yeah, I guess. Hey, you mind if I talk to my father now?" Magnus asks slowly, not wanting to seem rude. Lilith can be heard sighing, then agreeing. She put a lot of emphasis into her actions occasionally; it was a social thing. A fluttery wave of a hand, nervously pulling on a necklace or a strand of hair. A obile mannequin. An appearance of being social. Magnus did it too, but out of energy and enthusiasm. His father and Lilith did it for appearances. Maybe that was where he learned it from, still, Magnus craved the days were he could sit in absolute peace, not a word on the wind, and not need to worry about conversation. Lilith and Asmodeus were like that, and it made Magnus envious.

"Alright, I know you boys need your talk. I must request you phone me sometime, I want to hear about you." After Lilith hangs up, Magnus swallows the lump in his throat.

"Father-"

"You make it sound so formal. And make _me_ sound old. I'm not that old. I have a good few... months ahead of me." This causes both men to laugh quietly.

"Um... well... are you alright?"

"Of course. Just having a coffee outside. Decaf isn't my favourite, but it'll suffice." There is another pause. "Magnus, is something wrong?"

"No. Well, yes." Magnus feels his grip tighten, and he loosens it so as to not break his phone. So many phones broke easily nowadays. "I need money."

"Money?"

"Yes. It's for... my job. I want to stay in Denver-"

"What are you doing there?"

"Nothing important. I..." Magnus tries to think of a way to phrase everything. Say too little, it would be suspicious. Say too much, it would sound weird. "I need more money for the hotel here. I'm staying a few weeks. Around three grand for now should do it."

"Magnus, tell me," Asmodeus requested in a demanding tone, the voice sharp even through the line.

"Why?"

"When my son asks for three grand, I want to know what it is for."

"Three grand isn't a lot. Not to you."

"You're right. It isn't. Still." Asmodeus stopped talking again, the silence restricting. Magnus knew his father was worried though; his own son just came out of the blue, after not talking for a few months. "I mean, I want to make sure things don't happen. I mean, there was Camille-"

"Oh god, please, please stop talking about that." Magnus closes his eyes, jaw tightening.

"Well, if my money's going to a junkie, I think I have a right to know. No one gets to screw you over but me. Understand?" Asmodeus' words come out coldly, but still earns a short laugh. Magnus remembered a time for a while when his father would never joke around, but he seemed fond of it now.

"Yeah, I understand. It's so I can stay near a patient of mine. He's in the hospital." Another painful long silence. The line crackles a bit, and Magnus takes a guess that there is a smoke being lit on his father's side. Magnus sees a nurse walk by, and he waves quickly while still waiting for Asmodeus to respond. _Damn, these chairs are uncomfortable._

"Why do you have to be there?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Well, there's other doctors and nurses. Is there some... special reason."

"I keep him calm?" _Because I need to be there._ Actually, both reasons were true. But one sounded less-stalker-ish than the other. Readjusting his position, getting sore from the plastic metal contraption that had to be some type of low-level torture device, Magnus briefly forgets that he isn't supposed to think about the hospital. "I'm his psychiatrist."

"Hmm..."

"Money an issue right now?"

"No." Asmodeus stops talking, and Magnus knows not to say anything for this silence either. No, his father just needed to think. So Magnus entertains himself by counting how many times the incandescent lights flicker every now and then. About three times a second, and every five seconds. By the time the sixth flicker comes around, his father resumes talking. But he asks a question that startles Magnus. "Can I meet him?"

"Oh god, father," Magnus moaned, pinching his nose. That was a really weird question to ask. It was, wasn't it? Probably just because Magnus knew his father was implying something he didn't want to think about. "No, you can't."

"Why not? He's just a patient, right? A patient who you needed to be so near to, that you asked your father for three grand for a hotel in a state where you aren't even supposed to be in." His father pauses, but Magnus doesn't answer. Even if he had something to say, it might sound too defensive. So Magnus stares at the tile, the dead green reminding him of old parties, clay tracking through the carpets of his apartment a long time ago. Art school was messy, but was fun. After a few more awkward seconds, Asmodeus responds. "Fine."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You need anything else? Food, clothes? Condoms."

"Oh, please stop. What would I need condoms for?"

"You said that 'patient' was a 'he', and even if it's a girl you still need to be safe-"

"Okay, father, listen. It's not like that."

"I'm joking," Asmodeus says, and Lilith's voice can be heard calling out. Probably asking what they were talking about, since she liked being and feeling included in things. And her husband and step-son having a 'private discussion' was a thing that drove her curiosity too much. Asmodeus gave a brief 'explanation' ( _"I'm talking to the kid about condoms, Lilith,"_ ), and next Magnus is getting of earful from Lilith. Just what he wanted to avoid, but there was no helping it now.

"Condoms? You got a lucky lady?"

"No, man," Asmodeus says, his voice strained like he was trying not to laugh.

"No, he's lying," protested Magnus, somewhat weakly. This topic was tripping him up.

"Oh, Dee, stop teasing Mags-" Lilith starts as Asmodeus interrupts her.

"Don't call me that-"

"-but really, what are you guys talking about?" Lilith sounded inquisitive, all ears, but Magnus didn't know what to tell her. He can see the nurse come back, reading some papers, and he watches her leave before he tries to answer. Of course, his father beats him to it.

"He needs three grand."

"For what?" Lilith sounded confused, and Asmodeus cuts off his son before a proper answer can be given.

"He's buying an engagement ring." Asmodeus' laughs were more audible now. Magnus does his best not to exclaim to loudly into the phone, keeping calm. At least, he tries.

"Oh, really? Magnus, I'm so proud of you. Is he a New Yorker too?" Lilith's voice is eager and excited.

"Yes, he is... no! I mean, yes. I mean, we're not engaged! But he's a New Yorker! He's a patient, and in my care," Magnus breathes out in one breath, ears red with embarrassment. He looks around to make sure no one near had heard him and his major family moment. But there is just a tired looking woman shuffling in, hair dishevelled as she sits into a chair, probably to visit someone. The blue on the walls was intoxicating, not in a nice way. Closed off, like a colour that wouldn't let you breathe. At this point, Magnus couldn't decide whether he wanted to talk to his father or focus on the gloomy hospital. Asmodeus chuckles again while Lilith reprimands her husband.

"Dear, doll, can you get off the line for a sec? I want to talk to my son about important matters," Asmodeus says. Lilith protests before going, but making one last demand that Magnus phone her later. After she is gone, the pair get back on track. Well, not really, since Asmodeus has the good-idea of bringing up a slightly morbid topic. Morbid topics on death were something Magnus avoided if they were on a personal level. "Hey, me and Lilith decided we wanted to be buried by a lake. With the pets. Okay?"

"Why are you asking now? You've got about fifty, sixty years."

"Just making plans. Hey..." Asmodeus slows down, his voice lower. As if trying to be discreet, he says what Magnus already knows he is going to say. _And_ he knows what the older man is implying. "You can tell me anything, alright?"

"Oh, for goodness sakes dad, he's my patient," Magnus says with a forced, cool tone, surprised he even has to try. Asmodeus doesn't say anything again, and the silence is loud, if you can call it that. A denial of something. Occasionally, Magnus forgets his father is in the medical field himself, that he can read people easily like a lion scanning for suitable prey. Bringing up Alec was a terrible idea... was it really? _Why would it be? It's just me, it's all this stress._

"Fine, fine, whatever you say. Anything else new?" Asmodeus reverts to a more monotone sound.

"No, not really."

"How about your friend's funeral?"

"Boring. Father, funerals are always dull. Don't ask that question."

"Right. No other plans?"

"Nope. What about you?"

"Me and Lilith are going on a trip to Europe sometime. You should come with us. Meet people..."

"No, thank you."

"Come on, Lilith likes you."

"You just doing everything she says?"

"Well, no. But I like seeing my two favourites get along. But..." Asmodeus drifts off again, like he is deep in thought. These pauses were really to begin to grate on Magnus' nerves. Long, painfully awkward, silence was hard to fill up. "Magnus, this woman had me hooked."

"What?"

"She had me hooked? Whipped? I don't know how you kids say it these days. I swear though," Asmodeus huffs out under his breath, words flowing out quickly. "Sometimes, I'm in the strangest places and I think of her. I was in my meeting a month ago, and I was just watching that clock tick, tick, wanting it to hit the time I could get out and go see her. And then I spent more time checking it to see how long I get with her. It gets really unhealthy."

"I believe you," Magnus answers with a soft laugh, his mind distant. _I was just watching that clock. Tick. Tic. More time checking it to see how long I get with her._ Now even just thinking about clocks and time passing was starting to get stressful. A large amount of time thinking about someone... this was a strange topic. _It gets really unhealthy. Checking the time, really unhealthy._ The words flew around Magnus' head like a basketball on the court. "You talk about her every time we talk."

"Speaking of which, we should talk more," Asmodeus says with finality. "And, this 'patient'-"

"Is just a patient!"

"Fine, fine. Phone me again sometime, money will be in your account soon. Be careful with the clingy ones, Magnus. People who really need you can't simply let go," Asmodeus advises before hanging up, leaving no time for Magnus to have a say in the end. _Can't simply let go._ That entire conversation was messed... or Magnus was over-thinking everything again. He knew he was, but man, could his father talk. A doctor himself, Asmodeus was good at putting on an act. Or showing a side people wanted to see. Since marrying Lilith though, his life became less hectic. More relaxed and calm. Magnus craved that, craved a life where you could tell someone everything and trust them. A simple life. Putting his phone in his pocket, he decides to check up with the doctor and see if there's any changes with Alec.

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** Yeah, I'm not even gonna try...

 **Dear Readers:** This chapter was more of a break-ish chapter. Plus I get to introduce Magnus' family-type thing more. I made his father seem more father-like, and I hope you are all okay with that. I have also realized that if I give people hints in the reviews it is pointless to keep it a secret. Anyhow, thanks for your support!

 **Laurenathalasa-** I'm sorry you got shaken up by that last chapter. And I do ship Heronstairs! Although lately, I've been preferring Will with Magnus. I don't even know why. This is getting off topic. And don't worry, Alec will be fine... if I'm not too cruel.

 **77Blaine-** Thanks for your amazing review!

 **Manibarilo-** I'm not sure why I lost it at the 'losing people to sanity' part. Anyhow, thanks for the review! And I'm afraid I can't give out any spoilers. Or even hints... (I'm sure you know who the mysterious driver is).

 **Lilypotter72-** Thanks for your review and appreciation! I can't wait to introduce Tessa and Will.

 **The High Warlock of Glitter-** Happiness is a very good thing. Especially to combat angst. Particularly when _said_ angst is in a fanfic. That you might be reading. Anyhow, thanks for the review.


	13. Chapter Thirteen: The Time

**Chapter Thirteen: The Time**

* * *

" _Magnus, slow down."_

 _He could hear her, he wanted to slow down, but his hands felt glued to the steering wheel. His feet were too heavy, weighing down on the gas, pushing the car forward in a desperate race against time. Swallowing, Magnus doesn't turn his head, but he can feel her hand touch his arm gently, the fingers frozen, palm cold as ice. The car keeps speeding, though it is going nowhere. The force presses him against the seat, but she isn't affected at all._

" _Magnus, please slow down."_

" _Camille, put on your seat belt," Magnus mumbles, breath coming out shaky. She kisses his cheek._

" _Slow down."_

" _Put on your seatbelt!" How could he explain he couldn't slow down? He couldn't lift his foot off the gas pedal, or press the breaks. Eyes stayed on the road ahead, but it was like the street itself didn't even exist. It should've, it was logical, but the yellow and white lines only sparked up occasionally, the headlights shining out onto a road that swirled into grey and black shadows._

" _Slow down, Magnus."_

" _No." I can't. I don't want to. Every reason was the same. Magnus felt Camille pull away, blonde fading from the corner of his vision as her cold hand leaves. Her presence drawing away from him. Frightened._ By me, _Magnus thinks to himself._ She was frightened by me. _Biting his lip, every one of his movements were so lethargic, it felt like such an effort just to tap a finger on the wheel. The same as moving through jello, fighting against a current. Nearly impossible to fight this strong force. He feels a hand on his thigh, grasping tightly, warm and shaking. The fear was radiating from the passenger, and Magnus curses under his breath. Why did he need to be driving with someone? He was mad, mad at everything, mad at his passenger and the unrelenting grip, cars, mad at stupid people and their stupid decisions, mad at every single mistake-_

" _Magnus, I'm scared."_

 _A shiver runs down Magnus' spine as he turns his head to the side, muscles protesting, and he swears his heart stopped for a second. Alexander sinks into the seat, eyes staring forward, looking absolutely terrified. The man's grip tightened, and Magnus swallows, looking forward, then to the side, forward, then to the side again. Alec never took his eyes off the road, biting down so hard on his lip that he was making it bleed. Panic was clawing at Magnus' chest, the car still racing, but the sound was gone. No wind, no resistance, nothing. Just panic, fear, and Alec's hand on his thigh, tugging. A flash of headlights flew by, the car didn't slow. Another, and still the car drove on._

 _Eyes not on the road at all anymore, Magnus stares at Alec, whose eyes are fixed on the road. Another set of lights pass right in front of them, the vehicle just missing them._

 _Magnus needed to make a decision._

Don't stop.

Do stop.

 _Another car passes in front._

Goddamnit.

 _A horn sounds, and Magnus slams on the breaks-_

"Shit-" Magnus huffs, opening his eyes. The place was unrecognizable, dark, vehicles outside the window haunting. Coughing, he forces himself up and staggers across the room, into a dresser. Hands running frantically over the top as his breathing increases, heart thumping so much he could feel the pulse in his neck. Dazed, he tosses aside his wallet, keys, clothes, before a hand closes around the small bottle.

Biting his tongue to keep from crying out, he dashes to the washroom, opening he bottle. Half of them fall out onto the counter, into the sink, but as soon as four pills are secure in his hand he swallows them. Sticking his head under the tap, he turns on the water and lets it run into his mouth, water splashing everywhere.

Eyes burning, he forces himself to breathe and staggers back into the room, hand reaching up to his neck.

His pulse was still racing.

Chest squeezing.

Frustrated, Magnus digs around for his phone, checking the bed and bags before seeing it on the nightstand. Trying his best not to fall over, he scrambles for it, nearly knocking over the shot glass. Once the device is secure and a number was being called, he takes the moment to close his eyes and stop the world from tipping. Like it was going to whip off all the humans from the face of the Earth, send them scattering into the unknown. When everything takes a faster twist, Magnus bites his lip to feel grounded.

 _Damn, damn, damn-_

"Magnus?" Etta's voice was calming, despite the hitch in it. "It's three AM-"

"I can't breathe," Manus chokes out, falling to the floor and sitting with his back against the bed. The room was spinning, and he needed to do something. Needed air, needed a sense of balance. Something to hold onto, an anchor, the room was practically pulsing. The light tanned carpet, turned grey by the darkness. Car lights hit the wall from the window in the other room, lighting up colourful patches on the wall.

"Okay, shhh, just breathe. Deep breath-" Etta hushes into the phone, and Magnus takes in some air, before it escapes with a sob. Another breath. And another. Coughing and choking, he grips onto the phone and listens like his life is on the line. Maybe it was.

"Okay. Just like we practiced," Etta speaks calmly, and Magnus nods in response. "Country."

"The States."

"State."

"Texas."

"City."

"Denver."

They exchanged words, sometimes sentences back and forth, repetitive actions that Magnus sank into. His pulse calmed down, dropping, and soon he was sitting up straight, exhausted and on edge, but clear-minded. Moving into a more comfortable position on the bed, laying down and staring up at the dark ceiling, letting the conversation drift onto mundane topics. Which was fine, mundane meant normal after all. Calm. The weather, finicial issues, sports, the news. Anything and everything. Enough talk to make the time absent, something that really didn't exist for a while.

"Magnus? You okay now?" Etta asks a half hour later, voice hitching. Magnus sighs, smiling to himself. Somewhat forcefully.

"I'm okay," he says, taking a deep breath and exhaling smoothly. "Yes, I'm okay."

"Alright. You know I like our conversations, but it's three thirty in the morning," Etta says, a smile in her voice. Magnus glances at the time, frowning and reluctant to let her go. But she had a job, a career, and needed to be up early. Still, he needed someone so bad, the night and the loneliness was settling in, the boredom thick. Choking. What other things were there to do, to keep away stressful thoughts?

"Okay. Um... Etta?" Magnus pauses, wanting more conversation. Stability. Was it just stress talking? "I was thinking... about when I get back."

"...Yes?"

"That we could go out. Together," Magnus clarifies nervously, hand clenching slightly. Etta doesn't answer, and he doesn't know what to say for a few moments. The pause was daunting, and soon he continues. "You know, sort of like a date." _Well, that was smooth._

"Um... Magnus, I like you, but I'm your doctor," Etta says, voice just as nervous. Magnus runs out of words, the silence thick before she continue. "I couldn't be your doctor anymore."

"That's fine," he says quickly, unsure of the words that leave his mouth. It wasn't exactly _fine_... who could be his new doctor? Etta just laughs, tone still nervous but giggly now.

"I don't think it is."

"I think it is."

"Are you drunk? Hungover?"

Magnus glances at the shotglass.

"No."

"You're just tired," Etta says, sounding unconvinced.

"Give me a chance," Magnus says to her, smiling. More silence follows.

"I'm just a distraction for you, Magnus," Etta states, voice softer.

"You aren't."

"Of course I am. I'm your doctor."

"You said you didn't have to be."

The line becomes static.

"Alright. Seriously, you could at least sleep before going through with this," Etta says, voice going more stern. Magnus laughs, prompting one from her. When the silence settled again, she spoke. "Bye, Magnus."

"Bye, Etta," Magnus says before hanging up. Tired, he places an arm under his neck, intent on falling back to sleep. Worried, but knowing he needs his rest. Imogen said his help at the hospital would be appreciated, especially with the short term move. Fine by him, at least his mind would be distracted. His days were spent helping in the afternoon, they had been for the last two weeks. _Two weeks._ He didn't believe it himself, time could fly. No updates on... he didn't want to think of his patient's name. Not right now, not when sleep was needed and while stress was present. Suddenly, Magnus' phone vibrates in his hand, and be rushes to check it. _Clary Fray._ A text.

 _Magnus,_ the screen reads simply.

 _Yes?_ Magnus responds, frowning before adding, _It's going to be four soon._

 _I know,_ Clary responds. _I need help._

 _What's wrong,_ Magnus quickly answers, sitting up with worry. A few tense minutes pass before there is another text.

 _I'm in Denver._

* * *

 _Alexander,_ her voice calls out softly, sitting beside him on the bed, hands softly brushing his hair back. Alex was too tired to respond. _Alexander, I love you,_ she whispers softly, kissing his forehead, running her hands through his hair again. Her voice was so soft, weren't all mother's like that? Her laughs, the noise like a bell before going farther away, leaving. And he can't go after her. Just a trace of dark hair in a lonely home, that's all he can see. _Alexander, I love you._

 _I'll always love you._

The darkness was fuzzy, sparking up the room before fading out.

Silver, soft and fuzzy, but the lights bouncing off were too bright. Stinging. White swirled around, calming. Alec found that if he stared at the clouds of white, they slowly moved, changed shape.

A dragon, an angel, a house. The light danced, turning and twisting. A movie with no plot. Alec tries to move a hand, lift it to the swirling patterns, but he can't find his arm. _Oh, well._ There were other things to do, more things to search for. As his vision tilts, he watches something move up high, always moving. Hot resting. Lulling him back into calmness as he lets the lights was over him. _Mother._

 _Alec,_ Isabelle whispered softly, her hand resting on his. _Look, it's an engine._

Alec frowned, not understanding, and he turns his head to the side. He vaguely remembers seeing an engine, a large one. When he was little, perhaps? He was convinced his father took him to see one. Gigantic wings, lifelessly hanging in the air, nose not in the air. Technology no longer in use. A hangar, a museum of old artefacts. His eyes rest on Isabelle's face, but her features are distorted. It's like looking through an underwater camera. Laying next to him, silently pointing at the lights overhead the spinning objects. Alec notices a dark doorway far beside her in the distance, the bathroom inside unrecognizable.

Panicking, Alec tries to point and ask where it is, realizing the question doesn't make any sense. But it doesn't matter, he still can't move his hands.

Swallowing, his vision lays back onto the ceiling up ahead, the object still spinning slowly, coming into focus. Silver and spinning continuously, a fan refracting the light. Mind clearing up more, Alec tries to move again, arms not responding. He manages to lift his head and see a blanket over him, tucked in neatly. A soft beeping in the distance. How did this happen? Last, he was...

Confused, the atmosphere feeling too dreamlike, Alec manages to slowly move his arms out, pushing the blanket off with lethargic grace. Sitting up, abs protesting, he hangs over the edge of the bed. Forcing the numb hands to the side for support, he sees one arm thickly bandaged, the other with a needle inserted in it. A tube exits the end, and he follows it with his eyes. Connected to a bag, the same arm has a small device encashing a finger. Pulling the small device off, the beeping sound make a flat lining noise.

Knowing he probably set it off, Alec digs around for wherever he dropped it. Tilting, the world and light moves again, and he starts to fall, feet swinging out to hit the ground. The cold floor hits painfully, and he manages to stay on his feet for a few more seconds before he collapses, watching a nurse enter the room out of his side vision.

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** If I give y'all a winky face will you let me off the hook? ;)

 **Dear Readers:** Hey guys, I'm back! Hopefully for longer this time. Sorry for my very-extended break. And an extra-sorry for grammar/spelling mistakes.

 **BlazingFlames22-** The accuracy of that statement is funny, anyway thanks for the review!

 **Laurenathalasa-** They're going to be together pretty soon, don't worry! I don't like them apart either, Alec worries too much.

 **Lilypotter72-** Thanks for that comment, I'm really glad you think so.

 **The High Warlock of Glitter-** Thank you for reviewing again, and I'm glad that you're pretty happy about the last chapter!

 **Guest-** Sorry for taking so long!

 **Happyunicornmalec-** Sorry for not updating soon, but I hope you enjoy the chapter nonetheless. Thanks for the review!


	14. Chapter Fourteen: The Family

**Chapter Fourteen: The Family**

* * *

The small clock above the door pointed out six AM. Alec was tired, exhausted, but he didn't want to sleep. He had enough; two and a half week's worth apparently. Surprising, even to himself. Leaning with his head against the window, he closes his eyes, muscles working hard to keep him up. _Two weeks._ Apparently, a lot had happened in two weeks. A move to Denver, a new renovation of the New York Institute. One that was greatly needed, but did Alec really need to have his little freak out as they were all preparing to leave? Protocols should've been put into place, procedures to prevent something like this.

 _You're just saying that because you're ashamed._

Was he? Alec opens his eyes and looks up at the window, watching Isabelle stand behind him. _Wrong, wrong, wrong._ His mind screamed wrong, but his heart leapt a bit. Isabelle comes closer, smiling softly.

 _You're ashamed._

"I know," Alec whispers coarsely.

 _It's alright, to be ashamed. You feel bad for events you can't help._

"I guess," Alec laughs, pressing his forehead up on the glass again, but not closing his eyes. Watching people outside, walking around. It was getting brighter out, the sky was slowly turning baby blue and pink. A new day, but Alec felt like he'd been here before. Another breakdown, another repetition of old events, a record that just kept repeating and repeating. A renovation was good news, would he ever have good news without the bad? No, he couldn't think about that now. The nurse would be back, he had to pull himself together before then. So much had happened this morning already.

* * *

" _Where am I?"_

" _Denver. A hospital, to be more precise... you lost a lot of blood, went into a coma."_

" _A coma?" Alec couldn't believe it. Then again, bad things always happened to him. "Why am I in Denver?"_

" _The New York hospital is being fixed up. All patient's were moved, this was the only place that could take so many at such a short notice." The nurse sits next to him on bed, friendly and warm. She brushes her dark curls back, then frowns and looks down at his hand, inspecting the one with bandages. Then the next one with the needle, taking extra care to make sure the needle was inserted properly. Making sure he was alright after his fall out of the bed, quickly getting a glass of water to make his voice less coarse, loosen the thick and strangled feeling The kind of woman that cared a lot, she most likely had kids of her own. A family._

" _I should get a doctor," the woman states, standing up. Walking away, taking a moment to pause in the doorway before looking back. Her eyes were grey, reminding Alec of the colours that greeted him when he woke up moments ago. "My name is Tessa."_

* * *

"Who were you talking to?" Tessa asks from the doorway, black tray in her hands. Alec quickly pulls away from the window, his balance unsteady while he tries to settle back on top of the hospital bed. Fresh sheets, sterilized smells, beeping and whirring. All around him, every sense seemed heightened, but his mind felt like it was still in a coma.

"No one," he says, shrugging. "What kind of food is that?"

"Cereal packet, milk, orange juice, and some jello. Your stomach might feel strange for the next while," Tessa explains, setting the tray down on a table and rolling it over. The kind you seen on infomercials, with a white top connected to metals bars on one side, allowing easy access for a bed-in-breakfast. Alec glances at the food, feeling his stomach turning.

"Uh... alright." Alec picks up the spoon, digging into the cereal, appreciating the taste of actual Cheerios. How long had it been since he had Cheerios? There was an old hospital he was at for a while in L.A, they served those all the time. The milk was cold too, the juice sour but refreshing. He quickly burned through the meal, wanting to savour it, but it was too good. Except the jello, he wasn't the jello type. Letting the clear cup sit alone on the tray, its green contents unappealing, he looks up to see Tessa walk into the bathroom, coming out afterwards with a set of white clothes. Laying them down on the end of the bed, brushing her hair behind her ears before glancing at him with a grin.

"Not a jello lover?" She raises her eyebrows, and Alec nods. "I'm the same. Too wiggly."

"Where am I going to go now?"

"Nowhere. Not for a few days, two probably. Maybe three. You seem to be getting better quickly though," Tessa says, crossing her arms. Pausing before smiling brightly, her face lighting up. "I have good news, wanted to let you eat first though."

"Good news?" Alec blinks, wondering what could possibly be good.

"Magnus came to see you. Again. Has been for the past while, while you were out. Imogen thought it would be important for him to come," Tessa nods softly, grinning. Alec sits up straight, his pulse jumping for a moment. Feeling ridiculous, but that was _great_ news. To him anyway.

"Where is he?"

"Hotel. I'll call him here, if you're ready, but it will take him a half hour," Tessa responds, glancing at her wristwatch. "I really need to go though, have other patients, so you need to decide-"

"Yes," Alec says quickly, blushing at the abrupt tone. Clearing his throat, he settles back down in his bed. "I mean, yeah, it's cool."

"Alright, I'll ask him. See you in a while. Might want to change out of that gown," Tessa motions to the clothes before turning and leaving, pausing in the doorway. "Did you... need he-"

"I can change myself," Alec answers quickly, pushing the tray away. Tessa nods, uncertain, and she closes the door behind her. Alec takes in a deep breath, feeling elated; at least someone cared about him. Cheerfully, he throws his legs over the edge, careful not to fall this time as he grabs the fresh outfit. White pants, white shirt, not the most fashionable attire, but who would care? Maybe Magnus...

 _I was going to art school,_ Magnus said before. Or mentioned it sometime. The topic of fashion came up. A long while ago. But he was just a doctor, who most likely wouldn't care what his patient wore... smiling, Alec takes the clothes to the room's adjoining bathroom. The shower has a stool, he could definitely get ready in the next while, freshen up. Tossing the ugly green gown aside, thoughts on everything Tessa said. _Imogen thought it would be important..._ Imogen. What was her problem? Moving so quickly, making big decisions with haste, sure Alec was probably blaming her for the mishap, but it was her fault in a way.

 _Her fault for making me look like a fool._

Oh god, what if Magnus really thought he was a freak?

What if the doctor was angry at being called down here? He had better things to do than babysit a mental patient.

Frowning and now upset, ideas running around his head, Alec prays the reunion will go smoothly.

* * *

"Are you insane? What if you got hurt?"

"'What if this, what if that'. You've been repeating yourself for the last hours. I'm an adult, Magnus-"

"Oh, Luke is gonna kill me-"

"God, you sound like my mother," Clary yelled, and Magnus was teleported back long ago. To a time with his own father. _You're not my father, Asmodeus. I'll dye my hair if I want to dye it! If I want to wear heeled boots, then so help me I will!_ Such a kid back then, even now still a kid. Now, this time, with a kid in front of him. Not even his own kid, the daughter of a man who was most likely scared sick. Magnus frowns, crossing his arms and leaning on the coffee table. Meanwhile, Clary goes silent and looks at her feet, the very mention of Jocelyn causing a shift in mood. Panic turned into mourning. Panic, crazed, elated. Manic?

"I'm sorry, Clary, it's just that Luke will be worried."

"He won't. I left a note, explaining-"

"But, god damn it, anything could have happened!"

"It's just a plane ride! Magnus, I really needed this," Clary says harshly, eyes narrowing. Defiantly, she crosses her arms as well before thinking better of becoming moody, and the atmosphere changes again. Settling. "I need to do this."

"It was stupid, Clary," Magnus says, tone cold. Really, though, a girl like her, catching a late plane to Denver? A completely different state then New York. Has she ever been out of New York? There could have been a mugging, a plane jacking, a public shootout. Maybe that was a bit extreme, but if anything happened, how would Magnus ever forgive himself? Explain to Alec? Even with a written explanation, Luke would definitely still worry, would probably be spamming Magnus when he woke up the next morning. "Clary, if you got hurt, think about how everyone would feel. Alec-"

"I'm only here because of Alec! You don't tell me much about his condition, Luke tries to spare me the pain. I can't lose someone else! Do you know what it was like, losing Jace? Isabelle? I grew up with them! Max was not even a teenager! And then my parents, both! Alec is like my brother, my only one, seeing as Jonathan is off doing god knows what in prison!" Clary stands up, green eyes piercing. Small, but she was still a force to be reckoned with, and in that moment Magnus couldn't help but shrink away. She continues, voice rolling out words, spitting out sentences in bursts of pain.

"I know you care about Alec, but he's _my family._ You came cause you're his doctor, you care. I came for the exact same reason. Don't tell me I was stupid, that I'm acting like a child, because even if I am, I will continue to do so _to keep my family together, and you can't stop me!_ " Clary huffs out, inhaling and exhaling loudly. Wavering a bit, she stumbles back and catches herself before falling, waving Magnus' hand away. Not wanting help.

"I'm sorry, Magnus," she whispers softly, eyes watering. Magnus doesn't respond, just nods and watches her look away, moving to sit on a chair near the balcony door. Heaving, the seconds pass, then minutes before the two of them pulls themselves together.

"It's okay, I... I understand," Magnus says softly, sitting in another chair. Clary nods stiffly, staring sadly at her hands. More time passes, and the sun rises higher, turning the sky blue and pink. Baby blue. Blue reminds Magnus of Alec, a patient that was all he could think about. A patient who claimed no family, yet his doctor just witnessed the entirety of a speech that seemed pretty damn convincing. A phone goes off; Magnus reaches into his pocket.

"Hello," Magnus says, clearing his throat briefly. Clary watches him as his eyes go wide, hand clenching for a moment. After a few minutes of vague conversing, he hangs up. The silence is overwhelming, demanding to be present. Awkwardness, tinged with sadness and aching. More mourning, why were emotions always running these days?

"I know... I understand you care about him. I do too," Magnus says slowly. "I'm sorry for worrying."

"I'm sorry for yelling. Overreacting. You're right, Luke will definitely flip out," Clary laughs, looking up. White cheeks flushed and red, eyelids drooping. The circles under her eyes making her seem years older. Magnus feels a flash of guilt, truly realizing how she feels; helpless. Absolutely helpless. Unneeded. Like she said, Clary just wanted her family together.

"Well, Luke will have a reason to freak out now," Magnus breathes. Clary's eyes widen, looking scared. Terrified, even. Of bad news, of course.

"W-Why?"

"Alec's awake."

* * *

 _You look fine, Alec._

"No need to lie, Isabelle," Alec snorts, staring out the window as he waits, running a hand through the jet black hair. Surprisingly, the hospital cut it while he was in sleep mode, and now it was only a few inches long, slicked back by the shower. No more reaching the chin, hiding his eyes. He felt more exposed. Brushing away the feelings, he feels another ghost-like hand run over his shoulder, a head lean on it. Looking in the window, Alec could almost see the reflection, a smaller girl, teenage, black hair down and mascara ruined. Torn clothes. _It's not real,_ his mind screamed, but he couldn't help but want her to be real, want her support.

 _You do, Alec, you really do,_ Isabelle pouts, brown eyes soft but truthful.

"I guess. If hospital clothes are the 'new thing' I guess I'm getting some tonight," Alec laughs, and Isabelle's reflection laughs as well while her voice rings in his ears, joyous and bubbly.

"Not sure if hospital clothes are in, but I think you could get some if you try."

Whipping around, Alec feels his heart make a jump. He looked tired, wearing a loose neon green T shirt and black pants with holds in them, those purple glitter boots from an appointment before, so casually dressed, not formal like other doctors. Messy hair, spiking and curling randomly, dark eye circles, but wearing a sloppy tired smile that just screamed _Magnus._ And the eyes, gold and green and slitted, unhuman. But familiar. An expression, a face, a person that didn't look at Alec like a freak.

Stumbling forward, forgetting his balance once again, Alec crashes into Magnus, but the other's strong hug keeps him from falling. The scent that was now familiar too, sandalwood mixed with coffee and sugar. A bit of spice. Relaxing, Alec hugs back tightly, convinced that the doctor doesn't hate him, or isn't upset with him. The unrelenting grip wasn't full of annoyance, but gratefulness. Alec feeds off the happiness, ignoring the voices in the back.

 _You think he's gonna get something dressed like that,_ Jace laughs. Isabelle takes a few seconds to answer, letting the pair in the centre of the room hug.

 _Oh, definitely._

* * *

 **Da Lwyers:** Um...

 **Da Readers:** Doing my best to update quickly... who is up for some more happy chapters before the sad stuff again? I know I am. I've got up to chapter thirty planned, so I hope you're all up for a ride. More characters will have more time. Definitely more Tessa...

Sorry for spelling mistakes, grammar, etc. I miss a lot in the editing process, but I do try my best.

The number of people following the story astounds me. And the reviews. All your reviews make me smile. Anyway, on to these reviews:

 **Catarina Persephone:** Thanks for the review, and I'm glad you like it cx

 **Laurenathalasa:** The beginning was just a nightmare, not really based on any actual facts in the story, just to clarify. Thanks for the review though! I'm sorry it's so sad.

 **The High Warlock of Glitter:** I'm sorry about your nightmare. I know they seem comical afterwards, but something about dreams makes it all truly terrifying. Anyway, that seems like a sad way for the story to go, so I'm going to reassure you that won't happen.

 **BlazingFlames22:** I trust Alec will take this review to heart.

 **Guest:** I have obeyed your commands. More of Magnus' story will be coming up.

 **Lilypotter72:** I'm going to take that as a compliment. I appreciate the review!


	15. Chapter Fifteen: The Realization

**Chapter Fifteen: The Realization**

* * *

"Clary!" My arms wrap around her body, holding on rather limply, but she hugs back tightly, squeezing. Pulling away, beaming up at me with a light in her eyes. Green, so bright and vivid, he hadn't seen her for a while. _Jocelyn is dead_. The realization was a sharp blow to his mind, but he couldn't break down in front of Clary. What she must've gone through already... no, they would just focus on the visit. The occasion. When they finally let go of each other, Alec moves back to sit on the bed, resting his tired body. Clary moves to a chair as Magnus closes the door, shutting out the noises outside of the room.

"I missed you so much, Alec," Clary says, eyes watering, doing her best not to let any tears fall. Alec nods, wringing his hands together with nervousness and excitement.

"I missed you too, Clare-bear."

"Only Jace called me that."

"I'm doing it for him," Alec chuckles, Isabelle's laugh of happiness ringing in the distance. Jace chattering away to Isabelle, the two of them conversing happily as Alec focuses on his own conversation.

 _She looks so tired, Alec,_ Jace calls out.

"Have you been eating well," Alec asks, frowning and crossing his arms, and Clary shrugs in response, eyes darting away. "Remember to take care of yourself."

"I will. I am. I've been... working through it," Clary says, nodding and looking up, managing to look Alec in the eyes. She smiles, brows furrowing, creating a very conflicted look. She did look tired, the skin under her eyes dark, cheeks now looking sharper and collar bones very visible just above her T-shirt. A shirt that was light and clean, but hung loosely on the frame of its owner.

"How'd you get here?"

"Plane. Used left over money, enough to get me here. Left a note for Luke."

"You shouldn't have done that," Alec scolds, frowning. Clary snorts, glancing at Magnus in the corner of the room.

"Believe me, _he_ gave me a talking too already."

"That's because Luke will want to strangle me when he finds out," Magnus says with a sigh. Clary shrugs, all of them in the room knowing it wasn't really true. Luke would be mad, but knew the reasons, the motivations behind the trip. Besides, he was too kind and understanding to care. The doctor sighs, checking his watch then looking at the other two. "I need some coffee. I'll be back in a few, give you guys some time to catch up."

Magnus leaves, a few moments of silence following his absence. Alec softly pulls at the hem of his shirt, staring at the closed door before looking at Clary. Seeing the two of them, right then and there, was making him feel so... _good._ More than he had in a long time. Elated, slightly crestfallen that Magnus left the room though, he resorts to focusing on the girl in front of him. It was all that could be done to show gratitude for all the overwhelming support that he had gotten in his life.

"I'm really, really glad to see you, Clary."

"You may have mentioned that once or twice." Clary looks at the door, smiling softly, then back at Alec. "Magnus is a nice guy. I can see why you like him."

"I don't... I mean, I don't _like_ -like him, he's really helpful, but it's not like that," Alec quickly fills in, blushing hard, only just noticing how terrible the lie was. _It's a lie._ Admitting the lie was something else... despite this next tremendous realization, and instead of feeling guilt and fear, there was only a warm feeling. Soft, warm, _home._ That was the feeling, like walking into the home of your family, feeling secure and safe, like you could do anything, be who you wanted to be. Alec bites his lip, just figuring out how he felt, as Clary furrows her delicate brows again, confused looking.

 _Oh, he blew it,_ Isabelle says, a sigh in her voice.

"Actually, I was referring to a normal, platonic doctor-patient relationship, but I think you just corrected me," Clary says, smirking widely. Knowing she was right, Alec swallows, having no idea how to go about this new development. She stands up and walks over, sitting on the bed next to him and holding his hand. "Alec, it's okay."

"'Okay'. What a weird word to use," Alec mumbles, staring at the tiled floor. Clary snorts, gripping his hand tighter.

"It _is_ okay though. Good to have crushes, in fact, if you never had any, I'd be a little worried." Clary says, and Alec looks at her, wanting to see what emotion was being shown. Disapproval or approval. She was staring at the blank wall, face distant, a soft yearning in her eyes, a glimpse into the past. Alec remembers jealousy, seeing her hold Jace's hand long ago, when they were all young and, in all honesty, stupid. That look should have been heart breaking, but instead was calming. All these feelings of home, reminders, should have been awful, but they were comforting. Unrelenting comfort.

"A crush."

"Yes. If that's all it is...?" Clary looks back at him, forehead crinkling, and Alec smiles, shrugging. When he lacks an answer, Clary does her best to raise one eyebrow, succeeding in making on eye bigger and the other squinty, lines on the edge of the lash line crinkling. Alec lets a giggle escape him, and she playfully hits him, giggling as well.

"I don't own what it is. He listens, I listen, we both talk. Even if we don't share the same ideals, we can agree and see the other's side," Alec says, looking away, feeling heat creep up his neck when he realizes how true his words are. Clary nods, red curls swinging in a mess.

"I get it. But... Alec," Clary says while her tone drops, and he looks at her. "Doctors are supposed to listen... be supportive... I want you to remember that, not get yourself stuck in some fairy-tale."

"I understand," Alec says plainly, voice going a bit quiet. She nods and squeezes his hand again, and they learn to enjoy the solitude for a few more minutes before exchanging details of their lives. Well, mostly Clary did. Talking about Valentina, her blue eyes and flaming red hair, even though she was still so tiny. Jonathan, who had indeed landed himself in jail for getting too drunk and breaking the rules of his parole, but his release was pushed up. He would be out in time for thanksgiving. More talk about schooling, Clary was going to art school, get some type of degree while carrying on her mother's profession on the side, painting houses and selling artwork. Luke had a job at a variety store, but he would be looking into farming, refusing to go back to the military.

It seemed that life was going to be carry on.

* * *

Magnus felt a hint of envy. Not at the hug between Alec and Clary, but by their feelings. Sibling-like, a family, they were obviously happy to be raised together. Magnus never had the privilege of being raised in a happy family. Still, he chose to sit in the hospital cafeteria, eating quietly and drinking his coffee, letting the two friends have their moment. Spend time with each other. Who knows when they might get it again. Still, it unnerved him how Alec could look at people like they were his whole world, while Magnus did his best in the background, _trying_ as hard as he could to help him, feeling unappreciated.

Sighing, he pulls out his phone. Scrolls through his contacts, staring at Etta's name and number, pulsing softly. Slowly he makes the decision to scroll back up to the top of the list.

"Hey, it's Magnus."

"Magnus! It's early to be phoning, at least for you. Your father isn't too free at the moment," Lilith chatters, the sound of glasses clinking in the background. "He's a bit tied up with some guests."

"Understood. Tell him I called, alright?"

"Hey, hey, wait a second, I want to talk. How's life? How's that guy you were talking about?"

"Um, Alec? Well, he just woke up-"

"Ah, so he does have a name. Wonderful. I-" Lilith's voice goes distant, saying something intelligible into the distant before coming back. "So, how's everything? Did you need anything?"

"Oh, no. Just wanted to... talk." Magnus taps his free hand on the table, staring down at the tray in front of him. Chips, loosely spread from their bag, scattered like forgotten toys. Coffee still steaming, light-brown, delicious smelling. Squeezing his eyes together, he leans on his one free hand. "How are you?"

"Good, everything is fine. Anyone special in your life? Anything new? Other than what has happened with the Denver-fiasco."

"Nothing new. Well..." Magnus pauses, not knowing what to say. What to do, even think. Thinking about the bills he had to pay, mostly with his father's money. His cat, alone and missing him. Luke, whom he was still waiting on for a call. And... Etta. Oh, yes, Etta. Maybe Lilith would want to hear. "I found a girl. Started to sort of... see her."

"Oh a girl! That's great. What's she like?"

"Black hair, blue eyes. A doctor as well, great dancer. Name's Etta. I think you'd really like her, Lilith," Magnus sighs. He meant every word he said. Yet... something wasn't right. Something was off. It felt weird, saying those things, despite the fact that they were true. He did like Etta, after all, but the feeling was not blinding, it felt like he was saying a monolog about a pet than a love interest. Maybe it was the setting, he was talking to a woman on a cruise while he was in a cafeteria after all.

"She sounds nice. Are you going to bring her around?"

"Bring her around?" The thought hadn't occurred to him yet. Not even considered at all. Was he really willing to bring Etta to meet his father and step-mother? That seemed so final, like a real act of commitment, but he was not even sure he wanted commitment with Etta. Dressing up in nice clothes, going for a short fancy dinner, talking and chatting. Not that he did not like chatting with Etta, he loved it. But... confusion was playing mind games.

"Yes, it'd be nice to see another girl that's actually family," Lilith rambles on.

"I'll... I'll ask her."

"Okay. I should really go now, there's a lot of guests. I'll be sure to tell your father you called."

"Bye, Lilith."

"Bye, Magnus."

After they hang up, Magnus stares at the phone, absolutely dumbfounded. Very, very confused. What the hell had happened? Now he needed to talk to Etta... his father would be expecting a dinner... _oh god._ Frustrated, he puts his phone down, vowing not to make any more random calls until things were all figured out. Picking at the rest of the chips quickly, wanting to get back to the room and see how his poor patient was doing. _Patient. Friend._ Was Alec a patient, or a friend? He felt more like a friend, made Magnus feel unashamed of everything wrong he had ever done. Anything that was going to be done. Alec never judged, not harshly anyway. The only other time he felt like that was with close friends, Tessa, Etta, Will, even Camille, but that relationship was a façade, a getaway from the lives they were trying to escape.

Time to go back to the family reunion.

* * *

" _He's mine! Stay away from him!"_

" _He's my son!"_

" _He's not your son, he's not your anything!"_

 _It was the yelling that woke three-year-old Magnus up, who was clutching his teddy bear in a small grasp. Yelling on the doorstep, the porch, running through the house like a gunshot to wake everyone up. Small, but rather tall for a toddler, he climbs out of the bed, tiptoeing across the room and into the hall, making sure there was no creak from the door hinges. The bear was still in his arms. Silently, like a ghost, Magnus moved down the stairs, seeing the man he used to call 'father' leaning against the countertop on the kitchen, head hung. What was wrong? Magnus continued further down, sneaking to the front door._

" _I demand to see him!"_

" _Why? What did you ever do for him? You weren't here all those nights he woke up screaming and crying, for the sick days and the walks to and from school. You never had to prepare him a meal! Like your own father, you would just send him away, let nannies watch as you built your own life. I am raising him like a real man!"_

" _My father? Like you know anything about him," the other voice, the deep voice says, scowling._

" _Well. I wouldn't know, you never made an effort to introduce me." Magnus' mother's voice was getting higher._

" _Of course I didn't! I didn't want you to see my own father, I barely know him myself!"_

" _Exactly! Like father, like son."_

 _His mother sounded angry, but her voice was cracking. Breaking. So the man yelling was 'father', but someone else. Someone else, yelling at his mommy. Magnus creeps up to the front door, peering slowly around the corner, but all he can see is his mother in the doorway, hands on her hips. Small, curvy, with black hair and dark eyes. Magnus wants to run to her, protect her from what is making her so upset, but he knows he can't. Frozen, all that can be done is to listen, watch, wait foe the yelling to stop._

" _A real man? Like that lowlife who hits you? You want that kind of asshole to raise our kid-"_

" _MY kid."_

" _He's my kid too."_

" _You shouldn't have left," her voice breaks, but the fury behind it was terrifying. Slowly, Magnus creeps up behind her, feet padding silently on the porch, the blue-footie pyjamas not making a sound. Seeing a man standing there in front of his mommy, tired but angry looking, until they see Magnus. A smile breaks out on the man's face. His mother turns around quickly, eyes wide._

" _Magnus, back to bed."_

" _But mommy-"_

" _Now," she commands, picking him up and holding him tightly. He grips his bear tighter, looking over her shoulder at the strange man, who makes no effort to come inside. Just standing there, smiling sadly. Magnus pouts, not wanting to sleep, wanting to talk to the funny man who was yelling, with a dark shiny car parked awkwardly in the driveway, dressed in a neat, finely cut suit. Suits were only worn at funerals, weren't they? The boy gets taken upstairs, hands gripping his mommy's shirt._

" _I wanna see the man!"_

" _No."_

" _Why." Magnus demands bluntly, with all the might a toddler could muster. He doesn't receive an answer at first. "Why, mommy. Why, mommy. Why, mommy. Why, mommy. Why, mom-"_

" _Because you're too young. When you're older, you'll know," she hushes him, taking him to his bed. Tucking him tightly in, wrapping the covers as best as she could before kissing his forehead. He settles in, confused but satisfied. Maybe the man will be there in the morning. Hugging his bear close to his chest, admiring the way his mommy, the current love of his life, was looking down at him with a sad smile. Eyes wet, she kisses his forehead again. "You'll have your own family, and you'll know one day."_

* * *

"Hey," Magnus says, walking into the room with some drinks and snacks. Alec and Clary are sitting on the bed, immersed in conversation. Their heads turn, the boy blushing and the girl grinning as she jumps up, going over to sit in the chair. Magnus sets down the cups on the nearby table, two coffees and one iced water, giving the latter cup to Alec. Then, he gives them each a bag of chips, hoping Clary liked plain rippled, like Alec. Two thank-you's later, they were all eating and snacking away silently.

"So, what did you two do while I was gone," Magnus asks, lounging in a chair and eating a few more chips. If he kept it up with all these chips, he was going to gain weight. Clary shrugs, looking at Alec, who keeps on blushing and staring at the food in his hands. "Well, you two are great conversationalists."

"We talked about the fact that Clary can never raise one eyebrow properly," Alec says, looking at the redhead. As if to prove it, Clary tries to raise one eyebrow, only succeeding in making a cartoon glare at both of them. Ridiculous looking, yet charming in its own way. Grinning, Magnus successful raises his right eyebrow, causing Clary to pout in frustration and Alec to start laughing. The atmosphere was nice, calm, joking. Rolling her eyes, Clary eats her chips ruefully.

"How can you two do that," Clary huffs under her breath, and Alec shrugs.

"With magic," Magnus says calmly, looking at Alec and winking before thinking it through. Alec blushes madly and looks down, and Magnus feels like he crossed another line. Blushing himself, he looks at Clary, but luckily she didn't seem to notice the wink, but the silence that followed was obvious. The three of them eating, the only sound the rustling of chip bags and minimal movement.

"I'm back. Um... Magnus, I'm not sure Alec can eat chips," Tessa frowns, hand on the doorframe as she peers inside, disapproving.

"It's only chips," the doctor protests, waving a hand dismissively. Tessa shakes her head, glancing down at her clipboard and talking to Alec.

"The doc wants to keep you for today, and tomorrow afternoon you can be released. I'll let Imogen know tonight, and you'll be taken to the other New York patients, alright?" After Alec nods, Tessa smile and turns to leave, pausing to look at Magnus. "No more chips. And Will wants to see you after."

"Who's Will?" Alec turned to Magnus after Tessa left, looking curious.

"Your new... um, _other_ therapist," Magnus says, balling up his chip bag in a ball and tossing it to the garbage bin.

"The new one?" Alec blinks, looking surprised. And worried. Needing to be reassured.

"Don't worry, he's quite reliable. A loose cannon though... still, he wants to meet the patient who managed to dislocate his jaw with a kick," Magnus shrugs, checking his phone to see if he got any texts. Missing the pale look on Alec's face, but the sound of Clary coughing up her coffee was noticeable.

"Wait, you _kicked_ your doctor?" Clary asks Alec, disbelief in her eyes and she wipes her mouth.

"I didn't know I did that," Alec protests, looking at Magnus. The doctor looks up, seeing their wide-eyed faces, and he sighs, tucking his phone back into his pocket.

"Yes, he was the one who gave you the shot that put him under," Magnus says, sitting up, and Clary snorts.

"It's not funny," Alec scowls at her, but that just causes her to laugh more.

"Jace woulda been proud of you," Clary cackles in her seat. Alec shakes his head, the corners of his mouth being pulled into a smile, and he finishes off his chips. Balling up the bag, expertly throwing it into the trash. Magnus watches, a smile on his face as he takes in the warm scene in front of him. Clary, meanwhile, balls up her own chips bag, aiming for the trash- and hitting the bathroom wall about three feet away. Both men burst into laughter now as Clary blushes, crossing her arms and pouting, mumbling playfully under her breath. "I hate you guys. Hey, can Alec come outside tomorrow? Just for a bit?"

"I'm not sure that's a great idea," Magnus says, watching Clary's hopeful gaze crumble, Alec's sad eyes. Swallowing, biting his lip, Magnus reconsiders. _One day, you'll understand. When you're older. You'll want to give them the world, but sometimes you can only settle for the next best thing._ Magnus knew best didn't mean money. He had money in his life, he still lost the one woman he could call family. Regretting the decision already, he mumbles out a low 'I'll see what I can do', then jumps up and rushes to the door, opening it while the other two watch him, their faces lifting. Sighing, he runs down the hallway. "Tessa, wait! I need a favour."

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** I can say I don't own The Mortal Instruments, but the lack of law suits would be no fun.

 **Dear Readers:** I feel like this chapter was short, but eh. Making Alec and Magnus try to figure out their feelings is going to be a common theme for a bit I guess. Alec really needs to watch what he says... lest something happen... not that it would, but imagine... Imogen finding out and banding Magnus from seeing him... man, that would suck, wouldn't it ;)

If I succumb to no illnesses, I can update every few days for the next while. I might resort to every week. But suggestions are welcome.

 **Lilypotter72:** Thanks for reviewing again, and I'm glad you're still liking where this is heading! I still have a few more characters to introduce...

 **The High Warlock of Glitter:** I'm glad that you were happy with the chapter, and you fell asleep okay. The whole happy-mood was what I was going for in the end. When Alec and Magnus hugged... well, it made me extremely happy too, I like them much better together than apart, though angst does had its moments. And yes, there will be more of Tessa, as well as some others in the future. Thanks for the review!

 **Ella:** Hello new reviewer, thanks for the review! I'm a fan of the ending as well, happy-Malec is forever going to be my thing. Don't worry, as upsetting as some plot points may be, the ending will be happy.


	16. Chapter Sixteen: The Escape

**Chapter Sixteen: The Escape**

* * *

Magnus turns left swiftly after leaving the room, hoping to catch Tessa. Quickly making his way to the front of the building, where the offices were, passing a few patients and doctors, occasionally a visitor. Two more lefts, one right, another left and a staircase, then into the main hall shaped into a circle. Glancing around, he sees Tessa sitting at a desk with a phone in hand. Who had she been talking to? Magnus pauses before walking over, stopping in front of the nurse. She smiles and hangs up the phone, grabbing her clipboard.

"I just finished telling Imogen that Alec will be released in forty-eight hours. Then he'll be taken to the other Institution," Tessa says, making Magnus freeze. _Forty-eight hours._

"... You already did?"

"Well, yes. Why?" Tessa frowns slightly, and Magnus just blinks in response. Forty-either hours in here, then straight back to another boring room. How could Magnus go to Alec and tell him that? He wanted to go outside... maybe he could. It'd be crazy, but a plan might just work. Realizing the risk, plus the cost of failing, it doesn't stop him from asking for Tessa's help.

"I need a favour," Magnus says, and Tessa nods expectantly, waiting. "I'm going to need you to help get Alec out."

"... Like, a referral or something? Only doctors can do referrals... maybe I can phone and ask Imogen-"

"No," Magnus says, reaching out to stop her from picking up the phone. She looks confused and pull her hand away, and Magnus tries to think through his next words. "Clary and Alec both want him to go out, but I don't exactly have permission-"

"No way! You can't do that, you'll get in trouble, and so will I," Tessa says, crossing her arms.

"Shh!" Magnus looks around, but no one had turned their heads. He looks back at Tessa, leaning closer. "Listen, we just need someone to help let him out-"

"No."

"Please," Magnus says, trying to look persuasive. Tessa huffs, looking away.

"We'll get in trouble."

"Not if we don't get caught."

"Magnus-"

"Just for a bit! He deserves fresh-air, he hasn't left the New York Institute in a long time," Magnus begs, leaning on the front desk. Tessa looks back and chews her lip, looking conflicted while thinking everything through. She was a careful woman, a loyal employee that would never betray another's trust, especially a superior. But surely, Tessa would do this for an old friend. After a few long seconds, she nods, waving her arm.

"I'll see what I can do."

"So, yes or no?"

"Go back to the room, I need to make a phone call and I'll see," Tessa says, turning to the phone again. Magnus nod before turning around and walking away, inwardly crossing his fingers on the walk back to the room. A thought surfaces; would Tessa phone someone to report this? Reassuring himself, he knows she wouldn't. They had went to the same high school, known each other for a long time. He could think of a few times they and their friends had sneaked out in the middle of the night more than once, doing a number of no-so-legal things. Silently, Magnus walks into the room and closes the door, looking at Clary and Alec's hopeful faces.

"She's making a phone call, she'll tell me in a few minutes," Magnus answers, and the other two nod. He goes to sit down, waiting for Tessa to come. A minute passes. Alec inquires as to when the nurse will come back. Magnus shrugs as a response. Then ten minutes pass, finally fifteen before she opens the door, closing it right away.

"Well," Magnus says, sitting straight.

"Yes. But it's not going to be easy," Tessa answers, leaning on the door. "Alec has an appointment at four this afternoon, his final one before he leaves, so no one can go today until then. Well, he can't. The doctors won't release him, but he can sneak out-"

"Sneak out?" Clary's eyes widen, and Magnus looks over to see Alec's reaction. He was sitting in his hospital bed, fingers playing with the blankets while watching Tessa. Expression guarded, blue-eyes calmly watching Tessa.

"Yes, because that's the only way he's getting out," Tessa says, crossing her arms with a 'sorry' expression turned on Clary. "You guys will pick up some clothes, bring them here for Alec to change into. I'll let you in and out, but there are people on duty, all who know not to let patient's out after eight O'clock without clearance."

"Why eight?"

"Eight is an hour before the night shift, and _that's_ when you guys are going to come get him. The hallways will mostly be empty besides the main one, to get past there Alec's bracelet will need to be hidden, _and_ he can't look suspicious. He'll need to be here, the day after tomorrow, before ten O'clock in the morning. Does that make sense?" Tessa clasps her hands, looking around the room at all the silent faces. Magnus clears his throat, running a hand through his hair and stretching.

"You want me and Clary to go get clothes... now?" Magnus drops his hands, folding them together.

"Wait, I'm getting sneaked out?" Alec inhales slowly, eyes looking at his hands as he takes in the information.

Tessa is quick to explain. "Yes. For the next while, after this appointment in the afternoon, I'll be taking over your care. I'll cover for you."

"This will end pretty badly if we get caught, won't it," Clary says slowly, frowning.

"It will," Tessa says, not bothering to sugar-coat it. She looks at Magnus again. "I phoned Will. He can drive you and Clary to pick up some stuff. He's also willing to drive you wherever you need to go."

"Of course he is," Magnus snorts. "Everyone really willing to do this?"

"I am," Clary says, looking confident. Everyone looks at Alec, who is staring at the blankets with an unsure look. Slowly looks up to glance at Magnus, then Tessa.

"It's your guy's jobs on the line, so it's your decision."

"Well, I obviously already agreed," Tessa says somewhat regretfully. Alec nods, then looks at Magnus.

"Well..." Magnus sighs, really thinking the plan through. If they got caught... added consequences for Alec, and either a demotion or total job loss for Magnus. He looks at his patient, whose blue eyes are trying hard not to be hopeful, hiding the joy he feels at the idea of being outside for a while. "Yeah, I'm good with it."

"Alright. Will is going to be out front in a bit, to pick you two up," Tessa says while looking at Clary and Magnus, then she looks at Alec, who was fixated on the covers again. "Get some sleep, you're going to feel exhausted in a while."

She leaves after Alec nods, and the three of them are left alone. Clary stands up, shuffling over to the bed and hugging Alec tightly. She whispers something, causing him to blush and nod, and she pulls away to move over to the door. Her steps were light, fully of happiness. Magnus goes to give Alec a quick one-armed hug, causing the latter to stiffen before hugging back awkwardly. A few seconds later, the two visitors are walking out the door. Magnus glances back at Alec, who has resumed the act of focusing on the covers curled in his hands, brows furrowing. The view disappears as Magnus goes down the hall, dull white and blue paint replacing the image. The doctor guesses the feelings on Alec's face were guilt, for what was about to happen. Anything that could happen, the situation going wrong in many different ways.

"This is crazy," Clary mumbles as she walks down the hallway, hands stuck deeply into her jeans. Magnus nods mutely, leading the way to the front door, where the parking lot waited beyond.

"What did you guys talk about," Magnus asks when they are outside, waiting by the driveway. Clary shrugs, crossing her arms and leaning on a wall.

"Nothing really."

"Nothing?"

Clary looks at Magnus, who has his eyebrows raised questioningly, and she shrugs while looking away. "Personal things."

"Ah. Personal things." Magnus nods and looks around, willing for their ride to show up. "Did Luke phone you yet?"

Clary shakes her head out of the corner of his vision, hand disappearing as she searches her jacket pockets for her phone. "Not even a text."

Magnus nods, looking out across the street, checking around. Some people pass every now and then, mostly civilians, though a few were medics. He checks his own phone, staring at the zero amount of missed calls and texts. _No need to rush contacting me,_ Magnus thinks to himself with a smile. Not wanting to be left alone to thoughts, especially at a time where stress was already present enough, he asks Clary a question: "What's a downworlder?"

"I'm sorry?" Clary turns around, and he shrugs. "Only Alec says that."

"I know, but he hasn't told me what it _means_. I'm sorry if it's inappropriate to ask, but I can barely figure out myself," Magnus says, and Clary rolls a shoulder in response, turning away.

"I should let him tell you that."

"Come on. He doesn't tell me everything-"

"You've got to give him _time,_ " Clary stresses the last word.

"I'm curious," Magnus say, voice pleading. Clary looks at him while crossing her arms, green eyes squinting.

"He really doesn't tell you everything? You're his doctor. He trusts you."

"Well, apparently not enough," Magnus says, looking away. "He could completely hate me and I would probably never pick up on it."

Clary laughs, looking over her shoulder with a smile. "Oh, he doesn't hate you."

"Sometimes, I feel as though he does. He gets quiet and moody, or very upset, and I get confused on how to fix things. I feel like I can't fix things, and that Alexander will never want to talk to me again," Magnus says, eyes fixed forward as he leans on the wall himself. Watching an old lady and a younger woman exit the hospital, the latter helping the other woman along. Slowly hobbling in a pair across the parking lot to a car. He looks back at Clary, who's grinning and stifling a laugh. "What is it?"

"Nothing." She turns away. "Downworlder is just some random category in his mind. When we were younger, we used to do that to people. Well, not me really, but Jace definitely would. Alec used to talk about seeing _things_ when we were younger, and the rest of us would do our best to help him deal with it. Downworlder doesn't necessarily mean _bad,_ in fact it could be seen as a good thing if he sees you as one, because he still trusts you."

"Oh." Magnus nods, looking around again. The two of them stand in silence, waiting as patiently as they can. Another fifteen minutes pass, and a rental van that says _Airport_ on the licence pulls up, swerving next to them. Magnus glances into the passenger window, grinning before jumping in. Clary follows, hoping nervously into the middle seat.

"Nice to see you, Magnus," Will says cheerfully, driving recklessly away from the hospital before the two passengers even have their seatbelts buckled.

"Nice to see you too, Will," Magnus sighs. He barely had time to talk to his old friend, with the past weeks being spent either at the hotel or hospital. Still, Will looks like the same guy from London; blue eyes and black hair, fair skin smooth and without any stress lines. He hadn't aged since three years ago, the last time Magnus saw him at Camille's funeral. Driving out into the street, earning a few angry honks from other drivers, Will glances into the rear view mirror.

"And the lovely lady in the back must be Clary. I'm Will."

"Nice to meet you," Clary says, smiling. Will grins and looks at Magnus, who was clutching the arm rests for dear life.

"Relax, Magnus, I got this."

"You're a maniac when you drive," Magnus says, and Will huffs before putting his eyes on the road. Turning onto the right lane, cutting off someone else, the man holds no fear in his steady gaze.

"I've gotten better than our younger years."

"Jem wouldn't agree."

"He forgave me for crashing his parents old car," Will protests, speeding up to pass three cars before turning back into the other lane. Magnus swallows, trying to do his best to settle in his seat. He never drove for a few years, preferring trains and subways over road vehicles. If he ever crashed, he could at least say it wasn't his fault.

"I'd rather be _alive_ before we arrive at the store, you know," Magnus says, looking at the driver. Will nods, easing up a bit on the pedal.

"So, where are we going? Walmart?"

"Seems good," Magnus replies, and Will sighs as he speeds up to the intersection ahead. Making a U-turn that was definitely not legal, which earns a shriek from the back, and Will winces. "Will!"

"Sorry, Mags," Will laughs, glancing in the mirror again. "You alright back there?"

"I will be when you stop checking up on me and keep your eyes on the road," Clary replies indignantly. Still smiling, Will focuses on the road again. The trio fall into silence as their journey continues, the trip hazardous but no casualties occur. Magnus takes the silence as time to relax, thinking about the upcoming night. Alec and Clary could both stay at the hotel with him, seeing as she definitely wasn't going back to New York anytime soon. Luke also still hadn't phoned either of them. Alec was... well, he seemed happy during their short visit. Looked weak though, and much skinnier. Hopefully he would use his afternoon to take a nap and eat something before the 'escape plan'.

"Well, we're here," Will says, and Magnus looks out the window, seeing hundreds of car and signs, other stores and a gigantic Mc Donald's, but not the store they were looking for. The car takes a quick turn right, the force pushing them right before they pull up straight in front of Walmart. Will looks for a place to park, ignoring the glares he receives. "You know, I personally have not gone shopping in the States for a while, and I would like to take this moment to search for mementos."

"Where are you from," Clary asks as they pull safely into a parking lot, thankfully not running over pedestrians or scratching the sides of other vehicles.

"Wales, spent my childhood at either The Academy, or causing trouble at the local orphanage. Magnus here can attest to that," Will says, unbuckling his seat belt and putting the van into park, turning off the engine.

"You guys are orphans?" Clary sounds shocked as she pulls off her own belt, jumping out of the car. Magnus follows, glad to be on his own feet after the trip.

"We are not, but I ran away from home," Will says, climbing out and locking at the doors. He leads the way to the front of the store, ignoring the honking from an angry truck driver who was about to cross the parking lot. "Magnus is not really an orphan, I just met him at The Academy."

"Oh. Makes sense, I guess," Clary says, sticking close to Magnus' side. The three of them enter the store, the building very empty this early in the morning. Will stops and turns around, waiting for one of the other two to lead the way. Magnus decides to go straight to the clothes section, wanting to be as quick about this as possible. Hard to find past other signs and tall shelves, the white words _Men's Section_ on a blue sign near the middle of the store hangs waiting. What did Alec like to wear? Magnus guesses _not_ white, which was one of the only colours patients wore. Bright colours? Blacks, probably.

"What are you getting," Will asks, sticking his hands in his pockets as he walks along, taking in all the sights. Shelves and racks all around, there was an entire section dedicated to pants, black and blue making up the majority. Though, there were a few eye-catching pink and orange ones. Another section, filled with shirts. T-shirts, dress shirts, even a rack of rainbow-coloured ponchos. But Alec would never forgive Magnus if he spent his first time outside in a long while decked out in ponchos and neon overalls. "How about... a brown shirt? Looks pretty normal."

"Brown won't bring out his eyes well," Magnus says, shaking his head as he walks through the aisles, eyeing a yellow muscle shirt. Will makes a face.

"He'll look like a duck if you get him that. I don't like ducks."

Magnus rolls his eyes, glancing at a light blue dress-shirt. "Will, as surprising as it may be, this isn't about you. Maybe black. Depressing, but it would suit him. Bring out those eyes, which is what I'm going for-"

"This isn't a photo shoot," Will says, glancing at the blue shirts that Magnus grabs. "If you're going to buy him something flashy, get him a suit."

"He might not be comfortable in expensive clothing."

"Then let's go to a homeless shelter."

"Whatever, I'm getting all-black," Magnus says, walking to another shelf. Two T-shirts, another collared shirt, a cardigan. Will wanders around, looking at random clothes and items while Clary silently watches. Magnus sighs. "Does Alec even like black?"

"Are you kidding? It was all he lived in before the hospital," Clary announces, walking up to him while looking at the dark articles. Magnus guesses this amount of clothes was a bit much, but he didn't know what to pick. "Try some sweaters too."

"Understood," Magnus says to her, picking out a pull-over hoodie, then a zipped up one. He'd prefer a bit of colour, but if this was what his patient wanted, then so be it. Clary walks closely behind as they scan more shelves, her face looking apprehensive.

"Magnus, how are we paying for these?"

"I will, of course," Magnus says with a shrug.

Clary raises her eyebrows, surprise flying across her features. "Really? You would do that?"

"Anything for Alec," Magnus responds, picking up a black jacket. He looks at Clary, smiling. "You know what size he is in pants?"

"I'll look for them," she says, turning and dashing off to the next section, where Will is sorting through some clothes. Magnus watches her sighing inwardly and reaching into his pocket, pulling out his wallet. One twenty in cash, as well as a few credit cards. How much was in them? There was the black and silver one connected to his father's account, filled by Asmodeus whenever Magnus needed money. How much was left in it? There was also a silver card, the one that was filled up with 50% of his pay check. A red one, Camille's, and Magnus realizes how creepy it was that he still had it. Should have been cleaned out with the rest of his apartment. He just never bothered to throw it out, or even empty it of the money. There had to still be a few thousand in it, being unused for so long.

Deciding to make a phone call to his father about his own account, he walks away into another aisle, making sure the surrounding area is empty before digging for his phone.

"Hey, it's Magnus," he says nervously, shuffling his feet.

"Magnus! I was going to phone you back soon, we're near Paris at the moment, had some guests over. Lilith said you were seeing someone?" Asmodeus was talking with the air of someone who was slightly distracted, but Magnus was used to that. His father was busy, lots of things always on his mind, always looking to the next big thing.

"Yes, well, not really. I'm not sure yet..."

"Confused?"

"Completely," Magnus laughs, the sound coming out tense. "That's not what I was phoning about."

"What is wrong?"

"Nothing. Not really. Look, you remember the patient I came to see," Magnus says, taking his father's silence as a yes. "Well, he's coming out for a bit... I wanted to buy him something to wear. I need to know how much is in my account."

"This is the same patient you flew to Denver for?" Asmodeus asks slowly, sounding unsure.

"Yes."

"... You're buying him clothes."

"Um, well, yes. He can't exactly pay for them," Magnus explains. There is a silence again, the other line dead quiet. Magnus waits, almost certain he was hung up on before there is a response.

"You're spending a lot of money on this boy."

"Um... uh-huh," Magnus says with a pause, not sure where his father was going with this.

"You asked for money to take a trip on extremely short notice, after not talking to me for months. Despite that there were other doctors who could have attended to his needs. You ask for money to stay in a hotel near him, you've spent the last weeks doting over his recovery, and now you want money to buy him things," Asmodeus states clearly, voice strong. Magnus swallows, nervously running a hand through his hair. "You do realize how this sounds, yes?"

"He's just my patient, who I happen to care deeply for."

"How deeply?"

"Don't you dare start analysing me," Magnus warns. "You know I hate when you try to read me like that."

"I was once a psychiatrist, I cannot help it. Not my fault you are obviously infatuated with this patient," Asmodeus says, sarcasm light in his voice. "Magnus, this is a bad idea."

"Come on, please?"

"No."

"Do I have to beg?"

"You're willing to beg for him?"

"Damn it," Magnus huffs crossly. "It's not like that. I just need a bit of money for clothes to get him out unnoticed-"

"You're _sneaking_ him out?" Asmodeus' voice rises, and Magnus knows he just made a mistake. "If you get caught-"

"He wants to get out, just for a while!"

"You're willing to risk your _job_?"

"... Father," Magnus says slowly, trying to sound persuasive. "He's been stuck in mental institutions for the past three years. This means a lot to him."

"It obviously means a lot to you, too, if you're asking me this favour," Asmodeus says warningly. "Don't try to guilt me into this, I have more years of experience than you. It'd be in your best interests not to do this."

"I'm doing this, father. You don't know him like I do, you don't understand the meaning behind it."

"I understand that you are willing to risk a lot for him. Spend money on him. Reminds me of a certain ex-wife," Asmodeus says, bringing Magnus' mind back to Camille.

"Like mom," Magnus shoots back with hurt.

"Don't bring up your mother," Asmodeus says.

"Then don't up Camille."

"I just don't want you to make another mistake. I don't want this boy to take advantage of you, just because he has a sad sob story," Asmodeus says, sounding softer. Magnus knows what he is trying to say, but his father is _wrong._

"Alexander would never use me."

"You can't be sure of that."

"Who are you talking to?" Clary comes up behind Magnus, carrying a few black and blue jeans.

"I have to go," Magnus says into the phone quickly.

"Magnus, I don't think you should keep seeing this boy. You care too much."

"I do care about him a lot, maybe more than I should. I'll deal with it," Magnus says confidently into the phone before hanging up. He looks at Clary, who was standing awkwardly, watching with large green eyes. "Sorry, had to make a phone call."

"You were talking about Alexander," Clary says, and Magnus raises his eyebrows. "I overheard a bit. Who were you talking too?"

"No one. It's not important," Magnus mumbles, shoving his phone into his pocket. Running a hand through his already messy hair, forcing a smile at Clary to appear normal, he turns to look for Will. "Let's go pay for these things."

Clary follows silently, and Magnus can feel her eyes on the back of his head. Cheeks burning either with embarrassment or anger, he finds and drags Will away from the electronics section, pulling them to the checkout. Picking a few more things on the way as they pass, like a tooth brush, random shampoo bottles, drinks. The cashier puts item after item through the scanner as soon as they are at the front of the store. The money on the screen slowly increases. Magnus pulls out his card, praying there is money in it as it slips into the scanner. Pressing a few buttons. _Beep._ Denied. Sheepishly, he digs for his other card as Will and Clary watch, the cashier staring with boredom as a hand rests on her hip. Magnus plugs in his own card. _Denied_ , there wasn't enough money in it. Panicking, he looks in his wallet.

 _This is a bad, bad idea._ Having no choice, he pulls out the red card, hands shaking while he puts in the number. The cashier looks at the screen.

"I'm going to need to see some other ID, this card hasn't been used in over a year," the cashier says, crossing her arms. Magnus panics, digging in his wallet, hoping, praying.

"Uh, here, will this do?" Magnus holds an old ID for a club he went to long ago, with his wife. The woman takes it, raising an eyebrow. There was no photo on this ID, but there was a name, as well as certain information matching the card.

"This says your name is... Camille?" The cashier raises an eyebrow at him. "Camille B. Bane? What's the B stand for?"

"Um... B-Barry," Magnus says, not sure if he should've used Camille's maiden name. "I go by Barry, not Camille."

"I'm sure you understand, _Ursula_ ," Will says, stressing the name that he reads on the cashier's name tag. Smirking, he leans forward on the counter. "You don't share the same looks as the dreaded witch, though."

The cashier goes red in the face, and she hastily says 'sorry' while packing the things in a bag. Magnus takes the bags from her, turning around and briskly walking out of the store, Will and Clary trailing behind. When they arrive at the van, Will locks the door, and Magnus tosses the bags into the back before jumping in the front without a word. Not wanting to talk about the mortifying situation they just went through, the thought of his father's attitude still fresh in his mind also. Did Asmodeus cancel his card? Most likely. Damn, if they weren't the worst father-and-son pair ever.

Will pulls out of the parking lot again, whipping the entire van around while looking at Magnus with an unreadable expression. "You still have Camille's card?"

"I don't want to discuss it," Magnus replies coldly.

"Who's Camille?" Clary asks, but no one answers. They all fall into an awkward silence, driving along the road in their own thoughts for about five minutes, before Will looks at Magnus.

"I know you appear to have a lot on your mind, but where am I going?"

"Um... well, we have until nine tonight. And I could use something to eat right now," Magnus says, shrugging. Will nods, making a sharp turn right and speeding across two parking lots to a KFC. He orders them chicken and fries before speeding away again. Clary eats, not talking either, all three of them trying to figure out how to pass the day. Well, Will does; Clary sits silently to her own thoughts while Magnus tries to figure out to call his father again. Apologize. But now, his brain just wanted to go to bed. A bed sounds so nice...

"You guys are quiet," Will comments.

"Lot on our minds," Clary says with a sigh.

"I could put on music! Or better yet, sing!"

"Oh, please don't Will," Magnus groans, his pleading falling on deaf ears.

"Out there! There's a world outside of yonkers," Will sings, voice smooth and strong.

"Wall-E!" Clary exclaims excitedly from the back, earning a huge grin from Will. Magnus groans louder, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the seat.

"Way out beyond this hick tooown... Barnaby... listen, Barnaby!" Will laughs, continuing. " _There's a slick town, Barnaby. Out there, full of shine and full of sparkle. Close your eyes and see it glisten... Barnaby."_

" _Listen, Barnaby,"_ Clary joins in softly.

"Oh, please, for the love of god," Magnus says, groaning louder, but still laughing at the duet.

"Put on your Sunday clothes, there's lots of world out theeere!" Will and Clary chant together, voices singing along with a beautifully matching melody. Magnus sighs softly, eyes still closed as he enjoys the tune swaying throughout the van. _"Get out the brilliantine and dime cigars! We're going to find adventure in the evening air! Girls in white in a perfumed night where the lights are as bright as the stars! Put on your Sunday clothes, we're gonna ride through town. In one of those new horse drawn open cars._

" _We'll see the shows at Delmonicos,_

" _And we'll close the town in a whirl,_

" _And we won't come home until we kissed a girl!"_

" _Magnus, wasn't that wonderful?" Camille pulls on his sleeve with excitement, blonde hair bouncing. He nods, smiling at his father in the driver's seat. Lilith applies her lipstick, asking Camille is she has seen Wall-E before. Camille shakes her head. Another question, Asmodeus asking if they're hungry. They all nod, and the car pulls into drive-in, and the four of them get out, walking into a restaurant. Salads, steak, hamburgers, the four wait for their meal at a table, looking like a real family. Magnus watches Camille chat with the adults, speaking with a sophistication and demeanour far beyond her fifteen-year-old self. Another reason he loves her, because she was so mature and knew exactly what she wanted, when she wanted it, but still keeping her inner thoughts to herself. So mysterious._

" _Well, I need to freshen up, excuse me," Camille says, standing and walking away. Pink dress swaying nicely from her hips, Magnus watches her walk away sadly._

" _Nice girl," Lilith laughs, smiling, but Asmodeus just nods, eyes on his son. Magnus doesn't look at him, fearing his father will try and read his emotions. Or, much worse, Camille's... he didn't know why, but the thought of his father finding something out about Camille put Magnus on edge. Yes, she was mysterious, but she had nothing to hide, right?_

" _Your orders," the waiters says, coming back. Magnus excuses himself to go find Camille, standing and walking to the restroom. Pausing at the door and knocking, he gets no response. It was one of those single-washrooms, with only one toilet inside. Magnus looks around, seeing no one in the hallway, and so he decides to enter. It wasn't like he hadn't been this close to his girlfriend before._

" _Camille, the food is here-"_

" _Magnus!" Camille yells, practically jumping in the air from shock. Magnus freezes, looking at her; five dollar bill rolled up in her hand, white powder on her nose, the same white powder on a mirror laying on top of the sink. He stands there, unsure of what to do, and she hastily knocks the powder into the garbage bin, putting the money and mirror back into her purse. Standing there, eyes wide with fear as she knows she's just been caught by the one person she didn't want to be. Magnus closes the door, leaning on it, eyes watering up._

" _How could you?!"_

" _Magnus, I'm sorry, it's just something that takes the edge off, you know? I don't do too much. I'm not even dangerous," Camille whispers, her own eyes watering as a tear slides down her cheek. She turns away, grabbing a paper towel and rinsing it under cold water, wiping her eyes. Trying to fix her make up while babbling on and on. "I just get so stressed, and so, so angry, thinking about everything. It's recreational, not a problem at all, I promise I'll stop if you want me to, I just didn't want to tell you because of your mother, I know she overdosed-"_

" _Just get ready, our food's here," Magnus whispers coarsely. He wipes at his eyes. "I understand, it's nothing Camille, just stop after tonight."_

 _Magnus rushes from the room, heading back to the table. Not staying long enough to see Camille's heartbroken face. Minutes later, she comes back, and the four sit at the table, conversing and joking as they enjoy their meal. Camille nervously touching Magnus' wrist every now and then, Lilith joking, oblivious to the other couple's tense behaviour. Asmodeus continues to get along well, but his well-trained eyes never leave the couple. Staring at Camille with a subtle loathing he was able to hide well from Magnus for years, seeing something his son couldn't see yet. Maybe Magnus did see, but chose to ignore; all those times Camille asked for money ringing in the back of his head. She used him, still was, still would, until the last day she ever would ask for a favour again, and Magnus would obey, driving on the street and hitting-_

With a jolt, Magnus sits up, eyes wide as he struggles to undo the seat belt, his heart beating fast. A hand lands on his shoulder, and he looks to the side to see Will, frowning, his blue eyes wide.

"Magnus, you okay?"

"Nightmare," Magnus responds, leaning back into the seat. He notices Will holding something in his hand, a huge pink puff on a cone. "Where'd you get that?"

"There," Will says, pointing in front of the car. They were parked in front of a park, a Ferris wheel spinning in the air, rides diving and soaring on tracks and small booths spinning in the air. Screams, echoing across the parking lot, cheers and gasps filling in every now and then. Lights flashing in the evening air, the sun starting to go down. How long had he been asleep? Clary puts a hand on Magnus' shoulder from the back seat, startling him, so she quickly lets go.

"We passed by, and you fell asleep," Clary explains. "We bought you cotton-candy though. Oh, and Alec too."

"It's already eight-thirty," Magnus says, taking a cone of blue clouds from her outstretched hand. Hands shaking, he holds the cone in a sweaty grip as Will starts up the car.

"We came back to wake you," Will says, backing up. "Decided we should put this plan into action."

"We should take Alec here tomorrow," Clary comments, and Magnus nods sleepily, blinking his eyes. Feeling them water up, he wipes at them, ignoring the questioning gaze from Will as they set out on the road. All three of them focusing on the sugary candy, letting the puffs melt in their mouths as the screams and shouts, jubilant music disappearing behind them. The van falls into silence, and Magnus can feel the other two watching him. He settles for staring at passing cars and buildings, guilt scraping at his insides as he remembers the dream, the past sitting freshly in his mind with a warning. _You let people take advantage of you because you empathize too much. Then they die._

They get to the hospital soon enough, waiting for the clock to hit nine while slowly consuming the last of the candy. Will says he's going to wait in the car, and Clary will go in with Magnus. She grabs one of the bags full of clothes, emptying it before filling it with a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. More waiting, too which Will spends his time playing I-spy by himself, due to a tired Clary and unenthusiastic Magnus. _Eight-fifty-five._ Soon, they could go in.

 _Beep beep beep._

Everyone in the car looks at Magnus, who pulls out his phone to check the ID. _Etta._

"Hey," Magnus says warily, not wanting to talk to her at all. Not at this very moment anyway.

"Hey. Just wanted to see how you're doing. Chairman misses you," she sighs, and Magnus smiles softly. She was a reliable person to watch his cat, she loved the small ball of fluff to bits.

"That's good."

"What are you up to?"

"Um..." Magnus glances at the clock. _Eight-fifty-six._ "E, I love talking to you, but now is not the best time."

"Aw, alright," she says, sounding a bit saddened. "I just thought about what you said earlier, about starting something."

"Okay," Magnus says, chewing the inside of his cheek. She sighs again, creating static on the line as she takes her time with her words. _Damn it, hurry up Etta..._

"Yeah. If you want to, you seemed so eager before," Etta says, referring to the fact that he did not seem eager to chat now. "I understand if you want to keep our relationship purely platonic-"

"No, I mean... yes. No. I don't know," Magnus says, staring at the clock, hands gripping the phone. Etta pauses, not sure what to say.

"You don't know."

"Yeah. I like you Etta, I really do, but," Magnus watches the clock switch to eight-fifty-seven. "But, I'm not sure... I don't know, my feelings for you don't... they aren't the same as..."

"...As?" Etta questions, confused when Magnus trails off. "As... Camille?"

"Yes. I mean, no. I don't know, Etta, this is just a stressful time right now, I just got into an argument into my father, and I already told him and Lilith about you..." he trails off, not wanting to pour his feelings out in one go. Will whistles, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, reminding Magnus that he isn't alone. "Look, I really need to go."

"You don't want to talk about it?"

"No, not now, preferably not ever," Magnus says irritably, the seconds moving by. "I need to go."

"Magnus, just hear me out," Etta says, then pauses again. "I do like you, want to start something, but if you don't want to, I understand. I don't think we can go back to doctor-patient relationship after this, so that's why I want a decision now."

"You're right, we can't," Magnus says quietly. _Eight-fifty-eight._ Will taps Magnus' arm, pointing to the front of the building where Tessa is standing, arms crossed and waiting. "Goodbye, Etta."

Without realizing how his words might have sounded, Magnus hangs up, opening the car door and jumping out with Clary. She clutches the bag tightly in her hand, following him as they cross the parking to Tessa. Both of them were nervous, but the plan should go smoothly, no one would question them. Etta's words are emblazed on the back of Magnus' mind. His own words, _Goodbye, Etta._ So cold and final, hopefully Etta would not be too mad. But now was not the time to think about relationships, past or present. He couldn't think about his parents either. The plan right now had to be focused on.

Suddenly, another phone goes off, and Magnus checks his before realizing it's Clary's. She pulls it out and holds it to her ear quickly, wincing when yelling can be heard.

"It's Luke, go on ahead," Clary says, handing Magnus the bag before holding the phone up, walking back to the car. Luke's angry voice can be heard, yelling and upset sounding. "Yes, Luke, I'm fine. Didn't you read the note? I left it right on the counter. No, it's in-service, I had absolutely no classes today. Where I am... well, you should have read the note!"

Clary's voice fades into the distance as Magnus approaches Tessa, and they walk inside together. It was true, about the hospital being quieter; no guards on duty in the lobby, a few doctors and medics scurrying around, some visitors finally leaving. People waiting to be seen, chatting quietly as the hour gets later. Tessa pulls Magnus into a hallway that's almost empty, leaning in to talk under her breath.

"I'm on duty at the desk, this way no one else can question you and Alec when you go. Fifteen minutes, that's how much time you have before more people arrive for the next shift. No visitors are still supposed to be here, so walk around like you belong here, no one should stop you."

"You're kidding me right?"

"Just stay calm. Get in there, get out fast, or a guard might see you and stop you," Tessa warns, stepping away and walking to the front desk again. Magnus sighs heavily, turning around to run up the stairwell, slowing down to draw less suspicion to himself. Self-conscious, he tries to walk with his head held high, a confident look in his eyes. People tended to leave others alone if they looked confident, sure of themselves. Turning down the hallways, passing a few doctors and the occasional patient, he finds himself at Alec's door. _Easy enough._

He enters the room, turning on a light when he sees how dark it is. Shutting the door softly behind him, he makes his way to the bed, where Alec had fallen asleep. Black hair messy, one bandaged arm across his chest while the other one was laying lazily on the pillow above, he looks peaceful. Sleep softens his jawline, black lashes resting closed, and Magnus doesn't want to move him, wake him up. Regretfully, Magnus lightly shakes his shoulder.

"Alec."

The only response is a soft groan.

"Alec, wake up!" Magnus shakes him a little harder, and Alec's eyes flutter open, blue slowly appearing between black. Turning his head, he sees Magnus there.

"Where... oh... is it nine already?" Alec wipes at his eyes with his one good hand, shaking his head while straightening up. The ink black locks fall down onto his forehead, and Magnus is satisfied to see that his hair was recently cut, allowing the vivid blue irises to be seen much easier.

"Yes, and we've go to go, while there are less people in the hallway." Magnus holds out the bag, and Alec slowly pulls himself out of the bed, taking the clothes with a shaky hand. He goes into the washroom to change, and Magnus looks at the messy bed, fixing the sheets. A bit of a clean freak, but only at awkward times. Tucking the sheets in, fixing the blanket on the top so it hangs over the edge neatly, hiding a bit of extra equipment stored underneath.

 _Thump._

"Alec?" Magnus turns around, running into the washroom, only to find Alec stuck in the tub with his boxers on, arms in the air as the T-shirt was stuck on his head. Resisting the urge to laugh, Magnus goes over to help him up, fixing the stubborn shirt. Alec's face was bright red, head ducking with embarrassment as he grabs the black pants hanging over the edge to the tub. Magnus smiles, but was still a bit worried. "You okay Alec?"

"I'm fine," the other man replies quickly, then suddenly looks up. Magnus turns around, hearing the voice too.

"Hey, you alright in there?" Someone was in the hallway. Alec runs into the room, pants clutched in his hands as he panics and looks for a place to hide. Magnus frowns, looking at the shower, seeing it has a sliding door that was very much see through. He runs into the room as well, trying his best to step silently, watching the shadow on the other side of the door. _Oh no, no, no._ There had to be somewhere to hide. The chair? Too obvious. Shower... no, too obvious as well. Maybe if he turns off the bathroom light... maybe there was a cabinet...

"Is anyone in there?" There is a tapping on the door.

His heart racing, Magnus looks at the bed, watching one of Alec's limbs disappear under the blanket. Having no choice, Magnus races to turn off the lights before diving under the blanket and squeezing beneath the bed, just in time for the person to open the door.

Trying not to breathe loudly, Magnus painfully leans on his elbows, trying not to squish Alec beneath him. _This isn't going as planned._ Why didn't he just stand in the room, come up with an excuse for the visit? The light turns on, a shadow passing over the blanket. Heavily booted feet thumping past, moving into the washroom. Fear racing through his veins, adrenaline pulsing, Magnus tries to manoeuvre into a more comfortable position, only to accidentally knee Alec between the legs. The doctor winces, resisting the urge to blurt out an apology to his already hurt patient. But the man below him somehow manages to keep quiet.

The sounds of a walkie-talkie echo through the room as whoever was in the washroom comes out.

"Hey, front desk, I need a report for a possibly missing patient, over," the deep voice says. Garbled voices reply, and Magnus looks up to see the person's feet right by the bed, one foot tapping impatiently. _A guard._ Shit, now they were screwed, of all the possible things that could go wrong...

Magnus closes his eyes, praying for a miracle. The voices comes through the room again, indistinct and loud. Arms aching painfully, he tries to move again, making Alec softly cry out. Terrified, the doctor reaches up a hand to cover up the cry. Alec copies him, succeeding in slamming Magnus' hand into his own face. The guard doesn't hear, too busy repeating his instructions into the walkie-talkie and pacing around the room. Slowly, the doctor tries to move again... Alec moans into his hand, and Magnus tries hard not to be upset with him as he tries to move away to give him some space. His leg brushes against Alec again, creating another sound, and Magnus is convinced it is a yell of pain until he feels something hard pressing up against his leg.

Mortified, he manages to turn his head to look at Alec, who's eyes are tightly closed and still hasn't moved his hand away from Magnus'. His entire face was red, and Magnus was sure his was turning the exact same shade.

"Hey, I need a check up at the front desk," the guard says loudly, irritated and impatient. Neither men move under the bed, and Magnus is silently wishing for some type of miracle out of this situation. If they were caught... well, a patient hiding under the bed in an extremely awkward position with his doctor who was trying to sneak them out, while _said_ patient has the most obvious hard-on ever... that was bound to bring bad things. Magnus realizes Alec never exactly put on the pants either... _oh, god, if I get caught, there goes my career_. And, of course, Alec's chance at freedom, even if it was only for a short time _._

He still needed to talk to his father, _and_ Etta, and doing it through a telephone with a slab of glass in front of him while wearing an orange jumpsuit was not the way to do it.

Etta... damn, he needed to phone her. What must she think of him? Hell, if she could see him now, what would she think? _Do I really care_? Well, he did... but something about their relationship was _off_. Though, this probably was not the right time to think about their relationship. _But, I don't... want to be with her?_ Was that it?

He looks at Alec again, then slowly tries to pull his hand away and move back.

The guard stops pacing, and Alec opens his eyes, looking like a deer does when a car was racing toward it in the middle of a highway. Fear, surprise, not knowing what to do. The guard starts pacing again, huffing, but not coming to check under the bed thankfully. Magnus tries, unsuccessfully to move away again, but the tiny space didn't allow for much movement. Heat was pressing up much harder against his leg, and he decides that moving around is the last thing that should be done.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Magnus tries not to move as the guard doesn't leave yet, praying for all this to be over.

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** I still don't own TMI ):

 **Dead Readers:** CLIFFHANGER. I hope you all like this chapter! I felt like it dragged on, and was quite long, probably the longest chapter yet, but I wanted all of those scenes in it. Consider this the start of... a new arc? I'll try and update the next chapter tomorrow, so keep a look out for a fast update. Or maybe I'll be cruel, make everyone wait a month. ;) Also, from here on out, I'm going to make the rating M, just to be safe. I did my best to edit, but I'll admit, I miss a lot during this process.

 **The High Warlock of Glitter:** Thanks for reviewing again! I hope this was something like what you were looking for...


	17. Chapter Seventeen: The Mistake

**Chapter Seventeen: The Mistake**

* * *

Alec was having a dream just under ten minutes ago, and a damn good one it started as. _Drinks, out on the beach at Idris Resort, Isabelle leaning against his leg and Jace splashing in the water with Clary, both out in the far distance. He knew it was a dream, not just because most of the people in the dream were dead, but the fact that they were older. Clary was riding Jace's back with a smile. A bright sun setting behind her, turning the sky from light blue to a yellow-orange. It was nice, the sounds of the sea and wind echoing everywhere calmly, sun glistening off the bright blue water. Still, there was a loneliness about everything. There was something Alec wanted, something he knew, but it crawled in the far back of his mind. Out of reach. Shouldn't be that important..._

But that was ten minutes ago. Now, he had just tried to put on 'normal people clothes' and was going to make a short escape, but then fell into the tub, arms and head caught in his shirt. Magnus had to help him up. Which was slightly bearable, but Alec felt too embarrassed to even give _that_ situation any thought, so he tried so shove his pants on, but the damn guard had to come in giving him no time to properly dress and now he was shoved under his hospital bed with his _therapist_ on top of him, Magnus' leg not-so-subtly rubbing between his own.

Now, Alec was waiting for sweet merciful death to take him as he supresses the urge to moan, because Magnus had not noticed his arousal yet and the guard had not caught them.

"Hey, front desk, I need a report for a possibly missing patient, over," the deep voice of the guard says.

 _Alec, it's a guard, he's near the bed,_ Isabelle says somewhere in the room, but her voice fades a bit when Magnus shifts his weight, leg moving. A part of Alec is praying, absolutely hoping the guard will go away. Willing Magnus to move away. Willing Magnus to move again, just to feel the friction on his growing hard-on-

Alec got his wish. Magnus moves, making Alec gasp and groan. The doctor tries to quiet him with his hand, but Alec tries to do the same, and he successfully makes himself get slapped with both their hands. But he doesn't dare lift his hand, because if another moan escapes him-

 _Damn it, Magnus, stop moving!_ Alec moans, sure that this time the pleasure behind it is obvious. He felt like a thirteen year old boy again, unable to control himself. Hyper-aware of the guard who luckily is too busy talking on his walkie-talkie, noticing the fact that Magnus completely stiffens with his leg squished between Alec's thighs. Isabelle is somewhere in the distance swearing about the guard who needs to go away- Alec squeezes his eyes together tightly when he feels Magnus move again, not able to look the doctor in the eyes. More rubbing; another moan. _My face must be so red now..._

"Hey, I need a check up at the front desk," the guard repeats loudly, growing irritated and impatient. The footsteps pace, then stop. Magnus does not move, and Alec is not going to try. Both men wait with baited breath, and the guard continues moving again but not coming closer.

 _He's just pacing,_ Isabelle calls out.

Alec opens his eyes and releases his grip on the hand trying to pull itself away. The doctor was blushing, brown eyes flickering to green-yellow, the round pupils turning to slits. A magnetic gaze. _Don't think about his eyes right now, this is not the time._ But really, he was so damn attractive...attractive enough to just kiss, or date? He remembers what Clary said, about falling for a guy who was basically taught to understand you intimately. A man who knew you more than anything, not because he wanted to, but because it was his job. Magnus just thought of Alec as a patient. Now though, he had probably caught onto the younger man's true feelings.

 _Do I have feelings for Magnus? Is this real, not just a short-term infatuation? How many doctors have I seen, none of which have made me feel this way-_

"Oh, at an appointment? Understood, Miss Gray," the guard says, his feet clunking slowly over to the door. Tessa must have made up an excuse... that _was_ her name, right? Tessa Gray... Alec blushes again when he notices that Magnus does not bother looking away. It felt like eternity before the guard moved farther and farther away, toward the door.

 _Do I really like Magnus?_

In a few minutes, Magnus would need to get up, and Alec would undoubtedly say nothing about his feelings.

 _Alec, this is not the time to be thinking about that,_ Isabelle scolds.

 _I need to know right now._

All these thoughts flew through around as the guard slowly left, the lights turning off and plunging the both of the into complete darkness. Neither of them move as the door closes with a click, the footsteps moving away down the hall, soon quieting down as the only noise was their breathing. Alec briefly enjoys the feelings of Magnus' weight on top of him, all while not believing how _close_ they were to getting caught-

 _Beep beep beep._

"Is that a phone," Alec says, disbelieving that they could be interrupted in this moment by something a mundane as a _cell phone._ Magnus does not answer him, hand pulling away to answer the call. Still, the doctor does not get off right away.

"Hello," Magnus says gruffly into the phone, close enough so Alec can hear a woman's voice call his name. "Etta? No, I'm free now-"

"You're not serious," Alec snorts, and the sound of Magnus' head smacking the bed above was loud while he tries to get out. "Are you alright?"

"Fine, fine," Magnus says, voice unreadable as he moves farther away, warmth disappearing. Alec swallows with apprehension, digging around in the dark for the pants he threw in with haste a minute ago. Trying to ignore the soft pain that shoots up his arm. Crawling out from under the bed, he pulls them on as fast as he can while Magnus opens the door, light flooding part of the room. Alec frowns at the black jeans. They fit well, _too_ well, his problem was obvious, the unwanted friction from the slightest movement in the jeans was hard to deal with.

 _Oh, Alec, you really need help,_ Isabelle giggles, and Alec looks around, sure he saw something black move in the corner of his vision.

"Etta, you know I absolutely love talking to you, I'm sorry for what I said in the car, but I'm a bit held up," Magnus says, and Alec glances at him while trying to adjust the jeans. But the doctor's back was facing him, so his face would not give any clues to what he was thinking. "Etta, I'm not sure about _us._ "

 _Us._ The word hits Alec like a slap. _Us._ Not just the word, but the emphasis Magnus put on it. _Us._ He says it in the way someone was talking about a relationship, like Jace use to say about Clary, the finality laced in the word like Alec's parents used to say. Us.

"I'll phone you back in one hour, I promise," Magnus says, and after a few seconds and one final goodbye, he hangs up. Alec silently stands, awkward and unsure, heart slightly breaking. _Us._ He could convince himself there was no real 'us', that he was just exaggerating, that his kind was in overdrive. Still, it hurt. Jealousy, sparking up inside. _It's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing._

Magnus closes the door slightly, looking back. "There is not many people in the hallway. Put on the sweater, hide your bracelet "

Not in the mood to talk, Alec nods and looks around, frowning.

"You gave me no sweater."

"I didn't?" Magnus looks back, frowning and taking off his own. A dark greyish-blue zip-up, very loose with a wide hood. Alec puts it on, a strong smell of fresh laundry and cologne hitting his nose. Intoxicating. The item hung down, low enough to hide his bulge, which had not let up too much and was causing extreme anxiety. But Magnus had not seemed to notice, in fact the doctor seemed to be avoiding even looking at him. Maybe he was avoiding looking because he _knew._ It was too obvious. "Ready?"

"Yeah," Alec replies softly, walking up to the door. Quietly, they both walk down the hall, passing a few nurses who were too busy to pay them any attention. Two guards, but Magnus lead Alec down another hallway quickly. _I'm going to be outside. For the first time in a long time._ Alec could hardly believe it, even with the awkwardness that just occurred, he was ecstatic. Walking outside, breathing air, going places and doing something. _I'm free for a bit._

Heart pacing quickly at the thoughts, Alec pauses to lean against the wall, already tired and exhausted. Shoulder pressing against the dingy blue, he looks up to see Magnus walking confidently toward their destination, head high. After a few more seconds though, he seems to realize the lack of a follower, and he looks over his shoulder at Alec.

"Just need a moment," Alec breathes, blushing and looking down. Magnus walks in front of him, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"If it's too much, we can go back."

"Go back?" Alec looks up, raising his eyebrows. The thought never hit him. He was not about to waste a shot at freedom just because a short walk winded him. Magnus shrugs, looking away at the wall like it was the most interesting thing in the world, cheeks a soft pink. _He's embarrassed._ Of course Magnus was. Alec feels slightly guilty about that, but it was interesting to see Magnus whenever he was flustered. It would be nice to see more of it. But Alec could not lose his doctor. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Magnus looks at him, frowning. Alec was about to respond, when a voice calls out.

"No visitors are supposed to be here," a nurse says, arms crossed as she approaches.

"We were actually just leaving," Magnus says. Alec swallows, slowly pulling away from the wall, head spinning ever so slightly. The tiles would be a nice place to lay down, cool and smooth. Feelings his legs move slowly, doing his best to remain upright, Alec nods and follows Magnus. Ignoring the worried look crossing his doctor's face. His stomach was turning, all the emotions running through his body too distracting. _Damn it, better not faint here..._

As soon as they round a corner and are alone in another hallway, Magnus stops and turns.

"Maybe this is a bad idea," Magnus whispers as Alec leans against a wall again, shaking his head.

"No, I want out."

"I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm just exhausted, I did just wake up today. I won't get hurt with you looking over me," Alec says, switching his position so his hands are on his knees, back bending over. Closing his eyes, but that just makes the spinning worse. And now his arm was acting up, the wound pulsing as it sends pain up the nerves. "Could... could you help me to the van?"

"Um... well, yeah. Sure," Magnus answers, not sounding sure at all as he holds out a hand. Alec grabs it, putting an extreme amount of weight on it as they walk down the hall. He nearly stumbles, and Magnus has to catch him. _It's just one problem after another_ , thank god the pressure in his pants was decreasing. An arm goes securely around Alec's waist, and he tries to move quicker. Then there's a staircase; how the hell was he going to get down it? They take one step slowly after another, trying to appear relaxed. The steps waver in front of Alec's vision, and all he wants to do is sit down and rest.

"We're almost there," Magnus mumbles in Alec's ear.

 _We are here,_ Isabelle says, and Alec can swear he felt something bump into his free side. He looks up to see black hair, a slim body, moving and running to the front door. Right across the lobby.

"Hold on, Izzy," Alec says with alarm.

"What?" Magnus looks at him with a frown, and Alec tells him it's nothing. They make their way across safely, without being stopped, seeing Tessa at the desk. She gives a small wave and a smile while they go by, which Magnus returns. Then, the first set of automatic doors swish open, then the next.

 _Air._ Alec inhales, looking up at the dark sky, a deep shade of blue. Clouds float by lazily, the wind a soft light breeze. He inhales deeper, letting go of Magnus, as though the air was filling him with strength. Forgetting the past day, he takes another step forward. _I'm outside. Really outside._ When he first got into the Institutions, he was too depressed, suicidal and upset to think about something like freedom. And the days went on, months morphing to years. The thought of getting out and living a normal life became something of the last. The idea of living was too huge to even consider. And with the willpower and help of the man beside him, he was out, and the tantalizing thought of being outside had resurfaced.

Grinning, Alec moves to take another step forward, when suddenly Magnus grabs the back of his sweater and pulls. A van swerves up, missing Alec by a few inches.

"Will!" Magnus sounds furious as the van backs up slowly.

"Sorry, Magnus," a man in the driver's seat says. Blue eyes and black hair like Alec's, but the face a bit older.

"Whatever, don't do that again," Magnus warns as he walks up to the van's side door and slides it open. Inside sits Clary, who was pulling off shopping bags off the seat beside her. Magnus moves and walks away, mumbling to Alec to get in. Not bothering to look at him.

"I'm Will," Will introduces himself, driving away as soon as everyone was seated.

"I'm Alec... I guess you already know that."

"Well, I wouldn't be your new future doctor if I didn't, " Will says, speeding down the road. Away from the hospital. Going a bit fast for Alec's taste, but his emotions were too busy running around everywhere for him to care much. The weak feeling comes back, combined with happiness. Alec glances at Magnus', who was staring out the passenger seat window, not saying anything. Not turning around. Alec's face heats up, and he turns his head away. Clary talks to him, quickly planning for the day ahead, but Alec only catches glimpses of her words. _Park. Rides. Cotton candy._ She hands him a blue puff of the candy, which he eats slowly, mind slowly being absorbed by both guilt and embarrassment again.

"Magnus is going to pay for a hotel room for us, right across his," Clary says, bouncing in her seat. Her green eyes were full of giddiness, red hair swinging.

"He is?" Alec looks at Magnus, but the doctor still offers no comment.

Clary nods, and the van goes quiet, Will softly humming while tapping the steering wheel every now and then. And, of course, the swearing aimed at other driver's when they nearly crashed into the van. Which was Will's own fault, but he did not look like he was about to admit that. Alec resigns himself to admiring the world all around, the stores that fly by, people walking down the street to enjoy the late evening. Couples hand in hand, a father pushing a stroller. So many houses too. It was only a matter of time before they pull up in front of a hotel, extravagantly designed that made the huge building look more like it was from New York. Alec walks out, pausing on the curb as Clary grabs all the bags inside. She waves a hand dismissively when he tries to help her.

"I appreciate the help so much," Magnus says to Will.

"It's no problem, you can repay me by inviting me for whatever you're doing tomorrow. I haven't been on a roller coaster in ages. Maybe a few drinks too, while we're at it." Will smiles, and Magnus nods, pausing before hugging the other man, a difficult feat given that he was hard to hug through a window. Alec can see Magnus' lips moving, and Will just nods. "Oh, believe me, I know how much it means. You can hide what you're feeling from others, but not me. Try not to pull another mistake, okay?"

Magnus' eyes widen, red tinging his cheeks as he steps away from the van. Alec watches, confused and slightly jealous. What had been said? What was Will referring to? Hide what you're feeling... that was so ambiguous. Was there something going on between them? Didn't Magnus have something with that 'Etta' person? Was there an affair going on? Before Alec can give it anymore thought, Will drives away and Magnus is walking into the hotel.

Alec was once again distracted by the scenery. White and gold, a bit of red, spots of silver everywhere. The place was gorgeous, and that was only the lobby. A building fit to Magnus' standards. The doctor goes to the front desk, immediately ordering them another room next to their own. Telling to put his on a tab, that he'll pay by cheque later. Once that was done, all three walk to a hallway on the left, pressing a button for one of the eight elevators. No one was inside. The three find themselves standing on the spacious carpet, a soft yellow light shining down. Behind them was a window, allowing the skyline to be seen. Clary looks out it silently. Alec stares at the mirror on the door across from the window.

Magnus was not saying anything, barely even moving, but he was watching him. Alec's face heats up, his stomach turning over as his heart races. But his gaze doesn't waver. Electric blue stares into the brown that flickers into yellow-green every now and then. Was Magnus mad or upset in some way? He didn't look like it, his expression was calm, not cold or indifferent. Yet, there was a sadness in the eyes, and confusion in his demeanour, the way the doctor's eyebrows were slightly furrowed, the jaw that looked so tense. Alec was probably just imagining that look.

The door opens, a soft ding running through the elevator as the image on the mirror disappears. Magnus takes them down a hall, one left and one right, straight to their rooms, handing Clary two key cards with a simple command: "Try to be ready at eight tomorrow morning for breakfast."

Alec was surprised by the abrupt way Magnus spoke before opening his own door, disappearing.

"We got you so many things, I told Magnus that you live in black," Clary says as she opens their door, walking in and dropping the bags on the nearest bed. Alec closes and locks the door behind himself, trying to ignore his clashing emotions."

"He helped by my clothes?"

"'Helped'? He bought them all," Clary snorts, walking across the carpet to the other bed. Pausing, then turning around. "I also grabbed you a few personal things, at the store and from home. When I arrived, I went straight to see him. I left my things in his room from early this morning. I'll be right back."

"I'm going to have a shower," Alec says, walking into the washroom. Closing the door, turning on the light to look in the mirror. _I'm a wreck._

Baggy sweater, face flushed and the rest of his skin pale, Alec looked like he just attempted a marathon. But his hair was neat, brushed back. Cheeks too hollow though... but the look did emphasize his jaw. Biting his lip, he begins to strip, wanting nothing more than to let the hot shower relax him and his turbulent mind. The hot water was welcome, the lavender scent of the shampoo and conditioner enticing. A half hour later, walking out of the washroom, clad in only a towel, Alec decides to investigate the items on his new bed, seeing Clary fast asleep in her own.

T-shirts, sweaters, jeans, most black. A few blue. Alec sorts through them, noticing something troublesome. There is no underwear. Sighing, he looks around the bed, seeing a brown package, more bags of toothbrushes and other hygienic products. No underwear though. Deciding to tell Magnus, he goes back to the washroom to change, not wanting to put on the underwear he was just wearing, but the sensation of the jeans rubbing reminded him of earlier. Blushing, he goes to tell Clary he'll be stepping out for a minute.

She was asleep, red hair pulled into a bun, dressed in grey gym shorts and a loose white shirt. Alec does not want to wake her. She probably never had any sleep since arriving. _Because of me, of course._ Shaking his head, Alec looks around. Two suitcases for her, clothes hanging out of them. A bundle of personal things. Not wanting to look through them, but curious to know the contents in the brown lunch bag sitting in one suitcase, he uses a finger to open it slightly, seeing the clear orange of a pill bottle inside. Sighing, he walks away, not wanting to snoop. Grabbing a key card sitting on the nightstand, he goes to Magnus' door and knocks.

"Hello... oh, Alec," Magnus says with surprise. He was dressed in a matching outfit, silk blue top and bottom. Alec smiles nervously and looks down.

"Uh, you... you never bought me u-underwear," Alec says, his cheeks warming. Magnus pauses, then groans, running a hand through his tousled hair.

"I'll by you some... you have none? What are you wearing now?"

"...Well, I... wanted to stay clean..."

"Ah. Well, luckily, I've been indulging the use of my father's money and buying an unnecessary amount of clothes, so I have an entire bag of unopened boxers," Magnus sighs, turning and walking into his room. Alec follows, hands shaking as he shuts the door. Only one bed across from a TV, but Magnus room was huge, and there was an adjoining room with a tiny table and two chairs, and a sliding door leading to a balcony, which Alec's room lacked due to being on the inside of the building. Despite everything looking expensive and beautiful, there was empty food containers everywhere, on the table and nightstand, multiple suitcases, some not even opened. Clothes littered the bed, a shirt hung off the TV. Shopping bags laying on their sides.

"Don't mind the mess," Magnus says, tossing bags left and right before coming across a dark package. Tossing it without warning, _and_ not looking at the target, it hits Alec square in the face before falling. Alec's shaky hands clumsily try to grab it, but it drops to the floor with a thud.

"I'm sorry," both Alec and Magnus rush to say while they both move to grab the bag. Magnus runs a hand through his hair again, looking away. Alec picks up the bag, pausing at the door to stare at the handle, thinking. He turns around.

"Magnus?"

"Yes?" The doctor wanders to the kitchen table, sitting down, still not looking at his guest. Taking a deep breath, Alec looks down, closing his eyes.

"I'm sorry. About everything. About you coming, and needing to use your dad's money apparently. Making you worry. Taking up your time. Having to buy me things. And... the whole hospital situation. I know I am a burden, and I... appreciate you needing to put up with me." Alec stops talking, throat thick with guilt. He hears footsteps approaching, and he opens his eyes but does not looking up, watching the fluffy black socks appear in his vision. _Fluffy socks._ Enough to make anyone laugh in any other situation. Hands shaking a bit, the slippery packaging falls again. "I'm sorry, Magnus."

Alec goes to pick it up, but Magnus picks it up first. Alec stares down, taking the item from the doctor's arms, pulling it toward himself. Magnus grabs his uninjured wrist, grip strong but not too tight.

"Alec, look at me." Alec blushes at the request, not having the courage to listen. Magnus' grip lightens up, his other free hand coming up to touch Alec's chin. "Alexander, _look at me._ "

Alec looks up slowly, dread building in his stomach. Magnus looks satisfied when he finally looks at him.

"Alec, I'm sorry if I made you feel guilty in any way. I came because I wanted to, to see you while you were in the hospital. And I tend to spend my father's money frivolously anyway, especially during episodes. And we don't need to talk about the hospital, alright?" Magnus smiles, and Alec nods quickly. "You should go to bed."

"It's only eleven, though," Alec frowns, crossing his arms. Magnus shrugs, sighing and ruffling his own hair yet again. "What do you mean 'during episodes'?"

"Everyone has their own problems, right?" Magnus turns away, walking over to the TV and turning it on. "Did ya wanna watch a movie then?"

"I guess." Alec nods, looking around with the package in his hands. Magnus glances at the bed, and Alec gets to watch him attempt to clean it up, which mainly consists of wiping everything on top to the floor with wide arm motions. Magnus stands back, hands on his hips as he stares down the bed.

"This is the best I can do at the moment."

"It's alright." Alec goes over and sits down slowly, watching as Magnus searches around, pulling a remote from a pile of jackets. Magnus sits with his back against the headboard, flipping through the movies on demand. A few pornos, one or two actions movies, and one Disney movie.

"Do you like The Little Mermaid?"

"It's fine."

"Are you okay? You look very awkward and tense."

"I'm fine."

"You can at least come sit over here so I know you don't hate me or something," Magnus says, and Alec moves back so he is sitting against the head board also. The screen flickers blue, the iconic Disney Land towers appearing on the screen before it fades to black, then the opening scene. The whole situation felt normal, watching a movie with another person, midnight getting closer. Alec could live in the moment forever. "You never told me why."

"Why what?" Alec looks over, and Magnus sighs as he relaxes on the pillows, eyes fixed on the screen.

"Why you smashed a door."

"I had a moment of... panic."

"Why?"

"The noise, the alarms, and I freaked out. Tried to get away, the guards came after me. I freaked again and ran." Alec swallows after his voice cracks, eyes slightly tearing up. The weakness he felt was annoying, but he couldn't keep calm. He had to go and make another mistake. Trip up again. And he thought he was getting better. Yesterday, he had a panic attack in his mind. To Magnus, the accident happened a while ago, and he had to deal with a patient who had severely injured himself and was sitting in a deep sleep on a hospital bed "If you don't mind, I'd... like to watch the movie. Not talk about it."

"I understand," Magnus says, and Alec believes him. The two fall into a comfortable silence, watching the movie go on and on as the dark blue skies outside go black, turning the city over to darkness. Exhaustion wore on Alec, but he did not want to fall asleep. Not that he could, his heart jolted every time Magnus moves, readjusting himself from time to time. Like the doctor's life was tied with the patient's own. There was a strange comfort in that thought. That someone could affect Alec like that. Make him feel again, worry again, want to _live_ again, for every waking moment and never go to sleep.

When the movie finishes, Magnus lets Alec go to his room, telling him to get some sleep. Alec obeys, checking up on Clary to make sure she was sleeping okay.

"Mom? Jace?" Clary moves, one eye closed and the other barely open.

"Go to sleep, Clare-bear," Alec says, and Clary falls into the pillow, snoring away happily. _Everyone has their own problems, right?_ Alec thinks about the pill bottle in Clary's suitcase, but he'll bring it up tomorrow. For now, he goes over to his bed, moving everything aside and collapsing to stare up at the ceiling, heart thumping in his chest. The emotions were now calm, like waves on a shore when it was a beautiful day. Smiling, Alec rolls over onto his side. _Tomorrow's going to be a beautiful day._

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** I don't own TMI. Only my dignity. Maybe not even that.

 **Dear Readers:** Okay, so maybe this stuff hasn't taken the brightest turn. But, everything is going to get crazy. In a good way. Meaning more Malec. And maybe smexy-times only a few chapters away... six to be precise... but I've said too much already...

 **BlazingFlames22:** Shit is only going to get more serious. Thanks so much for your review!

 **IsabelleFray:** Thanks from Canada to Venezuela! I can only stand OOC if the writing and plot is EXTREMELY good.

 **LilyPotter72:** Thanks for the comment! I like this Will too, as well as that cliffhanger. But I hoped you liked this chapter as well.

 **FaustusianSutcliff:** Thanks for the review friend c:

 **The High Warlock of Glitter:** There will be more of Etta, but she will not get in the way of Malec, despite whatever happens. Like, them trying out a relationship, because she knows to let Magnus go, and she'll notice his feelings toward Alec. Even if Magnus refuses to realize those feelings. And as for Alec trying to express his feelings... well, I can't give too much away now, can I?


	18. Chapter Eighteen: The Rides

**Chapter Eighteen: The Rides**

* * *

Magnus woke up at six AM, satisfied with his successful sleep that was devoid of any nightmares. Having a quick shower, then putting on dark jeans and a shiny collared shirt (purple, to match the pair of shiny boots, of course), he was heading downstairs to the main floor. Some people were up, hotel staff making up the majority of early-goers. There truly was something special about being in a new place, no one knowing who you were, seeing people who would never see you again. Walking to the diner, needing to eat and spend some time alone to his thoughts after resting, he sits in a corner booth, waiting for someone to come take his order. Two eggs and a few slices of bacon, along with a cup of coffee. Too bad Alec could not have coffee... _Alec._

That man was taking up a large portion of Magnus' thoughts. Not so much to delay sleep, but enough so that the doctor immediately began wondering how he was first thing in the morning. Magnus leans on his elbows, eyes staring vacantly on the meal, not making any move to eat. Just thinking.

There was something Magnus admired in the young man. Well, a few things. The way Alec so carelessly spoke whatever was on his mind. Sure, he faced the emotional consequences afterward, but Alec did not hold back on a few subjects. And when he did hold back, Magnus trusted him to know when to speak up on them eventually.

Then there was the way Alec _looked_. Magnus did not want to be shallow, but being raised by an expert cosmetic surgeon had that affect. Blue eyes, brilliant and shining, sometimes depressed, sometimes jubilant. But always moving, looking up, then away. Flickering to the next thing. And his hair, pitch black and shiny. So unbelievably soft looking. Jaws, sharp cheekbones. Tall physique. Yes, Magnus was very, _very_ shallow, but perhaps only for Alexander. _Damn hair, damn blue eyes._ Magnus recalled the day before, standing in front of the hospital, watching Alec's eyes widen. Staring at the sky, looking so happy that the feeling passed onto Magnus. _It was just sky,_ but nevertheless, Magnus fell in love with the gaze Alec held for the world.

 _Fell in love._

This was one of the most troubling thoughts. Magnus would not, could not admit to any lovey-dovey feelings. He could not say the feeling was selfless love, unconditional, the kind that swept a person of their feet and could send them tumbling into a world of madness. Yes, Magnus did _love_ Alec, but this entire time he thought it was because he empathized with the boy. Love built on pity, a want to make things better. Not the kind of love you had when you met someone on the street, in a store, at the bar. Definitely not the kind of love that builds a relationship.

Still, Magnus could feel something in the back of his mind, growing. He always checked up on Alec. Worried about him. Almost obsessively. Watched him. Now, whenever Alec so much as looked at him, talked to him or touched him, a tiny part of Magnus froze. Expecting something. Something _more_.

Yes, Magnus cared. Did he love Alec? The feelings he was starting to catch were obvious in his whole demeanour, he was sure of it. Which meant he had to end things, stop being a doctor because he would only end up butchering his patient's mental heath some way.

The idea of being in love with Alec, though, was not nearly as frightening as Alec falling for _him._

Magnus knew, deep in his heart, that he could only break Alec. Which was why it was terrifying. Either they continued whatever they _had,_ and Magnus would some way to mess it up. Or, Magnus would end it. How the hell was he going to get through this? Of course, another alternative was pretending he felt absolutely _nothing._ He was certain Alec would never admit his feelings, if he had any.

Pretend everything was normal.

That could not be hard at all.

Hopefully, at least.

Inhaling deeply, Magnus quickly finishes his food, ordering more and taking some up in containers for Alec and Clary. They would most likely be starving. Arriving to his room, he puts the food down on the messy bed, since it was the only piece of furniture not covered in stuff. This place needed a cleaning.

 _Had I been more focused, I would never need to do a major clean up again,_ Magnus thinks to himself as he tidies up, first tossing every article of clothing on his suitcases on one side of the bed, planning to sort and fold them up neatly later. All shoes and boots go near the door. Toiletries, in the washroom. He grabs every food container, random scraps of paper, and price tags into the garbage. Deciding he was not in the mood to sort through the clothes, he sits at the table by himself, glancing around the now cleaner place. For once, he could actually see the dark red carpet, the brown and white chair seats, his footwear all aligned.

Setting up Alec and Clary's breakfast, he waits patiently in his seat at the table, unsure of what to do. There was also the money problem... he had some money left over, which he was willing to spend for today. But what about a few days from now? There had to be something he could do. When the time came, Magnus trusted that he could ask his friends. _Friends._ His group of friends had diminished over the years. How long had it been since some people had phoned?

Offering condolences.

Checking up every now and then, seeing what was new in Magnus' life.

Then the phone calls only happened every week, then maybe once a month. Only on the holidays, his birthday.

Of course, there was a few select people who always checked up on him, but they had never phoned as often as before, they now had their own careers and lives. Deciding to give it some thought later, Magnus plays games on his phone for the next while, waiting for the knock on his door.

 _Knock knock._

Short, to the point. Smiling, Magnus looks at the time to see it is already ten thirty, the food was cold by now. He could microwave it. Opening the door, only to see Alec, no Clary.

"I bought you guys food, but you took a while, it's probably cold." Magnus lets the door fly open as he turns and goes to his spot at the table. Alec follows, closing the door and moving to grab a plate.

"It's fine, I'll just heat it up," Alec says, walking over to the microwave and putting the food inside. Letting the machine hum and heat away, he turns, leaning back on the counter to stare at Magnus. "So... we're going to a carnival today?"

"An amusement park, yes, Clary seemed very determined to take you there," Magnus says, looking up at him. Black jeans, blue shirt, Alec looked like an everyday person, minus the bandage and hospital tag on his arm. Realizing he was staring too much, Magnus looks down with a blush. _This is going to be harder than I previously imagined._ How was he supposed to hide his feelings when Alec was so... _Alec._

"How's your cat?" Alec asks suddenly, snapping Magnus back into reality.

"Huh? Oh... yeah, the cat's fine, as far as I'm aware."

"That's good."

"I guess." Magnus inwardly cringes at how aloof his own voice seems. He goes back onto his phone, shifting through games, trying to find some type of distraction. The microwave hums, and Alec grabs his food, going to sit at the table, in the seat farthest from the doctor. A fact that does not escape Magnus, and makes him worry; was Alec scared of him? Or just feeling anti-social? Did Magnus do anything to create these feelings?

"So, anywhere else you'd like to go for today? We only have today and a few hours tomorrow morning, after all," Magnus says as he places his phone down, wanting to appear more attentive. Alec shrugs, staring at his food.

"Not really. I've been feeling rather exhausted, I think today's trip will be quite enough for me." Alec looks up, smiling slightly, then glances at Magnus' coffee.

"I would have gotten you one," Magnus quickly says, feeling guilty for drinking the beverage. Alec shakes his head, looking down.

"It's alright." Alec mutely eats, eyes fixed on his plate. Magnus nods, leg bobbing with excitement and nervousness. His phone beeps with a text, and he checks it.

"Will really insists on coming. Can't deny doing something dangerous. Just how he is. He's coming over with doughnuts apparently," Magnus informs Alec after he puts his phone down.

"He's one of my new doctors?" Alec looks up, brow furrowed as he sets down his fork.

"Yes. He's good at what he does, might be able to help you more than me," Magnus answers, chuckling a bit.

"You help me. You've help so much."

"I guess."

"Is that's what wrong?" Alec frowns, crossing his arms, and Magnus shrugs, looking away before looking back at the piercing blue eyes. Alec looked genuinely confused, sitting back in his seat with his arms crossed.

"What do you mean?"

"You're quiet and awkward. Which is saying a lot, coming from me," Alec says, raising his eyebrows. He opens his mouth again, as if to ask a question, but takes a few moments before his cheeks become tinged with pink. "Do you feel like you have not helped. Or.. is this because of... what happened? At the hospital?"

"No, no, it was good," Magnus blurts out, before blushing himself. He can feel heat creeping up his neck, and he bites his lip. "I mean, it's not that. I... just, stressed is all. Just stress."

"Stress from what?"

"...Things."

"Alright," Alec sighs, not satisfied with the answer, but not appearing to want to make the situation more awkward. Someone knocks at the door, and Magnus gets up, gratified for the distraction.

"Hey, is Alec here? Wasn't in bed," Clary says as she walks in. Magnus nods, going to heat up her plate as she walks in, sitting down next to Alec. "You two are up early."

"You're up late," Alec retorts, smiling. She shrugs, smiling and bumping him with her shoulder.

"I was tired. By the way, Luke is going to phone me soon, and he wants to talk to you."

"Really? What did you tell him?"

"Everything about our escape, out plans for the day. He thinks it is a bad idea, but knows he can't really stop it," Clary sighs, running a hand through her bedhead. Alec nods, and Magnus silently waits by the microwave, leaning on his arms for support.

"Does Luke hate me," Magnus says with a tense laugh, and Clary shakes her head.

"Says it was irresponsible, but I think he is really grateful for all your help." Clary shrugs, then turns to Alec with a smile. "Want to hear all about Valentina?"

"Of course I do," Alec says, and Clary pulls out her phone, showing him pictures. Talking, about how the baby sort of gurgled for a laugh, how she was quiet, but demanding when it came to attention. Stubborn, just like her mother. Strong, like her father. Clary went on and on about her red hair, the blue eyes from Luke. Magnus watched on, seeing Alec cling to every word, his blue eyes tired but intrigued, mouth turning up occasionally into a smile. His body jerking when a laugh bubbled up through his lips, so into Clary's stories. The doctor nearly forgets about the food, handing it to Clary when it's ready. Both men in the room were captivated, one by Clary, one by the scene in front of him. Magnus was enjoying the two a lot though. _Family, warm, happiness._ That caught his attention, especially the blue eyed man sitting in his chair, happy.

* * *

"Okay. So, we'll stay for a few hours, then go?" Will looks over, and Magnus nods in response. All four passengers were sitting in the car, eyes taking in the colourful setting before them. Rides, candy, games, all of it was heavy in the atmosphere, the jolly music playing loudly. Magnus unbuckles, getting out and going to the other passengers, making sure Alec was okay as he helped him out. The man was fine though, well-rested after a movie (They went twice, once for the movie Clary wanted Alec to see, and another time to a different movie, this one chosen by Will and Alec), and a nap. Alec seemed to love naps.

"You okay?" Magnus raises his eyebrows, and Alec nods, blue eyes dancing with lights reflecting off of them. Clary walks up beside them, hands in her pockets, and Will decides to take the lead. Arriving at the front desk, Magnus pays with money he withdrew earlier before the movies. From Camille's card, he did not want another scene like that at the store, so it was best just to carry cash. After they all have their bracelets on, Alec earning a concerned look from the lady who clasps it to his uninjured arm that still carries his hospital band, they set off to the park. Will wants to go on the roller coaster, but Clary insists that they should start with the simpler rides. Alec wants to try out a game, and Magnus doesn't really know what he wants. They decide to go with Alec's idea.

"This one," Alec says, stopping happily in front of a stand with an older game, the kind where you have to throw the ball and successfully knock down bottles.

"If you get the target three times, you get a small prize," the man behind the counter says. Everyone sighs, stepping back to let Alec stand alone in front.

"And for a big prize?" Alec frowns, taking the white ball that is handed to him.

"Feeling like it is your lucky day, huh? Well, you have to hit five targets, and you get one of those," the mans says, waving at some huge stuffed animals, mostly panda bears and ducks.

"I want a duck then," Alec declares, earning two groans.

"Jace hated ducks," Clary says.

"Me too," Will says, glancing at the duck with an accusing glare.

"Good. Get the duck, Alec," Magnus says smiling. Alec smiles a bit, looking back at Magnus, who nods encouragingly. Stepping as close to the target as the stand's table will allow, he works the ball in between his hands, staring down.

"Come on, you were in baseball before," Clary says, trying to work up his courage. Magnus takes in this news with surprise. Alec did not seem the sports type, though he had the build. Alec nods, very slowly lifting the ball, and everyone waits as he takes another few seconds to pause, then swings his good arm. The ball flies, bottle crashing over each other as they all fall down with a loud clatter. Alec looks back with a grin, everyone happily cheering him on. He steps aside to the next target, this time taking quicker to aim and throw. Magnus had to admit, he had good aim; the second set of bottles went down with no problem.

"One more, and you get the choice for a small prize," the stand's owner says.

"You got this, Alec," Clary happily says. Alec nods, blushing from all the attention. The first two targets were closer, the third was ten feet away, and it was a smaller set of bottles. He aims, throws; hits it perfectly. Magnus sighs, letting the air he was holding out. He really wanted Alec to win. He deserved it after all.

"Don't worry, you have this one too," Clary says nervously, looking at the fourth target. Still the same distance and size.

"Get that duck," Will says, looking amused but still eyeing the giant stuffed animals suspiciously.

"Alright, alright," Alec says slowly, biting his lip as he takes the next ball handed to him. Lifting it, throwing; again, perfectly aimed. Magnus was thoroughly impressed.

"Fifth one," Clary says, bouncing on her toes. Will crosses his arms, jaw working, obviously wanting Alec to win his prize too. Magnus swallows, inwardly praying as he looks at the target twenty feet away, then toward Alec. He could not see his face from this angle, but could tell that Alec was nervous. Still, the ball was taken gracefully, hand aiming with a calm that must have been taught from an early age. Maybe Alec was the sports type after all. Everyone waits as Alec takes longer this time, letting the ball fly, before hitting the target dead on. Magnus grins, watching Clary jump happily, Alec's face lighting up as he requested the huge duck.

"Terrible choice in award, but great aim," Will comments, and Alec nods blushing, going to stand next to Magnus. Clary wants a turn, and everyone watches and waits as she manages to hit four of the targets. She asks for a stuffed Dracula, small compared to Alec's, but her excitement from the prize was huge, she was practically gushing with happiness. Magnus grins, letting the two talk to each other while watching Will, who confidently strode up to take his turn.

"Be careful you don't hurt yourself," Magnus says, and Will sticks out his tongue at him like a three year old, turning the next second to throw quickly. Dead-on, all five times.

"I want a panda," Will insists, taking the huge four-foot panda, stating that it could keep on eye on Alec's duck. Magnus rolls his eyes, declining when a ball is thrust to him.

"Why not?" Clary frowns, and Magnus shrugs.

"Awe, Mags, scared you'll lose?" Will says, smirking slightly.

"Not the game type," Magnus says shrugging.

"Please?" Alec asks, grabbing Magnus' hand. The doctor shakes his head, blushing.

"Scaredy-cat," Will says, still smirking.

"I am not scared."

"Are too."

"It's just a game."

"Chicken!"

"Will!" Magnus sighs, shaking his head and refusing, up until Will begins making chicken-noises and moving his arms around like wings. Clary giggles, Alec takes a ball and offers it to Magnus, who was rolling his eyes at Will.

"Honestly, Will, you're making a scene!"

"Then take a turn!"

"Fine, fine," Magnus sighs, walking up to the first target that the stand owner sets up. He holds the ball, glancing back at Clary who gave him a thumbs up. He looks at Alec, who was biting his lip nervously, but he breaks into an encouraging grin. Magnus smiles back, then looks at Will, who was smiling before cupping his hands on his face, mouthing _chicken._ Magnus rolls his eyes, turns around and swiftly throws the ball, hitting the target. Then the next. And the next. Fully concentrated until he hits all five, asking for a huge duck, this one brown and green instead of Alec's yellow one.

"You're just picking that one to spite me," Will says, hugging his panda close.

"So what if I am," Magnus retorts with laughter, earning an eye roll.

"I want to go on the sky-drop," Clary says, and Will agrees. Alec vigorously shakes his head.

"How about I go put the things in the car, I highly doubt you'll get on a ride with Dracula and a huge stuffed panda," Magnus offers, and both stuffed prizes as well as the car keys are thrust into his hands before Will darts into the crowd, Clary close behind. Magnus shakes his head, looking at Alec.

"Shall we?" Magnus begins walking back, Alec shuffling alongside him, pressing close. His eyes were darting around the crowd, and Magnus realizes he has not been in a huge crowd in a while. Feeling a bit guilty, he shuffles his duck to one arm, his free hand pressing against Alec's back. Alec glances at him with surprise, but relaxes as they walk on, settling into the support. When they arrive at the van, Magnus tosses the animals into the very back seat, then turns to Alec.

"Want to go on a ride with me?"

"I want to try that one," Alec says, pointing to a ride. Two large arms swinging in a circle, with a series of seats connected to the ends, seating at the very least twenty people. Magnus nods, and they re-enter the park together, heading over to the ride. They stand in silence, waiting in the line, shoulders pressing together. Ina few minutes, they are be loaded up into the next group, and Alec lets Magnus choose a spot.

"How about this one?" Magnus climbs in first, sitting in the one at the front row of seats. Alec sits in next to him, quickly buckling his belt as he stare forward. Their choice in seats allow them to be seated in front of a plastic window, the park very clear in front of them. The ride's controller comes around, checking everyone's belts to make sure they were secure, before closing the side. Metal bars in neat rows, air freshly coming in. Magnus listens to the click of it being securely locked into place, and he grabs the thing holding him in place, leather soft and pressing against his chest. He looks at Alec who wasn't saying a word, just staring out the front with a slightly scared expression.

Magnus opens his mouth, wanting to offer a few words, but the thing moves forward, swinging into the air a few metres before going back, doing the same thing. It swings forward again, much higher, and he can see the darkening sky, the sun already setting. The machine slips back, high in the air, and at this angle Magnus can see the ground in front of him. He feels his stomach turn as the machine falls forward, swinging quickly as it passes over the ground, moving high into the sky again. Then back again, this time almost going all the way upside down. As the ground falls into view again, Magnus' breathing hitches and he looks over at Alec, who's eyes were shut tightly, hands grasping onto the leather holding him in place.

Swallowing, Magnus grabs one of his hands, and Alec opens his eyes and blinks at him, looking down at the fast approaching ground. Terrified, Alec's grip tightens on that hand holding his, and the ground goes away from under them, and the machine turns them completely upside down. It pauses for a few seconds, then swings forward, the ground approaching quickly as the force holding them both down increases. Magnus holds his breath, regretting that he chose the front view, as the ground once again soars under, the machine going around and around. Alec lets out a whimper, still looking terrified, and Magnus can feel the machine about to do another round. It slows, and he hopes that it means it's stopping; until it freezes once it's all the way upside.

"Well, this is fun," Magnus says, hoping to diffuse the tension. Alec laughs a bit, nervously looking up... no, technically he'd be looking down. Straight down. Magnus refused to do so, he did not want to see the ground from this angle. "How long does it stay upside down?"

"Depends," Alec says, breathing slowly. "I went to a fair, with Max on a ride like this. Sometimes they wait ten, or thirty seconds before it goes back down."

"Oh, well. That's... unexpected."

"That's sort of the point," Alec says, looking over with a grin, his hair hanging down from gravity. Magnus nods, feeling himself being pulled up... no, _down._

"Well, I hope it goe-" The words don't finish leaving Magnus' mouth as he yelps, the ride pitching forward quickly. Heart racing, he watches the ground flash by, Alec's laughter ringing in his ears. His patient seemed to now be enjoying it. The ride goes around once again, and _again,_ moving faster and faster, and Magnus' swears it feels like an hour before it slows, swinging to a stop. On click later, and the door opens. He unbuckles his seat belt, looking at Alec undo his own. His face was flushed, black hair unruly, and Magnus would laugh at that image, if his world didn't feel like it had been turned over. Surprisingly, Alec has to help and off and walk him away, stopping so they could rest.

"I think I'd like to go on the roller coaster, the really big one," Alec says, looking at the high ride. He looks at Magnus with a huge grin, soon frowning though. "Are you okay?"

"Me? Yeah, no, I'm good," Magnus says, breathing deeply. He looks over at the roller coaster on the left. "Yeah I can do that one."

"No, the other one," Alec says, and Magnus follows his gaze. Huge and green, a large drop, a bunch of turns and loops. He could already feel the adrenaline rushing just from the sight of it.

"That one."

"Yes."

"Uh..." Magnus swallows, looking back at Alec. "Sure."

"You sure? You don't look sure."

"I'm sure. I think you're fucking crazy, pardon my French, but sure," Magnus says, walking over to the ride, hands shaking. Alec grabs his hand, and Magnus squeezes it, glad for the support.

"I hate to break it to you, but I _am_ crazy," Alec says, and Magnus looks at him to see him smiling mischievously. Magnus snorts, looking back at the ride that soon approaches, the ground under him already feeling like it was moving. _This man is going to be the death of me._ As they wait in line for their turn, Alec hums patiently, staring at the ride with huge eyes. Magnus watches, following his gaze, seeing the cars do a loop, a sharp turn, up, down. His stomach turns, and he swears his soul left his body. A feeling he can't give much thought to, because soon it's their turn. Alec chooses the very first car. Numbly, Magnus climbs in next to him.

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers: I don't own The Mortal Instruments**

 **Dear Readers:** Took long to update, wanted to spend time going over the next chapters to make sure they were fully edited for once.

 **Important:** This note will be deleted after I find a beta reader. Basically, I'm looking for a beta reader, but not for this story (but if you're up to the challenge, feel free to let me know). I've searched through the betas, but they either weren't specific if they'd do a TMI story, or they most weren't comfortable with M/M pairings, or they were, but they didn't know if they could beta for those types of stories. So, I'm looking for a beta, feel free to leave a review or PM me. I'll tell you the info that's important, so that way, you'll know to decline if you don't want to do it.

 **Laurenathalasa:** Thanks for the review! I'm sorry it was a bit sad, and school buses are not the place to be sad over sad fanfiction, but I'm glad you liked it.

 **Amorie Stryke:** *applauds you because I have no idea what this means but you reviewed so I'm going to thank you for that*.

 **Shuuwai:** Thanks for reviewing! Suspicious was one thing I was going for...


	19. Chapter Nineteen: The Interruption

**Chapter Nineteen: The Interruption**

* * *

Alec was grinning as the ride slowed to a stop, his blood rushing with excitement. It had been _forever_ since he had been on a roller coaster, and despite the slight fear and anxiety, it kept him happy. Climbing out with ease, arm hurting but bearable, he looks back, his joy plummeting. Magnus looked like he just died and came back to life, he was still clutching the bar in front of him, knuckles white, and his large eyes were full of shock. Alec reaches over to help him out, feeling the doctor shaking a bit. It was weird, normally Magnus was the one helping _him_ around. Alec leads him away to a bench.

"Are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah I'm good. Just... terrified."

"I didn't know you were scared of rides," Alec says softly, sitting down next to him. Magnus just nods, leaning back into the bench, crossing his arms tightly over his chest.

"I never was before. Then again, I haven't been to a place like this in my teen years."

"Oh. Alright." Alec nods and settles down, feeling like Magnus really needs a break. He hums quietly, looking around, listening to the happy cheers and screams, the music pulsating everywhere. _It's been so long._ It really was a great day to be outside. He looks over at Magnus again, wanting to see how he was doing.

 _Alec, you look like you've killed the poor man,_ Isabelle scolds. Alec can feel heat settle next to him one his right, a leg pressing against his. Shoulder against shoulder. The sound of his sister sipping from a cup. He closes his eyes, not wanting to turn and possibly break the illusion. Not wanting disappointment. Just needing this moment, to enjoy it. Perhaps he should be more worried, and scared about seeing, _feeling_ Isabelle's presence. But it was so nice. Why stop it?

"I hope I'm not boring you," Magnus says, sighing.

"You're not," Alec says, shrugging. Magnus nods, running a hand through his hair and looking around.

"Want to go on another ride?"

"Are you ready?"

"No, but I want you to be happy," Magnus says as he leans forward, turning his head. Alec looks back at him, shrugging again.

"I'm happy with you," Alec says, quieter this time. Magnus' face lights up a bit, but he doesn't talk, just nods and looks away quickly. Alec feels slightly guilty, making them go on these rides. Making them even come here in the first place. _I wish I was normal._

 _You are normal_ , Isabelle says, sadness in her voice. But she snaps the words in her own way, stubborn but honest.

"Talking to you is not normal," Alec scoffs, irritated, even though he knows she only wants to be helpful. Magnus looks back at him, wearing a hurt look.

"What?"

"N-Nothing," Alec is quick to say. Magnus frowns deeply, sitting up straighter.

"You don't like talking to me?"

"I... I do."

"Then what did you mean," Magnus asks, tilting his head. Alec swallows, listening to Isabelle snort _right behind him,_ but she goes back to drinking her drink. Where did she even get a drink? How could she drink? The reality of his situation hits Alec hard, and his throat goes tight. But he does not dare turn his head right still, he does not want Izzy to go. He swallows, unsure of what to say.

"I... can tell you anything?" Alec has to force the words out, fear building in his chest.

 _Alec, please don't,_ Isabelle whispers.

"Yeah, of course," Magnus says, turning his body and looking more attentive.

"Even... if I sound crazy?" Alec inhales deeply, staring into Magnus' eyes. Those eyes should have been normal. But no, the yellow-green was bright and shining, slit pupils instead of round, reminding Alec of what was wrong in this world. What was wrong with himself.

"You can tell me anything, Alexander," Magnus reassures, setting a hand on his leg. Alec nods, feeling his hands shake, so he shoves them into his pockets. His anxiety was building now, he knew Magnus might not want to help him after this. How could he? Alec was too crazy. The thick feeling in his throat was getting worse, and he feels a soft hand move across his back, before the warmth beside him goes. He turns his body more toward Magnus, it was easier to avoid looking right.

 _Alec, please, don't._

Nervously, Alec leans forward, and Magnus looks surprised but allows Alec to softly whisper under his breath: "Isabelle is here."

 _Alec, stop._

"Isabelle?" Magnus looks momentarily confused, briefly looking around before his eyes widen with realization. He glances back at Alec. "Your sister."

"Yes."

"...She's dead, Alec."

"Not to me," Alec says, swallowing. His eyes begin to burn, palms sweaty. "She's with me. Nearly all the time."

"...Is she with you right now?"

"She's right behind me," Alec says, and Magnus glances over his shoulder before looking back. He opens his mouth like he needs to say something, but hesitates, uncertain of what to say. He slowly lifts an arm, and Alec goes under it, burying his face into his neck. He bites his lips, managing to keep to the tears from falling as he closes his eyes. Magnus' hand soothingly rubs his back.

"Alec, look at me," Magnus says, and Alec obeys. "Look behind you."

"Magnus-"

"Alec. Look behind you."

"I-I don't want to," Alec stutters.

"Listen to me. I'm here, I'm real- you can _feel_ me. Believe me when I tell you, whether Isabelle is here or not, I always will be. Now, look behind you," Magnus says. Biting his lip, Alec stares into the cat eyes, unsure. But Magnus was being honest, he looked very truthful. Slowly, he turns around, heart pounding hard. _Isabelle._ She was not there. The bench space on his right was completely vacant. No voice either. No drink. Just the park around them, and Magnus still rubbing his back. Alec sighs, feeling despair... but something else as well. Isabelle was not here, but Magnus _was._ There was a type of comfort in that thought. Alec quickly turns his head back around.

* * *

"She's not there." The words send a flood of relief through Magnus. He was certainly surprised that there was no fit, no tears coming from Alec's eyes, no breakdown. Just a few words. In fact, Alec looked very relieved.

"Told you," Magnus says, smiling. Alec smiles back, biting his lip before running a tongue over it gently. Magnus watches, feeling himself blush, and he runs a tongue over his own lower lip before he realizes what he just did. Alec obviously noticed, blue eyes trailing down before looking back at. _Oh, no._ Okay, so this hiding-your-feelings thing was harder than expected. There were so close too. No one around noticed, everyone was enjoying the rides and games. A thought from this morning comes up; no one here knows them at all. They were practically in their own world. No consequences. Magnus sighs, knowing he should probably move away, but it felt like a force was holding him in place. Alec bites his lip again, the movement extremely attractive and seductive-

 _Beep beep beep._ Magnus' can hear his phone go off, but he doesn't move to answer it. Alec does not move for a few seconds either, but does eventually, and Magnus lets him go.

"Your phone is ringing," Alec says quietly, eyes never moving away. Magnus works his jaw, clenching and unclenching before fully moving away, digging into his pockets for his cell.

"Magnus?" The tired voice at the other end of the line was deep, but unmistakable.

"Father?" Magnus frowns at the unexpected voice. He looks at Alec, who was raising his eyebrows and smiling slightly. "What's wrong?"

"I-I need to... uh, what's the word? When you're sorry and stuff-" Asmodeus sounds uncertain, slurring just slightly.

"Apologize?" Magnus speaks slowly, feeling like something was off.

"Ah, yes. Apologi- um, hold on a sec," Asmodeus sighs, voice disappearing, and Magnus can hear shouting and music in the distance before he comes back. "Ah, yes, I'm sorry. Ah... yeah."

"Okay," Magnus says slowly, unsure of what the point of this call was. Was it just for an apology? Asmodeus clears his throat before continuing.

"And, ah, um, I put money back into your account, c-cause Lily said it was the right thing ta do. Ya know? Ah, yeah. That's it." Asmodeus stops talking, and Magnus frowns, the noises in the background more audible.

"Are you drinking?"

"Ah, maybe."

"You say 'ah' a lot when you drink," Magnus points out, lifting a hand to cover his other ear to listen to the phone better. Alec leans on his hand, elbow on the back of the bench. Magnus smiles at him sheepishly and turns away a bit.

"Ah.. oh, yeah, I guess I do."

"Believe me, you do," Magnus says, wondering just how much alcohol was involved.

"Did I say sorry already?"

"Yes, you did. How much did you drink?"

"Drink? Oh, yeah, only one."

"One shot? You sound done already," Magnus snorts, trying not to laugh.

"Uh, no... one bottle..."

"Oh god, father-"

"I'm good, it wasn't a big bottle, Lilith helped me finish it. She wants to talk to you some time," Asmodeus says, laughing.

"Father, _please_ do the world a favour and go sleep this off."

"But everyone was just arriving-"

"You invited people?"

"Well, yes, there's more alcohol," Asmodeus states, sounding absolutely surprised at the thought of not drinking some more. Magnus runs a hand through his hair, unsure of what to say.

"Okay. Just be careful. Did you just phone to apologize?"

"Yes. Oh, wait, when I last phoned, we fought about, ah, Alan. And I want to know I'm good with it. I mean, I want _you_ to know I'm good with it. Ya know?" Asmodeus speaks quickly, slurring near the end. Magnus resists the urge to face palm, glancing at Alec again before looking away.

"That's, uh, not the right name father."

"Oh, what is it? Albert? Anyway, I want you to know that if you're having explicit sexual relations with Albert, I'm fine with it, I won't tell cops about it, my lips are seeealed," Asmodeus states, stretching out the last word.

"It's Alec, father."

"Okay, then tell Alec I'm fine with you guys doing the sex thing-"

" _Father,_ me and Alec are _not_ doing the sex thing," Magnus hisses, the words tumbling out automatically. Cringing, he looks at Alec, who now appeared genuinely confused. Magnus mouths _give me a moment,_ the stands up and walks away, blushing furiously.

"Okay, but whatever you two are doing, I'll tell _no one._ No, wait, Lilith wants to kno-" suddenly, there is a yelp, a loud clattering sound, and the line goes nearly silent for a few seconds. Magnus closes his eyes, embarrassed, mortified, but also finding the situation slightly funny. It was hard to resist the urge to laugh. After a few seconds, another voice comes onto the line.

"Hello? I'm sorry, Asmodeus is a bit busy at the current moment, I'm afraid I'll need to take a message."

"Lilith? It's Magnus."

"Oh, Magnus! I thought it was a boss, Asmodeus stepped out of the room and said something about making an important call to his boss," Lilith says with a deep sigh, sounding tired. Magnus nods, walking a few steps before stopping. "What did he phone about?"

"Wanted to apologize."

"Yes, he mentioned you two had an argument," Lilith says slowly, curiosity in her voice.

"Fought about money. My patient. But we're good now."

"Okay, well, your father said that you were feeling things for this patient. Is it true?" Lilith stated the question slowly, concern in her voice. Magnus breathes slowly, not wanting to have this conversation at the current time.

"Lilith, can't talk right now."

"Oh... oh, is he there with you? Does he not know? This is getting interesting," Lilith giggles, sounding a bit drunk herself. Not nearly as much as Asmodeus did though. Suddenly there is another yelp, and a loud thump.

"Where's my father," Magnus says quickly.

"On the floor. He really wants to talk, I told him to go sleep, he tried to take the phone, so I hit him with a pillow. And... nope, he's good, he's getting up. No, wait... on the floor again. Magnus, could you call back later? I need to get the guests out..." Lilith's voice suddenly begins talking into the distance, saying something about _going to bed, you're son is fine._ Then she comes back. "The man has more friends than me Mags, and they are all in the other room, and he's not fit to keep partying."

"I can tell."

"Well, I'll just," Lilith starts to say, but then she laughs and giggles, the noises fading into the background. Asmodeus comes back.

"Who is this? Who's phoning my wife?"

"It's _me,_ " Magnus snorts, biting the inside of his cheek and trying not to laugh.

"That doesn't give me much information," Asmodeus says indignantly.

"It's _me,_ father. Magnus."

"Oh. Oh! Aha! Hello, Magnus? Yeah, we were just talking! About Alfred!"

"Alec, father."

"Yes, yes Aleric. Okay. Well, tell Aleric I give him my blessing and-" another muffled shout interrupts the line, then it's Lilith talking.

"Okay, Magnus, I'm going to hang up, Asmodeus is too far gone-" Interruption once again.

"Magnus! I was just talking to you," Asmodeus says cheerfully, and now Magnus really does face palm.

"Go to bed."

"I can't. Lilith is in it," Asmodeus sighs with finality, and there is a sharp slapping noise and another yelp. "Um, Lilith wants me to hang up."

"Yes, you do that," Magnus says, waiting for the call to end.

"Um, call me! About Aleric. We were talking about him last time, right? You said you'd beg for him."

"Father, please, for the love of all that's holy, _go to bed._ "

"But we have talk. About _guys._ You know, when I was younger, I had this thing with a guy at school-"

"Oh, god no-"

"And his name was, uh, well I can't remember. That isn't important. Where was I going with this?"

"To bed, hopefully," Magnus insists, running a hand through his hair. He was not going to have this conversation while he was in the middle of a public place. Actually, he did not really want to have this conversation at all.

"I'm already in bed though, Lulith pushed me-"

" _Lilith,_ father."

"Oh, I remember! Sam! No... Az! No, pretty sure it was Sammael. Not important. Where were we... talking about begging."

"No, we were not."

"We weren't? Oh, well, too kinky anyway-"

"Okay, I'm hanging up. I'll phone back later." Magnus presses the end call button, then squeezes his eyes shut as he lightly taps the edge of his phone on his forehead, not believing what just happened. Still, at least he got an apology. And money. The thought made him sound greedy, but he did need the support after all. Then again, Asmodeus may very well retract his earlier statement when he wakes up tomorrow morning with the hangover he was definitely scheduled for. Straightening up, he turns around and strides back to the bench, remembering Alec's short panic moment. Then, remembering what he said to his father. Magnus blushes, sticking his hands into his pockets as he stands in front of the bench.

"Sorry about that. Family problems."

"I understand. It's always important to clarify to one's father that you're not doing the 'sex-thing'," Alec says, grinning. Magnus blushes and turns away, shifting his weight.

"Uh, yeah, he was really drunk."

"I would hope so."

"He sometimes gets carried away when he drinks. Lilith takes care of him though. Care to go on another ride?" Magnus smiles with uncertainty, face still hot. Alec nods, standing up and quickly choosing a Ferris wheel, saying he wants a more laid back ride. Which Magnus was completely fine with. At least, for a few moments, but as they waited, the daunting realization of them just sitting alone for the next few minutes with no distractions became a bit nerve wracking. At least for Magnus. He glances at Alec before they get on, wondering just what blue-eyes was thinking. Was it awkward, because of the phone call? Was it tense, because of Isabelle?

"I thought you wouldn't mind this ride," Alec says as he slides into a seat. Magnus sits across from him, looking around.

"I don't mind it. But you didn't need to do that for me," Magnus tells him, feeling bad. He did not want to be the thing holding Alec back from doing what he wanted to do. Alec smiles, sticking his hands in his jeans as he looks around.

"I wanted to be nice. You are paying after all, and risking your job," Alec says, looking left as the booth begins to move. Magnus stays silent, unsure of what to say. It _was_ true, but he did it of his own free will. He makes the decision to just relax, not think about anything stressful, any problems. It was nice, sitting in the cool breeze, not cold yet. Autumn was here, Halloween was going to come in a few weeks. Then the holidays. Alec appears to be enjoying the view, the car going up, up, all the way to the top. Pausing every now and then for another person. Magnus can imagine that everything was perfectly normal, that the two of them on the ride were normal. Just another normal day.

* * *

Alec chooses a few more rides, some exciting, but most were the kind that spun around and around. Sometimes going upside down. Taking breaks afterwards, making sure Magnus was okay. Despite everything around, all the excitement and games and fun, Alec was heavily distracted. By Magnus of course. That phone call. Their conversations. It felt like there was a tension between them, and though they both seemed content just to enjoy themselves, Alec felt something in the air that needed to be said, that was straining just beneath the skin and about to burst any second. While he was engulfed by his own thoughts, the doctor seemed more captivated by everything around them.

"Can we eat? I'm hungry," Alec says, causing Magnus to jump.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, what do you want? We should find Will and Clary, too," Magnus says, walking through the crowd, and Alec begins to follow close behind. A bit too close, but the crowd was thick and moving, and he did not want to get lost among people he did not know. He trusted Magnus the most.

"Where do you think they would be?" Alec looks around, walking into Magnus who has suddenly stopped, searching the crowd.

"Still on a ride probably. I guess we'll just wait around-"

"Maaaaagnus!" Alec could hear a shout, and he looks around, immediately catching sight of one of the roller coasters, with Clary on the front holding the bar and her mouth wide open, and Will sitting beside her with a maniacal grin, mouth wide open as he calls to them. Magnus sighs loudly, and Alec finds himself smiling as the coaster continues on its tracks. He looks over at Magnus.

"Found them."

"I should not be bringing Will places."

"I get it, he's the crazy one out of your friends. Reminds me of Jace," Alec says softly, watching the ride disappear. Lost in his own thoughts, he can only wonder where Jace went. He had been quiet lately, normally he would be commenting so much in this kind of situation. They were outside. Jace would enjoy it. Alec swallows, looking at Magnus beside him, who was watching him steadily, expression unreadable.

"Do you hear Jace a lot? Like you hear Isabelle? Do you see him?"

"No, not lately."

"Alright." Magnus nods, looking forward as his jaw tenses a bit. Alec watches him, sticking his hands into his pockets, nails digging into his palms lightly. Magnus definitely seems to be thinking... about what? His expression was too guarded to decipher. Alec breathes in and out slowly, aware he was watching him too much. But standing here, in a place where he was more happy than he had ever been in a long time, he began to notice something a bit troubling. He really likes Magnus. He had already admitted it to Clary, that he definitely felt an attraction, but attraction and the idea of a crush was different than... _this._ Alec was certain he would only ever feel safe with Magnus. Plus, he was extremely grateful to just be able to enjoy himself next to him.

His stomach felt like it was turning over, Alec takes in another deep breath, not tearing his gaze away. Would he really ever pursue a relationship with Magnus? In another world, where he was not a mental patient, and Magnus was not his doctor, would he ever consider asking the man out? _If I was asked, would I say yes? If he made a move on me now, asked me out, would I say yes? The consequences could be dangerous._

Magnus notices him looking, and he grins, looking content and happy. Alec clenches his jaw, trying to keep his breathing calm. _Yes. I would say yes._ But would Magnus ever even _consider_ him a potential boyfriend?

"Magnus, c-can I... can I ask you something?"

"Of course, you should know by now you can," Magnus nods, smiling encouragingly. Alec feels his heart pounding, a head rush hitting him, and he begins to doubt himself. But something was pushing him, he needed answers _right now._

"W-Well... I was wondering... would you, um. Would you... ever...?"

"Hey!" Clary jumps up, hugging Alec from behind, and he stumbles a way a bit. Will comes up, looking tired but obviously enjoying himself. _Jesus fucking Christ,_ Alec thinks to himself, annoyed but also relieved. Magnus rolls his eyes, saying 'hey' as well before looking back at Alec.

"What were you saying?"

"Uh, well," Alec shifts uncomfortably, feeling his face heat up. "Would you... uh, can I have cotton candy?"

"You don't even have to ask," Magnus says, nodding.

"We're getting cotton candy?" Will looks at the two of them, eyes widening.

"Yes, yes, we're all getting candy," Magnus says, amused looking as he begins to head for a concession stand. Will walks beside him, insisting they go on the sky drop together. Clary bounces behind, her attention focusing on the rides. And Alec... was mentally beating himself up. _I almost asked. That's a terrible idea._ He had really been about to go through with it. He felt so much relief that he _hadn't_ said anything _,_ felt a bit of happiness that his secret was not out, but his heart still aches. And he was still fuming at the interruption, completely annoyed. He tries to resist glaring at Clary and Will, it was no their fault. It was his own, really. _If I had not caught feelings for my damn doctor-_

"What kind do you want Alec?"

"I'm sorry?" Alec looks at Magnus, who was staring at him expectantly. He looks away quickly, hands fumbling around in his pockets. "Um, I want a pink one," he mumbles, turning away slightly. He couldn't even look at Magnus after what had happened. Now though, humiliation was settling in, replacing all other emotions. And guilt too. He did not want to feel this way, make Magnus feel awkward, make everything more complicated. And then there was still the aching. He had someone just barely out of reach. What did people say, the first love was the hardest? _Love._ Damn it. Literally, it could not have been anyone else? Why didn't he get some other doctor, some woman, or maybe a heavily unattractive old man? But no, now he was stuck being monitored by a beautiful doctor that he was absolutely in love with. And honestly, there was a tiny part deep inside Alec that was just a bit grateful.

* * *

 **Lawyers:** I don't own TMI

 **Readers:** I think my favourite thing about the story so far is Alec's slight character development. This chapter was more dialogue centered, at least that is how I feel. And it's always fun making our two leading characters fumble around each other due to their feelings. They're both so clueless cx. Anyway, a bit thank you for all the support through reviews and stuff!

 **Manibarilo:** Welcome back, and thanks for the reviews! I'm glad you like Asmodeus, I'm hoping you'll forgive him after this chapter...? As for Clary, she can be very stubborn and insistent... probably my favourite thing about her. Magnus is definitely going to need to be safe, the... _content_ is only going to escalate from here...

 **Amorie Stryke:** It's okay, I understand. Thanks for the review! And... um, the smoke bomb!

 **Guest:** Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you like Magnus acknowledging his own feelings, and all the Malec-ness in the story.

 **Lilypotter72:** There's going to be a lot of fluff up ahead, it should last for a few chapters I think, so you can enjoy it for a while. Thanks for reviewing!

 **The High Warlock of Glitter:** I agree, roller coasters are terrifying, but if Alec was there asking to go on... I'm sure anyone would say yes. Thanks for the review!


	20. Chapter Twenty: The Conversation

**Chapter Twenty: The Conversation**

* * *

Magnus steps out of the vehicle, closing the door before waiting for Clary and Alec to get out. Alec slams the door behind him, standing off to the side, exhausted looking as he leans on the van. Magnus grabs as much as he can carry, which was basically his own things as well as Alec. They had won more things, creating a large assortment of stuffed toys. Alec did not even attempt to carry any. Looking a bit pale, eyes struggling to stay open, he walks up to the hotel, Clary following close behind. Magnus wonders if something was wrong, when they were talking earlier, Alec had looked like he needed to talk. Magnus assumes it was about Isabelle.

"See you tomorrow, Will."

"See ya, I suppose," Will says, smiling before rolling up his window and taking off, turning the corner and slightly running over a curb. Magnus shakes his head, turning around to go inside the huge building, walking to an elevator that Clary was holding open. Alec was leaning on the wall, head tilted back and eyes shut. Magnus presses the button for their floor.

"Today was fun," Clary says, smiling brightly as she tries to smooth down her windblown hair. Magnus nods, looking at Alec's reflection in the elevator mirror.

"Alexander, you okay?" Magnus cringes at how worried his voice sounds, but he couldn't help analysing everything he says to the man. His emotions were running around, and he felt that his feelings were slowly becoming obvious.

"I thought we had a conversation about calling me Alexander a long time ago," Alec says dryly, the corner of his mouth turning up before his eyelids flicker, that lovely blue making an appearance. Magnus shrugs, unsure of what to say.

"It's a doctor's habit I guess."

The three of them don't talk at all for the rest of the trip, not until Magnus walks into their room and drops the items on Alec's bed. Clary carries her own stuff to her bed, sitting down as Alec enters last. He grabs some clothes, immediately walking into the washroom and shutting the door behind him, the sound of running water following soon after. Magnus sighs, stretching before looking at Clary, and he tosses her a tired smile.

"I guess I should go get you guys some real food. Cotton candy isn't going to cut it."

"I'll go! I still have money after all, and I don't want you to spend all of yours," Clary insist, going over to a duffel bag on her bed, pulling out a wallet. She withdraws a few twenties, then turns and walks to the door, and Magnus doesn't protest. Tired, he sits down on the edge of Alec's bed, watching her as she heads out. "Anything in particular?"

"Fries. A burger too."

"I thought you wanted real food?"

"Yes, but Alec probably won't eat like this for a while," Magnus says, laying down with his hands under his head. He closes his eyes, listening to Clary hum in agreement before leaving. Listening to the sound of the shower running. It was just him and Alec. _Him and Alec._ God, that had such a nice ring to it. _I can't even have him._ Couldn't he? It wasn't fair. Perhaps if Alec was discharged, Magnus would consider something. Then again, would Alec go for him? Would he go for him right now? _I could always seduce him._ That was a terrible idea. Well, not terrible, but... unethical? Unmoral?

Magnus opens up his eyes, mind playing through possible scenarios. He had tonight. The entire night. They could do _anything._

His phone rings, and he answers it with a groan. _I swear, if it's my dad again, I really can't handle him black out._ It was not Asmodeus though.

"Magnus?"

"Etta? Now is... still not a good time," Magnus admits, glancing at the washroom door. He sighs, turning to look up at the ceiling. He had forgotten all about Etta... his friend... ex doctor... it dawns on him that he still needs to find a new one to talk to about his problems. He just could not handle sitting in a room with Etta anymore. Across from her, thinking about the fact that he actually once considered asking her out, while in love with a certain someone. _In love. Okay, I said it._ It was bound to come out some time.

"Still? It's been a full day. You never phoned back."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Seriously, is something wrong? Regardless of... who I am to you, I still care about what happens. And I get the feeling you're... stressed?" Etta's voice raises slightly, questioning. "I didn't phone back, did not want to pry too much, but I really want to make sure I'm okay."

"I'm okay. Great actually. Well, sort of, I suppose, made up with my father by the way."

"You never told me why you fought anyway," Etta sighs, worry leaving her voice as Magnus reassures her.

"Well, I asked for more money. Then he asked if it was like Camille all over again," Magnus says, running a hand through her hair. Etta sighs more audibly.

"You asked for more money. Why?"

"Well, I... was running out. Yeah. That's it." Magnus inwardly cringes, but he does not want to give anything away, particularly his feelings for Alec. _Feelings for Alec._ That thought made him grin stupidly.

"Where was the money going? You know you can tell me, right?"

"The money?" Magnus looks around, at the clothes, the prizes, the expensive looking hotel room with two queen sized beds and a flat screen TV. "Well, I went... shopping. Shopaholic, remember?"

"Yeah, I know. I mean, the money, it's not going to bad things, right?" Etta sounds nervous, unwilling go broach a certain subject.

"Drugs? No, Etta, you know I never did that."

"I just want to make sure. Given your history-"

"I'm not doing drugs Etta. None of this is about Camille."

"What's it about then?" Etta pushes a bit, and Magnus can imagine her raising her eyebrows with the phone in her hand, glass of water or wine in the other as she lounges in a chair. Sighing, he looks toward the washroom again, listening to the water. He blushes, closing his eyes, in severe need of advice. But the topic was... _unapproachable_ , at least with Etta. Was it? He bites his lip, planning out the words in his mind.

"I... met a guy. And I would like to... start something. But let's say that, right now, neither of us are in the exact position to start something. What do I do?" Magnus pauses, deciding to just be as straight forward as possible. Etta inhales a bit, taking a long time to answer.

"From a professional, as in a doctor's view, I think it would make sense to know why you are not in the right position...?"

"Well... uh... oh god," Magnus mumbles, standing up and walking into the next room, into the tiny makeshift kitchen. Sitting down, staring down at his lap, he takes a slow breath. _Lie._ Yeah, he could lie a bit. "I... our, um, well, he lives in New York. We're a bit distant, obviously, I can't exactly see him right now. And it could possibly be a while for us to get together."

"That's it? That seems simple."

"Uh... yeah, I guess." Magnus bites his lip, regretting his words. "Let's look at this differently. I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship. Or rather, he might not... be?"

"I get it. You're not ready. Tell him you're not ready then. Wait it out. Ask if he's not ready. Is that all?" Etta sounds tired now, and Magnus felt a twinge of guilt. Talking about relationships to this woman.

"Yeah, that's all. How's the cat?"

"Chairman? Good. Misses you."

"Okay. Chairman likes to play with toys, but most are in the closet. Just letting you know."

"Got it. Anything else? How's your parents? I don't want to force you to talk, but I know you've had a lot on your mind lately. Camille. You also have not bought up your friend this whole time, which is surprising."

"Who, Ragnor? Yeah, I... I miss him. But I've been distracted, so that helps. He's probably good anyway, happy with me not around," Magnus jokes laughing. Etta chuckles softly.

"I'm sure he'd miss you too, Mags."

"I know it hasn't been too long, but it feels like forever since I've seen him. Actually, I guess it has been a while." After Magnus and Camille married, and she held a lot of control over his life then the doctor would care to admit, _and_ after she died, Ragnor was one of the people who never came around. Only the occasional phone call. Well, a phone call once, maybe twice a year out of generosity. Magnus blames himself, since he held a part in pushing everyone away.

"Want to talk about it?"

"No." Magnus swallows, feeling less... stressed. Lest guilt. Less... actually, less nervous too. _Disassociation._ Maybe he should be a bit worried about that, but now he just wanted to keep all his attention trained on Alec. Not break down in front of him either. Show him any problems. "You know... uh. I think... Etta, I can't have a relationship with him because I'm slightly scared what he might think of me."

"Who, the guy you are interested in?"

"Yes. He has his own problems too. I don't care about that, but I know I have things to deal with, I use distractions. My whole life I have. I just keep running and moving. I don't want to burden him. Besides, I'm not exactly... _boyfriend_ material. Even before. My fashion sense, both now and before. I like it, but he makes me sometimes feel self-conscious about it. My mental health, I know it's not the best, but I've been getting better because of him, honestly, I am," Magnus confides, the truth slipping out. "I think it is just... I don't know. I know I sound crazy. Crazy. Crazy for him. Etta, I'm stuck."

"Take deep breaths, think everything, every action through, before you do it. Look at pros and cons. That good?" Etta pauses, waiting for an answer.

"Alright."

"Anything else? You don't talk about a lot of things."

"Yeah I know."

"Your patient..?"

"Patient? Oh yeah, he's fine," Magnus says, swallowing. It was weird talking about two different people that were one and the same. "Yep, he's out of the hospital. Doing fine. I think I'm helping him a bit. That's what he tells me anyway."

"Okay then. And your father, is he alright...?" Etta was unrelenting in her questioning.

"My father is fine. Drunk, but fine. Lilith is fine, too."

"Good. And, I know I've already asked you, but you don't deal with death well-"

"Seriously, it's fine. I'm over Camille. Ragnor... well, I don't know. Maybe I'll pay him a visit some day. Show him my new wardrobe."

"Okay. So-"

"Etta, I'm really okay. I'm going to go now, alright?"

"Alright. Phone me when you need me," Etta says, voice straining slightly. It was more of a command than an offer. Magnus liked that about her, she truly cares a lot about other people. He smiles, sitting up straighter, glad to get that all off of his chest.

"I will. Um... thanks so much," Magnus says before hanging up, staring at the phone in his hand with a sense of accomplishment. Good advice, really. Sure, he could have came up with that himself, but there was something helpful about talking it through with another person. _Okay, so... do I really talk things through with Alec? Then again, he might think I'm a pervert. So, I wait. Until he gets discharged. That was going to take a while._ The bathroom door opens up, and in walks Alec, dressed in only pants.

"Forgot my shirt," Alec says gruffly, grabbing a black T off of his bed. Magnus nods, watching him move by. The only other time he had seen him without a shirt was at the hospital, and he had been unable to really _admire_ the torso, due to the circumstances at the time. Now though, he could see Alec was a but underweight, but very attractive. Those V shaped dips, hips hauntingly beautiful, abs carved. Alec quickly grabs the shirt, turning around and walking back to the washroom, slamming the door loudly, and all Magnus could do was wistfully watch him disappear. Remembering him at the hospital... under the bed... inhaling his scent. There was not much time to enjoy it. Or the feel of Alec _under_ him, their bodies pressing close together, Alec moving and... Magnus swallows, squirming in his seat. If he gave this any more thought, then he was definitely going to have a problem.

 _How the hell am I going to wait for him to be discharged?_

Magnus contemplates his dilemma, up until Clary comes back five minutes later with the food. Alec still had not come out of the washroom.

"Bought six burgers, was not sure how much you wanted. The lady downstairs said poutine was the special of the night, so I got that instead of fries," Clary says, walking over to put the food down. Magnus stands up, grabbing a burger and poutine before walking for the door.

"I'm going to my room. Not feeling well." It was true, in a way. He felt a bit dizzy, this entire situation was out of hand. Alec was driving him nuts, even though he never did anything. Clary frowns, looking confused. She silently nods. Magnus guesses she was just giving him space, and he really needed space right now. Well, from everyone except Alec, but there was no way in hell that was happening. So, it was just going to be another night of ordering some alcohol, drinking alone, and falling asleep. _How fun._

* * *

" _-he lives in New York. We're a bit distant, obviously, I can't exactly see him right now. And it could possibly be a while for us to get together."_

That was the first part Alec heard as soon as he got out of the shower. Hand on the washroom door, he was about to exit to grab a clean shirt, forgetting to grab one before his shower. And now, he was feeling slightly guilty for eavesdropping on Magnus, but the words that were said... Alec needs to hear more. So, he leans on the door, ear near the crack, listening in. _He's in New York. He's in New York._ Who was in New York? Magnus' dad? Friend? Colleague? Some man, whom Magnus states it could be a while for them to get together...

" _Let's look at this differently. I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship. Or rather, he might not... be?"_

The next words that were spoken were said fast. It was obvious that Magnus was having difficulty with this subject. _Relationship. Not sure if I'm ready. He might not be._ The man in New York? There was a man in New York, whom Magnus' wanted to pursue a relationship with? Alec swallows, leaning against the door frame as the news slowly sinks in. _The man in New York. There's another guy._ Alec nearly slaps himself at that last thought. Of course there was not another guy, there was only one guy for Magnus, and it was not Alec.

There was small talk about a cat. Information that seems useless. Alec leans on the doorway with his back, sinking down to the floor slowly as he replays everything in his head. _Magnus likes another guy._

" _Who, Ragnor? Yeah, I... I miss him. But I've been distracted, so that helps. He's probably good anyway, happy with me not around,"_ are the next words Magnus says tiredly, but also in the way someone might bring up an inside joke. He even laughs afterwards, the sound ringing out loud and clear and intoxicating.

 _Ragnor._ Alec recognizes the name from somewhere, he knows Magnus said it once. Ragnor... was he the one? The guy in New York? The one whom Magnus likes?

" _I know it hasn't been too long, but it feels like forever since I've seen him. Actually, I guess it has been a while."_

Been a while since Magnus saw Ragnor?

" _You know... uh. I think... Etta, I can't have a relationship with him because I'm slightly scared what he might think of me."_

This conversation was getting deeper and deeper. Alec tries to resist hitting his head back on the door. It was rude, to try and listen in on someone else's life, but he could not bring himself to go.

" _Yes. He has his own problems too. I don't care about that, but I know I have things to deal with, I use distractions. My whole life I have. I just keep running and moving. I don't want to burden him. Besides, I'm not exactly... boyfriend material. Even before. My fashion sense, both now and before. I like it, but he makes me sometimes feel self-conscious about it. My mental health, I know it's not the best, but I've been getting better because of him, honestly, I am. I think it is just... I don't know. I know I sound crazy. Crazy. Crazy for him. Etta, I'm stuck."_

 _Crazy for him._ Alec bites down painfully on his lip, not wanting to cry out. _Crazy for him._ He just heard it from Magnus himself. The doctor was crazy about some guy, and he spoke in a tone that said a thousand words. The man was crazy for some guy, a guy Alec had never met. He assumes it is Ragnor.

 _Magnus likes a guy,_ Alec repeats to himself silently. He felt so... _stupid._ Magnus had just spouted out random thoughts, talking about a guy, talking about himself. His fashion sense... Alec loved Magnus' fashion sense. Actually, Magnus could walk out in an eighteenth century dress, and still look good. And here was some ungrateful guy named _Ragnor,_ who did not appreciate Magnus' fashion sense, who did not help him recover over whatever mental illness was burdening him. _Some guy._ Jealous and depressed, Alec throws his arms around his knees, eyes burning.

" _Patient? Oh yeah, he's fine. Yep, he's out of the hospital. Doing fine. I think I'm helping him a bit. That's what he tells me anyway."_

 _Patient,_ that was what Magnus says. _He's talking about me._ Alec inhales sharply, angrily swiping at an eye, his mind conflicted between emotions. _I think I'm helping him a bit._ Of course Magnus was helping him, how could he ever doubt that? Alec needed Magnus, more than the doctor could ever understand. More than a doctor, in all honesty... _but there's another guy._

" _Seriously, it's fine. I'm over Camille. Ragnor... well, I don't know. Maybe I'll pay him a visit some day. Show him my new wardrobe."_

Camille was Magnus' wife, Alec could remember that much. And there was Ragnor's name again. Magnus was talking about seeing him, showing him new clothes, and another spark of jealousy hits Alec hard.

Alec can hear Magnus hang up, a deep sigh following.

Now seems like a good time to enter.

Jaw clenched, hands shaking, Alec balls them into fists as he enters the room, swiftly walking to the bed to grab a shirt. Dryly saying "forgot my shirt," then turning and walking back into the washroom. Eyes burning, he slams the door a bit hard, wincing before shoving the shirt on. Sitting on the edge of the tub, he glares at the door, betrayal hitting him hard. Stupid, he wasn't _betrayed_ exactly. He just caught feelings. Then those feelings weren't returned, obviously.

He listens, praying Magnus will just leave. Go. So Alec can have some time to himself. Clary comes back, and Alec gets his wish; Magnus excuses himself, and silence follows.

 _You look down._

"Go away, Jace," Alec whispers, hanging his head into his hands. Jace snorts, sounding bored.

 _You know, when you like someone, you go get them._

"He's my doctor," Alec says, trying to be quiet so he doesn't alarm Clary. He could not deal with her either, her questions about his own moodiness.

 _So? If I had a hot doctor, I would get her._

"That's because you're you."

 _Maybe. Anyway, stop being depressed, and go get him. Or, get over him._

"Get over him? Just like that?"

 _Or, go. And. Get. Him. Tell hum how you feel. Um, ignore the Ragnor guy. He's probably not hot anyway._

"And I am?"

 _You, you're okay. I might be hotter, but that does not lessen the fact that you look good. Fix your hair, and do what... I would do. Or what Isabelle would do._

"Izzy would seduce him by grinding him up against the wall and doing that weird thing with her eyes..."

 _Then do that._

"Jace, you're not helping," Alec snaps quietly, standing up and walking out the door. Clary looks up from her bed, burger and poutine sitting next to her. Alec quickly sits down, grabbing a burger, opening it, and immediately taking a huge bite. Didn't people over-eat when they were upset? Seemed like a general course of action. Alec speeds through the meal, mind concentrated on... well, everything on his mind. Magnus was on his mind. Actually, it was the only thing on his mind right now.

"Hey, I know you like peace and quiet, but you just inhaled supper. Something wrong?" Clary raises her eyebrows, sitting up on the bed. Alec shakes his head, and she purses her lips. "You look troubled."

"Yeah."

Alec falls silent, and Clary decides not to push any more. She slowly eats, and Alec sits quietly on his bed, staring at his hands. Replaying the earlier conversation over and over in his head. _Magnus really likes another guy._

"I'll be right back."

"Where are you going to go?" Clary asks, looking confused as Alec stands, walking to the door. He hesitates, then looks back and shrugs.

"To talk to Magnus for a minute."

"Okay. You never opened your package by the way," Clary says, pointing to the brown paper bag laying next to Alec's bed, lying on the floor. He shrugs, turning back to the door.

"I'll check it out later."

"Okay. Be quick. I'm going to put on a movie," Clary says as she settles down in the bed, grabbing a TV remote. Alec nods, leaving, shutting the door gently behind him. He leans on it, staring at the door across, a deep red with a gold _17_ scrawling one it at head level. He looks at the gold-coloured door handle, glistening, inviting. What was he going to say to Magnus? Shaking his head, he shuffles across the carpet, lifting his hand slowly. What was there to say? _Oh, so I heard you talking about a guy, that you seemed to really like, named Ragnor, and I want you to know that I like you a lot, just to put it out there._ Alec could not barge into that room, saying that nonsense, but what was he supposed to do? Feeling a pull in his chest, he finishes crossing the hall, knocking on the door, slightly shaking from nerves. His chest was beating hard. Hard enough so he could feel the pulse in his neck.

Magnus opens it, tired looking.

"Hey, Alec. Something you need?"

"Um... I want to talk," Alec whispers, the words coming out strained. God, he sounded pathetic. He did not have the same confidence as Jace. Or the wild nerves of Isabelle. Magnus nods, turning and entering his room, leaving the door wide open. Alec walks in, closing it, standing there like a lost puppy. Magnus sits down, in front of a bottle and a glass, his elbows leaning on a table. Alec can feel that tug again, and he finds himself walking over, numbness taking control over his brain. _This is a terrible idea. Terrible, terrible idea._ The room seemed so quiet, the air tense. Magnus looks up, frowning.

"Something wrong Alec?"

"I... n-no," Alec affirms, sitting down quickly next to Magnus, hand reaching across the table. It stops, inches away from Magnus arm. The doctor looks surprised, but also tired. He lazily raises his eyebrows, wanting more information. Alec does not know how to elaborate though. His throat, it was constricting now. And his palms were sweating. But that tugging was not giving, he really wanted say something, do something. Kiss Magnus? Well, yes, that, but it might be a bit much. Swallowing, he looks down, not able to stare into those cat eyes. "I... just want to talk."

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** ;)

 **Dear Readers:** ;)))

 **Manibarilo:** Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked the chapter!

 **Guest:** I am happy that you loved it, _and_ drunk Asmodeus. Thank you so much for the review!

 **Lilypotter72:** Malec just can't have a moment alone, without interruption, can they? Thanks for reviewing!

 **The High Warlock of Glitter:** Thank you for reviewing again, tension was definitely what I was going for. That moment is coming soon though, they will reveal their feelings right away, don't worry!


	21. Chapter Twenty One: The Fall

**Chapter Twenty One: The Fall**

* * *

"Talk," Magnus says back quietly, pulse jumping. Alec's hand was so close, there was an emotion strongly showing in those pretty blue eyes. Too good to be true. That emotion, that look, screamed _need._ And something darker, akin to hate, or jealousy. Envy. Magnus feels his face flush, the alcohol already hitting his brain. Downing two shots before this 'talk' was not smart, but it made the nerves easier to process and deal with. Magnus clears his throat, lowering his arms, his hand turning over slightly. Opened, an offering to be held as it lays an inch from Alec's hand.

"Yeah," Alec swallows, biting his lip, looking at the hand. There was a ghost of a smile, turning the corner of the lips upwards, but it looked sad. "I... who's Ragnor?"

"What?" An unexpected question. Magnus frowns, not having an idea of why his old friend was so important. Why it would drive Alec to come to his room, with a look so conflicted that it was painful to look at.

"I... Magnus, don't get mad," Alec says softly, suddenly grabbing the wrist of the outstretched hand. Magnus nods, feeling another blush as the contact, and Alec continues. "I, um, eavesdropped on your conversation."

"My conversation?"

"You were talking to someone, about a, uh, a Ragnor? And, Well, I... um... I..." Whatever Alec wanted to say seemed to fizzle away into nothing. Magnus sighs, turning his head away to look at the hand holding his wrist. Uninjured, a hospital band and a brightly coloured neon band. Magnus tilts his head, noticing a light pale scar on the skin, quite a feat since Alec was so pale. His patient just kept on stuttering away though for what had to be a good twenty seconds. "I.. I, well... okay, so I understand that you _like_ this guy, but..."

"Alexander, it's nearly twelve AM, I am slightly drunk, and would like very much to sleep, so please get on with your sentence, I've never heard 'you like' and 'Ragnor' together when someone is talking to me," Magnus drawls, pinching the bridge of his nose. Alec does not move or say anything, and Magnus glances at him. "Alex?"

"It's Alec," was the only answer Magnus receives.

"Okay, Alec. Sorry 'bout that."

"It's alright," Alec says, pulling away a bit. He clenches and unclenches his jaw, working it, and the movement was catching Magnus' attention. Alec blushes under the stare, and quickly looks away. "You... if I just heard right, you _don't_ like Ragnor."

"Well, he's alright. Good friend," Magnus says, smiling as he looks at his glass, now empty. He refills it with a shrug, feeling the warmth on his wrist go. "He's dead."

"Oh," Alec says, staring at his hands. Magnus nods, leaning back in the chair. "... _Oh_. He's the friend that-"

"Yes, died in New York. I came back for him," Magnus says, leaning back in his chair. Alec looks confused, even embarrassed as he stares at the table, hair falling forward. Magnus swallows, slowly taking another sip as he squirms in his seat. "You were asking if I... liked him...?"

"Yeah. The conversation. I thought... never mind, I should go, you need to sleep," Alec says abruptly, starting to stand. Magnus shakes his head, sitting up and grabbing Alec's wrist.

"Don't go. I want to talk to you," Magnus says, having no idea of what else he should say. Alec sits back down, looking at the door with a wistful expression. Magnus takes another sip, knowing he should slow down. The drink was swirling his senses everywhere, playing with them. His mind was doing twists. Slowly, he tries to peace together the entire last minute, as well as his conversation with Etta, since there could not be another conversation Alec was referring to. "You heard the entire conversation."

"A part of it."

"How much?"

"Just... well, uh," Alec says slowly, sounding uncertain. His eyes were still fixed on the door. Slowly, he turns slightly in his seat, away from Magnus. "I heard you talking about a guy. And... I heard you say he was making you feel... _unappreciated_ in a way. I don't know. I just wanted you to know though, that despite whatever he may have done to you, that you really are a great guy. Including your fashion sense. I like your clothing choices. And I'm sorry if he can't see it, but I want you to know that you're a good person, Magnus. No matter what that guy thinks."

All Magnus could do was say 'uh' for a good minute. What was he supposed to say? Alec just cleared up any doubts about the guy (which was, of course, him), and now Magnus was at a loss for words. Did he tell Alec he was talking about him? Did he not tell him? Waiting for him to be discharged seems so unimaginable now. Slowly, Magnus begins to think over the words just said. _You are a good person._ Alec genuinely thought that, and he said it right now. In another life, Magnus would jump at this opportunity. Grab it, fight for it. Flirt, smirk, win Alec over. But this wasn't exactly the _best_ situation to do those things.

"You should go, Alec," Magnus whispers, needing some time alone to think things through. Alec's head whips to the side, a frown on that graceful mouth.

"You want me to go?"

"Want is not the word I'd use," Magnus laughs, pulling away. Letting go of Alec's wrist with sadness. But if he kept him here, he might do or say something that could ruin their relationship. He knew Alec cared for him, in his own little way, and he did not want to break that spark of caring by making a move, a move that Alec may be uncomfortable with.

"So, you don't want me to go?"

"I... well, I'm not in the best position to talk about these things," Magnus says, standing up. Alec slowly stands, shaking his head.

"I... Magnus, I just..." The corners of Alec's lips turn down slightly, mouth parted. Magnus finds himself licking his own lips, adoring the sight of a confused Alec. The tension seems to fade away, that awkwardness dissipates. At least, for Magnus. He was sure, absolutely sure, that he did care for Alec, so unbelievably much that it was painful. _I need to let him go._ That is, if he does not want to hurt him. It really was the right thing to do. Stop seeing Alec after dropping him off at the hospital tomorrow, putting in his resignation, withdrawing to somewhere else. Maybe London. If he stayed here, with Alec, his feelings would show too much, he'd scare his poor patient away, be put on trial for 'unethical work on the job', or something like that. He needs to just leave, run and not look back.

But what the hell was Magnus going to say? What excuse could he come up with? What would Alec think? He still needed help.

 _Hey, Alec, sorry, but I love you, and because of that I need to go._ No, that was not right. Magnus swallows, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation as Alec grabs his hand, stepping closer.

 _Alec, I care about you, but I can't help you. I need to go._ No, that would make his patient feel guilty. Alec tilts his head, looking confused, and Magnus panics, jaw trembling as he tries to think. Alec grabs his other hand now.

 _Alec, I like you a lot, too much. I need to go._

 _Alec, I really love you. But it's not right, I'm your doctor. So I'm leaving._

 _I need to leave._

Every single excuse sounded too harsh, and Magnus needed one that did not give away his own feelings. _Alec, I love you a lot, but I need to go. I need you to go._ Redundant. _Alec, I love you, but this won't work, whatever we have. I need to go._ No, Magnus could not tell Alec _I love you_ , that would be wrong, but that sentence was so true. It played over and over in his head, and Magnus squeezes that hands holding his, panicking as he thinks through his words, over-thinking every possible reason. Alec blushes, head still tilted, seeming to wait for an answer to a question that was never said.

"Alec...I am sorry," Magnus says slowly, pausing, not finishing. _I am sorry, but I cannot be your doctor anymore._ Alec swallows, blue eyes burning brightly.

"No, Magnus, I'm sorry," Alec says calmly, his face going from so confused to resolute, jaw stiffening, like he finally made up his mind on something. Magnus shakes his head now, trying to remember the words he had just put together. _I love you, I'm sorry for that, and so I cannot be your doctor anymore._ Unfit for practice, yes, that was the term... Magnus inhales, making his own decision finally. He opens his mouth slightly, preparing to say the words that he knows he'll regret forever, when Alec leans forward, lips brushing on the corners of Magnus' cheek, then pulling away sharply.

"I... l-love you...?" Magnus stops talking, regretting his decision to drink so much, _and_ immediately regretting the words that just sort of fell out, and his thoughts become scattered again, words tumbling over each other and becoming lost. He blinks, stepping back out of Alec's grip. His patient's eyes widen, looking absolutely confused yet again as Magnus tries to rethink his sentence, taking another step back, hip bumping the table loudly. He ignores the pain, hand reaching out to grab the edge of the furniture for support as he rushes through the sentence. "I've got to leave... cause I'm a doctor, _your_ doctor, and I'm unfit for-"

Not paying attention to where he was moving, Magnus' hand hits the glass, sending it crashing to the floor. First mistake. He turns, his movements lethargic as he scrambles to grab the glass, which was already shattering into tiny pieces all over the floor, and he now hits the bottle over, and it rolls over the wood and joins the glass. Second mistake. His third mistake was not watching his footing still, and he sort of twists and falls over, the room tilting. As the floor became a wall, all Magnus could think of was, _Alec kissed me_. Still, he manages to land on his knees, now on top of a puddle of wine, one hand on the table, other imbedded in the pile of what was once a cup. Face flaming with heat, he glances at Alec, no idea about how he should go about the situation. Humour, that was how Magnus goes about situations. So, smiling at the shocked expression on the other man's face, Magnus chuckles nervously, thinking about his job as a therapist, and what was a part of the job description.

"Shall we talk about our feelings now?"

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** I don't own TMI. Can I own Malec though? Pretty please? ;3;

 **Dear Readers:** Took a while to write this chapter, despite it being short (mostly because of the title, 'The Kiss' seemed too cheesy). I wanted this one to be perfect. I hope everyone likes it! That suspense was driving me nuts. Everyone in this story seems to have pretty terrible timing. And now, we go into the next (and last-ish) arc of the story. But there's a lot of chapters, seeing as Alec and Magnus still really need to _get_ together... maybe see Magnus' family... I hope you guys are alright with that (I'm going to assume you are). Anyway, another big thank you for all those reviews! It means a lot.

Oh, and Happy Halloween!

 **DianaLuvTMI:** Yay! I'm bae! I always do my best to keep characters in-character, canon Jace is pretty cool after all. I'll do my best to keep updating. And there will be plenty of more Malec moments up ahead, alone and uninterrupted. Thanks for reviewing!

 **Night Changer:** I hope this chapter held the move you were looking for. Thanks so much for the review!

 **Laurenathalasa:** I cannot reveal any plot stuff, that may or may not have to do with a certain accident. That will be revealed and cleared up in due time. Thanks for the review!

 **Manibarilo:** Blunt is probably the only way Alec can truly show his feelings. That, or nervousness. As for grinding on a wall... well, I might just be able to make that happen some time. In the future. Quite a distance away. Anyway, thanks for the review! P.S I am Canadian, and I understand Americans don't eat it much (?), so making is a special was a personal course of action. Poutine is great, after all.

 **The High Warlock of Glitter:** Oh, but I do dare finish in such moments. They make my heart happy. Magnus will most assuredly kiss the hell out of Alec... soon... very soon... perhaps the next chapter, if I feel an inclination towars generosity. Magnus could not disappoint you, or any other reader. Anyway... thanks once again for reviewing! Happy Halloween as well!


	22. Chapter Twenty Two: The Promises

**Chapter Twenty Two: The Promises**

* * *

"You really shouldn't drink so much," Alec scolds, lightly dabbing a cloth over the places that were bleeding most. Magnus winces, nodding, but a drunk and sloppy grin graces his features seconds later. Alec shakes his head, feeling a smile form on his own face as he wipes up most of the blood, trying to make it clean. There was a few wounds, no glass in the skin though. Just light cuts across the palm and fingers. He holds the cloth over it, turning his body to look for the med kit laying beside him on the bed. Grabbing some gauze, he carefully wraps the injured hand.

"I know, but drinking can be fun," Magnus comments, watching the bandage go round and round. Alec holds an end in place, grabbing a tiny pair of scissors and cutting it. Then he cuts some tape to hold it in place. Magnus holds his hand up in the light, admiring the work. "Looks good, Alec."

"Thanks, I guess," Alec says, storing the rest of the supplies away, closing the kit. He turns too look at Magnus, who was lowering his hand slowly. Their thighs were touching, Alec was hyper-aware of the heat and every move the other man made. Tantalizing, inviting. He swallows, looking at Magnus' lips, then his eyes, not sure what to do or say. "So..."

"So," Magnus breathes softly, staring right back at Alec. "Still want to talk about our feelings?"

"There is not much to say."

"I think there is."

"Well, I mean, you were kind of blunt," Alec points out, raising his eyebrows. His cheeks flame up at that thought. _I love you._ Magnus just let it spill out, in the way someone might point out the elephant in the room. Magnus blushes and laughs, nodding, turning away. Maybe Alec could get used to drunk-Magnus.

"I know I was. Meant to say more."

"Say more? More what?" Alec frowns, brows raising. There was more to say? _Of course there is,_ Alec chastises himself. You don't confess your love without more to say. But the question remains; what more did Magnus want to say?

"I... well, my original plan was to stop seeing you. I don't want to though," Magnus says, looking down at his confession.

"You were going to stop seeing me?"

"Yeah. I mean, I did not want to creep you out with my feelings, given that I'm your doctor." Magnus looks up, smiling with a sheepishness that looked rather adorable. Alec nods, understanding. Actually a little but moved. Magnus cared enough to make sure he was always comfortable. Even if he had to put his own feelings aside. Not many people would be willing to do that. Not many people would even admit their feelings in the first place. _There's a first for everything._ First for everything. That was the first time Alec ever kissed someone out of attraction-love, if it could be called that. He had kissed his parent's cheek, his sister's forehead, even Jonathan as a dare when they were younger, but never because of the type of love he was feeling right now. No, it was not on the cheek. Maybe it was a good thing, given that Magnus had just fallen from that little kiss. Sticking a tongue down Magnus' throat was definitely not the way to go either. _Not yet, anyway._ Alec moves closer to Magnus, intertwining their bandaged hands.

"I get it."

"Alright. Well," Magnus sighs, looking down a few inches, his tongue darting out to wipe his lower lip. He looks back up, smiling, and Alec can feel his entire face flush again. He gives a comforting squish to the hand in his own, forgetting that it was injured. Magnus winces, and Alec quickly lets go. "Sorry."

"Why are you saying sorry? I'm the one that hurt it," Alec says, moving away.

"I'm the idiot that fell though."

"I'm the idiot that kissed you and made you fall."

"I'm... well, yeah, I guess you did," Magnus says, and Alec snorts. He tries to pull away some more, but Magnus' hands grabs his wrists, pulling him back. "Don't go."

"I wasn't going to."

"Hmm... I'm the idiot that said I love you," Magnus hums softly, eyes distant. Alec swallows, his nerves jumping. His skin was burning where Magnus held it, the contact intoxicating. Alec wanted more. Magnus was like a drug, very real, very needed. _A drug._ Fitting description. Alec nods a bit, and Magnus suddenly lifts a hand and touches Alec's cheek, moving it back more, fingers dancing through the hair. Alec shivers, loving the soft and light touches. He still wanted more. "You said I'm sorry before you kissed me. Why?"

"I... well, I was certain that patients unexpectedly kissing their doctors was not the norm," Alec says, his now free hand reaching up to touch the hand on his face. Magnus nods, his thumb slowly stroking the skin beneath it.

"I was expecting you to think of me as a pervert."

"I was expecting you to think of me as a freak."

"You're not a freak, Alec," Magnus says. Alec nods, then shakes his head, then nods. He was at a loss for words. "Irrational, unique, sometimes either very forward or very hidden, but not a freak."

"Are you even going to remember this in the morning?" Alec raises his eyebrows, and Magnus shrugs, dropping his hand.

"I hope so."

"Um... okay. Still want me to go?" Alec asks, and Magnus sighs, leaning closer.

"No. But you need rest."

Alec nods, still having no idea what to stay. He did not want to go. He did not want to leave Magnus' side. Sure, he was only going to be about twenty-five feet away, through two doors and a soft lit hallway. But, leave Magnus? Right after they just confessed their feelings for each other? Alec's mind was still blown over the fact that Magnus had feelings in the first place, but he did not want to deal with those thoughts right now. He was tired, and honestly wanted to curl up under the blankets next to Magnus. _Way to go, Alec, you kiss him, now you already want to jump in bed with him._ Alec laughs inwardly at that thought. If only Jace or Isabelle were here to offer advice.

"Yeah... want me to go?"

"Not in a million years. But go sleep. We should talk when I'm more clear-headed. And, Alec," Magnus strokes Alec's hand with his thumb, his gaze completely serious. Alec swallows, expecting something sad. Bad news. "We can't tell anyone about this."

"Of course, I know that," Alec says, nodding quickly. Magnus nods, pausing before leaning forward and closing the distance between them, placing a kiss on the corner of Alec's mouth, then leans to speak softly in his ear. "I really, really do mean what I said, Alec. I promise." Magnus leans away, blushing madly. Alec nods and gets up, walking to the door awkwardly, glancing back at Magnus one last time before it closes behind him. He knew Magnus would be there, waiting for him. Magnus had promised to always be there. Maybe Alec relied too much on Magnus, cared too much, was too dependable in certain areas. But the man was always going to be there, Alec believed that now. He settles into his bed in front of the TV, watching movies with Clary before they fall asleep. Saying goodbye to the outside tomorrow was going to be more bearable now.

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** I like to think, that even though I don't own TMI, I do it justice. Maybe not, but I can wish.

 **Dear Readers:** So sorry for the long wait! Had my birthday, started a new job, so I've been busy. Anyway... thank you so, sooo much for the reviews! The wait probably would have been longer if not for your guy's support. This chapter was fairly short, there was more but I was too lazy to edit it, so I edited it out, and it's bittersweet, given that Alec needs to go back to the hospital. I wanted this one to be good. Seeing as I'm currently writing other fics, I want to try and update a few of them (finally), so the wait for chapter 23 might be a bit long, but I am going to add fluff, because this depressing story needs more fluff. I hope this chapter makes up for the wait though.

 **Night Changer:** I hope this chapter qualifies as Malec being there. Thanks so much for the review cx

 **Manibarilo:** I'm going to make a scene like that. Maybe more like ten chapters away, though, one hundred is a long time and Malec is to-die-for. Maybe that's just me. And poutine, it is the best. I shall now mark it down to have poutine in Quebec someday. Anyway, hope you like this chapter, and thanks so much for the review!

 **Bluriel:** ;) Thanks for the review!

 **Laurenathalasa:** The being happy part, at least 100 percent happy, may take a while, but we're going to get there. Thanks for the review!

 **The High Warlock of Glittter:** I'm sorry for this not-so-fast-and-super-short-chapter update. Will telling you that a malec makeout scene is coming up next make you feel better? But shh, tell no one this either. Lucky for Alec, I have heard that phrase, and I will do my best to keep Alec updated on the phrase. Or maybe Clary, since Alec needs to talk out his feelings and I want some Clalec bromance. Or probably his 'new' therapist, who might just happen to see malec making out...? But I've said too much already... thanks for the review!

 **Isabellefray:** I get pretty happy when I upload too, but I'm vain. I hope you're super happy with this chapter! Thanks for reviewing as well!

 **Lilypotter72:** Cliff-hangers are my thing now I guess. And I always try to keep Jace in character, after all, he is in Alec's head. Thanks so much for the reviews!

 **Darkparadise994:** 'one of us, one of us.' I'm glad you're liking the fic so much! And that you've found it! I know that situation all to well. Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you liked the update.

 **Guest:** Thanks for the review! And the encouragement! I can always use some good ole' encouragement.

 **Boo:** ;) Thanks for reviewing! And loving this of course!


	23. Chapter Twenty Three: The Catch

**Chapter Twenty Three: The Catch**

* * *

 _4:58 AM_

Alec groans, rolling over and burying his face into the pillow. He'd woken up half an hour ago, his arm extremely sore. And now he was hungry. And he'd eaten all his food. Sighing heavily, he rolls onto his back, glancing at the clock with the time that seemed to barely change. Now that he was waking up more, his mind was running around in circles, going over the last few days, thinking about Magnus, and thinking about the soreness in his muscles, and the ache in his stomach. He was hungry, but too tired to move. Plus, there was no food, and he thought it would be weird knocking on Magnus' door at nearly five AM, then tell him that he needed money to go buy food. Or ask Magnus to order food.

 _4:59 AM_

Alec rolls back over, looking at Clary, all while thinking about painkillers. Those would help. Did Clary have more money? Would she be willing to buy him something? She'd probably just tell him to get Magnus to buy more food, and then Alec would need to go ask, and there would be another awkward encounter. And Magnus was drinking earlier, he was probably passed out.

 _5:00 AM_

Did Magnus go to sleep like Alec did? The first while, even though Alec was exhausted, he kept wanting to move. Run. Go somewhere. Because of what had happened. Was this supposed to be what love felt like? Isn't that what people used to say? Talking about butterflies in the stomach, constantly staring at and thinking about _that_ person, acting cool but on the inside you're melting. Alec honestly thought, when he was younger, that those feelings were made up. Over-exaggerated. Now he knew the exact feeling, and he was completely alright with it. He rolls over again.

 _5:01 AM_

Feelings too hungry, and no longer in the mood to sleep, Alec looks over at the adjacent bed. He takes a deep breath. "Clary." She moves a bit, then stops and lays still, breathing calmly. "Clary." She makes a small noise, rolling out onto her back, arm swinging awkwardly to the side as he eyes lay closed. "Clary, wake up."

She groans a bit, mumbling softly. "Yeah?"

"I'm hungry," Alec says, sitting up. She sighs, laying her arm over her eyes as she takes a few more slow breaths. "Clary, wake up."

"I am awake. Did you ask Magnus?"

"...no."

"Why not?" Clary sighs loudly, and Alec doesn't know how to answer. He pulls at the blankets, twisting the fabric with his fingers. "Are you shy?"

"No," Alec answers immediately, and Clary snorts, rolling over so her back is to him.

"Shy of him? Your own doctor? Way to go, Alexander. There's money in my wallet in my suitcase by the table," Clary mumbles into a pillow. Alec slowly gets out, trying not to trip on some clothes and bags on the floor as he looks into the suitcase by the nightstand. He gets a large assortment of bras and panties before he sees a purple wallet, noticing a brown paper bag by his bed simultaneously. The bag Clary tried to give to him earlier. He grabs both before sitting back down, opening the bag slowly. There was the sound of clinking, metal hitting other metal. He turns out the contents, only to find a small red box, and a small sticky note. Nervously prying the box open, he dumps a set of silver keys onto his hand, attached to something black. Keys? To what? He inspects the black attachment, finding some grey and red buttons. _Car keys._

 _They're car keys,_ Alec thinks to himself, unsure of how to respond.

 _Would you look at that,_ Isabelle sighs happily behind him.

 _We get to go places now,_ Jace says, somewhat gleefully.

"Car keys," is all Alec says as he turns them over, feeling the cool metal on his hand. He swallows, wrapping his fingers around it.

 _Yes, car keys, that is obvious_ , Jace says, voice laced with sarcasm.

 _I wonder what kind of car it is._ Isabelle sounds absolutely thrilled. Alec closes his eyes, trying to process the fact that this gift was a set of car keys to a car that was very likely his.

 _I think something classic would look nice. Or, a newer fast car would do, maybe in gold or neon green,_ Jace adds in to the conversation, sounding as equally as thrilled as his sister.

"Could you guys be quiet," Alec mumbles, reaching around for the sticky note as Isabelle and Jace argue over what kind of car would be better. Both were agreeing that a fast one would be great. Turning the note over, Alec squints, trying to see in the dimly dark room. _For when you get back on your feet,_ the tiny note says in perfect writing, slightly slanted and scrawling neatly across. Signed with a single letter J. Biting his lip, Alec opens his hand and stares down at the silver glinting up at him. _For when you get back on your feet._ That seemed like a very Jocelyn-thing to say. And it was perfect.

He puts the note onto the nightstand, setting the keys down while moving lethargically before he stands back up. Clary begins snoring. Looking for a pair of jeans and a sweater, he quickly changes, then grabs his shoes and pulls them on. Grabbing his key card off the nightstand, he heads out the door, careful to shut the door on his way out. Steadily ignoring the room across his, he walks to the elevator, wondering where he can go. All hotels should have diners, right? Then again, room service seems like an appropriate idea, but it would cost more. A restaurant would do. Standing in the elevator, he gazes at his reflection.

Black hair, messy and curling at the ends. Bright blue eyes that were squinting from weariness. Grey shirt and black pants, a black sweater that was long on his arms. His skin was too pale. A hint of dark circles under his eyes. The door opens, and he watches the reflection of a tired man disappear as he exits, walking around. He could see the restaurant, a few staff still on duty. He glances out the side windows, looking through the glass. _Subway._ He could use a sandwich. Dismissing the restaurant, he exits and walks to the building, fumbling for the wallet. There was a ton of twenties, Clary probably bought as much money as she could, just in case. He pulls out a twenty, then enters the building.

His palms were sweaty, hands shaking. It'd been a while since he had ordered himself something, and he felt anxious at all the possible ways he could mess up. Ordering as quick as he can, he decides to eat in the hotel room. Bringing back a sandwich for Clary too, he walks past the hotel, glancing inside. He could see a large dance floor, not the kind for techno music, but more for ballroom dancing. Slow dancing. Some tables along the far back, then the bar that connects to the restaurant. He walks past briskly, admiring the dark and rich browns, the glints of gold and silver, the way the red and blacks mixed together. Yellow light that turned the beige walls warm. There was few people up, some sitting alone at tables and in booths, and older couple holding hands as they sat in silence. The staff slowly sweeping up the floor. Alec glances at the people through the windows, they were too engrossed in their thoughts to look back.

Alec suddenly stops at a window when he sees a familiar face, freezing. He just stood there, hands in his pockets with the bag hanging on his uninjured wrist, frowning. It takes a few seconds for Magnus to straighten up, running a hand through his hair before he looks absent-mindedly out the window. His eyes widen, and he smiles before looking confused, and he slides out of his seat and walks to the door. Alec walks to the door as well, wincing a bit when Magnus walks straight into it, not realizing there is a handle he has to turn.

"What are you doing outside?"

"I was hungry," Alec says with a shrug, looking down at his feet. He glances at Magnus shoes, smiling a bit when he sees the boots. "You still have those sparkly boots."

"You said you liked them," Magnus says, leaning on the doorframe. He smiles, his grin lopsided.

"Are you drunk still?"

"No. Well, a bit. I couldn't sleep, so I came down here," Magnus says, looking out to the empty road. Alec looks up, staring at the other man. For some reason, Jace and Isabelle were not speaking, and Magnus' eyes were not yellow-green. No slits. Just a soft brown, darkened by the night, the small amount of lights giving them a red-ish and orange glow.

"Why couldn't you sleep?"

"Nightmares," Magnus sighs, sounding exhausted just by saying it. He brushes some hair our of his face, pushing it back.

"Nightmares. Do you get them often?" Alec moves closer, watching Magnus swallow, his Adam's apple moving before he turns his head to look back. Alec prays the street is too dark to really see his face, because he is sure he's blushing.

"I guess. It's not a thing you'd probably enjoy hearing about."

"Why not?"

"A lot of them are recurring dreams. Or the past. On occasion, it's the past, but sometimes the circumstances change. I don't know, it's not the best topic about me," Magnus says with a deep sigh, smiling sadly. Alec shakes his head, stepping closer again.

"What are they about? What was the last one about?"

"... stuff..."

"'Stuff?' That's it? That doesn't give me much information," Alec says, raising his eyebrows. Magnus nods, turning to him more.

"It's not a fun dream."

"Nightmares are never fun. Tell me."

"You'll get upset."

"I promise I won't," Alec says, holding up his free hand and displaying his smallest finger. "Pinky promise."

Magnus smiles, wrapping their pinky fingers together before lowering their hands, intertwining them gently so he does not hurt the injury. He looks down as he wraps his fingers, eyes staring at the place of contact as he doesn't speak. His jaw was working a bit, and Alec wonders if the dream was difficult to talk about. _I shouldn't have asked._

"You don't need to talk about it if you don't want to. If it's too hard to talk about."

"It's not too hard to talk about. I'm just... distracted," Magnus says as he continues staring at their hands. Alec squirms a bit, sticking his other hand lower into his pocket as he lowers his gaze to stare at the hand in his. Vacant of any ring. Magnus' fingers were slim, long, and delicate, very feminine. The nails were neatly cut and clean, the skin smooth and warm. Alec feels his face heat up, waiting in silence before Magnus' begins talking again. "It's a dream I've had for a few years. Camille is normally in it, although other people are sometimes in it, but they are always in the back seat of the car. Camille is sitting in the passenger seat. I'm driving. It's dark, there is sometimes street lights, but for some reason the road ahead is always pitch black. Blurry, I can't really see out the window.

"Camille tells me to slow down, and a part of me wants to, but I never do. If they are other people, they tell me to stop from the back seat. They don't try to stop me. But Camille will grab my shoulder or arm, tell me to look at her sometimes. Tell me to stop. I never do. Then she stops asking, and I wake up, knowing I've crashed and died in my dream. But... lately... um," Magnus hums softly, turning their hands over so he can see Alec's in his. Skin smooth and pale, but more built, the knuckles larger, though the fingers were long and slim. "Lately, you've been in it."

"You dream about me?" Alec smiles brightly. Sure, it was a nightmare, but at least he was thought about enough to be in a dream. Magnus nods, looking up.

"It's... well, when you're in it, it's not much of a nightmare."

"Why not?"

"You tell me to stop. I do," Magnus says quietly, pulling him closer. "I can still see the cars nearly hitting us, but I feel... safer."

"Safer. Because of me?"

"Yes, because of you," Magnus says, smiling and looking relieved now. Happier. Alec tilts his head, brows furrowing.

"I don't see why though. If you ever crashed, I'd be of no help," Alec says as he ducks his head, drawing in a deep breath. Magnus lightly holds his chin, looking into his eyes. This close, Alec can see that the brown has some gold in them from the street lights, but the irises were still dark, almost black in some spots.

"You're a lot of help and you don't even realize it."

"I'm literally useless by today's standards."

"No, your not. Your strong. That's why I feel a bit safer with you."

"Strong? You're not serious," Alec snorts, trying to pull away. Magnus pouts, trying to keep him from going away as he lets go of his hand, lifting it so he can cup the other's face. When Alec freezes, Magnus smiles with satisfaction, perfect white teeth showing past his lips.

"You're strong. Very strong. You've survived a lot, and you're still here."

"I'm pathetic."

"Don't say that."

"But I am! I'm weak, I cry, I get anxiety _and_ panic attacks, and I can probably never even do something simple, like cut vegetables, because I'm clumsy and I'd cut myself, and then I'd need to go to the hospital. I'm not even completely sure why'd you want me," Alec says, grabbing Magnus' hands and pulling them away, dropping them.

"Attacks don't make you weak. Nor does crying. That just means you have feelings, and feel much more deeper than other people," Magnus says insistently, not letting go of Alec's hands. Alec shakes his head, amused but also sad, and the two feelings together only made him numb. "I do want you, Alec."

"I think it's the alcohol talking."

"It's me talking, but the alcohol helps. You ever heard that?"

"Something like that, yes."

"Then you know I'm being completely honest about loving you. One hundred percent honest," Magnus says assuredly, using Alec's hands to pull him closer. Alec blushes and tries to pull away, looking down. He wishes he were drunk now, it would be easier to deal with these feelings. "You believe me, right?"

"Yes, but I guess... I'm just confused," Alec says as he looks up into the brown eyes, admiring them. No cat eyes, although those were just as equally beautiful. Magnus sighs, tilting his head down. Alec was tall, but Magnus was just a few inches taller, so the shorter man had to look up at him, tilt his own head back. Which was a weird feeling, it made Alec feel like he was preparing for a kiss, which he was not opposed to, but this did not feel like the right moment.

"Why are you confused? Confused about what?" Now Magnus looks confused.

"I don't see what you see in me."

"Like I said, you're strong."

"I don't _see_ it though," Alec says through his teeth, frowning deeply. Magnus looks frustrated at what he should say. He bites his lip, eyes lowering to look at Alec's lips, then he lifts them back up so they're looking each other in the eyes. Magnus looks extremely thoughtful, chewing his lip as though his mind was stuck on something and he was trying to find a way to word it.

"I've liked you for a while. I guess I was in denial at first. I slowly accepted it, I thought I could deal with it. Then, the other day when we left the hospital, I... I was watching you when we got outside," Magnus says slowly, voice halting every few words. Alec swallows, looking down and away from that piercing gaze. "When we went outside... I don't know. I was so used to seeing you on a couch across the desk, or asleep in that hospital bed, looking sad and depressed, looking upset even when there was nothing to be upset about. And when we went outside, you stopped leaning on me, you breathed like you never had air before. You looked _alive,_ and you were grinning at the sky like it was the most amazing thing. Up until Will almost hit you, but those few seconds you looked more happy. _That's_ why I love you, because you're still _you,_ you're strong, and you can keep on living even after everything you've been through."

"...I... oh," Alec whispers as he looks back up, not sure what to say. What was he supposed to say? Magnus just admitted he loves him again. And his little speech was... well, Alec would say _breath-taking,_ but that seems too corny. What did people normally say after something like that? "I... uh, I love you too...?"

Magnus starts laughing, grinning widely as he turns away before looking back at Alec, his face flushed a light colour of pink. "You're too cute, Alec."

"Cute," Alec parrots back, unable to comprehend everything Magnus is saying. It was a dream come true. But dreams had a way of dissipating.

"Yes, cute. Unbelievably cute," Magnus says quietly, lifting his hand to cup Alec's check again. He smiles, but this time the look is more of a low-key happiness. Soft, warm, contentedness and serenity. Alec bites his lip, his heart beating faster as he begins shifting his feet, not knowing what to say. Magnus smiles more, his face lighting up.

"What are you thinking about?" Alec asks slowly, tilting his head back again.

"I want to kiss you. A real kiss though," Magnus admits, blushing and licking his lip. Alec nods, not knowing what to do. Magnus smiles weakly, taking the nod as a 'yes', and he leans in and brushes their lips softly together. Alec closes his eyes, letting the warm feeling wash over him. Magnus presses harder, and Alec presses back, lifting his hands to Magnus' shoulders. Where did you put your hands? The shoulders and hair seems like a good idea. So, Alec lets one hand rest where it is, lowering his other one to drop his bag, then lifting it up to run it through the dark hair, feeling the soft strands run through his fingers. Yes, the hair was definitely a great place to touch. Especially Magnus' hair, it was silky and soft, cut neatly but left undyed for so long. Magnus' hands, now free, move to grab Alec's hips, and he pulls him closer so their chests are pressing.

Alec lets out a little noise of surprise, and he can feel Magnus smile before they're kissing harder, Magnus' tongue reaching out to drag across Alec's lip. Alec uncertainly parts his lip slightly, and he feels Magnus' teeth graze his low lip, biting then sucking, his tongue darting out to run over his teeth. In a matter of seconds, Alec is kissing back ferociously, too absorbed in the act to pay any attention to technique. Just enjoying the excitement crawling through his veins, the taste of alcohol and mint, the smell of cologne and sandalwood. His senses were turning into a blur, and he tilts his head to the side as he buries both hands into Magnus' hair, ignoring the pain in his hand. Magnus bites his tongue quickly, both hands moving back so they're grasping desperately at the back of Alec's sweater. Alec lets out a little moan, cupping the back of Magnus' neck with his hand, the movement sending a spark of pain up his entire arm. He winces, pulling away.

"Did I bite too hard?" Magnus frowns, looking worried as he bites his lip. Alec shakes his head, resting both hands on the shoulders again.

"No. It's just my arm."

"Oh. You... you should really rest. I shouldn't even be doing this," Magnus sighs, chuckling a bit as he looks away. Alec smiles, using his hand to make Magnus look at him again.

"I want to do this. I can't sleep anyway."

"Why not?"

"Well, the pain. And I'm hungry. And now..." Alec shakes his head. "Too much on my mind."

"What's on your mind?"

"Stuff," Alec says, not wanting to elaborate. Magnus nods, pulling away.

"You should really rest though. You need to be up and ready to go in a few hours."

"I know. Did... you want to go up with me?"

"To walk you to your room, or to go into your hotel room?" Magnus raises his eyebrows, a sly grin on his face, and Alec blushes while looking down.

"Just to walk me. Or both."

"I don't think Clary would think you and me sleeping in your bed would be appropriate," Magnus sighs. Alec shrugs, knowing Clary would probably just tease them before trying to get them to marry, because in her mind, Isabelle was no longer around to do the job.

"What about your bed?"

"You're getting bolder, Alec," Magnus says with a short chuckle, and Alec looks up before looking down again, nervous but meaning what he says. "I think you should sleep in your own bed tonight.

"You're actually going to go sleep, right?" Alec looks up to see Magnus nod, stepping away and holding out a hand. Alec takes it, shaking a bit as he reaches for his bag on the ground, and Magnus pulls him toward the door, walking inside.

"Of course I am. Well, I'm going to try."

"Okay. Why are you holding my hand?"

"You don't want me to hold your hand?" Magnus pauses, looking at Alec.

"I do. Just wondering why though..."

"Well, I'm walking you back to your room," Magnus says as he looks forward, that same bright and happy smile on his face. Alec was beginning to really, _really_ like those smiles, Magnus seems to smile at least twenty times a minute. "What are you thinking about?"

"Your smile."

"My smile? Do you like it? I've always thought it was _okay_ ," Magnus says as they climb into the elevator, the doctor leaning a bit to the side every few seconds, obviously trying hard to walk and stand up straight without wavering. Alec tries not to laugh as he watches him.

"Yeah, I like your smile."

"Why are you smiling?"

"Because you're tilting everywhere."

"I am?" Magnus frowns, glancing at himself in the mirror, and Alec follows his gaze. Their shoulders were pressing, their hair messy, cheeks and lips a bit red. Alec runs a tongue over his lip, sighing deeply as he glances at Magnus in the reflection. He remembers that moment a few days ago, when they were standing here. When he was wondering what Magnus was thinking. Having no clue that, at the time, Magnus had just realized he loved him about half an hour earlier, and he was trying hard to hide his emotions. Alec remembers the way Magnus' jaw was so tense, the eyes dark and troubled. Because of those feelings he was dealing with? Alec smiles, taking comfort in the fact that he could affect the man next to him so greatly.

"Yes, you're tilting everywhere."

"You make me crazy, ya know," Magnus blurts out, then he quickly bites his lip. "I should stop talking."

"I like your talking," Alec says as he squeezes the hand in his, trying to be reassuring. Magnus squeezes back, leaning in closer, his body heat offering a type of comfort Alec craves. Human comfort. A loving comfort. Even when he had been comforted in the past, Alec never fully accepted it, and now he could. And he wanted to lay in it, bask in it, he loves it more than anything in the world. He smiles, and they get off the elevator, walking to their rooms, Alec going into his alone to eat his food, afterwards falling asleep and not waking up from the pain or excitement. There was just peace.

* * *

 _He feels the other's lips press hard, hands searching, fingers fumbling. Arms go around a neck, lips press the corner of his mouth, moving down his jaw, sucking his neck and brushing over his collar bone. Teeth biting before being replaced by soft lips, sucking, tongue licking. Down, lower, as hands try to pry off the shirt. A tangle of limbs. Smiling, Alec closes his eyes, enjoying the weight that presses down on top of him, both of them freezing, resting. Then the lips press against his again. Alec hums, needing more, running his hands down the spine, up over the shoulders on top of him, opening his eyes, feeling the blood drain from his face when the dark eyes glint like slits-_

"Alec, wake up!" Alec groans, staring through slits up at Clary, who was shaking his shoulder. He blinks, trying to remember how the universe even works as Clary moves away, grabbing black jeans and a T shirt, tossing them onto him as she searches, picking up her phone. "Get ready, Alec! We woke up late."

"What?" Alec sits up slowly, wiping his eyes before looking around to check the time. _9:38 AM._ Tessa said they needed to be at the hospital before ten AM. Panicking, he stumbles out of the bed, tripping over his blankets as he grabs his clothes, undressing quickly before throwing the new ones on, not caring if Clary saw. They were practically like siblings anyway, plus, she was distracted, grabbing things and trying to get stuff together. Alec looks around at all his belongings with a frown. "Clary, where am I going to put my stuff?"

"I'll take it all back with me to New York," Magnus says as he walks in, two white containers in his hands. "I'll pack it all up, don't worry."

"Oh. T-Thanks Magnus," Alec says, staring at the other man. Both if them freeze, staring silently as Clary moves around, grabbing her purse. She looks up at them, glancing between them with a tired expression.

"What now?" Clary looks at Magnus, who jerks at the question. He looks away from Alec.

"Now, we wait outside for Will. With his driving, we won't need to wait long. I bought you guys food, you're going to have to eat it in the van."

The three of them rush outside, and true to Magnus' word, Will was already out there waiting. Quickly, they get inti the car, sitting quietly as they drive along quickly, Will and Magnus making some small talk. Everyone was anxious, but mostly quiet, and Alec could feel himself shaking at the idea of going back, too worried to eat his food. _Going back._ Back to the hospital life, the only life he knew for the past three years. He looks at Magnus, but the doctor was steadily staring out the window with an emotionless face. He looks at Clary, who was staring straight ahead with a frown as she slowly eat the fries that were breakfast, but smiles when he notices her gaze. Will kept on smiling on occasion, sometimes not voicing why he was smiling, but in the short time Alec knew him he realized that Will would smile at nearly anything. He would probably laugh in the face of death.

In about eleven minutes, Will pulls to a quick stop, causing everyone to be pressed up against their seatbelts before being slammed back. Will turns to Magnus.

"Did you have a shift today?"

"No. Imogen was worried that Alec would need therapy during his recovery, so she expected me to see him at the hospital. I go back tomorrow though to check up on the rest of my patients," Magnus quickly answers. Alec watches him, unable to decipher how the doctor was feeling. Did he remember anything from last night and this morning? Did the alcohol erase his memory? Die he regret what he had done and said? Alec needs to know.

"Cool. So, I guess we're all going inside? Tessa has had a lot of shifts and no free time, I want to see her," Will says as he unbuckles his seatbelt. Everyone else copies him, and they get out of the van and walk up to the front doors, going inside without saying a word. The place was already busy, with Tessa once again working at the desk. They walk to wait in the line, but she motions them to come over behind the desk, and Will leans over as she whispers something to him. He nods and turns, walking up the lobby staircase, and the other three people follow. Clary reaches for Alec's hand and looks at him with a sad smile, upset that he has to go. Alec smiles back comfortingly before looking at Magnus, who is watching them with a pleased expression. In a matter of minutes, they arrive at Alec's old room.

"I'm going to miss you," Clary says, hugging him as soon as the door is shut. Alec closes his eyes, wrapping his arms around her tiny body, enjoying the warm moment.

"I'm going to miss you to, Clare-bear," he says softly, and she giggles, pulling away and swiping at her eyes. She steps back, looking at the doctors.

"Tessa apparently had to do a lot to cover for this mini escape, and visitors aren't exactly supposed to be here at this time," Will says, sighing. Alec nods, looking at the three of them as Clary walks to the door.

"Okay. Are we going back to the hotel?" Clary looks at Magnus, who nods quickly.

"Yeah. I just want to say bye to Alec," Magnus says, glancing at Will.

"Cool, you two do that. Hug a little, kiss a little. Well, bye Alec, our first appointment is when you arrive tomorrow," Will says before turning around and leaving the room. Clary goes after him, tossing one last look to Alec. He waves, and she grins, bounding off into the hallway. Inhaling deeply, Alec turns to Magnus.

"Well... I guess you should go. Don't want you to get in trouble," Alec mumbles, sticking his hands into his pockets and looking at the floor. Magnus steps closer suddenly, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face into his neck. Alec hugs back, surprised but glad for the comfort, the warmth. After a while, Magnus lifts his head, not moving his arms as he gazes at Alec, his face still unreadable. "Uh... do you remember last night?"

"Every word," Magnus says quietly, the corners of his mouth turning up. "Both yours, and mine. And I still mean it all."

"Well, that's good," Alec says as he exhales with relief. Magnus raises one eyebrow, smiling wider.

"You think I'd forget?"

"You had a bit much to drink."

"Good point. But I remember what I said to you, even if it was slurred and sloppy," Magnus whispers, lifting his hand and cupping Alec's face again. Alec leans into it, loving the contact, loving the _way_ Magnus held him. He could definitely get used to it. He gazes up through his dark lashes, admiring the way those slanted and pretty eyes were still brown, with a dark blue-black glare under the white lights, the tiny bits of chocolate brown with gold flecks. "Everything, Alec, I really meant it. And... the kiss. I was thinking about it all night."

"Me too," Alec says, blushing right away at his bluntness. Magnus grins, suddenly leaning in and kissing him again. Alec kisses back softly, groaning with Magnus tugs at his hair, the other one on his hip, thumb slipping under his shirt to glide over his hip bone. Alec squeezes his eyes shut, feeling their tongues clash right away. It was a new feeling, one he was not used to yet. Hell, technically, this was his second kiss with Magnus, and though he loves it more than anything, he felt too inexperienced. He pulls away, watching Magnus open his eyes as his cheeks go red.

"Sorry," Alec says, and Magnus looks confused.

"You always so sorry when you don't have to be sorry. Never say sorry to me, Alec, for being you. Unless you insult Chairman, then say sorry," Magnus jokes.

"Chairman?"

"The cat."

"Oh, the cat," Alec says with a smile. He would never insult anything of Magnus' though. He watches that mouth turn into a perfect smile, before they are kissing again, this one lighter and softer. Alec places his hands on Magnus' chest, knowing that he should let him go before they get caught. He is backed up against the bed, feeling Magnus' hips hit his when he hears a noise from the hallway.

"Hey, Tessa says he needs the patient... um... p-patient clothes," Will says from the doorway, holding a hospital outfit in his hands. Magnus quickly takes a step back, mouth open, but no words come out. Alec can feel his heart plummeting immediately. _I've jinxed it._ Alec could just see the future, never seeing Magnus until he gets released, Magnus possibly getting lawsuits and his medical license taken away for inappropriate relations with his own patient. It was all over now, he would never see Magnus again for a very, very long time. Both men by the bed stand still, and Will shifts from foot to foot before grinning mysteriously. "When I said kiss, I didn't think you guys would actually stick each other's tongues down your throats."

"I... I can explain," Magnus stutters out, but Will just waves his hands and tosses the clothes on the bed.

"You don't have to. Well, maybe later. Because later, I'm going to have a long talk with you about boundaries. I'll see you in the van," Will says as he spins around and walks out. Alec was at a complete loss for words. His mouth hanging open, he glances at Magnus, who looks just as shocked.

"...I... what was that?"

"Why, that was Will Herondale... being Will Herondale," Magnus says, looking at Alec. He moves closer again, kissing his nose, and Alec feels his stomach turning with happiness as Magnus pulls away. "I should probably go after him. I'll be seeing you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Alec says as Magnus nods, turning and walking out the door with haste. Probably to 'explain' to Will what just happened. Alec sits down on the bed, watching the door swing close and leaving him alone. What was going to happen? Would Will tell, or not tell? Or save this affair for blackmailing? That last option seems likely, but Alec places his trust in Magnus', knowing that the doctor would find a way to fix this situation. It was Magnus, after all.

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** I don't... own... THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS. *Gasp*

 **Dear Readers:** This chapter was long, mostly because that first make out scene was not planned at all, but I was very inspired to write it. So, here it is. Also, yes, in case anyone else is wondering, I do plan to update all my other stories. It may take a week or two though.

 **Night Changer:** I love them too! And your review! And yes, they definitely love each other!

 **Manibarilo:** I'm so glad that you liked it, particularly Alec's thoughts. I'm still working on Savor, but I've been procrastinating writing the next chapter for a few weeks already. I'll do my best to update this story and Savor soon. Thanks for reviewing!

 **Lilypotter72:** Thanks so much for the review, and I'm glad you liked it! I've been working on the next chapter for disobedience for a while, it's just taking a while because I never write pairings with at least one female too often, especially two females, so I'm trying my best to pull it all together.

 **The High Warlock of Glitter:** Now, that is a situation I could get behind, and it has happened. Thanks for the review! Now you can walk around with this chapter in your mind...


	24. Chapter Twenty Four: The Talk

**Chapter Twenty Four: The Talk**

* * *

"Welcome back, Alec," Catarina says cheerfully as soon as Alec walks in through the door with Tessa. Meliorn was standing a few feet away too, with a happy smile on his face, most likely from seeing Alec better. Alec smiles, letting Catarina hug him, confused but enjoying the warm welcome. Tessa talks to her before leaving, and Catarina leads Alec to his new room. This hospital was bigger than the one in New York, there was much more staff, and many rooms, a lot with the doors closed but sometimes there was a wide open archway that showed what looked like comfortable living spaces, couches, and on occasion a TV. Catarina explains that the first is only for staff, the second floor is for the patients who behave well and could enjoy something, like TV or reading. The third floor was the living quarters, and the fourth was meant for the more 'difficult cases'. There was an adjacent building right next door, meant for medical emergencies for the patients, so they did not need to be driven all the way to another hospital.

"This is your room, you have only two roommates, we decided it was best to keep you calm and in a familiar setting," Catarina says as she opens a door. Four beds, a small nightstand next to each, and a large window with a metal grate on the far wall. On one bed was Helen, who immediately sits up with the biggest smile on her face as she swings her feet over the edge, standing on the floor. In another bed sat Raphael, who look up and scowls, like he expected Alec would end himself up in the hospital and that it greatly inconvenienced him.

"Breakfast is at eight, lunch is at noon, supper is at five. You need to be in your room by ten at least. Your appointments with Will are on Mondays and Wednesdays, and your meetings with Magnus are on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Every day after breakfast though, you'll have an appointment to check out your arm and stuff," Catarina quickly explains, handing Alec some new pairs of white clothes, a white pair of vans resting on top. Alec nods, and Catarina smiles brightly. "You have an appointment today though, in an hour, just to see how you're doing. Next hour, and appointment with Imogen."

After Catarina informs him about a few more details, she turns and leaves. Alec tosses his clothes on the bed, turning to his friends. Helen hugs him, looking up with a smile.

"Glad to see you back."

"Glad to see _you_ back," Alec says with a grin, turning to Raphael, who slowly sits up and rests his elbows on his knees.

"So, Mr. Crazy is back."

"Nice to see you too, Ralphy," Alec says with a grin, and Raphael grimaces, but a smile pulls at the corners of his lips. Alec sits down, and Helen does too, and right away the three of them begin talking about what happened.

"So what did you do? There's rumours you stabbed a guard," Raphael says, looking curious. Helen snorts, shaking her head.

"Raphael, of course, believes that. I heard you bit a guard."

"Alec's not the vampire, according to himself, _I_ am."

"Well, biting is more plausible, where is Alec going to get a knife?"

"He ran into random rooms! He could have found anything."

"Yes, but I highly doubt hospital staff would just have things like that laying around," Helen says, rolling her eyes.

"You never know. You remember that blonde haired patient? Said she snuck into an office one time and found a dildo," Raphael informs, a smirk on his face. Helen giggles, her head snapping back with laughter.

"A _dildo?_ You believe that?"

"Well, it's _plausible,_ " Raphael says, emphasizing the word Helen just used. Alec shakes his head, crossing his legs and deciding to interrupt them.

"I _kicked_ a doctor, not a guard. Apparently it was Will, my new doctor," Alec says, and Raphael snorts as Helen's mouth falls open, her eyes blinking.

"You kicked your doctor?" Helen frowns, and Alec nods.

" _Ay dios mio,_ of course he did," Raphael mumbles, falling onto his back and resting his arms under his head. Helens shakes her head, blonde strands bouncing as she crosses her legs, wanting to hear more. Alec watches her closely, wondering why she was here in the first place. Didn't she say she was getting out? The reasons for her reappearance made him curious.

"I didn't mean to," Alec says with a shrug, thinking about that time. That incident seems like years away now, after the last few days. He suddenly grins, glancing at the door that was wide open. Deciding no one was close enough to hear, he leans towards his fellow patients, deciding to tell them everything. Well, almost everything. Helen and Raphael were both smart and pushy, they would probably pick up on Alec's feelings for his own doctor anyway. He did promise Magnus not to tell anyone, but the two in front of him had no reason to tell. They would probably just want to know every single event in deep detail. Though, the boner-under-the-hospital-bed event was something Alec could leave out. So, Alec leans forward, grinning wickedly. "I need to tell you something. I escaped the hospital the other day..."

* * *

Alec sits down in front of the small brown desk, looking around. There was a large window with blinds, lighting up the office with an evening glare, and a lamp on the corner of the desk. Only three chairs, all red leather and soft, in front of the desk. Alec expected Imogen's office to be larger, but he supposed that since she was only temporarily using it, it would do. Nervously, he looks over his shoulder at the clock above the door, tapping his feet on the floor. The door was shut, and it had an automatic lock to keep people from coming in. Or going out. Only the key could help with an escape. As if on Alec's whim, Imogen walks in through the door, closing it and walking to the desk, sitting down.

She folds her hands together, sitting up straight and stiff in the chair. Alec looks up at her, then down at the carpeted floor, as though the black and grey tiled pattern was the most interesting thing in the world. Imogen clears her throat, and Alec quickly looks up.

"Hello, Mr. Lightwood."

"Hello, um, Dr. Herondale," Alec says quietly, not sure how to address her. Formal seemed the way to go. Imogen was all steel and metal, grey hair that must have been blonde once pulled back tightly into a bun, not a strand out of place. Deep, stark lines as wrinkles, set by her mouth and eyes, giving her a more sharp and no-nonsense expression. And steely grey eyes, to match the grey business suit under her white jacket. Alec resists the urge to look down, wanting to appear more sophisticated, Imogen looks like the type of person to dislike shyness and tentativeness. He had only seen her on a few occasions, prowling the halls of the New York Institute, hands either clasped together or swinging, back straight as a rod. Never had he talked to her, one-on-one.

"So, tell me, what exactly happened?" Imogen lifts her chin, unmoving like a statue. Alec shrugs nonchalantly, as if he does not know, then quickly thinks better of the action.

"I... the alarm went off. I freaked out and tried to run to get some air. The records can show you that."

"I know. I would like to hear it from your perspective though," Imogen says, and Alec looks down again, and there is an awkward silence for ten seconds. "You must realize that, as I am a doctor, you can tell me."

"There's nothing to say."

"Very well. I had been hoping you were getting better, Magnus was pressing his case to get you released very hard, he was convinced time outside might be beneficial to your healing process. But, I suppose that if you can't talk about it, then more healing time is needed," Imogen says dismissively, sitting back in her seat. Alec stares at her, shocked.

"... He was working to get me released?"

"Every discussion, he says he feels that you are getting better. And some time out might do you good," Imogen nods, a simple bow of her head. Alec tightens his hands, taking a deep breath.

"And were you... considering releasing me?"

"We will monitor your health. I was planning on a date to release you. It will be pushed back if you are... _uncooperative,_ " Imogen says slowly, her gaze unwavering. Alec feels his heart beat faster.

"At... the hospital, the alarm scared me, like I said. So, I ran, broke the window because I thought I could try to unlock the door. I did not mean to overreact, or kick Will, and I apologize," Alec adds in that last part, realizing that if Will is even distantly related to Imogen, kicking him was not going to win points for the case Magnus was trying to make. Imogen sits in silence, then nods, sitting up and sliding a paper across the desk.

"This is your schedule while you are here. Like everyone else's, it will carry on throughout your stay at New York as well. By the way, I got a call earlier, you will have a visitor tomorrow morning," Imogen says, sitting back down as Alec grabs the paper. "Meliorn will continue to escort you around, in case there are any problems. Understood?"

"Yes ma'am. If I may ask, when were you planning on releasing me?" Alec looks up from the paper expectantly, a look of hope flashing across his features.

"Like I said, a date is not set. Also, I am truly sorry about the alarm, a classic mistake, a patient decided to pull the alarm." Imogen stands up, walking to the door and opening it. Unnerved, Alec stands up and walks to the door, exiting, finding Meliorn still waiting for him. Walks back to the room quietly, twisting the corner of the paper in his hands as he thinks everything through. The doctors that had checked up on him earlier said he was fine, that he should rest. Catarina said that the New York Institute should be ready to go in November at the earliest. Imogen just told him that he might be released. He would get to see Magnus in two days. Shaking with excitement, Alec sits down with a huge grin, and Raphael and Helen watch him with interest. They took the news about the 'escape' very well, thinking of it as more of a dangerous espionage mission, their gazes were rather envious. As for the thing with Magnus, they kept on asking ridiculous questions, most sexual. For now though, it was time to tell them that he might be released soon.

* * *

His palms sweaty and fumbling as he takes off his jacket and tosses it on his bed, Magnus walks to the mini kitchen, grabbing two glasses. He was tired, exhausted, and wanted to sleep, but there was many things to be done. He had also promised Clary some food, which he would buy right away, but he had failed in trying to get her to come. She wanted to 'freshen up', and so Magnus decided to just order pizza, since it was quicker, and he had originally hoped that it would arrive right away, offering up another distraction. But no, the delivery would come in a half hour, leaving plenty of time for Magnus to sit in his room. With Will. Who had not yet bought up Alec, since they were around Clary, and Magnus was grateful for that fact. But who knew what the other doctor was going to say?

"So... how long have you guys...?" Will raises his eyebrows as he questions Magnus.

"Well... technically, either last night, or this morning. Can't remember..." A lie. His memory was fuzzy, but Magnus could remember everything. Every. Single. Detail.

"You were drunk, weren't you?"

"Yes..."

"Good god, Magnus, he's your patient!" Will stands up from his seat at the table now, pacing as he runs a hand through his hair. He glances at Magnus with a frown, still ruffling his own hair with his fingers as he turns and walks back and forth. The action was only making Magnus more anxious.

"I know, Will, I know."

"You 'know'? _You know?_ Mags, if you get caught-"

"I won't."

"You don't know that! Anything can happen! You can get charged! Lose your license! All those years of studying will go to _waste_ ," Will says, shaking his head and staring at the floor with a conflicted expression. Magnus nods, hanging his head like a child being scolded for stealing candy. "Damn it, Magnus! How am I supposed to try and help him when all I can think about is that you've probably fucked him in the ass-"

"I did not fuck him in the ass!"

"Fine! Call it whatever you want, whatever. _Listen,_ if you get caught at all, you're in big trouble. Did you even think about that before doing whatever you two did?"

Magnus frowns and looks up, dropping his hands into his lap. "We didn't do anything."

"Listen, I'm not judging whatever you do, you're a guy, you like girls and guys, I _get_ that. But..." Will pauses mid-sentence, stopping his walk and turning to look at his friend. "But, your _patient?_ "

"I... I know, I should have fell in love with someone else, but-"

"Fell _in love_? You've known each other for a few... weeks? A month or two? Who falls in love that quickly?"

"You."

"... You got me there," Will mumbles, walking back to his seat at the table, sitting down slowly in front of his drink. He holds it, considering, then downs it all in one gulp. Magnus copies him. "Okay... well."

"Well?" Magnus repeats the word slowly, swallowing the lump in his throat, expecting another outburst. Will stares at him with narrowed eyes, not looking upset, just curious.

"Did you tell your father?"

"No. I think he's catching on, you know how he is."

"Your doctor? Anyone else? Cat, Tess?"

"Cat and Tess would both disapprove, you know how they are."

"Makes sense." Will nods slowly to himself as he looks at his glass, his expression calm and unreadable as he traces the rim absent-mindedly with a finger. Magnus frowns, crossing his arms and leaning back in his seat, waiting for Will to speak again. "... I guess that's it."

"That's it?"

"I'm getting tired of you repeating me, Magnus."

"I'm sorry. But... you don't have anything else to say? A whole talking-to about the dangers of this relationship, the problems that might arise?" Magnus raises his eyebrows, and Will shrugs, leaning back in his own chair with a mischievous smile on his face.

"You know the dangers yourself. I'm not going to tell you what you already know, I'll leave that to our other friends, because believe me, they'll find out," Will scoffs with a shake of his head. "Unless you and Alec made a run for it out of the country, but that's highly unlikely. Besides, you're in love, according to yourself. You won't listen to me. I wouldn't either."

"Who says I would not listen?"

"Camille," Will says, and just that word sends uneasy shivers down Magnus' spine. Will glances at him with a smirk. "You never listened to our warnings. You're stubborn."

"You are too."

"We're not talking about me now though. I was talking to Imogen, by the way," Will pauses as he looks back at his glass with a thoughtful expression. "She doesn't like you. But she likes the way you're dedicated to your job. Says she was surprised that you took her up on the offer to come see Alec. Speaking of which, I should go back to my hotel, get my files together. Figure out what to say with him."

"Don't tease him. Or be too forceful. No jokes about... _our relationship_ either," Magnus warns, certain words sounding foreign on his tongue. _Our relationship._ He and Alec had nog even established a word for whatever they had. Will nods, standing up and slinging his jacket over his arm as he walks to the door, Magnus following him to go out and wait for the pizza.

"I'll leave the joking to you, Mags. You can break the boy's heart with terrible puns."

"My puns are _not_ terrible."

"All puns are, that's why they are so funny. Like your boots."

"For your information, Alec _likes_ these boots," Magnus says with a frown as he slips the obnoxiously sparkly boots on. Will snorts again, shaking his head as he puts on his own black combat-styled boots.

"Oh, he's in love with you alright, Mags. Only love could blind someone from those things summoned from glitter-hell-"

"Do you need to be such an _asshole_ all the time?"

"Do you need to be _you_ all the time," Will bites back playfully, sticking his tongue out like a child. Magnus shakes his head and smiles, reaching for the door, freezing when he hears a loud _thump._ He looks at Will, who frowns and grabs the nearest object for protection, which turns out to be a red heeled boot. Will mouths _really?_ Magnus shrugs, swinging the door open to see Clary sort of sprawled out in the hallway, trying to quickly get into her room. Seeing both men standing there, she smiles sheepishly and stands up, smoothing her hair out that had become a mess from whatever tumble she just took. Tucking her hands into her overalls, she bounces from foot to foot, biting her lip before speaking.

"For the record, I totally _wasn't_ eavesdropping."

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** I doubt any lawyers are actually reading this and will try and sue me for writing fanfiction, I can write anything I want here. The.

 **Dear Readers:** I don't have much to say... _this_ time.

 **DianaLuvTMI:** Since I've forgotten because my memory is terrible, WE'RE ALL BAE! I'm glad you thought last chapter was cute, and I'm hoping you'll think some malec moments up ahead are just as cute. Thanks for the review!

 **The High Warlock of Glitter:** There's quite a few chapters to go before he leaves, but he'll get to leave, don't worry! Thanks you for another amazing review!

 **Manibarilo:** I'm glad that you really liked the last chapter! The kiss, the hints of Alec getting better. Maybe it's just me, but I like chapter lengths changing, so I can focus on different scenes, though I do favour longer chapters best (which is what I'm aiming for the rest of the chapters). Anyway, thank you so much for reviewing again!

 **Night Changer:** We are definitely working towards Alec's eventual release from the hospital! With Magnus' help it will hopefully. Thanks foe the fabulous review!

 **Guest:** That was a long an amazing review, so thanks for that, I'm really happy that you loved that last chapter. I'll try not to make you wait too long for the next chapter!

 **Anrangela:** Thanks for the review, I'm glad that you find the story fascinating!

 **Darkparadise994:** I'm glad you liked that first scene. And the second kissing scene. And the hilariousness of Will. I hoped you like this chapter too, thanks for the review!


	25. Chapter Twenty Five: The (Next) Talk

**Chapter Twenty Five: The (Next) Talk**

* * *

"Hello," Will says brightly, closing the office door. Alec nods, mumbling out a greeting as he sits, hands in his lap and eyes lowered. Will goes behind the desk, sitting in it gracefully as he lifts up his feet to place them on the desk. Confident, nonchalant. Alec swallows and stares at him, being reminded whole-heartedly of Jace, and the thought creates a numb pain in his chest as he crosses his arms and leans back in the sofa, trying to relax his nerves. Will fidgets a bit, not making a move to grab any pen or paper, no files either. "I talked to Magnus."

Alec just nods and waits to hear out what else Will has to say.

"I promised not to tell anyone."

"You did?" Alec blinks, too relieved to really feel surprise, and Will nods, lowering his feet down to the floor as he leans on his desk with his hands clasped together.

"Under one condition," Will says slowly, and Alec sits up to hear it, watching the doctor take a deep breath. "He will continue to see you, to appear like everything is normal, for all intents and purposes. But, I made him promise not to treat you like a patient when you are both alone. It will create a strange dynamic, problems may arise. In addition, I will fully carry on your treatment behind closed doors, with Magnus only _pretending_ to."

"Okay," Alec says softly as he looks down, thinking over this new development.

"Clary, by the way, knows of this."

"What? How?" Alec's head snaps up at he frowns with confusion.

"Apparently, she thought it was a terrific idea to listen in on our conversation. She has promised not to say anything either," Will assures him, leaning back in his chair with a shrug. Alec nods, watching him grab a paper and pen, setting it into his lap. "Well, now that you are aware of our arrangement, we shall begin."

"Begin... where?" Alec tilts his head, already exhausted. Hs had been through so many doctors, talked and spilled some secrets over and over again, that the thought of redoing everything all over was painfully boring. Will sighs, tapping his pen lightly on the side of the notepad.

"Luckily, Magnus updated all his notes last night and gave them to me. Therefore, I will start off where he left off. I will go onto the topic of your quite lovely sister."

"Isabelle?"

"Yes, that's the one. By the way, the day you kicked me in the jaw, you said her name. I thought you were calling _me_ Isabelle, and I have never been mistaken as a girl since my college days and a few drunk one-night stands," Will says with a grin, and Alec blushes and looks down, mumbling out a sorry. "Don't apologize."

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize for apologizing either. Now, this sister... she talks to you?"

"Yes."

"All the time?"

"No."

"Right now?" Will raises his eyebrows, and Alec listens to the room, but there was only the ticking of the clock and the tapping of the pen. Alec shakes his head, and Will nods, scribbling something down. "What was the last thing you two did together?"

"Like... I mean..." Alec pauses, unsure of how to answer. He wanted to say she was there at the amusement park, but was that what Will meant? "Do you mean... before the crash?"

"Did you see her before the crash?"

"Yes."

"Tell me about then," Will says, and Alec nods as he stares at the floor, thinking about that day. It had been raining, drizzling at seven AM. The Lightwood parents had raised their children to be up at least by seven, and so he and Izzy woke up together, and she was trying to get him to eat a huge breakfast, that day he had a hockey game that he never ended up going to. Choosing, instead, to go to a party with Clary's brother, Jonathan, but that was another story all together. The last time he saw Isabelle was mid-afternoon, he was in the middle of texting Jonathan when she creeped up behind him, stealing his phone and demanding to know what he was doing.

" _Alec? You're going out tonight?"_

" _Iz, give me my phone!" Alec reaches out, trying to snatch his phone back, but she dances out of his reach, sprinting across the library as she stares at the screen._

" _You have a game tonight!_

" _Then I guess I'm not going," Alec snaps, catching up to her and grabbing her wrist, taking the device away. She frowns, crossing her arms and staring up at him._

" _Why not?"_

" _Don't you remember last time? Dad yelled at me because I missed that one goal, despite how many other goals I scored. He'll be disappointed in me no matter what," Alec says, shoving the phone in his pocket and heading for the library door, preparing to go back to his room. His sister follows him, a look of disapproval on her face._

" _Dad will be even more disappointed!"_

" _Like he could be even more disappointed in me. Besides, Jace is on the team, he'll help them win. Then dad can be proud of HIM," Alec snarls angrily, walking down the hallway, his body trembling. Isabelle grabs his wrist, trying to stop him._

" _Alec, he is not disappointed in you."_

" _Yes, he is! He calls me 'it'. I am a freak, with my nightmares, my nonsense words that he never understood, even though they explain everything about me precisely. He can't stand the fact that his oldest son is gay! You're not gay, dad does not ignore you, or yell at you about it, you can't possibly understand," Alec says as his voice cracks, and he turns a corner while shaking his arm, hoping Isabelle with go. She does not let go though, and instead holds onto his wrist tightly, following as close as she can. Finally he stops, turning to look at her with an infuriated look, covering up the sadness in his heart. Surprisingly, she smiles up at him warmly, her hand like an anchor that was holding him down with a comforting grip. He could never be mad at her, especially when her large brown eyes were looking up through thick lashes, the gaze full of love and a need to make things right. Isabelle and Alec were family, and like most family, they would do anything for each other._

" _Maybe I can't understand, but I can still worry about you," Isabelle says softly. She shakes her head, turning away, and Alec watches her walk away with a frown forming on his lips._

" _Where are you going?"_

" _To my room, I'm actually going to my soccer game. I don't like it, but a girl needs to keep fit and kick ass. Try and get a cute guy's number tonight." Isabelle walks away quickly, hips swinging as she lightly skips down the hall._

" _You aren't going to tell mom and dad?" Alec calls down the hall carefully, still frowning with confusion._

" _I could, but that would only make them mad. Particularly at me. Do what you have to, Alec. God knows you will anyway."_

* * *

"I-I'm sorry," Alec says with a loud sniffle, swiping at his eyes that were growing wetter. Will grabs the Kleenex nearby, sliding it over the desk. As Alec quickly wipes up his face, Will settles back into his seat and begins scribbling again, intense blue eyes occasionally flickering up to look at his patient. Will did not look worried though, he was not getting flustered and scurrying to help Alec like Magnus would. He was rather calm instead, giving the other man space, letting him finish wiping his nose. Alec throws his tissues in the garbage before sitting back down, staring at Will with a sheepish smile. "Sorry 'bout that."

"Don't say sorry for crying, it's okay to cry. I wouldn't have taken this job if I didn't expect crying anyway," Will says with soft smile. Alec nods slowly, crossing his arms and trying to ignore the aching in his throat. Will sighs deeply, running a hand through his dark hair. "Okay, so that was the very last time she talked to you?"

"I got a call from her phone that night, but it was my mom. My dad was yelling in the background. I got more calls, but ignored the rest."

"Understood. So, I've been thinking through everything, going through the notes," Will says, picking up the file and flipping it open, pulling out a paper. Once he has it set up on the pad, he looks back up at Alec with a cool but unreadable expression. "You're hearing Isabelle less, which would suggest you're getting better. But you're physically seeing her, which is contradictory to that statement."

"I feel like I'm..." _I'm getting better._ That was what Alec wanted to say, but he could not help but doubt himself. Will sighs deeply again, chewing his lip and staring at his notes.

"Feeling better does not necessarily mean you _are_ better. Schizophrenia is not something that automatically goes away. Strangely though, you have no other medical history before the crash. Meaning this form of schizophrenia could very well be pointing towards PTSD. According to what Magnus has to say anyway, and I agree with him. Another idea is that... well, you've always had it, and it's not uncommon for certain conditions to worsen throughout growing up, and traumatic experiences can amplify that. Or, if you have always had it, you may have supressed or hid it rather well in your early years. Do you have any memories of seeing or hearing the things you do now?" Will raises his eyebrows, sitting still as he stares over the desk.

"You want to know if I've always... seen or heard people... things," Alec says cautiously as he tightens his crossed arms. Will nods enthusiastically.

"I want you to know, though, that you are not obligated to tell me anything if you're not ready," Will adds in. Alec swallows, staring down at the floor, glancing at the clock, the desk, then the floor. Eyes not resting anywhere. Neither were his fingers, they were tapping, dancing over his skins as his arms remain crossed.

"I'm... I'm not sure what to talk about."

"Have you always heard voices?" Will sits, waiting for an answer.

"... Y-yeah, I guess."

"Well, that's a descriptive answer," Will chuckles, and Alec laughs, relaxing a bit. "What kind of voices? Your siblings'?"

"No. I never heard them... until, uh-"

"Until they died?"

"Yeah," Alec says more quietly, his voice a bit hoarse. He clears his throat, looking up at Will, who was staring at the paper pad with narrowed eyes and writing something down.

"But you heard voices? I'm going out on a limb here, but... were they not _good_ voices? Like, were they frightening? Or negative?" Will pauses after his questions, and Alec slowly nods after a few moments consideration. The only person he might come close to admitting this stuff to was Magnus, but he could not deny that he held back certain information. Some things took time to talk about.

"Bad... voices. And... I would see things. Like how I do now."

"See things. According to notes, you've got 'categories' for certain people, defined mainly by appearance. Now, call me vain, but I don't look bad, right?" Will smirks, leaning back in his chair as Alec stares, looking away after a few seconds. No, Will didn't look bad at all. He was hot, in fact, and Alec was actually kind of jealous. Black hair, blue eyes with a strong jaw, Will actually resembled Alec a lot, enough for them to pass as brothers. Of course, Will looked like the older brother that had graduated College, and he held a healthy rosiness to his cheek bones and a firmness to his muscles that Alec lacked. Growing up in a hospital did nothing for a patient's complexion, much less build muscle or gain a healthy amount of fat off of the available foods.

"No you don't look bad," Alec says quietly, a smile playing on his lips. Will smiles back brightly and confidently, like he had expected no other answer.

"Good to know. What about Magnus?"

"Magnus?" Alec blinks, confused as to why Will wanted to talk about _him._ "Why Magnus?"

"Information and such," Will waves his hand in the air, sitting back and resting his feet blatantly on the desk. The tapping of the pen resumes.

"... I don't know, he looks normal," Alec lies, looking down at the floor. Technically, it was only half a lie, Magnus had been appearing normally lately, but so had everyone else. Will sighs, dropping his arms to his side as he stares across the desk, jaw twitching a bit, like there was something he wanted to say.

"... I already discussed that there is a possibility of you and Magnus' relationship having negative side effects," Will says as he sits up more, fingers twisting and turning a pen in his hands as he looks up at the ceiling, his Adam's apple bobbing. He swallows, then looks back at his patient after a few minutes of silence. Alec squirms in his seat, folding his hands together to keep them still as he waits for Will to continue. "... side effects, as in a type of dependency, on your part of course. It is only natural for patients to become dependent on their doctors, but this is different, seeing as that is no longer your relationship."

"You already said something like this," Alec states carefully, furrowing his brows as he stares back at Will.

"Yes. But I feel like this topic is important for your recovery," Will says as he pulls off the top papers before tossing the pad aside, then he places his feet back on the ground as he grabs the folder, setting the papers inside it. He keeps the folder open though on his lap as he crosses on leg over the other, sitting back into a more relaxed position. "Now... where was I... okay. So, you see and hear things, normal for schizophrenia, obviously. When you were younger, taking what I've already discussed with you, you had these issues your whole life, but you were great at hiding this. That is, until, the car crash, then things seemed to... _escalate quickly._

"So I have a theory," Will pauses, and Alec stiffens, sitting up more. "You're not getting better. In fact, I think this whole thing is an entire mass of guilt, anxiety, and depression, therefore the only thing to actually _cure_ is those things, if it can be called that. I don't like the word 'cure' though, it makes it sound like it's a disease."

"Oh," Alec says softly, completely unsure of what to say. What was he supposed to say to that? It sounded similar to what past doctors had said before, about overcoming anxiety and depression. And then there was the guilt, which Magnus had attempted to talk about in depth. But for a doctor to come in and basically say that schizophrenia was not the problem was absurd, unrealistic. Alec hangs his head, staring at his hands as he twists them nervously. "My... what I see, hear, isn't a problem?"

"Oh, it is a problem in it's own way. But most doctors focused on trying to help your schizophrenia in the past, with pills and long talking sessions. Schizophrenia can't really be cured, unless there was a miracle," Will speaks clearly and calmly, and Alec tries to process the words. "No, I think, according to Magnus' notes, we will focus on other problems. What you see and hear may never go away, and you'll will _hopefully_ learn to accept that. Depression and anxiety _can_ be fixed with medication, but it doesn't really make the pain go away. So, we will focus on overcoming anxiety, which seems to be triggered by overwhelming situations, such as the time you kicked me in the mouth. Anxiety triggered an episode, episodes are not good of course.

"Next would be the depression. From reading up on your file, you were admitted to the hospital after an episode from the car crash. In the hospital, you attempted suicide. Yada-yada-yada, years later, we are here," Will motions around the room with his hand, the action drawing Alec's gaze up. "And here, it is obvious the depression is lessening up. And I'm pretty sure that is Magnus' doing.

"Lastly, it seems that guilt is a large source of all this, and maybe anger. Sadness. All from the past. So, to finish up my lovely speech, _guilt_ is the thing we will focus on. And all I need you to do is talk. About the past, yes. Your feelings. And, of course, I would like you to concentrate on getting better. It's easier than it sounds," Will says as Alec opens his mouth to protest and question the doctor, worries playing around the back of his mind. How could he possibly get better? Will sighs heavily, giving his next words some thought as he stares calmly back at his patient. "Easier than it sounds. I simply want you to continue living as you have. I know I said dependency was not always good, but we're using it in this case. Magnus seems to help you. And... well, I think I've covered everything I need to."

Will sits quietly, not saying a word as Alec stops twisting his hands, his own blue eyes never leaving the other pair of blue. He looks back at his hand, staring at the one still bandaged. The other, extremely pale white, with a light tracing of blue lines beneath the soft and delicate skin. Alec closes his eyes, clearing his throat before speaking. "You can't help me."

"I think I can."

Alec shakes his head, snorting a bit as he slowly looks up.

"You can't help me. Guilt isn't something that just goes away. And the things I see, and hear, they've always been with me. They get loud sometimes. Believe me, you can't help me, no matter how much you want to. And you won't want to when things get bad."

"I'm going to help you, Alexander."

"You're going to try. And fail honestly," Alec mumbles, lowering his head again.

"If you were talking to Magnus, would you say the same thing?"

"That's different."

"We both want to help you. Except I'm not trying to get into your pants, I'm not that perverted. Well, maybe, but that's another story," Will says with his familiar smile, and Alec can't help but let a laugh escape as he looks up. "Our time is almost up, by the way."

"Is that all we're talking about?"

"You want to talk about more stuff?"

"Not really."

"Then yes, that is all we're talking about," Will says as he stands up, dropping the file and papers on the desk as he walks over to the door. Shaking a bit, Alec lets out a long breath and walks to the door as well, watching Will open it for him. Alec still felt confused, but hopeful. Because Will was stubborn. And stubborn people were determined to doing what they set out to accomplish. As he walks to the hallway, he pauses and looks at Will, who still appeared rather calm. "Something wrong?"

"No. Just surprised."

"Because I'm so determined to help you?" Will raises an eyebrow, and Alec nods. "Determination is one of my many strengths. And I'm sure it will help your case. You should go though, you still have another appointment with Jem. And a visitor."

* * *

 **Dear Lawyers:** ... sky...

 **Dear Readers:** I hurt myself pretty bad, needed to get surgery done. So I'm not sure if I'll be able to update fast. You'd think I'd have a lot of time to update now, but all I want to do is sleep. Anyway, I hope you guys will stick around during these possibly-late-but-hopefully-not-too-late updates. I'm hoping to have more scenes (more Raphael and Helen, some Malec, more appearances from Jem, maybe a mysterious visitor for Alec...). The possibilities are endless. Sorry if chapters are short, I'm aiming for around seven pages each time, and it's difficult to concentrate. If there are any other developments, I'll leave it on my profile page.

On another note, one of the doctors who did my surgery was, 1) extremely attractive (dark brown hair and blue eyes), and 2) named Will. What are the odds of that happening? Sure, I only saw him for like ten seconds before I was knocked out from the IV, but it was funny.

 **Lilypotter72:** Thanks for reviewing again, and I'm glad you liked last chapter. There is definitely going to be more Will as well...

 **Night Changer:** Raphael and Helen have yet to prove that they can be trusted with the secret. As well as Clary. Don't worry, the plot is working to Alec's eventual release. Thanks for the review!

 **Kirawalker:** I'm going to try and have Jem in either the next chapter, or one after that. Thanks for reviewing!

 **Guest (The chanting one):** Thanks for the review!

 **Guest:** Thanks for reviewing! Glad you love the story.

 **Manibarilo:** I, too, wish Helen was back in the hospital, as strange as that sounds. I still need to get to Helen's story though. I hope this chapter satisfied your need for another Will-scene again. Thanks for the review!

 **The High Warlock of Glitter:** If all doors were closed, then there would be a smaller chance of the secret relationship getting around, and I think it would be interesting to see it actually getting around. Not that that is going to happen... ahem, anyway, while Helen can be trusted, Raphael cannot, but I shouldn't say anymore about that subject. I hoped you like this chapter though, and thanks for the review!

 **Darkparadise994:** Alec is definitely going to regret telling his roommates. Straight-forward Will is the best Will. Love the review!


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